Luna spends her nights crying on the overhang every night. And when she is met by a fellow unicorn, she finally has a solution to end her miseries.
A really short story, and my first fic. Hope you enjoy!
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 18th Apr, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 4th, 2019
Night Soul
Im a girl that enjoys making my own art for my covers and writing ponies. Did I mention I like Brony music and I'm a Pegasister?
Night Soul
Joined 18th Apr, 2014 ·
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I don't have much of a story here, but I tried my best
Hope you enjoy! And I don't mind critique.
Nice!!!!!! But,, just 1 little question:
Why was Twilight there? I might sound dumb but......
4254218 That's for the reader to decide
I honestly had no idea why I included Twilight, but she is Celestia's student, after all. She wasn't an alicorn for this story, so...
I don't want to sound negative - there is the core of a good idea in here - but it just seemed to be over too quickly. I guess, with a story that involves suicide, I want more of an explanation, more exposition of why the character feels that way. Also, there are some narrative and grammatical problems that disturbed the flow.
4254386 Yeah, I figured that
Its my first fic after all and to be honest I actually made this a while back and found it afterwards.
I'm actually thinking of adding another chapter that implies Luna's actual feelings towards her death, with visiting Celestia in a dream included. But it is a short fic, after all.
And my narrative speaking/grammar was bad back then, but now its improved. Thanks for your critique!
4254454
You're quite welcome. Another chapter would be very welcome. I, for one, would love to see more of this.
...
Immortals don't die...
..they always come back, so a sequel is in order.
Meh, love=return from the grave. I know it's creepy, but it has happened in numerous movies and books.
Besides, I hate endings where somepony dies, because that is an unhappy ending, and I hate those
...
...but this might be that one exception to my rule, which is 'happy ending or bust'.
SEQUEL!
There is no emotion in this story.
Edit- The dialogue is wooden, Luna's explanation remains unknown, and Celestia took her death as one would their goldfish.
All in all, I don't like how lazy the whole thing is. Here, have an explained dislike.
4254857
And yes, its very lazy. I wrote this before, and I wasn't so keen. I am now, thanks to you! 
Finally, first negative critique!
Thanks for your comment, and I know my story totally needs big improvement. I'm going to add a new chapter that should help with the confusing stuff.
4254712
Ha, I broke your rule. Oopsie!
Hey, does adding another chapter count as a sequel?
4254970
MORE!
A new chapter isn't a sequel, but it IS what I meant.
This story needs more, well, story!
4254963
Good!
It's nice to meet a guy who can take bad feedback
4255124
Yeah, I get around the Internet a lot