• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen June 15th

Cyan rainbow


T
Source

I have never liked my queen. The way she has always kept us in this pathetic excuse for a home, never allowing us to see the life of the outside world. Why do we have to live in this disgusting hive? Why not in the fresh air and beautiful forests? I despise the way she has always ruined the lives of other races just for us to feed and thrive. There must be another way through, and I will find it before she goes through with her final scheme. I will be in eternal regret if she succeeds in this plan.

I will stop her.

No matter the cost.

AN: a huge thanks to GuyWithAmp for editing and the awesome cover art.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 48 )

Very nice, time for rogue changeling!

Err a little obvious about his orgins

so he is a hybrid i guess..............

4246571 yeah I figured... Sorry about that. My first time writing, I guess I'm not good at hiding stuff. I'll try to improve it for the future. Thanks for the note.

4246613 not bad for a first start though. i do have some advice though as you progress through the story.
narrative is the servant of its characters. to tell a story right you need to have a grasp of the characters. else they end up acting and behaving differently than they should. that includes your oc here and the characters of the show.

the most common mistake fanfiction ever makes. it does kinda limit you, needing to take note of the bheavior of the characters, but it can help in keeping a certain amount of quality.

i see MAJOR potential in this story the first chapter drew me in and kept me in i can't wait for the next chapter just one request...please don't ever cancel this story

4246670 thank you for the advice. I will keep it in mind, especially when staying in character :twilightsmile: seriously, thanks.

4246701 I never thought this would turn out as good as it has so far-it's only been an hour and a half since posting but people seem to like it so far :twilightsmile: I don't have a specific update schedule but I'll do my best. But I will not post a chapter for the sake of posting one-I want to make sure they have quality, even if that makes them take longer to come out. I hope you're ok with this :fluttershysad:

4246788 of course i am ok with it take all the time you need i am patient heck i am still waiting patiently for the next chapter of another persons story 3 Months and counting quality over speed is what i say :rainbowdetermined2:

That last part made it a little obvious yeah.........:rainbowkiss:

4269528 do not worry my good proofreader, I have no intention of doing so. chapter 2 is up :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Cyan rainbow deleted Apr 21st, 2014
Comment posted by Cyan rainbow deleted Apr 21st, 2014

Ignore the deleted comments, I was confused about posting is all :twilightsmile:

Glad to see the update! I do agree it is a tad rushed, but I'm interested to see what happens next. :twilightsmile:

4273781 I'm glad you liked it :twilightsmile: I haven't decided where to go yet, but I'm working on it. I do find pacing to be the hardest thing when writing though. :moustache:

So many questions!

Why does Chrysalis take Locust back into her quarters to answer his objection instead of answering it in front of the entire hive? Surely others who aren't so bold/stupid as him would still like some kind of reason. And that reason may well be making a messy example of him. Which, again, is better done with an audience so that she doesn't have to repeat herself.

More to the point, why is she putting up with this crap? If she's concerned he might do something, it would seemingly be easy enough to seal him up in one of those ubiquitous pods - or an ordinary jail cell - rather than letting him roam free to make mischief.

Even more to the point, why is Locust even here? If he loves the Ponies so much - to the point of being willing to sabotage his entire species' prosperity - why hasn't he left ages ago? If he can't leave and has never left, than how can he revere the Ponies who he could never have met? What's his source of information?

4292031 those are good questions, half of which I was going to answer later and half of which I never even thought about :derpytongue2: I'll keep this in mind to answer later, thank you for pointing out the plot holes :twilightsmile:

personally i thing you did an awesome job trusting your intuition and not adding more to the chapter when you thought that it wouldn't benefit from it so i say it again AWESOME JOB

Good chapter! I'm glad the advice worked! :twilightsmile:

A great chapter of a wonderful story. Thank you so much for writing it.

