• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 50 minutes ago

HonorBound


T

If you were given the chance to trade bodies with a pony, Would you take it? Even if that pony was Blueblood? I did. All for the love of a certain lavender unicorn mare.

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 213 )

Now that's an interesting concept, though many may not share my opinion I say that this might be interesting.


Next in the nightly ritual, I pray to whoever would listen. “Please, take me to Equestria. I just want a chance to fall in love with Twilight Sparkle.” Then, I begin to drift off, to dream about ponies.


. . .
I... I...
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/252/959/5fa.jpg

This is actually... really interesting. You, Honor Bound, aren't that bad of a protagonist. I admit, the whole "Nightly Ritual" really made me back away from my computer and think... "Why?".

Something that could be 'regulated' are the amount of '()'. Leave them to... special moments like "(Hello bowl of fruit. Have we met yet? I’m just going to leave my face here for a bit. Is that ok?)", instead of "(My mind was full of fuck.)"

I like this. Keep up the great work, Honor Bound.

389171
Thank you, good sir. I aim to please.

389185 To further your future successes, I present to you: the super mustache incipiatturba.net/images/lost/supermustache.jpg

From the thumbnail, I thought it was Twilights brother.

awsome so far....but i still gotta say
my mind is full of
WTFFFFFFFF

389131
Yes, I know, it is creepy and all kinds of disturbed. But, meh, I needed an extra reason for Celestia to contact him. She probably just wanted him to stop it. Proof that if your creepy enough people will give you stuff.
389180
Thank you for confirming something that I was debating on. I was only putting them in because I felt the story was just a bit drab with too much information otherwise. I will reduce them to more appropriate moments.
389257
Huh, He does. Doesn't he?

Thanks for the comments. It's always good to get another opinion on things.

Okay. Great plot line. But that obsessive obsession over Twilight is a bit... obsessive.

Maybe just change that one bit to:
'I went to bed that night, head buzzing with Twilight's antics that I just wrote about in my FanFic. I slid into bed and stared at the Ceiling, I wondered out loud "It would be great to visit Equestria"

But thats just me.
Its got potential.

So far so good. This has real potential! MOAR!!!

390132
I am aware that it is all kinds of creepy, but there is a reason for it. I won't say more because of spoilers, but I can't exactly change it. Sorry.

392067
Can't be creepier than what's going down all over the pony fandom today.

i wonder whats gonna happen when he meets rarity *smiles*you know how much she HATES Blueblood. i think princess celestia knew that :trollestia: . *laughs*

To think, waking up at 3:30 am would benefit me on a school day

Oh trolestia attacks again :trollestia: :trollestia: :eeyup:

Anyway good chapter

Great chapter! Just keep these coming and you'll have me following you.

TROLLASIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA:raritycry:

LOL
trollestia strikes again!:trollestia:
good chapter, need more

starcraft voice: WE MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS!

...Ok. Back the fuck up.
A chance to become an Alicorn? I can see how that would work in theory, but...
I-I guess somewhere, on the back of my mind, I don't want to see this story reach the "OC = God of almighty Power" point. That usually spells out "D-O-O-M" for any story.

Good to see, however, that you kept your word and reduced the amount of "()". It was getting pretty tiresome.

...And somehow, I think that window scene is coming back to bite Honor Bound right in his honor bound flank later on.

If I were to make any request at all, is just... tone down HB's affection for Twilight a little bit. We get it, he really, really loves her.

...It's getting borderline creepy how obssesed he is just to meet her, seriously.

Anyway, keep up the great work. Looking forward to the next chapter!

celestia you bastard! you know i stay up till 3:00 every night for luna!why the hell is there not a luna icon?you know id do ANYTHING to get luna (eye flutter) to fall in love in love with me.i love luna. did you know thatit was because of her i became a brony? tis true.

399030
Don't worry too much about the Alicorn thing. If it does happen it wont be for a Really long time.

As for the borderline creepy stalker thing going on. It's not going to play a big part in the next few chapters but it will later on. To ease your tensions, I will say that the events will calm him down.

399358
I'm not sure what to think of this. Are you mocking me? Do I amuse you? I really just can't tell. :rainbowhuh:

Thanks for all the positive feedback. It definitely makes me want to write more.

399614
And yet again, you put my worries to rest.
Seriously, there's the cute "I can't stop thinking about her!" and then there's the creepy "I can't stop thinking about her!"

399614 you know i just thought you should know that one day i was on youtube when i accidentally clicked on the nightmarenight episode (i do this alot on reagular vids on youtube).ticked i proceeded to click back to what i was going to click.but being generous i decided to give my little pony a chance. the second i saw luna's beautiful self and saw how she (like me) was being mistreated, i became a brony. i let some people know this. not everyone though.

So, the first HiE-type story I run into where the protagonist actually feels the need to use the bathroom, and this guy, in true pioneer fashion, makes history by taking a piss from his bedroom window.

