Robot Scootaloo

by alarajrogers

Bok Bok Bok

Cyborg Robot Scootaloo stands on stage, dressed in purple leg warmers on all four knees, and a yellow, purple and bright red outfit made of highly reflective vinyl on her torso, with sharp, spiked, almost knifelike protrusions from her withers. The main body of her outfit is purple; the yellow serves as piping and as large lightning bolt designs in the center and on the wither pads, with a bright red thread running down the center of the lightning bolt on her front. Her mane has been moussed to stand up straight from her head in spikes. She is standing on her hind legs, and she holds an electric guitar that frankly looks more like a weapon of some sort, the rounded curves one would normally find on a guitar replaced with jagged points. It is bright neon green and orange. There are several spotlights shining on her. In back of her, a pink fog that smells of chocolate is lit up eerily by multiple colored spotlights, making the draconequus on the pipe organ loom as an unworldly shadow.

"Do I really have to sing this?" Scootaloo complains to the looming, shadowy draconequus. "I’m so tired of the chicken jokes."

"It’s the ending credits theme, of course you have to sing it that way. If you want to punch it up some though, I wouldn’t object."

"Okay then."

Scootaloo strums the first note on her electric guitar. Badly. It actually sounds more like a cross between a guitar and a violin, amped up to 12 on a scale of 1 to 10, with a decided screech to it. The pipe organ begins to play. On the most technical of levels, the two instruments are playing the same song. Technically.

Then Scootaloo begins to sing, at the top of her lungs, while thrashing her head as if she’s in a mosh pit.

"Bok bok BOK!!
Bu-bok bok BOK!!!!!
Bok bok BOKKA BOKKA bok bok bok"

The guitar screeches. The pipe organ plays ominously.

"BOK bok BOK!!!!
Bu-BOK BOK BOK!!!!!
BOK BOK BOKKA BOKKA bok bok bok"

Scootaloo riffs on the guitar. It... sounds as if maybe she’s trying to play a different song.

"I DON’T NEED YOUR CHICKEN JOKES
I HEAR THEM ALL THE TIME FROM FOLKS
THEY’RE SO OVERDONE I FEEL LIKE I COULD CHOKE
I DON’T NEED YOUR CHICKEN JOKES"

Another, lengthier guitar riff that sounds rather as if three tomcats fighting over the same female all crawled into a clothes dryer to fight each other and then the dryer was turned on. The pipe organ plays dramatically, if not exactly in anything resembling harmony with the guitar.

There are now three giant chickens with microphones behind her, singing backup.

Scootaloo screams into her microphone.

"BOK bok BOK!!!!
Bu-BOK BOK BOK!!!!!
B-BOK BOK BOKKA BOKKA bok bok bok"

Finally, with a screech from the guitar, Scootaloo shrieks a final "BOK!!!!" into the mike.

All the notes on the pipe organ slam together at once. Discord’s voice is heard, singing one singular "Bok".

The curtain falls.

Author's Note:

Robot Chicken End Theme

The riff Scootaloo does on chicken jokes is a parody of "Civil War" by Guns 'n Roses.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Well, that was a glorious gallery of insanity. Many thanks for it.

[Jordan179]

Nice to see this story completed. This is, probably, the best example of how to really do Random Comedy and have it work as such.

[alarajrogers]

7871852
Yes, exactly.

[alarajrogers]

7872695
No, actually, the real reason this chapter exists was someone who didn't like Discord making a comment about him being the Draconequus in Leather Pants because his fans are eager to excuse all the bad things he did.

And the truth is, there's plenty of apologism for Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis and Sombra on this site, but -- probably because of my reading habits -- I run into a lot more of it with Discord, and it irritates the crap out of me. I may like my Discord just a little bit more on the side of the angels than John de Lancie does (JdL is on the record for saying he doesn't like it when things get too "sparkly" and he wants Discord to continue to have some darkness to him because that gives him more range to play with as an actor). But I don't believe in handwaving away every bad thing Discord did. The truth is, you can simultaneously believe a punishment was horrible beyond measure and also believe that the person who inflicted it absolutely had no other choice. A lot of Discord apologism tries to make Celestia out to be a monster because she imprisoned Discord for more than a thousand years (which is why Discord keeps harping on that in the story). Then there's the ones where it's not his fault because Celestia broke his heart, or where it's not his fault because ponies were mean to him, or whatever.

Naah. I'm a fan of Discord, I love the character, but I do not like seeing him whitewashed and excused from everything he does. Whereas I give a lot less of a shit about Starlight Glimmer because she's just not a character I care about as much. Maybe once I see more of the 6th season I'll have some ideas about her, but right now I just can't wrap my head around her character. The pieces don't make sense. And from what I see, fan reaction isn't to woobify her but to be as irritated as I am that the series gave her such a painless, easy redemption.

[Stainless Steel Fox]

9889689 Didn't say you were. In fact I found the co,mment after I'd written mine. I'm just saying I didn't like the direction 'Apple Bloom, transform and roll out' ended up taking to someone who'd clearly read it.

[EpicMuttonChops]

omg this was a perfect representation of a full half-hour Robot Chicken special and it was so much fun to read, even the more cringey moments (as every RC episode has at least one)