• Published 20th Apr 2014
  • 5,194 Views, 566 Comments

Twilight Sparkle And the Very Confusing Apocalypse - kudzuhaiku

Twilight Sparkle wakes up, and right away, there is something wrong as her checklist can't be checked.

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Chapter 3

Apply medicated wet wipe ✓

Twilight carefully applied the medicated wet wipe to the Chapped and Awfully Embarrassed Trixie. Trixie was on the bed, her face down on the pillow, her plot held high in the air, hind legs slightly splayed, her tail flipped up over her back.

Usually, it was a sight that caused instant arousal… but not now. Trixie was suffering too much from the constant plot ripping.

“Gah! I’m blind!”

Really put some effort into finding a therapist for Spike ✓

Spike covered his eyes with both little dragon hands, his tail swishing.

Trixie let out a great whooshing blast and blew the wet wipe from Twilight’s magical grasp, it flew across the room like a soggy leaf, landing with a wet splat on Spike’s face.

“Ugh!” Spike cried, tearing the wet wipe from his face and then fleeing the room.

Bite lip ✓

Try not to laugh ✓

Feel ashamed ✘

“Trixie, we are taking you to the hospital!” Twilight decided outloud. Twilight’s horn flashed and the pair were gone.

On second thought, Twilight supposed she should have gave Trixie a moment to compose and collect her self, rather than just wink right into the hospital while Trixie was presenting. Trixie and Twilight arrived with a grunt and a fart, standing in the middle of a group of very confused doctors and nurses.

“Not the strangest thing I’ve seen lately.” Nurse Redheart commented.

They were ushered into a room where Soarin’ and Rainbow Dash were already waiting, Soarin’ in bed, Rainbow sitting in a chair muttering impatiently.

“Hi Twi’!” Rainbow said, perking up as Twilight came through the door. Trixie was settled into the bed by Nurse Redheart, her pillow fluffed, and a blanket pulled over her.

“Soarin’ can’t stop farting!” Dash blurted. “It was kinda awesome at first, but now it is hurting him.”

“The Galded and Exceedingly Flatulent Trixie knows your pain!” Trixie cried, she then bit her lip and let go a wet sounding wooshy blast.

“The doctors tried an ultrasound on Soarin’, and there ain’t nothing in there!” Rainbow cried, her nose crinkling, her wing waving the stink away.

“What?” Twilight cried.

“Nothing shows up on the ultrasound!” Dash responded.

Begin to worry ✓

Begin to worry ✓

Begin to worry ✓

Begin to worry ✓

Begin to worry ✓

Twilight fled the room to find the doctor.

“Nothing?!” Twilight cried, trying to peer at Trixie’s ultrasound. “How can there be nothing? You can press down on her stomach and feel lumps!”

“It doesn’t mean there is nothing in there, it just means that nothing is visible.” Dr. Stable said slowly, worried about Twilight Sparkle’s rapidly diminishing mood.

“How can this be?” Twilight asked, her eyes rapidly blinking in confusion, the corner of her eye beginning to twitch. The corner of Twilight’s mouth pulled and tugged back towards her jawline, the twitch causing her ear to raise and lower rapidly.

“We’re getting reports from all over about this phenomenon. The hospitals in Manehatten are sending out emergency requests for more doctors. Ponyville only has a few patients. Manehatten has several thousand known patients.” Dr. Stable looked troubled.

“Oh my gosh!” Rainbow gasped.

“Baltimare is also reporting cases in the thousands. And there are other major cities. I don’t even want to think about a city like Los Pegasus with its relaxed attitudes about casual sex.” Dr. Stable flipped through a chart and grunted a few times.

“Are all of them, um, gassy?” Soarin’ asked.

Nurse Redheart nodded, her face sour.

Trixie gave a sudden piercing shriek, her cry causing every ear in the room to flicker. Twilight winked to her side, a hoof placed on Trixie’s barrel, her face furrowed with love and concern.

“The Agonised and Greatly Suffering Trixie has a pain in her filly bits!”

Dr. Stable threw back the blankets, seeing a trickle of blood from a delicate place. Twilight panicked, falling into a chair, while Rainbow Dash began to hover in circles shouting “OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!”

Soarin too, began to scream.

“OH NO!” Rainbow said, flying into a wall and nearly knocking herself out cold.

“Doctor, something is coming out!” Nurse Redheart shouted.

There was a wet “splorch!” sound as Trixie screamed and hollered, kicking her hind legs.

Prepare for motherhood ✘

“Trixie!” Twilight cried.