Wow.... Unexpected! I love that! :twilightsmile:

its awesome you have great potential:twilightsmile:

4429209
4429493
4273781
Thank you three especially along with everyone else who has favourited or liked for your support throughout this story :twilightsmile: I stand by what I said that I am surprised at how well it is doing. I don't have much free time today due to graduation commencement, though I have the day tomorrow off, so maybe I could work on the story more then :twilightsmile:

I did NOT see that one coming :twilightoops:
Great plot-twist :twilightsmile:

Good that you made it only real dire situation because making him overpowered would do very bad to story

4430899 yeah that's exactly what I was thinking :twilightsmile:

4431118
I can say its still not enough drawback but for plot progress sake I can deal with it.
But still you can make it more clear that what he did had very big cost like he can't move without any pain (like HUGE sores after hard work)

4431293 yeah I will. Thank you for the advice

Ooh, this is getting good! :moustache: At this point, if Celestia knows about the upcoming invasion, an AU tag is needed.

4435859 ok thank you. I wasn't sure about that, I suck with tags :rainbowwild:

Aw another dislike. Ah well, ya win some ya lose some, can't please everyone. Anyway, I should start working on chapter 5 soon, getting the craving to write again and I have it planned :twilightsmile:

4729941 I'm having trouble with the new chapter. I know where I'm going, but having trouble not making potholes and other things like that. Can you assist some time? I've made some progress on chapter 5 but I feel it may go faster if I get some assistance with executing the plot. Please :fluttershysad:

i want you to know i never gave up on you and never will
when i follow a story i don't stop until its either finished or cancelled so you don't have to worry about that
awesome chapter by the way

5220403 thanks I guess I don't have to be worried about uni getting in the way. Seriously, I appreciate it :twilightsmile:

5220413 no problem i know things take time and that amount of time can vary from hours to years even as long as you do your best and don't force inspiration all will turn out well i have followed a couple good stories that after a year of no updates pops out another wonderful chapter and it makes it all the while so yeah. know that i am rooting for you
~dawn seeker the unicorn adventurer

Glad to see this was updated. :twilightsmile: Take as much time as you need with the next chapter! This one was great! Just needs a tiny bit of polishing for a few grammar things, nothing big. :)

5360638 alright thanks :twilightsmile: I usually go over it myself as well as get my pre reader to go over it after I finish for grammar errors, but I haven't gotten my proofreader to go over this one yet. Also It's good to have you back :ajsmug: I missed your comments for some reason.

5361305

You're welcome. That's no problem; it still was a great read. :twilightsmile: And I missed you too! It's good to be back! :)

5361313
4269528
4247106
4247064
4246670
4246563
I'm very sorry if any of you did not wish to be tagged :fluttershyouch:, it's just not many people read blogs and I don't know how else to show this. Let me know for the future if you do not like it. http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/536256/locust-oc-comission-and-no-matter-the-cost-update

WOW its been a LONG time since the last update good chapter though

6448799 thanks :twilightsmile: and yeah. As I said in the AN, university SUUUUUCKS

6448974
so uh
where's that next chapter?

10800111
I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever finish this at this point. Progress has been slow, and I’ve decided to both fully finish all remaining chapters and rewrite early chapters to better reflect my current writing skill before updating it. I’ve decided to not post anything in the future either unless it’s fully complete and revised. EMR and paramedic schooling and related work can get insanely busy at times.

If it’s not done within the next few months, I’ll probably just cancel it and work on the slice of life one I started instead. This story was my very first attempt at creative writing outside school, and I was young and unexperienced when I first started it in late 2012/early 2013 to say the least. At least compared to now.

10809051
If you DO cancel it, can you:
1) either let it go for adoption, as in someone else to continue
or
2) write down a summaty of how the story was supposed to go?

Thanks, you at least communicate, WAY more than some other people do...

10809221
Absolutely. I might be willing to do both, as I mostly know where I want it to go. I apologize for any late replies I give. I don’t spend much time on fimfiction like I used to, but I try to let people know what’s going on these days.

10809334
Well, if you give it for adoption you should only show script to those who want to write it. At least make them hidden. I wouldn't want to accidentaly spoil the story for myself is someone decides to write it to completion. However, if you decide to leave the story as your own, then you can add a chapter with a quick review on how it should have gone. Keep creating, I hope that you'll finish the story yourself.

10809434
Thanks, I’ll keep this in mind. You have some good points.

Login or register to comment