• Published 20th Apr 2014
  • 9,268 Views, 82 Comments

Trapped - Flutterpriest



Anonymous joins a group of teen ponies on a trip to Pegasus Peak with the hope of winning the love of Princess Cadance. However, a storm is brewing on the horizon and may pose a challenge to the group of young adults.

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Comments ( 48 )

After reading through this (skipping the clop, because I dislike clop), I have to admit, I liked the "Sacrifice" ending better. It reminded me of the movie "The Guardian" and its ending; tearful but for a reason. The "Promise" ending feels like it was made just in case people didn't like the other ending, and it feels off because of that.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 KJV

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I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the Sacrifice Ending. It's my personal favorite as well. That bible verse is perfect for that ending! Your summation of the Promise ending is fairly accurate. It was written in response to negative feedback from /mlp/. I'm happy you enjoyed the story in it's original form.

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Jeez man. Take a nap. Ha! I'm happy you enjoyed it. Truely, it means a lot to me.

Damn this story was a hell of a ride! In a good way I mean :P

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It's great to hear the two of you enjoyed it! I'm really happy to hear it. I only hope to make more content you will enjoy in the future!

Meh, needs more boners.

Edit: Wow, people don't realize that this comment's an in-joke.
Dumbasses...

Wait....they just let him die in the snow?!:rainbowderp:

What the fuck?!:ajbemused:

Read this in the 'Smells Like Teen Cadance' thread and liked it a lot there. I'm glad to see it here too, and on the front page no less. Awesome. Looking forward to more.

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I know. Needing more boners is a very common complaint.

4265232
Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know!~ I'm happy to hear you liked it.

4265360
I'm not sure how to take your comment, but I'm assuming it's either feels or outrage. Hopefully you enjoyed the story.

4265518
Thank you for supporting me here as well as in the thread Anon.... erm. Weltrath. It feels great knowing that people are willing to cross sites to put in a good word. It means a lot to me.

I would prefer to think of the second chapter as a dream. Not because I am opposed to anything other than "and they all danced happily ever after" endings. But that the entire reasoning behind why Anon needed to die in the second one was tenuous at best.

I can't imagine even a teenage unicorn being unable to cast simple magic. For example, heat magic, flare or other such flashy spells to gain attention to their position, a minor shield to ward off snow and wind, you would think they would have unicorns able to detect magic looking for a princess of all things. Or even simple teleportation to quickly climb down the mountain and get help. If you are going to ignore all the obvious "magic" plotholes, you mine as well have it all work out in the end. Otherwise the death scene feels unwarranted and forced.

4263587 See I'd have to disagree entirely. Not that I have an aversion to sad fic's if they're done right but his death seemed entirely pointless. It stands to reason that just like in the happy ending, that cadence could have used some form of magic to let them escape or at least keep them warm. His death wasn't a result of a great struggle as far as we were aware. Perhaps if the story had focused a significantly higher portion of time on the struggle of digging out of the cave and of walking back to the group it might have been different. Just my 2 cents.

I think I like the story, minus the clop (I personally don't like clop at all, and with this I felt its just an add-on, not really necessary...really. Anyway its probably because I was more focused on the trapped/dialogue/getting out parts. Which were done nicely, may I add)

I read the Sacrifice first, and initially thought as mildly heartwarming. But then I realised its kind of ridiculous, firstly you're stuck with a princess who can teleport, and probably melt snow with a simple spell. *Poof* You're back at camp? If you wanted a sacrifice, there might be a better way. Or at least don't forget that Alicorns can do magic aside from fly :rainbowlaugh: Irony, the cover pic is Cadence doing magic!
Oh and nice touch with the music. I think it went well!

For the "Promise" ending, it just amplifies the lack of intelligence Anon acquired and displayed in "The Sacrifice". Woot, a few more hours and the snow would've stopped and Princess Cadence would've dug her way out.

I'm new to 2nd person human "Anonymous" but is it naturally assumed to be a guy?

