Three mares living in the big City of Manehattan. Honeybun, an aspiring pastry chef with a loving and supportive family. Morning Rose, a smart young mare who wishes to study to become a botanist. And Cloud drift who has lived in the city her whole life, who just wants to get by. Even in a city as large as Manehattan, fate can bring those together who need each other. What does fate have in store for these young souls? Can they achieve their ambitions in the city where dreams come true? Or will they fall into a nightmare? The only certainty they may have, lies with one another.
(Cover art by Midnight Sonare)
I would also like to thank my pre-reader Bassline and Melody
Chapters (6)
Oh, a new story! But when will you be updating Bar Scen?
4243461 i got stuck on bar scene, i need to find a good pony song for Aj and Flutters to sing drunk and i am no good at writing songs
4243471
Didn't the song I gave you helpe? What shall we do with the drunken sailor? I can resend it if you want to.
4243688 Oh yes! I completely forgot about that! I'm sorry
4243694
NP
I'll resend it tonight or tomorrow! (It's 19:25 here) ;)
4243698 Looks forward to it, thanks
I'll get back to that story this weekend then
4243710
Sounds great!
4244166 is that a good whao?
4244827 Here's my reaction:
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/462654__safe_solo_animated_discord_season+4_spoiler-colon-s04_drama+in+the+comments_3d+glasses.gif
4243774
OhMyGosh I got to this fanfic just by clicking around and when I look at the comments I see you! so this is what you have been talking about all of the time...
4255214 what's he been talking about?
4255218
! she never stops talking about helping people with their fanfics and let me tell you she has talked a lot about this one 
(I know her irl)
helping you silly
4255226 well, this is my first time writing a fic like this. What did you think by the way? Also, i believe Kream is referring to another fic that he helped me get a song for called Bar scene
4255241
Maybe... I have not read this fic yet (I usually go and look at the comments before I read a fanfic just to know if I should read it or not but this fic is definitely a reader!)
4255260 oh thank you, i hope you enjoy
This is a pretty good little story, but the grammar could use a little bit of work.
4257468
4257664
Never you fear, Adrenaline is here and on the case!
You can check my credentials on my home page to see what fics I've helped out with.
4257468 Thanks and i hope you stick around for more, I have a fantastic writer helping my with my edits and grammar and giving me great pointers.
My thoughts: Competent, but with room for improvement.
What I liked: The story was interesting, even if it wasn't my usual fare and I managed to reach the end with no real problems. The characters were engaging and the story was believable. I especially liked the musicians, they made the city seem much more believable and vibrant.
What I didn't like: There were quite a few grammar errors here and there that distracted from my enjoyment of the story. You're also using one word when you mean another quite a bit, I suggest you get that looked at, an example would be when you typed 'isle' whilst meaning 'aisle'. It's not a big thing, but it's distracting. Cover art. Your cover is probably the first thing that people notice about your story, and I have to say your cover art made me a little more apprehensive than I should have been. I'm not trying to take a stab at your artistic skill, I'm just saying that you should probably either use a stock image or else find an artist to draw you a front cover, if you're just starting out then most will give you a discount. Another thing that bugged me, maybe it's just a little thing but it's something that I picked out, people who use a given pattern of speech will not copy that speech into their letters.
What could be improved: As above, you can fix your grammar errors, maybe get a second proof-reader to go through your story looking for bits and bobs and possibly get a new front cover, though that's up to you. Another option, if you drew those characters yourself, would be to hand draw your front cover and then scan it in, or else just draw your front cover.
Given your story has just started out, I'll reserve judgement, although I am looking at it favorably. It looks pretty interesting, I got emotionally involved with the characters so in that regard you succeeded. Good job, have a like, favorite and watch.
4255269
I just finished reading your fanfic and I loved it!
a favorite and a follow to you!
4258293 Thanks bunches
I'm happy you liked it so much 
thanks for reading
You've done a really nice job capturing the atmosphere of the city. Honeybun strikes me as being just a little generic, but she is just full of potential at this point. You're quite good at characterization. Overall, this is a great setup.
Just quickly, I'd like to point out some issues with organization.
I hope we meet again to. She thought to herself returning to her seat. No sooner than as she sat down, the train whistled and chugged to a crawl before stopping completely. Looking out the window, she could see the expansive cityscape stretch out before her eyes. It was immense, it was amazing. 'It's beautiful! This is it. The city where all my dreams will come true. With eye burning with strength and optimism, she stepped back into the isle and proceeded down towards the exit. My future is here, I can just feel it!
You have a few ideas going on in this paragraph, and it feels like you're just rushing for the finish line. Here's how I would have handled this part:
I hope we meet again to. She thought to herself returning to her seat. No sooner than as she sat down, the train whistled and chugged to a crawl before stopping completely. Looking out the window, she could see the expansive cityscape stretch out before her eyes.
It was immense.
It was amazing.
'It's beautiful! This is it. The city where all my dreams will come true. With eye burning with strength and optimism, she stepped back into the isle and proceeded down towards the exit. My future is here, I can just feel it!
Sections like these can really be milked for emotional impact.
And what are you talking about, "not getting a lot of attention"? You're getting plenty of feedback!
4279444 Thanks for the feed back and I'm really glad you like my story so far
Sorry if the "Not getting much attention." thing rubbed you the wrong way, i got most of the feed back after i said this though. Most of my stories get a verdict on good or bad pretty fast so i guess i was just used to that and made me a little impatient. Thanks to everyone who commented and told me what they thought i know my future chapters will be better off for it, and thanks to you as well
I hope you continue reading and enjoy the rest of my story
You know, it says I'm the pre-reader. Perhaps I should start doing what it says I'm supposed to do again. I kinda fell out on you last time. You want me to try again?
4558731 Sure, if you don't mind
This is absolutely amazing, you simply MUST finish this!!
A very good read. A very good read indeed,