Stop me if you've heard this one. A depressed/angry loner goes to a costume party dressed as a movie villain and gets sucked into Equestria. Once there, he/she finds that they now have the powers and abilities of the character they were cosplaying as, and proceed to go on a violent rampage and attempt to conquer the land. Well, this story has a slight twist. See, I'm not a bad guy, just a little lonely. And the character that I decided to portray? Why, Captain America of course.
I make no claims to the copywrited characters depicted herein. All characters are property of Hasbro, DHX, Marvel Comics, or DC Comics. The cover image is property of CSImadmax on Devianart and is currently being used without permission. If asked, I will remove the image.
Well, how about that. I just made the Featured Box! 4/23/2014
I'm ok with what I have seen so far, but I have to be blunt here; I do not hold out hope for action oriented stories that are written in first person perspective.
Ultimately, the battle scenes just fall flat.
So, yet another Human Acting Heroically. Good job! This has much potential, I will defiantly be fallowing this.
4278118 It gets worse. This is my first attempt at 1st person, so it will probably suck pretty hard. I'll probably switch back to 3rd from here on out.
Not bad, although if he's absorbed some of the Captain's mind then he would most likely be answering with, "I'm Captain Steve Rogers of the United States Army, now, if you don't mind my asking where am I?"
All in all I liked it, and I do want to see how this plays out. There are quite a few of these kind of stories, but the first one that has one of my favorite, sort of, heroes from Marvel in it. Please, grant us a little more.
You know, I'd just love to read a Captain America crossover. I really would. Except this isn't one. The dude in this story isn't Captain America. You pretty much took the only reason I'd read a Captain America crossover and threw it out the window. Why would I read a Captain America crossover when the main character isn't even Captain America?
Very nice start, please more.
4278157
so is there a group for this kind of story
4278258 yup the League of Humans Acting Heroically
Absolutely cool!
4278247 Despair not, my porous friend. A true Captain America crossover is on my backlog of fics to write in the future. This is not it, but I do want to write that story someday.
*starts stalking*
4278400
Begin paranoia protocols!
Okay, that just happened. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
4278411
It's not paranoia if someone is actually out to get you.
Believe me I know.
4278411
Purr~rfect. My work here is done.
4278502 Stop scaring the writer!
I've learned they work better when odd things that aren't scary just randomly happen to them. Gotta walk the fine line between making them happy and making them afraid of the dark.
Needs some work. When a new character speaks, split it into a new paragraph. Do not combine speaking elements into a single paragraph - even if the paragraph is small, it's wonders for the readability. I know some literary traditions don't have the same rules but for English, that's the accepted format.
4278533 Thanks for the tip. I basically pounded this out on my tablet in just over five hours of near constant work, so yeah, not my best work. I'll probably go back and edit this when I'm not so sleep deprived.
Can you pust some spaces between paragraphs? it's kind of wall-of-texty as it is.
this has potential I am eager to see where this goes.
Congrats! You hit the featured page.
Thank you!! I was a little tried of the Dress-as-a-villain-be-villain stories
. hopefully there will be more like this on this site in the future.
wall of text!
... we meet again.
You might wanna fix your image source link. You cant use BBCode. Just keep the link to the source.
Your joke just hit front page and is climbing in favorites every time you refresh the page.
Welcome to the bandwagon.
4278913 I won't lie, that's kinda depressing in a weird way. The main story I've been working on, actually investing real time and effort on, is fairly unknown, while this one makes the Featured list on the first day it's up? What the heck
?
I liked this, but at the end all I could think of was this guy \/ and how awkward it would have been had Mr. America been dressed as him instead
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/068/8/7/the_red_skull_by_sulla72-d3bazg9.jpg
4278952 It's probably because of how few people actually remember, and like, GI Joe.
I'm surprised no one put this up, so I will.
4278952
I know that feel bro, which reminds me I need to get off my ass and start writing again.
Also here's a pre-grats on the 100 up votes you'll be getting in the next hour.
4278972 That, my friend, is a crying shame.
4279118 yes, yes it is.
I have no idea who's talking or what's happening cause the wall of text. Please get it fixed
4279215 I have work in ten minutes, but I'll work on editing and polishing tonight.
4278737 go to LoHAH thats the group of people acting like hereos
4279299 Already done.
4279215
Agreed. Break up paragraphs with SPACE. A new paragraph should be started when somebody else starts talking. As you said, it's a wall of text, and a strain to read.
4278952
maybe is because there are too many stories for the LOHAV, that one of one human being an hero plus one of the favorites draws people attention
Great
4279493. It's Finally. Not Finnaly.
GUYS IT'S DIFFERENT AND ORIGINAL BECAUSE HE'S A GOOD GUY NOT A BAD GUY
also this has been done before anyway.
Oh, and I forgot this.
static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/4852/953364-1239073137827.jpg
And this
4279368
I know, right? Sometimes indentation might look professional, it's down-right annoying to read....
This started so good
and then...
4278176
If you're so certain it gets worse, it might be better to just drop the idea and write what you know you're devoted to and good at.
I like it, i've not read my "human superhero's" stories (well, technically this guy isn't, just dressed as him and got his powers. But you know what i meant). And its original, from what I know. But piece of advice, trying using paragraphs, its annoying to read block wall of lines. But other than that, keep it up and look forward to next chapter, hopefully soon :)
1.bp.blogspot.com/-RHurGXoyiPY/TnAcSY1qgzI/AAAAAAAAAlU/gKeP1LGvdZ8/s1600/hey_captain_color_web.jpg
It is legal now
*sigh* Really nobody has made the most obvious joke yet? It has to be me? Fine.