• Member Since 16th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Skywriter


loves tiaras.

T

In which Celestia learns a distressing new fact about her recently-banished sister, in which the author learns that he is apparently capable of pranking himself, and in which many lapses in judgment are displayed on both sides of a metaphysical divide.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 112 )

Marked "complete", despite the abrupt ending, but there may be more to say after we actually meet Cadence on-screen (even though, as you have no doubt surmised, this is Cadence the Elder talking.)

I must read this :trollestia:
Edit: Okay, finished. I've never seen anyone spell the word "tonight" with a dash :applejackunsure:
"as it seemed could not go even an few minutes between-times anymore" - Did you miss a word, or am I reading this wrong?
"And I will tell my foal, in no uncertain terms, why she only has a dam in this world, not a sire, and who exactly is to blame." - Shouldn't that be has only? :derpytongue2:

I don't get the ending :applejackconfused:

Definitely wasn't expecting that ending, and like you said in the synopsis, it certainly wasn't what it seemed like.

Oh, holy balls that was amazing. Dat worldbuilding.

One sentence had errors: "...as it seemed could not go even an few minutes between-times anymore." EDIT: Oops, portalz0r beat me to it, haha.

391813
Fixed. I wrote the damn thing and I can't tell whether the end result is an unintentional April Fool's gag or not, but gag or no, typos must die.

Part 2 may clarify things, but may or may not exist, as noted above. If it exists later, it will probably clear things right up, but if not, I guess this is one of them ambiguous type-things.

391893
Fixed, with the same caveat as above.

391925
I know, right?

391933

indeed. so luna is a hermaphrodite?

Well that was interesting. I have no idea how they could have possibly reformed Equestria and made this canon, but I guess anything's possible. Also, I saw the ending coming a mile away, but at least the synopsis was correct in that the whole premise surprised me.

That was delicious. Gonna try to help allieviate the votebomb. :(

Very well written, but pretty please change the title? This was a wonderful read.

It Baffles The Mind - Priestess

Because I totally miscalled it the first time around.

So, apparently CSI:NY was on... I was watching it, but started reading this, and apparently I stopped registering anything else in the world existed, save for this story. Suddenly, the show was nearly over, and I was like WHAAA!!! :raritydespair:

This is a very intriguing take on the loss of the Elements of Harmony's power after one bearer used them upon another. The entire concept, setting, characterization... Every last bit of it is So. Freaking. Deep!!!

Five Hearts for the amazing backstory, setting, and concept.
:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

Five #25s for that amazing epic end!
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

I may not have been able to understand much of what I just read, but from what I did, this was pretty good. I think it would definitely be interesting if you could/would expand on this alternate universe you've built (possibly in the number 2, if you end up writing it?).

I can't say that I was too fond of Celestia in this story, but that's just my personal opinion. And as blunt the title is, this story was the happy opposite of what I was expecting, even with your description.

Plus the ending was great, let's not forget that.

391813

I have. But only in Shakespeare. :trollestia:

I like this. It was completely unexpected, but it was brilliant. Well played.

I think the name gives away the twist a little though. :rainbowlaugh:

Dat ending is either a very pissed Cadence pulling the Royal Pony Sisters equivalent of "Your Mom"... :pinkiegasp:

Or DANG them unicorns and alicorns got some CRAZY flank magic!!! :twilightblush:

391924 I like the abrupt ending. It adds something that I can't explain, cuz I don't know the word, and makes it awesome.

392087

If you read some of Shakespeare's plays, he uses "tonight" as "to-night".

If this isn't what I think it is, i'm outta here!
pics.imcdb.org/0is836/005317.9201.jpg

I figured with a title like "Sex with Princess Luna," that this would be a troll fic, rife with misspellings and characters acting incredibly ooc. I was not expecting it to be so in depth or to star Cadence of all ponies.

392098 Ye olde English
392105 Nah, try this if you want a troll fic.

392130 I know. I already read it and moved on. I was thinking this might be another by the same author.

Love the world building you did for the story, the little hints and puns in the insults were hillarious to read, and the ending had just the right amount of punch. :pinkiehappy:

You don't do your story justice with a title like that, Skywriter...heh. I am amused, but mourn for it.

I could pointlessly piss and moan about concepts and so on, since you and I have like opposite ideas about world-building...but why waste time? It would be vain and misrepresent my opinion; for all that this presents worldbuilding I'm disinclined to (the Sisters having parents and Discord representing essential universal chaos, and the Sisters being "the man" in a sexual relationship stick out as things I'd be willing to have long, tedious arguments about purely on a thematic level), I was interested in it, which is more than I can say for most people's attempts at things like this.

No, I'll piss and moan about something else, instead: your use of the first-person. Obviously not that you used it, but that I think you didn't use it your advantage quite as well as you might.

For all that this is from the first person, it reads more or less as if it was from the perspective of a third-person narrator in that style--dialogue is a full back-and-forth, both character's physical actions are more or less objectively described to set their mood, and above all, you could replace every "I" with a pronoun or "Cadence" and it would turn into a third-person narrative from Cadence's POV. You didn't write in the style of someone speaking, you wrote in the style of someone reading word-for-word from a book about themselves where they replace their name or a pronoun with "I". Doing so would be completely unnatural in real life, which begs the question of why Cadence is doing it here.

