Chapter 3 - Final Goodbyes
Chapter 3
Final Goodbyes
_____________________________________________________________________
Lyra walked into Bon-Bon’s and saw her wife just finishing a deal with Filthy Rich.
He left; his butler pulled a wagon filled with several different jars of candy, including, of course, the store’s trademark, bon-bons.
Bon-Bon smiled at her wife as she walked up to the counter. “What can I get for you, miss?”
“How about a sugar tongue?” Lyra asked, giving a coy smile.
Bon-Bon lowered her eyes seductively. “You’re in luck, ma'am. We have one left.”
The two mares kissed, holding it for several seconds before pulling away.
“So, why’d you come, Lyra? Or were you just here to get a smooch from me?” Bon-Bon gave her a sly sideways smile.
Lyra chuckled, then her face fell a little. “No, Bonny. I came because of Scootaloo.”
Bon-Bon stopped playing around and leaned on the counter. “What about her?”
Lyra sighed, looking down. “I went to the hospital to check on her aunt.”
“And?” Bon-Bon asked quietly.
Lyra shook her head. “The doctors told me she’s not likely to last to t’night.”
Bon-Bon gasped, covering her mouth. “That’s horrible. Poor Scootaloo.”
Lyra nodded. “Can you finish early, before school gets out?”
Bon-Bon nodded. “One of the advantages to running your own store. But why?”
Lyra sighed, then looked right at her lover. “We’re gonna pick Scootaloo up from school and take her to see her aunt. She deserves to be with her aunt before it’s time.”
Bon-Bon nodded, tears in her eyes.
“What’s... what’s gonna happen to her afterwards?” she asked, her voice nothing more than a whisper.
Lyra bit her lip. “They’ll send her to an orphanage.”
Bon-Bon’s eyes widened. “They can’t do that. That’s too horrible.”
“The orphanage isn’t that bad,” Lyra said, shaking her head. “I grew up there, remember? Actually, for an orphanage, the one here in Ponyville’s more like a long-term day care, they take such good care for foals.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s right to send her there!” Bon-Bon said fiercely, slamming a hoof on the counter. “After everything she’s already been through that would be the worst thing for her.”
Lyra nodded. “Um, Bonny? What would you say if there was a way we could keep her out of there?”
“I’d say let’s do whatever it is before she gets hurt any more than she already has been,” Bon-Bony said firmly.
Lyra smiled. “So you wouldn’t mind if she were our daughter?”
Bon-Bon stopped, her face going blank. “What?”
“Adopting her,” Lyra said matter-of-factly. “That’s the only way we can keep her out of the orphanage. If we don’t adopt her, we can’t legally keep her, even tonight. Plus, we did kinda tell her she’d be staying again. And you can't say we didn't enjoy having her around this morning.”
Bon-Bon’s face blushed so red that if she’d stood by some of the red candies, her head would have vanished and her face would’ve been looking out from the jars.
“M-me, a mother?” she stuttered, putting a hoof to her mouth. “Lyra, do you think I could do that? What if I mess up? What if I can’t take care of her properly? What if the store goes out of business and we end up on the street and I can't provide for her? What if—?”
“You wouldn’t be alone in this,” Lyra chuckled. “I’d be her mother too. We’d both take care of her, Bonny. And, besides,” she leaned forward and nuzzled her mare, “I know you’ll make a great mother.”
Bon-Bon returned the nuzzle, a contented sigh leaving her lips. “I’m glad you came back when you did.”
Lyra nodded. It was a very good thing she’d come back when she did, or Scootaloo might’ve ended in the orphanage anyway. She’d have only been able to hide out in that clubhouse for so long before Foal Protective Services would have gotten to her and taken her there.
_____________________________________________________________________
“Hey, Scoots?” Apple Bloom asked, glancing to the orange Pegasus.
School had just ended and they were leaving, along with their fellow classmates.
“Yeah, what?” Scootaloo asked, turning to the youngest of the Apple family.
“Why’re Lyra and Bon-Bon standin’ over there and waving to ya?” she pointed and sure enough, Lyra and Bon-Bon were standing not too far away, waving to Scootaloo.
