After the girls were done celebrating getting their cutie marks back, the elements activated on their own turning on Twilight leaving behind only a pile of ash. This story goes on to try and show how various people would deal with Twilight’s death.
Takes place a while after Twilights death, Twilight does not become an alicorn princess and anything after is effectively non canon unless I choose to incorporate it.
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I actually really like this story! At first I thought it was gonna be boring, but it was amazing!
4259758
I am glad you thought so
This story was really nice, but it felt kind of shallow. Try slowing it down, and let the reader feel what the characters were feeling. Show, not tell. Just slow down and add details. There were also several punctuation and grammatical mistakes. This has great potential, but an idea doesn't make a story. The words also make it, and if the words can't convey the feeling, they cannot properly communicate the idea.
4261481
Yeah going back throught it I know what you mean. I have a friend of mine who agreed to edit the story, I believe he said he was gonna work on it tomorrow.
Anyways thanks for the advice, and I will make sure to try and apply it and make the story better.
4261492 No problem.
Will you continue this in the next chapter? (Please say yes, please say yes.)
4286768
Yes I am. Next chapter will be a spike chapter
4287075 YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... YYYY!!!
(You get the point.)
4288139
Lol
This needs likes, so I gave it to the federation of likes. You will either get likes, or negative reviews, as is our standards. No dislikes.
4291270
Cool. many thanks yo you kind sir.
4291338 Always willing to help.
That's not true.
But you can believe that.
Whatever helps you not think about who I might be.
What's sad is that, if you think about it even if she had succeeded in making Twilight immortal, what then?
She would then have out lived all her friends and family. She'd have to watch as anypony she knew grew old and died all the while she remains unchanged. Even with the company of the princesses, is it really worth it?
--Sollace
4293578
Yeah, that was one thing that always made me think about immortality. It seems like such a great thing but then once you have it, it seems like the reality of your situation would set in.
4293578
Thanks for the favorite
Also I took a look at the fimfiction advanced thing. I got it installed but how do I put in the signature?
Uh-oh.
...Okay, why the scheme?
4299121
I guess it might not have been clear enough. The rest of the mane six had been avoiding Spike ever since Twilight died. Since Celestia sent the letter saying she wanted to see everyone he needed a way to get them all there together. Hence the fake ransom thing, it is just a ploy to get all fo Twilight's friends there.
What about the note Spike wrote where he pretended he was being held hostage?
4313529 The note that Pinkie received at the end is the same note.
4313575 Then why did she smile? Who smiles when they find out their friend is being held hostage?
4313579 I respectfully decline to answer that question
4313583
4313586
He is prolly the only one other than me who knows why she smiled.
4314335 Well you're nice. (Sarcasm intended)
4316416
Arent I?
This chapter felt a little more rushed than the others. Maybe slow down and add some details? Will next chapter continue Applejack's story?
4320627
Hmm prolly not. I will continue it after I go though the rest of the Mane 5 though. After they all go though then I will go though and finish them up while drawing them together.
4320627
Also what in particular felt rushed to you?
4320677 The whole description of AJ's day. It felt like you were giving us a list; no details or transitions.
4320690
Sorry about that, I hope the next chapter will be more to your liking.
And I do plan to come back to these earlier chapters after I improve as an author.
4320696 Okay then.
WHAT
4323649 If you have a question, either MellowBrook or I can probably provide an answer
4323649
?
Taking a short break after our little 3 upload days in a row but will most likely have a new chapter for you guys by Monday evening
4334602
Oh, what a relief. I was feeling rather small thinking this was your regular schedule.
It's an interesting story although I do see something I find a little odd.
What purpose does the 'on's actually serve here?
I've seen it a few times across the story and it make me feel like the it's written with a kind of southern accent.
Don't you think this would be better?
--Sollace
4336846 Yes, the ons do seem rather unnecessary in that context and even redundant. Thanks for pointing this out!
4336846
Yeah I will fix it, I spent the weekened without internet. so yeah
4336846
K, should be fixed.
4342691
Already have that written out, though I might change part of it before I post tonight. Gotta go over it with Zerxies still.
4342701 YOU'RE POSTING IT TONIGHT??!!!
4342745
Probably. Nice thing about shorter chapters like this, is I can post often. Lets see how many updates I can get in a row this time.
4342751 YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
You get the point.
4342751 I'll bet we can get 50 in a row this time!
4342812
Do I?
Spoiler for why Pinkie smiled at the letter- She's illiterate.
Lol jk
4342818