The advantage of the first-person from a storytelling standpoint is that it provides subjectivity, and invests a lot in a specific character's perspective; but in this story we get precious little of that. Think about what can be said in first-person that you as an author couldn't get away with from a third-person or third-person omniscient narrator; at no point does Cadence come out and say, "I felt X when Celestia Yed, as if Z, bearing in mind A," or whatever. Little reflections on a theme of "this is what I think" or "everyone thinks X but I think Y", or "she Xed, which always annoys/pleases/etc". Above all, since it's in the first person, the non-POV character's thoughts and moods shouldn't be presented as objective truth--which you avoided--but you're welcome to have the perspective character speculate on it as an alternate to the third-party technique of describing their physical movements to suggest.

Forgive me for doing this (it's a little rude, I know), but here's something like how I would have done this part, in FPPOV:

"The anniversary of your sister's banishment, Sola, was eleven days ago. " I snapped, trying to keep resentment from my voice. But her ignorance was so typically self-involved, so drenched in the arrogance of a ruler newly granted absolute authority, that I was forced to struggle to do so. "If you wanted me vulnerable, you should have shown yourself then. But I knew that you would come to-night, instead. Because I know you."

Sola blinked--rather stupidly, I think--before realization dawned. "I see," she said, coming to the proper conclusion with <adjective> swiftness. "I've… come on the solar anniversary." But of course she had.

I mean, forgive me for mangling your words, but I tried to illustrate what I mean--toss in little reflections, make the words less about what actually occurred and more about what the perspective character felt about it--because in a first-person narrative, the interesting part is generally how that character's perspective and reactions shaped the events described. Take my story "So Be It"--from a third-person perspective, without Twilight's POV, it's just a really fucked up, abusive S/M relationship; but because we hear Twi go through the steps of understanding what's happening to her, I feel like it ended up being a story about the cleverness and deep-down toughness that are essential to her character, as well as a reflection on a student/mentor relationship in extreme upheaval.

If you're writing from the internal perspective of one character, I presume we are meant to be interested in it--so you have to tell us what it is. Cadence speaking to the disappointment that is Sola, Princess Celestia, who just more or less murdered the "father" of her foal presents such a wonderful opportunity to use this style, but you need to hammer at its strengths!

And now having spent twenty minutes hunched over my girlfriend's japanese laptop writing that, and it being 1AM, I think I may just get some sleep. :heart:

Don't make a part two, don't elaborate on it. The ambiguity is just perfect. Over-explaining will ruin the atmosphere.

P.s. I always use to laugh at how worked up people would get over Comic Sans. I finally understand how terrible it is...

392266

You don't do your story justice with a title like that, Skywriter...heh. I am amused, but mourn for it.

If there was only one thing I could agree with device heretic on, it's this. I think you may have potentially screwed yourself over, thanks in part to both the title and the synopsis.

When folks actually give it the chance, they see that it's quite good - if they give it the chance. Outward appearances alone will make many folks wary.

Quite good I enjoyed it. Reminds me somewhat of the scathing sardonicastic dialogue in The Descendant's letter based fics, except with 2 way dialogue.
Not really a fan of the lore or characterization, but as entertainment I enjoyed it quite a bit.

I was actually drawn in by the title. Thought: "Oh damn, someone's being VERY up front with their clopfic". But then I noticed that it had a teen rating and read the disc. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have clicked this story.

That ending was brilliant by the way, didn't see it coming at all.

392322

I read everything Skywriter writes for the concepts alone. I rarely like the stories themselves.

Ouch. Cadence the Elder is being rather itchy-twitchy-rhymes-with-witchy, there... but I can see where she's coming from.
This is, above all, a cold story, physically and emotionally. It's a long way to the Equestria we know from this sky-high nadir...

392307 Or the author can make another chapter, and you can choose to not read it! :trollestia:

393887

*lifts up glasses with robotic claw* what is this magic you speak of?

392991 It's really up to him. I'm just giving my opinion.

Okay, sorry to you folks who actually enjoyed the breakneck ending of the last part, but I was faced with the choice of either unpublishing the whole thing or finishing it into something I could stand, or at least cower, behind. Feel free to pretend this doesn't exist, if it suits you.

Lawks, my ratings will never recover from this...

394882 Tis enjoyable. I don't think it detracts from the story at all. Bravo.

392593
<Pinkie Pie>
He's starting to warm up, but still no smile. Hmmm...
</Pinkie Pie>

394997
Thanks. Now I can finally leave it alone!

I found the dark aftermath of the Nightmare Moon incident to be delicious and I enjoyed Cadence the Elder's dripping hatred of Sola/Celestia.
The foreshadowing of Canterlot's name and Sola/Celestia's name change were enjoyable.
Gotta say, this is the first serious fic with Cadence in it that I have read and I loved it. Its fics like this that are going to make me like Cadence in some way. Heres hoping she doesn't mark the end of everything.

Sublime. Have I mentioned I love your worldbuilding? Because I love your worldbuilding.

One error: "...though we oblivious of it at the time."

396305
Fixed, and thank you.

394882
What doesn't exist? I see no second chapter explaining how said pregnancy came to be at the end of a sadly unrealized romance more tragic then the far more well known pair of star-crossed lovers if only for the fact that both parties will live knowing they will never see the other again. I also don't see an ending asking for another chapter or sequel to resolve the major conflict present throughout the story of if she will ever get around to going to the bathroom. :trollestia:
That said, another well written chapter though the ending feels far more depressing in tone compared to the first which had such a delightful punch to it. :pinkiehappy:

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