• Member Since 23rd Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 31 minutes ago

The Orange Nebula


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A Sequel to The Rhyme That Fooled Them All

Scootaloo is wracked in selfpitty, defeated by the hurtful words of her classmates because of her flightless issues. But one colt isn't going to give up on her just yet.

With some confidence, motivation, and pride, this little flightless filly wont be flightless for long. All thanks to the most caring, respectable, and loving colt she has ever met in her entire life.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 23 )
Comment posted by AlphaThroughZeta deleted Apr 21st, 2014

*cuddles Scootaloo* :scootangel:

This is a brilliant story but I think it has a bit too much in common with Hothead112's "Together we fly" in which Rumble does what you depicted, helping Scoots fly. But nonetheless, good story and keep it up.

4260499 Ah shit! I had no idea there was a story under that similar style. I wrote this inspired by the comic you can find on my page. Damn, I feel kind of bad, never meant to steal anyone's idea :(

4260512 Don't worry Orange, you didn't know that a story like this had been written yet.

Oh, a new story from OrangeNebula. As much as I want to read this immediately, I need my shuteye.

I'll be back, story. You have eleven hours until total assimilation into my collective word-readedness!

Okay, so it took me thirteen hours to get back to this instead of eleven. It's a good thing I'm no Twilight or the tardiness would have destroyed everything around me.

As for the story, it was nice. A short and sweet piece of RumbaLoo, and it showed a noticeable improvement in grammar from your other stories, though you still use a few more commas than necessary in places (In the first paragraph you could do away with the first two commas without hurting anything). It's nice being able to watch you improve, and I'm glad to have another active author on my followlist.

Keep up the good work.

Surprised commenter is surprised!
Have a fav', my friend.

This needs several edits.

Just outside the hustle and bustle of Ponyville, is a massive plain of marshy flatland and hill sides. --> Just outside the hustle and bustle of Ponyville is a massive plain of marshy flatland and hillsides.

waste-high grass --> waist-high

You would expect --> Use one ("One would expect") instead of you when you're not writing in second person.

county sides --> countrysides

grow week --> weak

bully’s --> bullies

a distort Scootaloo --> distraught

I was worried you had run further --> Use farther for actual distances

Scootaloo peaked through the thick grass --> peeked

flightless Pegasus --> pegasus

Rumbles eyes --> Rumble's

“You’re Goona Fly,” --> “You’re gonna fly,”

And more, in particular around the start of characters speaking.

The feels man, the feels

4263790 thank you so much for calling out these grammical issues. As soon as I get back to my computer I will fix all of these.

4285850

LOL, yeah, story is inspired by that comic. :)

Hmm................ I agree with this. You are allowed to live.

4292251 I love your comment! Ha, Ha! I totally love this story!

4285850 wow that was pretty spot on
Also those feels man!

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