You do NOT mess around in the mind of a human. It be a dark place full of scary s-:yay:-t.
The whole "info-overload" thing kind-of reminded me of what happened in "Through the Eyes of Another Pony". Also, the sex-image-spamming of Princess Luna reminded me of what Gypsy did to Nightmare Moon in his fic, ... Dang it! I seem to have forgotten the story's name. (Only in this story it wasn't with scenes of gore.)
There's a right way and a wrong way to use the () comments, you use them well.
I wonder how Prince Blueblood is adapting/will adapt to our world and his new body.
Oh, and I hope you're happy because it's about 3:54 in the morning where I am right now, and I'm about to start reading the next chapter.
Keep up the good work.

So magic is a 6th sense, huh? And it's hard to explain? But, I thought that the 6th sense was a psychic connection inside of your brain. So you can understand people like Shirley MacClaaaaaine~. Who wear crystals they bought in the Mall. The Mall. Who wear crystals they bought in the Maaaaaallll~. I hope that for you this has made Sense.
Oh and you such a troll :trollestia:.

411413
I never said it was a 6th sense. Maybe 7th or 8th. :applejackconfused:Ha ha. Animaniacs are still awesome.
Thanks for your praise.

TAB

For Twilight? BUCK YES :pinkiehappy:

DF

Aww yeah... *Cough* I'm going to have to say it, aren't I?

Dis gon be gud.

Wait a second . . . Spike said he looked like Twilight's brother.
Yeeeaaah, this doesent look like its gonna help him later on. :twilightsheepish:
Anyway, great story, keep it up! :pinkiehappy:

This is good, I feel it... And do YOU feel it?!:pinkiegasp:
Probably yes :twilightsmile:

416478
well,he does have a thing for her, so looking like her brother, and asking her out would NOT go too well

This is very entertaining, really. There are a few things, though.

You seem to be overly fond of parenthesis. To the point of abuse. Not that you don't want to use them ever (they are great for little asides) but they seem to be popping up too often. You have several descriptions and an entire paragraph- the one about what it feels like to use magic- separated in parenthesis where it's not necessary. Additionally, since you're writing a story and a 'cover image' isn't going to always be available wherever it pops up, it kind of behooves you to actually describe the mane and tail and their style. If you don't like saying what can be seen, then include what can be felt and mix it up a bit- what it feels like to suddenly have a line of wavier, straighter, shorter, or longer hair instead of Blueblood's style of mane.

The pacing doesn't seem rushed at all, which is pretty nice, and it's good to see that you're presenting the royals as people (and a family) as much as anything else, so that is good. You have more than a few nice ideas and some interesting tertiary characters- like the manedresser, whose concept is entertaining and who darn well better be showing up more than this once, he seems like the sort of pony we readers should get to know more about.

You might want to cool it on the spell checker and look into an actual dictionary a bit more- your spelling is good, but there were a few spots where it looked like you used one word and meant another word that's spelled similarly. Usually that's on account of a spell checker. If it isn't, then I'd recommend looking into finding a highly-literate prereader.

Another note on the parenthesis- don't excuse yourself as an author, ever. Especially not in parenthesis in the middle of the writing. This is kind of like the rule that when you are acting or performing onstage in a play, you should never apologize for a screw-up. There are two reasons for this- first of all, you're declaring that you have no faith in the quality of your work, whether or not you actually do. This opens you up wide to parasprites, and gives the impression that either you're seeking pity or are not worth the attention of reading/watching. Second of all, a lot of the time the audience (or readers) aren't even going to notice the goof-up unless you bring attention to it. When you do, it breaks up your story or play, ruins the immersion, and makes the audience suddenly aware that something's gone wrong.

Overall though, it's a fairly nice story, and I look forwards to seeing more of it. :twilightsmile:

422782
Thanks for all the comments and watch man.

I can see where you're coming from with the parenthesis. I've definitely pulled it way back, from the first chapter. I think, my last chapter only had two in there. It was originally meant for me (the author) to poke fun at my own story. Mostly just because I felt it needed more comedy. I'm probably going to stop from here on out, though.

I do use spell check for some words, though I'm pretty sure I've used the words I meant to. If I'm far off in my assumption, I would love if you could point out the problems, so I can fix it.

I love big comments like yours. I'm not really a writer. I just had this story in my head. So, this gives me a chance to fix problems I don't know I have. :twilightsheepish:

lol james bond :rainbowlaugh:
anyway i agree with DF

Dis Gon be Gud

Good night Everypony! (I think you can match this up to the part that it goes with.)

Food war always cheer up people, or in this case goddesses

>>>I watched as the smoke traveled across the room, over to where Celestia had just finished whipping the cake from her continence. She looked up at the swirling smoke in confusion; it coalesced back into pudding, and landed on her freshly cleaned face.<<<

It's "countenance" not continence, unless you're discussing Celestia's bladder control.

462749
:facehoof:
Fixed it. Thanks for pointing that out.

Oh Pfff sorry to complain but when are you going to get to the juicy stuff down in Ponyville...meeting Twilight, getting a pissed off Rarity jelious of your relationship. That stuff:duck:

That was low Celestia..... that was low...

Well... I guess there's only one thing to say....





FOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Login or register to comment