“I’ll explain later,” she said, and turned in the two mares’ direction. “See you girls tomorrow.”
With that, she hurried towards the mares kind enough to take her in, not noticing the bewildered expressions on her fellow crusaders’ faces.
She stopped in front of the two mares, smiling. “Hey, why’d ya come and pick me up?”
Both mares looked at each other, an uneasy expression coming across their faces.
Scootaloo went cold. She’d seen that look before. It was the look the doctors her worn before they told her and her aunt that her aunt had cancer.
“Come on, Scootaloo,” Bon-Bon said, wrapping a foreleg around her small body. “We’re going to the hospital.”
Scootaloo felt tears fall down her face and buried her muzzle into Bon-Bon’s fur.
She felt Bon-Bon wrap her hooves around her and then Lyra joined the embrace too.
After a few moments, they broke apart and headed for the hospital, Scootaloo knowing in her gut that this would be the third worst time she’d been to one.
_____________________________________________________________________
They walked down the clean white halls of the hospital, not saying anything.
Not much had been said on the walk to the hospital. Wasn’t much to talk about anyway.
Lyra had tried to tell her something, something about an orphanage.
Scootaloo hadn’t bothered to listen. She knew what was going on.
With her last known family member gone, she didn’t have anypony left to look after her and, therefore, was going to have to live in an orphanage.
She didn’t blame or feel she could be mad at either of the mares. It wasn’t their fault. They’d had no idea her last guardian would be leaving soon and had honestly thought they could offer her a place to stay for a while.
Still, she couldn’t ignore how much it hurt that, after they’d promised she could stay with them, she’d now be going to an orphanage.
They reached the door Scootaloo had visited so often. Though she’d kept her head down the entire time, she’d been to this room so many times her body had known where to go by instinct.
Lyra opened the door with her magic.
The sight they met wasn’t pretty and they both gave sharp intakes of breath.
Scootaloo’s aunt was a Pegasus with a yellow coat that looked very faded and her body was unhealthily thin. A small picture on the night stand showed her with a bright blue mane and tail, standing next to an Earth Pony mare with a deeper yellow coat and an orange and red mane. The mare in the bed, however, had no mane at all, no doubt a side effect of the medicine she’d been taking for her cancer.
She had tubes in her body; an IV in each of her forelegs and one up her nose.
Scootaloo slowly walked up to her aunt’s side.
The doctor tending to her, a grey unicorn mare with a blue mane, brown eyes and a stethoscope Cutie Mark, looked down sadly at her.
“She doesn’t have long.” She headed towards the door and nodded to the two ponies standing there, who moved aside to let her pass.
She paused at the door and looked back. “I’d suggest saying your goodbyes and making peace.”
With that she left, leaving the four ponies to their own devices.
Scootaloo put her hooves on the thin hoof of her aunt. “Aunt Lofty? Can you hear me?”
The mare stirred, her voice sounding like it was gravel in a blender.
She opened her eyes and turned her head. A small smile played across her face when she saw the small filly.
“Hey, there, Scoots,” she said, her voice eerily quiet. “Didn’t expect to get a visit from you t’day.”
Scootaloo gave a weak smile. “Hey, I promised I’d come everyday, didn’t I?”
The older mare gave a small nod, a weak grin playing across her face. “That strange Pinkie Promise from that party mare, if I recall.”
Scootaloo smiled sheepishly. “That's a Pinkie Promise. It means I can’t break it, even if I wan’ed to.”
She nodded and turned to her left. “Excuse me,” she said to Bon-Bon and Lyra. “Could one of you nice mares get the parcel out from that cupboard by my bed? I’d do it myself, but—”
She was interrupted by a large coughing fit.
It last for several seconds, while Scootaloo patted her aunt’s back to clam her down.
“D-don’t worry, Miss Lofty,” Bon-Bon said, her voice quivering slightly as she moved towards the small door on the bedside table. “I’ll do it. Y-you don’t have to strain yourself.”
“Th— cough, thank you, dear,” Aunt Lofty said, leaning back against her pillow, but not lying down. “I’m not as spry as I use ta be.”
