• Published 16th Apr 2014
  • 4,034 Views, 103 Comments

Your Resident Insane Doctor - The_Machinist



Nein! Who would have thought that the staff was capable of inter-dimensional travel?! I digress... I did not trust these ponies, nor will I ever, not after Celestia's... Reaction...

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I ran out of chapter names

(Richtofen’s POV 1,024 years ago)
“OOOOOHHHHH SHIIIIITBRIIIIIICKSS! OW MY FUCKING KNEES!” I landed hard on my knees on some kind of wood, I fucking hate wood now. My staff was in on hand and the colt was holding onto my other arm and the colt appeared to be safe, but mostly traumatized.

“That was so cool! Can we do it again? What’s your name?”

I was tasked with answering a barrage of questions from the colt now, but I decided to let him wait for that. “My name is Jerrrrrichtofen! Doctor Edward Richtofen, but you can just call me Richtofen if you’d like.” I chuckled nervously. If I was the good ol’ doctor then I might as well adopt his name. I suppose I was public enemy no.1 of the horses at the moment.

“Oh cool, you’re a doctor! My name is Sapphire Star!” The colt sent a beaming smile my way. I responded with a grin of my own.
I shook my head and looked around at our surroundings, but before we had to go anywhere I had to put this rambunctious blue colt on the ground. After setting the colt on the ground and picking myself up, we had found out that we had landed in a settlement called Ridgeville. Courtesy of the sign outside of the town of course.

“What are you a doctor of?” The colt was asking question after question as we walked further into town.

“Well… I have a doctorate in psychology and a doctorate in engineering, but I was a Major General for the Wehrmacht and I was the co-leading scientist for Group 935 which specialized in working with Element 115 which!” I gasped. I had no idea where this information was coming from, but I’m not going to stop soon. I pulled out her ay gun and showed it to the foal, who was watching with wide eyes. “Powers MY BABY!” I yelled that out like a fucking lunatic.

Maybe I was.

(Richtofen’s POV Present Day)

I waited for my creations to come up out of the ground. I heard the moans, but none were digging themselves up. Finally after ten minutes of waiting and mouth gaping, a bloody hoof popped out of the ground, followed by another hoof. This former Lunar Guardspony was now a zombie, courtesy of element 115. I had perfected the zombification process so that they would not attack unless I said so.

The rest of him popped out of the ground. He looked like a bloody, zombified bat pony wearing rusty, purple, steel armor. The gem at the center of his chestplate was now glowing a fiery red and his eyes a sickening yellow. This zombie was followed by three more, leaving four zombified lunar guards at my disposal.

I turned back to the ponies. Many of them were throwing up, but the rest were gaping in shock. Celestia had a look of horror on her face while the six mares who tried to stop me were looking brain dead at the whole situation. Even Miss Hyper, whose hair seemed to have gone straight.

“Now then. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.” I smiled at Celestia and started walking towards her. Celestia backed away as I advanced. I stopped in my tracks and frowned. “Who would have thought that sun-butt here would be afraid of me? Surely none of you would have thought that?” I paused to look around at the guards and ponies. Apparently one guard decided that he was brave enough to try and attack me. I saw the incoming spear at the last second and side-stepped it.

The spear flew directly into the eye of one of the zombified guards with a sickening ‘SPLUT’. The spear slid out, along with the glowing eye. I just laughed at the whole situation.

“I never wanted trouble, Celly. I only wanted peace while I stayed here in Equestria, but it appears that I am now in a great deal of trouble. Reanimating an army of the undead all those years ago was an accident, but what followed wasn’t. It was merely a study of my field. I am a doctor, right?” I winked at her.

“Alas, I must move on. Take care Celest-OOF!” I flew forwards as something hit my back, landing on the ground just in front of Celestia, whom looked down upon me while smiling.

She looked back up to the pony that had tackled me. I muttered curses under my breath. Nothing had gone the way I wanted it to go. “NEIN! I WILL LIVE!” I quickly took hold of my staff and switched it to wind. I then pounded it on the ground; this whisked me away to where I wanted to go, leaving my enemies and four unconventional allies behind.

(Celestia’s POV 1,024 years ago)
The throne room doors burst open once more as Storm Hoof rushed in, this time with a disgruntled look on his face.

“Report Storm Hoof, have you apprehended the vandalist?” It’s obvious that he didn’t. Not that it was important.

“No your majesty. We do know more about him though.” He had a hopeful look on his face. I motioned for him to continue. “He isn’t a pony, but he appears to be a strange hairless monkey wearing what looks to be a military uniform. If the decorations on his jacket are any sign at least, it appears that he is a General. It looks like he kidnapped a blue colt, which we identified as Sapphire Star, who ran away from the Canterlot orphanage, and he had some sort of red weapon that was shooting green balls of energy.”
His face contorted into one of worry. “He managed to escpae with some kind of staff. They just turned to mist and whisked off, into the clouds.”

I sighed and facehooved. This job was stressful as Tartarus. “Thank you dear subject... You are dismissed back to your duties.”

Storm Hoof bowed and made his way out of the throne room.

“Tia. Dost thou believe this creature to be a threat?” Luna looked to me with worry in her eyes.

“He might be a General where he comes from, but nothing foalnaps my little ponies." Her eyes danced with fire."NOTHING.”

(Richtofen’s POV 1,024 years ago)

“I wish I was as cool as you Doctor Richtofen. I wish I had met anypony that was as cool as you, but I have never seen anything like you so I’m not sure if your kind are like this.” Sapphire Star hugged my leg while I was leaning back on a bench.
Truth be told, I liked the little guy. He was just the most awesome thing. If I could ever have a kid, it would be just like this foal. I already kinda did take responsibility for this foal when I let him join the ride with the staff, but I didn’t mind him one bit. I still did miss my friends and family back home. I wonder what became of Steve…

(Steve’s POV)

“Why is a horse the queen of the land of ponies! Why! How did I end up here! Where is Frank?! Where is Eddie?! Where is everybody!?” Steve looked around at his green surroundings. “Where is everybody?!”

“You’re fucking high, you dipshit!” Steves head was smacked. He opened his eyes, he was laying on a couch with a bong on his lap.

“Oh yeah… Right…”

(Richtofen’s POV 1,024 years ago)

Oh well. I guess we’ll never know what happened to good ol’ Steve, but at least I have this foal here to keep me company for the rest of my days, but I have no home here. I scratched my chin in thought. “Perhaps I should build a laboratory. Or house. Or mansion. Or bunker. Why not all four?!” I laughed to myself.

“What’re you gonna do mister Richtofen?”

“Nothing my good friend, we’re just going to build a home for the two of us. It’s a good thing that I was taking woodshop.” I chuckled to myself again. “Then again, I’m sure I can do wonders with all the knowledge of engineering in this COMPLETELY INSANE head of mine!”

The foal stared at me with worry. “I’ll just say that I am a tad bit crazy or something... It really wouldn’t surprise me if I was. I have seen some crazy stuff, stuff that you shouldn’t be exposed to mister foal.”

“Hey! I’m a big colt, I can handle whatever you throw at me!” Oh really, you blue ball of pony?

“Porn. More specifically, bondage. Also, dry wank master race.”

“What’s that?”

After several minutes of screaming and crying I managed to describe bondage in great detail to a foal. “Congratulations!”

“Why do you look at that stuff?!” The foal was sniffling.

I shrugged. “It’s pretty hot.”

Author's Note:

DRY WANK MASTER RACE.