• Member Since 13th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

Punsz


E
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A short story about Spike, Rarity and their daughter Claire (Crystal Clarity) with a little bit of family fun and a little bit of other. This is more like single short story with just some sparity family fun.

This story is based off the awesome art of Kilala97.
http://kilala97.deviantart.com/article/Late-Night-Errands-With-Mom-417311116
I don't own Crystal Clair, she belongs to kilala69

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 26 )

Promising, but this needs to be edited quite heavily. Get a pre or proofreader.

Cute story. I like it. Best of luck with the next one.

4243125 I agree with you.

It felt like either some words were missing, or there just run-on sentences, though not very many. All-in-all, very good story with lots of feels.

Can u write more stores abut crystal clarity

4243486 hmm yea reading over i do see a few things thanks for telling and yea sorry dont really have anytome to usually proofread stuff

4243727 it's fine. If you want, if I, not swamped in work, I'd be happy to proofread your paper.

I can give you my email if you want.

4243740 ph that would be very helpful im still trying to improve my work it would helpful if you could

Seems like I shall be jumping on the bandwagon in saying cute story, iffy execution. Mostly grammar and spelling. Bread instead of breed, arens instead of errands, and so on. However, you can teach or learn spelling and such, heart takes a little more effort, and you have that going on. Doesn't hurt that Claire is adorable all on her own.

4243812 oh the minor yea i usually write late at night i kinda dont pay attention half the time

4243762 I'll do what I can.

Here's my email if you need it:

brian@walshfest.com

Comment posted by ajvasquezbrony28 deleted Apr 17th, 2014

4243812 Thanks for pointing those out

Please edit this.

Other than that, cute lil' story. :twilightsmile:

god these stories are my kryptonite.

This is a nice story — but with a little bit of editing, this could be even better. :twilightsmile:

Nice story and I do love the artwork :pinkiehappy:

4253480 thanks if you want to see more of that art check kilala69 on deviantart her work is amazing

Now these are the type of stories I enjoy. :twilightsmile:

- Claire is sooooo cute!:yay:

Unless his scales have gotten thinner with growing up, or Rarity has been working on raw power, the bit with the towel doesn't seem to make sense.

It also ends a bit abruptly, but I guess that is OK.

"It's not an IT,Creature or MONSTER ,I Fumed it's my child.":raritycry: "The bill has been doubbled!":raritywink:

Personally I would've just cancelled that clients order, especially after constantly calling Claire "It".

Good story BTW.:pinkiehappy:

Pure dawwwwwww

So cute; I love this! :heart:

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