Bon-Bon took a small blue box with crystal on it out and gave it to Aunt Lofty, who looked to Scootaloo.
“Now, no matter what anypony ever tells, you Scoots, I’m never going to leave you.” She leaned a little down and put a hoof on Scootaloo’s heart. “I’ll always be right here, just like your mother and father and Holiday.”
Scootaloo sniffled. She didn’t like her aunt talking like this. She didn’t want her talking like this. Why couldn’t the doctors have found a way to make her better, for Celestia’s sake?!
She sat back up and opened the box, taking out a small necklace. It had some bead and jewels and a few yellow feathers on it.
At first Scootaloo was taken in by how beautiful it was. But then she noticed the feathers. They weren’t any ordinary feathers.
She moved her head to looked behind her aunt at her wings. Almost all the feathers were gone, including...
Scootaloo sobbed as her aunt put the necklace around her neck.
“Now, whenever you’re wearing this, I’ll be close to you, Scoots,” Aunt Lofty said, a warm, weak smile on her face.
Scootaloo leaped up and hugged her aunt tightly. She didn’t want her to go. She didn’t want it. Why couldn’t she get this one thing?
She’d never wish or ask for anything else again as long as her aunt stayed.
They remained that way for a long time, neither saying anything, just holding each other.
Her aunt was so cold. She missed her aunt’s warmth. She needed that warmth.
Suddenly, she felt a hoof on her shoulder.
She looked up to see Lyra and Bon-Bon standing behind her, solemn looks on their faces.
“Come on, Scootaloo,” Lyra said quietly. “We should go.”
“No,” Scootaloo whispered, tightening her grip on her aunt. “You said we could stay til... til...”
She couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“Scootaloo,” Bon-Bon said, her voice cracking a little. “She—” she sobbed. “She’s already gone.”
It was at that moment Scootaloo heard a sound that had not been in the room when they’d entered and the absence of another.
When they’d entered the room, there had been a gentle boop... boop... boop. But now, she couldn’t hear it anymore. In its place was a long, never ending beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
She looked at her aunt’s face. It was smiling... but she wasn’t breathing.
“NO!” Scootaloo screamed, shaking her aunt, trying to wake her up. “Aunt Lofty! Please! Wake up! Please wake up, Aunt Lofty! Don’t leave me!”
There was no response. Her aunt remained still and silent.
“NO-HOOO!” Scootaloo wailed, burying herself in her aunt, tears streaming down her face. “Wake up! Please, please wake up, Aunt Lofty! Plea-he-heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!”
She poured her sorrows onto the now lifeless body of the only member of her family she had left.
She felt somepony hold her and she whirled around and grabbed whoever it was. The lack of a candy scent told her it was Lyra.
She wailed and wailed, soaking the mare’s coat with her pain.
Bon-Bon’s scent made itself known, meaning she’d started hugging Scootaloo too.
_____________________________________________________________________
Lyra and Bon-Bon held the distraught filly, allowing her to pour all her sadness onto them.
They didn’t know how much time passed before Scootaloo had calmed down enough for them to talk with her.
“We know this probably isn’t the best time to talk to you about this, Scootaloo,” Bon-Bon began as she stroked the poor filly’s mane. “But, about you going to an orphanage...”
Scootaloo’s sobbing turned into whimpering.
“It won’t be happening,” Lyra said firmly.
Scootaloo looked up at her, her face stained with tears, snot dripping from her nose. “What?”
“We came here while you were still in school and talked to your aunt,” Bon-Bon said, rubbing her back. “We asked her something very important and she said yes.”
Scootaloo looked from one of them to the other. “Said “yes” to what?”
Lyra smiled. “She signed some papers with us. We’ve adopted you, Scootaloo. You won’t have to go to the orphanage.”
Scootaloo looked from one of them to the other. “You— hic, you mean, I can stay...?”
Lyra nodded. “Yes, Scootaloo. You can stay with us. We’re your new mothers.”
Scootaloo’s tears burst forth anew and she hugged her two mothers tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered.
The two mothers held their daughter, comforting her in her time of need.
