Bucking Heck
"Are you kidding me!?" Celestia yelled as she trotted into Applejack's trailer. "Applejack, what the buck!?"
Applejack slowly dug his head out of the covers. He stared past them as Celestia bared down on him. "Well heck Celestia...we're just havin' a little fun...."
"Huh?" Daring Do peeked her head out of the covers, mane bedraggled from the nights tumble. "Oh...Celestia...hi...are we shooting my scene?"
Celestia was near her boiling point. Production of MLP was delayed twice already, once when the original Twilight Sparkle quit suddenly, and another when Rainbow Dash decided to completely alter her character. Celestia would have fired her on the spot if she could have thought of absolutely anyone else for the part.
A jock in a girls cartoon, absurd, but it was better than suddenly missing a crucial cast member.
But now, here she stood, brink of bankruptcy as two of her best actors wallowed in their own juices in front of her. "Applejack, get the buck up, we're shooting now!"
Applejack blew his mane out of his face and stumbled out of bed. "Should I shower first or--"
Celestia levitated him up and hurled him out the door. She turned to Daring as she tried to collect herself. "We're shooting your scene next week, make sure you're ready!"
Daring stretched her legs, flaring out her wings as she nodded. "Sure...next week, I got it."
"You'd better!" Celestia snorted angrily as she chased after the thrown Applejack. She found him brushing the mud out of his coat and scooped him up in her magic. "Do you know your lines?!"
"What sce--"
"Do you know your lines!?" Celestia screamed as she walked towards the set of the pilot. "Answer the question!"
Applejack looked around. "Uh...something about honesty...."
"Get it right you idiot!' Celestia hurled him onto the set, with Sparkle waiting on the cliff. Applejack laid down and Sparkle locked hooves with him. "Alright, Hasbro wanted this out a month ago, let's get it done!"
"Action!"
Lights went up and everypony got ready. Twilight started. "Applejack! What do I do?!"
Applejack paused, too long for the scene. "Let...go."
Celestia's rage grew as Applejack's terrible proformance ruined the shot. "Cut!" Celestia kicked over a light stand and let out an angry scream. "Someone get him some bucking coffee and set up the shot again." Celestia turned back to the shot, finding Applejack nose to nose with Twilight, growing extremely close as the workers reset the shot.
"So maybe we go back to my trailer and--" Applejack stopped dead as Celestia stared at him. "And we could...go over notes...."
"Uh huh...sure." Twilight agreed dimly, staring into Applejack's panicked eyes. "Notes...."
"No more!" Celestia stamped her hoof. "One more incident, Applejack, and you're off the cast!"
"Hey...alright, no need to freak out." Applejack stood up and dusted himself off. "It's just a little harmless fun." Applejack threw his hoof over Celestia's neck. "Maybe we go out--"
"Take your hoof off me before I throw you out the window."
Applejack retracted his hoof in an instant and backed off. "Alright then...I didn't mean nothin' by it."
"Shut up, get your lines right and go home!" Celestia tossed a coffee at him, forcing it down his throat and throwing him belly down across from Twilight. "Action!"
Once again everything was set in place, and the scene began. "Applejack. What do I do!?"
Applejack looked around, glancing into the camera for a few seconds. "Let go."
"Are you crazy!?"
Applejack stared into the camera again. "I promise, you let go, you'll be fine...so fine...and that's the honest truth!"
"Cut!" Celestia stamped her hoof again. "Motherbucker, I need to go. Luna shoot what you can...I'm five seconds from ripping my mane out." Celestia walked off set, leaving her sister to sort out the scene.
A few days past and Luna managed to get a someone decent takes. Celestia once again trotted to the set and found Applejack flirting with the help. "You got apples on your butt, I like apples...and I like your butt."
The assistant grew flustered as she held a clipboard over her face. "I ain't- I'm just a farm pony...."
"Babe...I could make ya so much mo--" He stopped dead as the looming shadow of Celestia hovered before him. "Celestia...howdy."
"Daring called." She stated coldly. "She said she's pregnant."
Applejack went pale. "I uh- but her scene--"
"We're delaying her episode until she's back to normal. But I'm not worried about her." Celestia pulled him away from the tech and walked him to the stage. "Remember when I said, one more incident, do you remember that?"
Acid rose in Applejack's throat. "I uh...so that's it...I'm done ain't I?"
Celestia shook her head. "Well...I can't just leave an expecting father without a job...but you're off the main cast." Celestia turned to the similar stage hand. "Background pony, you want to try out?"
Cinnamon Cider dropped her clipboard. "I uh...I ain't...I--"
"Get to the stage."
The blonde pony felt her glasses droop off her muzzle. "I uh...." She had a few seconds before she let out an amazed giggle. "Yeeeehaw!" She ran off, tail going mad as she went.
Celestia turned to the old Applejack with a grimace. "We're shooting an episode in Appleloosa, you're Breaburn, memorize your lines, and this is your last shot. If I get one more delay because of you I'm going to toss you out of the castle tower, got it!?"
Applejack nodded. "Good, now get the buck out of here!" Celestia chased off the old Applejack, slowing her run and turning to the stage where Luna was already redoing the shots.
The new Applejack was delivering her lines perfectly. "Now listen here. What I'm sayin' to you is the honest truth. Let go, and you'll be safe."
The room was dead quiet as Twilight let go, letting out her falling yell and ending the shot. "Cut!" Celestia screamed as the shot ended. She slapped her forehead with her hoof and ground it in. "Luna...remember when I said a background pony could act better than him...? A background pony just acted better than him."
"Indeed. And she smells of apples." Luna noted as she sat in her chair.
Celestia walked over as the cast greeted their new member. Cinnamon Cider was ecstatic as she became the new Applejack. The cast went silent as Celestia stood behind her. "Applejack?"
