Therisinghero
Joined 9th Oct, 2013 ·
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a little long on the background chapters seeing how normally that would be summarized into one chapter. I guess ill just have to see how this pans out...
...also you just portrayed him as a 'super-soldier'. I hope you know how to make the storyline balance that epicness.
4257868 I'm trying its just an adaption of my first story that never saw the light of day so far it a lot better then I thought it out to be
Proper capitalization at the beginnings of sentences. Use it.
4258790 yes sir sorry about that This project I have been doing alone so I don't catch it all
4257868 who do you mean James or Mr. Johnson
Finally this fic is OVER 9000 words time to celebrate
guys if you are going to give this fic a thumbs down please tell me why so I can make this a better story and don't just give it a thumbs down if this type of fic is not your cup of tea
, if this is so then don't read this fic at all
. I am trying my hardest to make this a good story and its not easy when I have been writing this all by myself without the help of a proofreader or editor, this is just depressing to see all my hard work being hated by people without giving a good reason why they hate it!
Chapters are too short, main character sounds like an emo, edgy teen with a dark past, I assume he'll get superpowers or something like that.
There are grammar issues everywhere, and it just generally reads very badly.
I recommend finding an editor, and just generally scraping this idea entirely. Write something new with the help of an editor, and read some books. Try to write like other writers at first, and then find your own style afterwards.
That's all I can say. Luck.
4296460 its the required 1000 words per chapter how is it too short?
4296476 Required at submission. After submission it can be any length.
Either way, the good writers write 5,000 words per chapter on average. 2,000+ is the norm for the average writer. Any less than that and it is most likely too short.
They're too short.
I can't place the issue on yours. Then again no one really says their reasons for down voting stuff anyway. One things was the occasional proper noun(or was it pronoun) aren't capitalized.
also sentence based. "Jimmy shot me" said Mr. Stevens = not right.
"Jimmy shot me," said Mr. Stevens. = correct. Don't forget comma before quotation mark.
4296975 hey if you would like to help me keep this fic alive by all means you can be my editor. I have been looking for one but for some reason I have not heard back from any one of them.
4299823 I don't feel comfortable with responsibility as being editor. sorry
4299837 but thanks again for the support by giving it a thumbs up it really helps me out
Righto, you asked me for advice i nthe forum so I'll give it to you. I must admit I skimmed a little as I am currently trying to force myself to get one of my own chapters done but I'll give you some ideas:
First off, you need an editor. Badly.
Now I'm probably being a bit of a hypocrite here as I do my own stuff, however I think that you need someone to giv you a hand. And before you ask, no, I can't take up that mantle due to my own tendency to make mistakes and my lack of time to do a proper job.
You need to have more paragraphs, proper capitalisation and...
Puncuation! Full stops are your friends, use them!
Now, onto the character.
Not going to lie, you are going to cope so much crap for him that you could open a fertilizer store. He reads like an edgy guy who will look badarse while saving the day with his epicness. He's unrelatable and I suggest you look at what he is and if he needs to be that.
Also, black and red. No. Just... No.
Sadly, that's all I have time for. Find an editor, read some other fics to see how they deal with this and hopefully you can salvage this.
4324896 thanks for your advice and sadly for reasons I can not explain every editor I have called or asked for has either disappears and is never heard from or drops me entirely I know I need an editor badly but my luck hasn't been good and as for the black and red the only red on him is his X that stands as his symbole to bring fear into those who do evil and I kind of got the idea of the suit from the old batman beyond TV show
A recommendation from your editor. Prologue is spelled as above. Chapter names should have major words capitalized. (Ex: The Old Man Is Awesome, never capitalize 'is' or 'or' unless its the first word.)
Also, I recommend the 'Chapter 1: The Beginning' kind of format, with Colon and all.
4363710
could you rephrase your question I don't understand what your asking
4363727
Think of it this way.
'Pre-Prologue: The Theory'
'Prologue'
'Chapter 1: A Second Chance At A New Life'
Try to edit your chapter titles so they're like this.
4363768 now I get it thanks, for second there I thought you wanted me to change the title name
"Mature · Sex · Gore"
Shit man. This stuff's too hardcore for me.
4422046 A man on a mission is the strongest man you will ever meet
btw the sex gore and such has not set in yet that is coming as soon as my editor finishes with the remaining chapters for me to start a new chapter
4258790 duly noted, take a look at the chapter again and tell me your thoughts.
4487732 INFINITELY better. One thing that makes me a little iffy, though, is having his parents die in 9/11. That's probably just a personal thing tho. Well done!
4487741 I wanted 9/11 to be his backstory to why he becomes Shadow as you know every hero has an origin and I wanted James's to be original and not something written before.
4487785 kewl
4487801 indeed
4324896 look at it now what do you think?
Nice chapter like the little funny parts and that photo was a nice touch too keep up the good work.
4543805 chapter 11 is on the way. We just have to wait for a chapter from another story is finished, and then I can get chapter 11 edited and posted!