It would be a long time before Scootaloo would get over this loss and she'd never truly be able to get over it. It would always be there, deep inside.
But at least she had two mothers that would do everything they could for their new daughter.
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sadness but a good turnout
I can understand how Scootaloo felt. I don't handle death well. I'm just glad Bon-Bon and Lyra were there for her.
This is one of those stories where the concept is great but the execution is sadly off.
I love the idea of Scootaloo having this dark secret. I like the idea of Lyra and Bon Bon raising a foal and I would love to see how the cast deals with it.
Now here is my problem: Scootaloo felt completely off in the first chapter.
I would understand Sweetie Belle curling up and shivering in fear. Maybe even Applebloom, but Scootaloo?
She is brash, headstrong and overeager. Even in the face of her greatest fears, she either runs or desperately fights. The thought of her curling up and peeing herself just threw me out of the whole story. And the backstory felt a bit too much like a tear jerker than a genuine blow of fate. Especially since it feels a tad contrived for Equestria not to have any kind of social safety to keep orphans off the streets.
Again: The concept is great, but the execution just doesn't click with me. Sorry.
I'm liking this story.
The chapters could probably stand to be a little longer, but that isn't any issue. You should get an editor to help you catch all the little typos. For example, the last sentence in this chapter says "to mothers", where it should say "two mothers".
4253125 Think about it this way: all that bravado is really a front. It is very common for people who are in trouble to act like nothing is wrong. Similarly, someone who is really scared sometimes acts like they aren't scared of anything. It's a form of denial. You can find really big, tough men who freeze in terror at the sight of a little garden snake.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uZvaER0ew8o
This totally fits the sad/tragedy tag. Best saddening orchestra you could find.
4253125
In addition to everything he said, I have another criticisms.
First off: the pacing. In a story like this (a semi-sad, non-action story), things need to be taken slowly, not rushed into. You have Scoot being practically adopted less than 5k words in, and the 'tragedy' happening less than 2k words after that. It's almost as if you're just going through the motions of writing a story without putting any care into it, and the fic suffers for it.
Also, that coverart is awful. It looks like you just took a pixelated, low-resolution image of Scoot and slapped it onto a much better picture of Lyra and Bon-Bon (which is what I'm assuming you did). Put some pride into your work.
So again, great premise, terrible execution.
Methinks you should get an editor. I noticed several typos in the last chapter, here.
Dammit, Scootaloo feels get me every time.
*wipes eyes* I'm not crying dammit!
static1.e621.net/data/66/ca/66cad77f93699a8b3a811b674dc4276c.png
GOD DAMMIT, need to stop reading your stuff at work!
4253158 I would agree with you, but there is one problem: We have seen Scootaloo deal with her fear. And at no point did she ever curl up. IF she was in the clubhouse and a stranger came in, she would be out the window and gone in an instant. And that could have worked quite well.
Have Lyra find trails of Scootaloo's secret, then run after her and find the terrified filly somewhere in the orchard. Maybe after Scoots had a good look at Lyra and decided that she was no treat.
Instead, she instantly goes and hugs a stranger, just because she did not eat her after a few lines of dialogue.
I just say that this moment was poorly handled and goes against what we know of Scootaloo.
Well. done/ Well done.
This is really more Sad than Tragedy. Yes, Scoots loses her aunt, but that's really more of a painful yet necessary transition to what will presumably be a happier life for her. Tragedy is rather when a character is heading towards a terrible conclusion over the long term.
4254395
My thoughts exactly. When I saw the Tragedy tag, I was like, "Why is this going to be a story that has Scootaloo die or something in the end?"
I'd suggest you switch to Sad. And get an Editor (I should get one too actually).
4253125
Then I guess I'm just going to read and enjoy this story for the concept. I don't know if it's the first LyraBon Scoot-adopt fanfic around, but it's definitely the first one I've seen so far.
4253227 yes, that's true on how I made that pic, but I had to use Microsoft paint to do it and I got scoots' part of the pic from a use poster pic of all the characters cos it was all I could find of scoots on the net that looks like it would work.
