I write for fun xX and rememger to smile :)
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Twilight was just a normal alicorn princess, until Sea Breezie is sad about his family not wanting to go home, so he asks Twilight out for an afternoon on the coast.
(This time I drewtthe picture by myself on Tux Paint. i tryed a sketchy style from then what Im used to. :) tell Me what you thank)
UPDATE: GUYS! Check out this animated reading from banquo0 https://youtu.be/uerkflu8GyI I super love it <3 please show your suppot
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The art looks rather...bad, to put it bluntly.
Dat Cover Art.
Also, this should have an AU tag.
Dat cover art......
1) Twilight's characterization is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY off.....
Wtf? 
hell, the TITLE makes no sense 
(Frozen) 
2) "Twilight stopped by Flubbershy's homestead and saw millions of breezes in her house eating a tea party."
*Fluttershy's
*breezies EATING a tea party......wut
3) This story is TOO. FAST! SLOW THE EVENTS DOWN!
4) It says that Sea Breeze asked Twilight on a date, but to find out that he WAKES UP ON DA BEACH! Twilight NEVER ASKS HIM ANYTHING!
5) Applejack and Sea Breeze's character makes no sense
6) Elsa: "You can't just marry someone who JUST MET."
7) This story confuses me.
8) This story confuses me.
9) This story confuses me.
10) THIS STORY CONFUSES ME!
GURL! I can see this has potential....sorta.....maybe.....kinda......ok, maybe not
And characterization is one MAJOR part of any good story....(not saying that my stories r good 
) Twilight's a bookworm, not a gangster! I don't hear her saying 'man'...that's like, WAAAAAYYYYY below her character...i can hear rainbow say it but not Twilight 
And didn't the breezies go back to their homeland, so WHY. THE. HELL. are they in Flutter's house???? 
And how are Celestia, Luna, Cadence, her parents, Shining Amor, The rest of the mane six, Spike, and EVERYONE ELSE gonna react to her being a breezy! I mean, CMON! How would u feel of a recently coronated princess just out of NO WHERE turned into a breezy and is gonna rule Equestria while being a FRIGGIN BREEZY! SHE'LL GET STOMPED!
But, you gotta fix ur mistakes! I don't get how Flutters would be THAT social....i mean knock knock, LOL, ;)..... Seriously?
I don't wanna sound mean, but this story is getting my thumbs down...
You can rewrite it, with all the mistakes, fixed, that I mentioned (I stink with commas 
) and probably, it would get more......great
And...uh....I don't wanna sound again rude, but the cover art kinda scares me a little.....
)
So, uhh....hope u take my very awkward advice and fix this.....PLZ......
(Shoot.....why don't I ever fix my mistakes for my 'stories'
Somehow I doubt anyone did any editing for this story as you so claim.
4250236 agree with ya mister
Yah know, at this point, I'm pretty sure that you're a troll writer. Just saying, that's the impression I'm getting here.
4250236 no I had my friend do the diting. it Was all up to her. :/
4250195 thank yu for your criteecuing (sorry i can't spell that @__@)) of my story I know Im pretty bad but Im improving form the last ones at least you know?
4250339 ya lotta peple think so. :/
Just a quick question if I may, how old are you? And is English your native language?
4251376 Im 15, highschool drop--out, and yea I speak english, oh, and I love MLP ;)
4251390 Oh, okay then, and who does the art for your stories?
4251398 Usually it is one of my friends i used to go to go school with, but now we are just friends. yeha this time i tried drawing it
4251418 Okay then.
I'll give it to you straight on what I think about your writing.
I sincerely advise you to take further English lectures before writing a solid story to publish out onto the public media. It is quite evident that the vast majority of people at FIMfiction do not like the stories you publish. I would see that as a red flag for you to take a step back and study about grammar and spelling. Not only that, but you also need to stick with the canon characterization of characters, especially the Mane 6. People also do not favor a badly placed plug in of an original character, so I suggest avoiding that as well. Having an editor is great, but your writing should already be readable before even handing it to your proofreaders and editors. I'm 15 myself and I admit I have a long way to go, heck, I'm not even in the Western countries, but to have English as your main dialect? I really advice studying more. I suggest you take pointers and tips from other authors around here or even the internet in general. Also, the art. The art is not pleasant and I advice to either improve it, or drop it all together.
Please understand that I do not want to degrade you, I simply want you to write much better so that FIMfiction can have another author that this site can be proud of.
If however, this is just a troll account, please read this next set of lines and disregard my note above:
Fellow chap, don't you have anything better to do with your time?
4251519 yeah but i hischool dropout i cant get English lessons no more. I used to
Obvious troll is obvious. Seriously dude no one can be that bad in English in fact the last troll to use horrible spelling was the chick who wrote my immortal the infamous harry potter trollfic.
4252241 Oh I do a troll fic once it wasnt published though :(
If yuo want i can gibe you linck.
4252241 oh here it is got it just 4 You
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/179588/apirl-fool-story
Injoy
4252779 nice XD
4251644
Even as a high school dropout your grammar is...unusually terrible. I had better English than you in third grade.
However, can I ask why you dropped out?
4253191 I drop out because i didn't like school anymore. i wasnt getting anywhear in popolarity and i'd getting bullied because i liked ponies so my mom said i could drop out. Yeah.
4253333
Ummmm...wow.