Cinnamon took a few moment to realize she was calling her. "Uh...yeah miss?"
Celestia picked her up with her magic, pulling her close and jamming her tongue into Cinnamon's mouth. Cinnamon struggled at first, quickly giving up as the bigger Alicorn proved too much.
it didn't last long before Celestia plopped her on the ground and turned away. "You just saved this production, but remember who's the boss here." Celestia walked past a mint green tech pony and knocked a smoothy from her hoof. "We made it Hasbro, we did it!"
"My bucking smoothy!" Lyra yelled as the golden brown cup rolled into a puddle of berry ice. "What the buck!?"
The new Applejack tried to collect herself. "I uh...does she do that a lot?"
The other mane six looked at each other. Twilight stepped forward. "We uh...once...."
Rarity started to blush as she stepped towards Fluttershy. "And we...shared a moment."
Rainbow Dash lifted her hoof away from the lesbian couple. "I say...that's gay...."
The new Applejack just stared in disbelief as her new job as Applejack proved to come with quite a few strings attached.
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I gotta read this now!
Huh. Well, this explains why Jeff Bridges-pony is showing up so often. He does good background work.
Most amusing. Especially the role male Applejack was assigned to. Thank you for this, Hat.
Of course it was Braeburn!
I love this sort of subversion.
I'm going to quote sp00n once again.
EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Oh god, that was very amusing. A nice read.
Oh my funny, that was so god!!!
4266411
Praise god Breaburn!
4266433
*am unsure if people understand my joke*
Huh.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131216022343/epicrapbattlesofhistory/images/1/18/The_more_you_know_by_stathisnhx-d33639v.png
If you didn't have, like, thirty other ongoing series I'd ask for a sequel.
astounding
Pleasure to read, and I would welcome a follow-up!
These are cartoon ponies; they are not capable of having intercourse with other ponies. You sick fucks probably masturbate to this sort of stuff. You're a decent writer, so I'll turn a blind eye to this story.
4268904
Ooooooh, I love you too!
+1
4268904
These are cartoon ponies; they are not capable of having intercourse with other ponies.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly4rerv8oT1qjj9spo1_250.gif
4269840
*Looks down*
With the power of penis and vagina combined, we can fuck everything!!!
Everyone
Hahahaha. That was brilliant!
4271443
Always trust a jar full of lemons!
Sure, why not.
4268904 why is your avatar perfect for this comment?
4263648 I thought that was also Kootra?
4269840 Actually he does have a logical point. They are cartoon ponies, which mean they are incapable of having intercourse with other [real or cartoon] ponies [during the show's canonical events, if we're talking about other cartoon ponies].
With that said; I don't think people who jerk off to pony porn are sick fucks.
4274434
>not sick fucks
I do.
You gotta embrace that shit.
Gods know I did.
4266411
4263783
4263567
4263241
4263190
4262487
4262450
It would appear we have offended someone!
Good work everyone, the system works!
-finishes laughing at the ridiculous (the good kind) story-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. T-too much! Too funny!
-looks back at the status tag-
... Complete... Complete... COMPLETE?!?!
4274604
CALM THE FUCK DOWN, LET ME FINISH THE STUFF I LIKE AND I MIGHT DO MORE!
If favs are 100+ I think that's enough people that want the story to continue. If not, it stays a happy little one shot.
4274615
Carry on.
This pleases me....
(By the way, that was purposefully over-exaggerated, if that matters.)
4274623
I figured.
4274637
At least my acting wasn't totally transparent. Great story either way. I haven't seen anything like that.... pretty much ever aside from a few graphics.
4274596
Hmm, I don't understand how. Here is a quote from somewhere, I can't remember.
"Trying to understand peoples' behavior is like trying to smell the color 9."
~someone
4274757
Embrace it! I've made a story people like yet it pisses someone off enough to make them downvote not only the story, but every positive comment!
Hey fucker, if you're still out there, suck my
4274782
That last bit is why I love you
4274579 Well, that's just an opinion. Though, now I'm curious, what is inherently wrong with masturbating to ponies?
4274902
It's a pony, not a human. But I don't care, once down the rabbit hole, you can only go deeper
4274911 Hmmm. I see your point.
4274951
I'm not saying you should stop! I'm not about to.
4275103
Let us masturbate to ponies together!
4275141
B-but I'm in public mane-san
4275167
No! You will masturbate with honor, Sir hat-san
4275103 Well, I myself don't like it; so I can't stop what I haven't even started. I was just curious about your thought process. Honest.
Well said, old chap. Well said.
Goddammit Applejack, why do you always ruin everything?
4275217
My thought process? Uh...
Oh hey...I like that...heh-heheheheheeh, I'm a sick fuck, and I'm so happy right now!
4275196
i.imgur.com/BNeufNH.gif
4274434
okay, so if
Then how ,exactly, did the cakes have twins.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120220025212/mlp/images/1/1d/Twins_Giggle_S02E18.png
And further more, how did the pony race propagate itself without sexual intercourse?
4275583
You done well.
4275621 I was speaking that with the knowledge that it is a cartoon in mind. Thus, sexual acts will never be outright stated/proved. Thus, sexual acts happening cannot be said to happen. They could come from spontaneous generation, for all we know.
And, again, it's a cartoon. Which means that they don't exist. Which means that they can't be observers of the universe.
4275583 Great story, done as well as all your stories!
But that gif man...
4275755
Yes, but cartoons, unless otherwise demonstrated or explained, reflect the real world. Also, its not like the ponies have , say , a working communist communal. That can be allowed without question (at least not too much anyway). But sexual intercourse is a mainstay of mammals everywhere, so unless otherwise stated, ponies should replicate like all other known mammals. You need to prove they do not to say they do not, not prove they do.