Paint tends to pixelate, so for that, I apologise, but this was the best I could do with what I have
good story so far i can't wait for more
Well, this is a pleasant little gem. I beg you to use a spell checker and proof read though. The adoption part was very touching, as has been mentioned
Anyhoo, I look forward to seeing how L&B deal with Scootaloo's mountain of issues. And the
Chaos & Mayhem CrewCutie Mark Crusaders.4253747 I'm not disagreeing with you particularly, but you should remember that people deal with different fears in different ways. As in my previous example with Ophidiophobia (abnormal fear of snakes), someone might be hardly bothered by most things they fear, but when it comes to said snakes they are just overcome with fear. It doesn't matter if they are aware of their fear and its irrationality, in the heat of the moment their brain goes into complete panic mode.
She was interrupted by a large couching fit.
Coughing fit.
She moved her head to looked behind her aunt at her wigns. Almost all the feathers were gone, including.
'wigns' should be 'wings' and you end the sentence too early.
Feels a little fast and you could stand to use a spell check but overall I give this story a definite thumbs up. Great feels man!
Great story
I'd like to hear more...kind of rushed, few spelling errors, but I like where this is going. I think I felt a tear in my eye for a second...
(sigh).......Two mate, it's two.
4256165 yeah, stupid mistake, but its fixed now
I want to see more of this story. Lots more.
4256497 I'll try and get the next chapter finished tomorrow or Monday. I would have done it today, but avatar the movie was playing in the living room and it made me hard to keep writing, so I stopped for now.
i'm broken
Man i leaked a lot of liquid pride reading this.
----
Okay first off I enjoyed what I've read thusfar as a 'concept' pitch for a story, this could easily be expanded.
Also when writing a fic like this, you need to take into account the established personality of your centre character (In this case, Scootaloo)
I do not see her as someone who would quiver in fear like she did in Ch 1 - she would first try to escape.
The last thing I would suggest is to get someone that you trust to proofread and edit your story, there were a few typo's in there and they could also help with the pacing of the storyline.
Although to be fair the typo's can usually be dealt with by a spell checker except for the pancakes one - you've got 'Cohc-chops' instead of choc-chips.
There's a lot I like about this story, but I also echo the comments about pacing (not that I should talk) and getting an editor. Also:
Bon-Bon’s scent made itself known, meaning she’d started hugging Scootaloo too.
That setence is so poorly constructed it couldn't handle a slight breeze.
But have an upvote and I'll be watching to see where this goes
4256568
i smell a liar you where not leaking liquid pride, for there is no pride to be had here you where balling your eyes out and so was i
I couldn't just let it be.
4257190 thank you for the positive comment.
Ps. i love your avatar. i;'ve recently become a fan of nyx
didn't wanna delete any comments, but that comment i had to delete. talk about being harsh towards an innocent filly
Right at the end there you've got "lose" where it should be "loss". Easy mistake with the keys so close.
damn my feels hurt....
Dang... Well I'm glad Scootaloo won't be lonely anymore
I'm very sad, but at the same time, I am very happy. Death is not something easily dealt with so I know how Scoots feels and it makes me sad. I am happy because she is not alone for her family is with her and so are Lyra and Bon Bon.
This is actually really touching. Grammar's not great, but I can get over that. I also love how you mention Bon-Bon's scent.
What kind of necklace?
4257281 np
and truth be told Past Sins was the first mlpfim fanfic I ever read.
just wish the pic had her cutey mark thou
I really did almost lose it there....Honestly... I almost lost my liquid pride... This was emotional!
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Good fic but extremely rushed. I know it's already been said but this feels like a quick oneshot, not a short fic of feels. While you did manage to pull it off it could have been better. Upvoted and fav'd but you don't get a follower due to so many deleted comments.
great story. But way too rushed.
If you could maybe double the size of the chapters it would be an awesome story. I'm serious; it has great potential but it needs a slower pace.
I think Bonbon will be the strict and disciplining parent while Lyra will be the soft and comforting type. A good upbringing needs both after all. I just hope you'll also include disciplining and punishment into the story. Many people make adoption stories so sappy nowadays. Comforting a child is easy, anypony can do that. It's disciplining where the challenge of parenthood lies, and where you must show your love.