Never The Final Word (Vol. 1)

by horizon

Twilight's Choice (KitsuneRisu's "Oh, News")

Author's Note:

[Romance] [Random] [Comedy]

This is a pony reinterpretation of a news story mentioned in KitsuneRisu's blog post "Oh, News": "Man’s girlfriend and ex-partner jump into river to see who he’ll rescue".

NEWS STORY SUMMARY: A Chinese man was caught in a dispute between his ex wanting him back and his current girlfriend upset at the contact with his ex, so he arranged a meeting in a riverside park to let the three of them talk it out. But his ex jumped in the river to see if he would save her, and then his girlfriend also jumped in, to see which one of them he would save. (He chose the girlfriend, and called his brother to come get his ex.)

"I must admit," Luna said, wringing out her mane, "that did not entirely proceed as expected."

Celestia picked a piece of pondweed off her head and shook some water out of her wings. "True. We're no closer to learning which one of us Twilight is secretly in love with."

"We did, however, learn that she cares sufficiently to ensure our safety before departing."

Celestia nodded solemnly. "And that when she panics, she gets very good at lateral thinking."

Luna nodded. "That was quite a feat of magic." She stepped carefully up the muddy riverbank to the park, and examined the scorch marks in the grass where Twilight had been standing before her flustered departure.

A smile flitted past Celestia's lips. "She is the princess of it." The smile fell away from her muzzle as she looked toward the Canterlot Lower Business District, and she let out a long sigh. "Public relations, however ..."

"They have insurance. They will most likely take a bigger profit on their merchandise than if they had sold it. If any still complain, simply tell them that complacency does the soul no favors."

Celestia did laugh, then. "That advice is very you, sister."

"Thank you, I think." Luna touched a wet hoof to her sister's shoulder. "Shall I contact the weather team to re-divert the river back to its proper course?"

"No," Celestia said. "The least we can do is fix that ourselves."

Comments

[Sypher]

I'm ashamed that I hadn't read more of these sooner.

What do you think of microfic responses to blog posts? Take a look at Aquaman's blog post "Falling" and CouchCrusader's response to it in the comments. I think it'd be a very appropriate addition, though you'd have to talk to Couch about it.
Edit: On second thought, maybe it doesn't fit that well. Maybe the blog post itself should just be seen more, as opposed to the comment's continuation.

[PPS]

embracing and extending

aaargh why did you have to phrase it like that

[Titanium Dragon]

Tch. This is not the proper way to get kisses.

Also, I'm pretty sure you can save yourselves, thank you very much.

[horizon]

5759504
Actually, that seems both powerful and within the spirit of the anthology. I'll drop CC and Aqua a line. Thanks for the prod!

5759562
Does it help that it's intended in the less-ominous "embrace, extend and innovate" sense?

5759721
Fun fact: Alicorn feathers are lighter than air when dry (this is why they reflexively spring upward and open during times of loss of conscious control), and denser than water when wet (thus presenting a drowning hazard). Also, being submerged in water thaumically grounds an alicorn spellcaster, so they are unable to ignite their horn. It's SCIENCE!

(... or at least that's what they somehow persuaded Twilight of, then jumped in before she could disprove it via testing)

[PPS]

5761441

It still makes me imagine you have some kind of bizarre evil plan to monopolize pony fanfiction by using sidestories and epilogues to wrest creative control of other fanfics from their authors.

[Ninelives]

5761423
Ahahaha XD

Thanks, but you know what?
I just realised what I was missing and it wasn't any of that!

I'd never heard the phrase "shaggy dog story" before!
So I was expecting a story about a shaggy dog all along!

[PresentPerfect]

this is both great and powerful terrible :V

[CrystalWaters]

One of the important phrases here is "Canterlot Lower Business District".

[horizon]

8901928
I happen to believe that good stories are built on such attention to detail.