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People not in on the joke don't recognize that it's an inside joke? Go figure. :moustache:

You glorious writer, you posted this here? Wonderful. Now to see if that alternative ending was any good.

Instead of water I used Red bull for my coffee this morning. By the time I got to school I realized I forgot my car. I live 12 miles out of town.

Also good read, haven't read it yet but good read.

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These are marvelous observations about the ending to this story and I agree with all of you. Hindsight is always 20/20 and at the time of writing, what sounded like a brilliant idea and felt like a perfect ending did not get enough elaboration or thought into WHY it would happen. So I agree with you. If there is one single thing I had to identify as absolutely wrong in this story, it would be the reason behind Anon's actions in the sad ending. That is, the lack of a decent one given to the reader. Hopefully the story was otherwise enjoyable. I intend to learn from my mistake and try to avoid such an error in the future. Thank you for your comments.

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I'm happy that the both of you enjoyed the story so much. I had a ton of fun writing it and only hope to exceed the expectations that were set upon me from this story.

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Thank you for commenting! :twilightsmile: Hopefully you enjoyed it.

4267224
W-was it? :rainbowderp:

4269394
I can't blame you. I didn't read it yet either. :twilightsmile:

4269665 Always nice to hear writers taking feedback to heart, regardless of whether they do anything with it. I'm very much looking forward to whatever it is you do next.

This chapter reminds me of the movie I Am Legend. One ending he dies and the girl plus the child get away and find the survicors and the second one he lives and they all survive to get to the survivors. This is a happy ending and I have to say you did great with both story endings.

I must say I was intrigued by this.

While you start off your story in a rather unusual setting—which was a good idea—it quickly led to the same sort of "falling-in-love-head-over-hooves" story. Having said that, it's not plausible for me to think that things between [you] and Cadence would ever escalate that quickly (I am talking less than 13,000 words). Your prose was decent and grammar was good, but personally, I never really believed in the concept of head-over-hooves romantic love like is depicted in countless one-shot love-fics like this one (chalk that up to never having a mare-friend).

Having said that, the story was well-written for a one-shot romance fic, which is very difficult to make the reader believe that something like this could happen. You managed to make me believe in that and you really tugged at some heartstrings by writing the "Sacrifice" ending to the story. I do, however, see it as pointless for [your] sacrifice, given Cadence could easily blast the snow away, which you point out in your alternate ending, "Promise."

Starfall's Rating:
7.7/10. Memorable. A decent read, but not exactly one that will win an award.

both endings are good, but I far prefer this one

Surprise surprise surprise, Candenfe used her magic when she woke up.

Silly Anon, you died FOR NOTHING. (In an alternate ending of course.)

Good story.

both endings were great. i cant decide which one i like more. i would say i liked the sacrifice better if anon had died a different way, because it seems a bit illogical considering cadence just used magic in this one. i think it would have been better if the trip had been longer which would mean anon would have had to look for help while cadence waited and have anon die on the way but leave a trail or the guards to find her. that would have been slightly better imo.

really great read though. i liked how the second chapter ended on a deep note.

Outstanding. Although, gotta say, I kept expecting Cadence to follow Anon home and rape him when his parents left for the evening.

Sacrifice ending was the better ending, but I am glad I was able to go back and read the Promise ending and leave Trapped on a happy note.

Both endings work well together.

At first I felt the Promise ending felt a bit contrived, but as it went on I quite appreciated the extra story going on within it. Both were honestly totally fitting, and I really enjoyed your recommended listening links, I think they added a lot to the emotion

Though I will say I got a sort of weird uncomfortable feeling reading the Promise ending, when I knew that the Sacrifice was a possible ending as well. Something weirdly depressing about the characters in it that were happy and what not, but in the alternate one is dead and the other is heartbroken.

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Wow everyone. Thank you so much for your positive feedback. I may sound like a broken record at this point, but I hope to only exceed your expectations next time.:twilightblush:

4271532
A common feeling. You never know around that Cadance mare.... :pinkiecrazy:

4271115
Wise observation. I've commented earlier that I've had my issues with the sacrifice ending for several reasons and this is one of them. Hopefully the rest of the story was enjoyable!