Doctors and nurses began to flood the tiny hospital room. Nurse Redheart shoved Twilight Sparkle out of the way and began to see to Trixie, while the other doctors and nurses began to gather around Soarin’.

In the swirling vortex of chaos, Twilight Sparkle grabbed ahold of Rainbow Dash, and held her close, crushing Rainbow’s body to her barrel.

Hold on to something blue ✓

Zecora carefully cradled Iron Will’s head in her forelegs, Iron Will sweating and heaving, clutching his, well, currently her rounded belly, and mooed in agony.

“Take a deep breath, and hold on my love, now right this second, I need you to shove!” Zecora commanded.

Iron Will heaved, and mooed again, his cries filling the hut.

“If some baby blocks your womb…” Iron Will grunted, “you must eject them into the room!”

Zecora gently kissed the top of Iron Will’s head.

“Any moment within the now, we shall see a zebra-cow.” Zecora encouraged.

Iron Will could do nothing but moo in reply.

“Shiny, you need to push!” Cadance cried.

“Too soon!” Shining Armor argued breathlessly.

Shining Armor’s body was slathered in sweat, worked up to a fine foam all over his pelt. He looked miserable. He pressed his head against Cadance. “I always thought I would be holding you at this moment, when we brought a foal into the world. I had dreams about it Cadance, being a good father. Being there for you. It was something I always wan…. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Push you noodlehead!” Cadance commanded in a princessly tone.

“OH THE RIPPING!” Shining Armor screamed.


Far, far away, in a distant place, Queen Chrysalis was taking advantage of this new moment of weakness to destroy her enemies.

A while back, she had become male hive drone and new queens arose all around her. She had been the ONLY male hive drone. There had been a lot of breeding that day. A LOT of breeding. And now, there were rival queens all around her, threatening her position, many in the throes of creating a new clutch. Many of the gender swapped males stayed as females, and there could be only one Queen.

And Queen Chrysalis did not share her empire. She moved against the rival usurpers, striking them down and killing them in their moments of weakness. What she did not know was that some had fled, going into new places, far away places, away from Queen Chrysalis’ wrath. Now, new changeling colonies infested the world, now in new and unknown places. One had made it to the Sea of Grass, where the zebras lived, another into the Forevergreen Jungles, another made it to Griffonholm, where the griffons dwelled.

This day had not been just perfect. It would go down as the bloodiest day ever in the history of the changeling race, and the day which the tide had turned, the changelings becoming a serious threat to all of the races of the globe.

Unintended consequences from draconequus breeding season.

Luna prowled up and down the line of beds were her guard lay panting, heaving, caught in the pains of labour, growls, grunts, and screams filling the room.


All around Luna, the stallions who were still currently mares heaved and pitched, kicking their legs, pushing, struggling and straining.


The guards continued their grunting feverish task, all of them so desperately wanting to please their Mistress, all of them full of fanatical devotion, a new religion of love. Anything, anything at all for their Mistress, her bidding was their pleasure.


In another room in Canterlot Castle, Celestia was in the bed with Windburn, curled along side her, gently coaxing her along through the terrible pains of labour, Celestia whispering encouragement in Windburn’s ear, squeezing her gently, holding her foreleg.

Windburn responded well to the kindness, the gentle affection and love. He may have been a guard, and would have responded to a barked command, but this day, he was exquisitely a mare, in both mind and body, and Celestia understood that. Something bloomed within her breast, a newfound feeling for her, a sense of hope and restoration, but also a sense of dread and fear, a fear of the unknown, which Celestia assumed was the feeling of new fathers and mothers everywhere.

“Come Windburn, give us a foal.” Celestia said, kissing his ear gently.

“Anything for you my Sunshine.” Windburn replied, his… er, her voice gritty with pain and emotion.

Twilight Sparkle contemplated the impossible thing sitting before her. It lay between Trixie’s legs, still somewhat bloody, covered in birthing slime. The entire room stood in shock. Trixie lay heaving, Soarin’ was still in the throes of labour, and Rainbow Dash was holding on to his hoof and kissing his cheek in encouragement, trying to ignore the horror that lay in the next bed over.

Begin to panic ✓

Begin to panic ✓

Begin to panic ✓

Begin to panic ✓

Begin to panic ✓

In between Trixie’s legs was an egg and she was still in the powerful contortions of labour.

Author's Note:

Poor Spike.

I wish I felt bad for what I did. But sacrificing my conscience for box of Milk Duds was still a good trade I think.

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