My little Short Stories 2- Paradise Edition

by Paradise Oasis

Teddy the Terrible

Teddy the Terrible

Hey scuzz brains, what're you punks doing on my turf? Ohhh, you came over to this side of Coltonville to ask about me, huh? Yeah, I guess I really am that awesome! I'm sure you've all heard of me, Teddy Graham, the blue colt who's cooler than an ice cube? Yeah, my comb cutie mark is better than anything on these other loser's flanks, and I've got the most stylin mane in school, and every pony wishes they were me!

Ya know, I can't believe how many ponies in this town are such horrible losers. Stupid little colts and mares who go about thier stupid little lives, not realizing how pointless are of their stupid little stuff they think is so important really is. Sooo, I decided, as a little foal, to show them just how much they suck. And so, I decided to start playing tricks on them- ya know, since they're all so stupid and all. And oh man, you wouldn't believe some of the crazy stunts I've pulled on these dumb ponies!

It's so much fun enlightening these morons, taking their stuff and playin ' keep away, starting fights with all the colts- you know, the usual. Like when I took Miss Hackney's chocolate shake out of her lunch, and poured ex-lax into it and put it back. Oh man, you should've seen the look on her face when she kept having to run to the bathroom between lessons! Or the time I stole Jing-a-ling and Ting-a-ling's ice cream cones, and ate both right in front of em'. Man, can those little kids cry really loud when stuff they don't like happens!

Yeah, I have a pretty cool life here in Coltonville, hangin ' around with my best buds, Ace and Lancer. Those guys are alright, though I gotta put em' in their place sometimes. Lancer's always been really smart, and he think's he's all that cause he's better at school stuff than I am. And Ace might be really good and soccer and sports, but I can still kick his butt any day of the week. Those two can be real suckers sometimes, lettin' the girls turn thier heads like that. Those fillies have those two eatin out of their hooves sometimes, and it's up to me to knock some sense back into em' every now and then.

And speaking of the girls... yeah, Starlight and her little brat pack. Damn, why do I even put up with those seven. I mean, I know we grew up with em' and all, but that's no reason to put up with those little tramps the way we do. First there's Melody, a spoiled brat who thinks she's the star of everything, and treats all of the ponies around her like they aren’t worthy to lick the fertilizer off her hooves. Really, I don't know why the other girls put up with her. Bon Bon's a fat little pig, always stuffing her ugly face with donuts and cakes and other crud. It's a wonder she doesn't get diabetes or have a heart attack or something. Actually, it would be kinda funny if she sat her flat flank in a chair and broke it, hah!

The others aren't much better. Patch is a really annoying little witch, though I do like how she can play tricks almost as good as me. Clover's so clutzy I'm shocked she's doesn't fall on her freakin' face, though she's got a really hot older sister. (I can personally vouch for that- watched Medowlark take a shower through her window, and damn that mare's finer than a porno!) Yeah, and Bright Eyes is just as much a know at all as Lancer is- I swear, those two should just go off somewhere behind the school and buck each other's eyeballs out- wait, that would make a whole bunch more of those brainy brats populating the earth. So yeah, flank that!

These girls are so much fun to pull crud on... you wouldn't believe how much fun it is to shove their faces into the desert table at lunch, you wouldn't believe how funny it is to see strawberry cream filling all over Bright Eyes's face. Or the time I let a whole case of army ants into Patch's house when they were having a slumber party- you shoulda seen those screaming fillies come running out of the house scratching around over the place. Or even when I threw that box of tacks onto the ground outside Starlight's soda shop. It was hilarious seeing all seven of em' hopping around and screaming with about their hooves hurting. Totally funny man, I wish you coulda been there!

But the best gag I ever pulled was at the pool party they had at Melody's house last summer. The whole school had come over to celebrate the end of tenth grade, and there was a lot of snacks, dancing, and games. Ace snuck a case of hard cider into the party, and we slipped it into the punch. Boy, you should've seen how crazy the fillies acted after dowing a buncha glasses of that stuff! Melody jumped up on the table and started singing off key, and Patch and Bon Bon started swinging from the chandelier! Lancer had to be a prude and stop his precious Bight Eyes from touchin' the stuff. But we still got the treat of watching Clover and Starlight dance the mare-carena out by the pool before jumping into the water together.

But the one thing I didn't expect was the way Sweetheart began looking at me that night. Sweets has always been an okay pony- she's been a good friend, and always kept my secrets. I try to play a lot less mean tricks on her than I do on her friends, but sometimes she ends up getting hurt, too. I've always had a soft spot for that chick But the weird eyes Sweetheart was giving me... I ain't never seen anythin' like that before. So I was really wierded out when that filly led me back to Meldoy's spare room, and began waving her white flank with that pink heart cutie mark at me.

Then, before I could figure out what was going on, I felt her mouth up against mine. And oh wow the fireworks exploded in my head then! The pink maned doll ripped my sunglasses off, and pushed me back down onto the bed. Oh good gravy, I'd never scored like that before, but that girl showed me stuff that night that I'd never even seen in my entire life! Fortunately, Ace was nearby with his dad's camcorder at the time, and got all the girls acting drunk and stupid on tape! And when I saw it the next day, I got the most awesome idea for a prank ever!

On the first day of school next year, Ace and I decided to give all the kids in school quite an awesome show! We bullied Lancer into comandeering the TV's in every classroom , and wow did all the students get an eyeful when we played the video! The whole school got to see those six acting like drunk morons on tape! Oh yeah, it was a major pain when Starlight's little herd of girls ganged up and beat the tar out of Ace and I, and then tossed us into the dumpster behind the school . But it was so worth the high hooves I got from all the other colts from pullin that prank. I'm kinda glad I made Ace ditch the footage of sweetheart an' me from the video, though. Puttin' that up just woulda been too wrong, even for me. Her friends still aren't too happy with us, though*Sigh* I guess I'll never understand girls

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this little lesson in my awesomeness. Oh, and if you ever hear any gossip about me having a teddy bear, just ignore it. Cause if I ever hear you saying anything bad about me, I swear I'll kick your sorry flank all over Coltonville!

Comments

[La Vallett1]

As much a troublemaker as the UK version of Dennis the Menace.

[BureYaAkili]

Holy tit bags.
I literally want to beat respect into that swaggott.

I usually am nice and peaceful.
But really, with how self centered he is,
I wouldn't regret paralyzingly hiM

[FleetlordAvatar]

This guys is the type you just want to duct tape to the ceiling.

[TheFanficFanPony]

Diamond Tiara yelled at Featherweight as he trotted quickly out, shouting something about juicy stuff goin' on around Coltonville.

As Featherweight looked at all the houses and grungy streets, a particular blue stallion caught his eye. Quickly he hid in one of the alleyways, took out his camera, and started snapping.

Oh, Tiara was going to eat this up...