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Cider Trouble

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The cider stocks have run out and Mjölna finds herself in that depressing time of the year again. When even Pinkie Pie fails to cheer her up, Mjölna's situation takes a turn for the worse. However, she discovers that there may be some cider left after all, as a mysterious stranger appears possessing the golden brew. They are willing to share it, but at a high price. How far is Mjölna capable of going in order to fuel her addiction?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Fernin

Fernin #1 · Apr 1st, 2012 · · ·

Heh, an interesting start. Looking forward to see where this one is going.

The cider obsession thing from Super Cider Squeezy creeped me the heck out.

Stofen

Stofen #2 · Apr 2nd, 2012 · · ·

Huh, for a non-native English speaker you've managed to go the entire chapter without any noticeable mistakes, great job!

Also, "Suddenly Mjölna´s eyes shot open, their blissful gleam fading as she looked at Pinkie Pie. The pink mare's face was frozen in an awkward, glassy-eyed grin as Pinkie tried to wrap her mind around Mjölna's love of the straw's hard, eager length."

James_Corck

James_Corck #3 · Apr 13th, 2012 · · ·

Hey there! Let's give you a review of the first chapter, shall we?

I really like how you are going to use Mjörnla's character, as she isn't popular enough with the fandom to begin with. She's a good pony, I like her color scheme, but I don't completely like how you take on her personality. So far she only has one character trait: She likes cider. Besides that, not much. I know you will develope her more in future chapters, and I am eager to see those.

Also, it might just be me, but I feel so awkward when reading what goes through her mind when she's drinking the cider. It's almost as if she's sexually enjoying it! It must just be me; I have a pervy mind.