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Thank you for commenting! Recommended Listening has been something I've experimented with a lot. I'm happy to hear it was successful here.

4270073
Starfall, let me start by saying thank you for your review. I'm happy that I was able to help you believe in that love blooming. I suppose I could say something witty about "size doesn't matter", but I suppose the joke is implied. Your observations about the endings is very accurate. Thank you for your positive rating and I hope that one day I can have the honor of getting your 10/10.:twilightsmile:

4275483
I did enjoy reading this. I did not completely buy into Cadence and [you] falling in love that quickly, but I at least thought it made rational sense once or twice, which is good. You might be able to grab that 10/10 yet, but I will say now:

I am difficult to impress.

4275511
Challenge. Accepted. :raritywink: Oh god what am I doing.

4275516 Alright, lets see what you write next XD

Yes YOLO worked :moustache::moustache::moustache:

Fantastic. Both ending were wonderful, but I liked this one a bit more. Have a thumbs up and fave.

4427225 trust in the power of YOLO

5485759 Generally, damage to extremities does not extend internally unless the 'frostbite' involves the tissue actually freezing solid.

Only then does the water in the cell crystallize and rupture the cell membranes.

Even then, the body core tends to last for hours unfrozen unless the temperature is well below freezing. Cooling is uneven in any object with parts of different sizes and densities. Smaller, thinner objects cool/warm much faster than large thick ones.

Wow good storyline 9/10

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The power of YOLO compels you!
The power of YOLO compels you!
The power of YOLO compels you! :twilightangry2:

I agree with what some of the others, in that the 'promise' ending made the anon in the 'sacrifice' ending look like a moron.
Though I like the sacrifice ending since it felt like anon really showed his love for Cadence and that he had some meaning and reason in a land that he doesn't belong in.

I like that you paid attention to the "sweat=hypothermia" detail.

I like that for both endings, it switches to Cadence's POV. Especially for the promise end where she sees her Canterlot castle surroundings with new eyes.

:twilightsheepish:Admittedly, I took a bit longer for me to go through the promise end since I laughed while I imagined the voices for the three maids being "chain smoker for life mare", "soft and normal", and "British man doing a shrill woman's voice".

Wait.:trixieshiftleft: Why didn't anon in the sacrifice ending change into his dry set of clothes before digging?:unsuresweetie:
Well, I guess it's been established that sacrifice anon isn't the brightest, but his heart is in the right place.

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You should see the reviews for my children's party entertainment business!!:pinkiehappy:

Why is this fic in the Apple Bloom group if the protagonist is Cadence?

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Must have been a misclick. My mistake!

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It was a different time.

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Not sure if you're disagreeing with me or what.:trixieshiftleft:

High schoolers are either already at, or rapidly approaching their full adult height and there are a lot of six foot tall peo-
*actually looks up the average adult height*
Soooo, yeah!:applejackunsure: Apparently the average adult male in the USA is around 5 ft 9.5 in tall, with much of Europe standing at 5 ft 10 in. :applejackunsure:
I am reminded that I am actually above average height, by standing tall at 6 ft 1 in.:twilightsheepish:
So I shouldn't project my "norm" of 6 ft tall, onto "average Joe" characters.
So yeah. Your "bruh" is valid.:twilightblush:
My assertion that "the sleeping bag owned by anon is obscenely massive", still stands (heh!:derpytongue2:) though.:ajbemused:



Nerdy teens come in all heights and colors, so you can't really use him being a nerd, as a means of figuring out his height.

This is better ending than the last

I do like both endings though

Hi I'm 13 and weigh about 368 pounds and 6.2 crazy right?!

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Well, the sleeping bag isn't that big. I'm 6', and I need large sleeping bags to contain my girthiness and my massive ****.

Yeah, "Sacrifice" was a hard poke in the feels. It was good but I'm a sappy guy and prefer "Promise". Good Job. Thanks for creating and sharing.

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