School isn't about popularity...
But just so you know, most communities offer various classes for people no longer in school. Even if they don't, libraries can help immensely.
I hope you at least get your GED
4253333 There are online sites that can tell you how grammar works, but your main problem is spelling. Find an online dictionary, comrade.
Also, I know you're proud of your art, so am I whenever I draw, but I'd recommend using other people's art instead. Try deviantart.com for quality art.
Also, find another editor. Preferably within this site. If what I see from the comments holds true in the story, your editor is not much better off than yourself.
Good luck with your adventure, comrade.
Oh god. It's looking at me!
It iz biutifool!
4251200 yea....I think 0_o
*critique
Anyways, ur welcome ^_^
4251390 Wait, why are you a highschool dropout?
4255856 cause I was super bullied yeahn
4258175 ...
First:
Twilight stopped by FLUBBERSY's homestead
Second:
Breezies in her house EATING a tea party.
Third:
He's having a panic attack because he wants to go to bed but it's not his bedtime and he's socially awkward."
Fourth:
Twilight picked Sea Breezie up with her magical alicorn magic and Sea Breezie BROKE HIS LEG in the process. It was a accident, though. So it's okay.
Sixth:
BRAIN CANT PROCESS
Seventh:
BRAIN CANT PROCESS
4260415 lol yeah there were some grammer erors in it
love ur story dont listen to haters
Flubbershy is best flubber.s3.amazonaws.com/bronibooru/a4662d2b2825b7ee8130c42935b72667.png
I find the comment section on your stories rather funny, because people think you're actually being serious about this whole thing. They act like you're stupid, but the only ones stupid here is them for not knowing the obvious.
I am going to attempt to point out all the problems I can find.
This is going to be the death of me.
Night*
Is this supposed to be Fluttershy answering the door?
And... Emoticons.
Don't ever do emoticons in stories.
I'm not exactly sure if the 'Even though Fluttershy doesn't have a cat' part is necessary
Run-on sentences
Also, 'Twilight's body rejected it'
Lolwut
Flutter is still OOC, and what does 'Looked shipped' even mean?
Twilight is OOC
1) That doesn't sound like something Seabreeze would do at ALL (Also it's Seabreeze, not Sea Breezie, unless I'm thinking of the wrong character)
2) Flutters is OOC, again
3) 'Silly, I don't have hands' The parts with Twi saying hands, and Flutters pointing it out, are unnecessary
The heck does this even mean?
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/666/_57c8a1a431a592af806925e57258202f.png
Suddenly, Seabreeze is an 'It'
Run on sentence, again.
'And Fluttershy didn't like him because he cried too much.' (I don't think I need to mention the problem with that statement)
OOC Fluttershy
What.
'The Hood'?
Who's saying what here?
I'm going to attempt to show all the problems with this.
(But seriously, that makes no sense as well)
'His blood was a crimson rainbow' That makes no sense.
'She took one year of medical college' If their human counterpart's ages in EQG are anything to go by, the Mane 6 are only Teenagers. Although that's just my headcanon.
'Twilgight' *Twilight
'The only water that would work was the one from ocean and sea because of Sea Breezie. It was even in his name.' But his name is Seabreeze
'work was the one from ocean' Incorrect grammar.
'That's how he got.' I think you mean, That's how he got his name.
'When she was a baby, he got that scar on his face and had to wash it in the ocean.' When she was a baby, he got that scar. (I think you can see the issue)
'Twilight read this in a article and knew about it.' An article on what? The internet?
If Twi has a thing for Italians, then why does she get mad?
Also, why does Twi have a thing for Italians?
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/666/_57c8a1a431a592af806925e57258202f.png
Also, just remove the word Riptide alltogether
I'm not sure what to say about that. Just remove it altogether.
Twilight almost drowned him, but it was an accident so it was okay.
I don't... I'm not sure I can continue reading this. It hurts my brain.
Is Twi suddenly a rapper?
You don't say count: 3
Flubbershy: '"Silly, I don't have Toes'
I'm not even sure what to say to anything in this story without repeating something I've said previously.
Also, Circle*
Remove 'And she was awake'
This is possibly the only in character line for Anyone in the entire story.
Seabreeze is awfully blunt, and happy about it to it seems.
Also, Twilight*
Random Toy Story reference that makes no sense whatsoever considering the current situation.
Mane Six name misspell count: 4
To quote coolrose60
Elsa: You can't marry someone you just met!
Mane 6 misspell count: 5
To many periods. Also, Twilight should sign up for the awkwardly long winking competition.
1)Worm Lover. Is this on purpose?
2) Pegasus*
3) I'm not sure who you're referring to half of the time, because you seem to be constantly mixing up he and she.
So let me get this straight. Twilight Sparkle, the princess of friendship, personal protege of the nicest ruler in all of Equestria, Bearer of the Element of Magic, just said that.
Also, capitalize Twilight.
Mane Six Misspell count: 6
Two seconds ago: "Oh," said twilight. "Well, too bad."
Another unnecessary reference.
So if he breaks a leg from magic, does he die from a hug?
Also, Seabreeze*
1)No humans in Equestria.
2) You call him fat twice.
3) If 'Kati' doesn't like him for his possesion of a BBQ sauce packet, then why does she say that what's inside that counts?
4) Stuffies
5) Missing quotation mark at the end
You don't need to repeat that the ocean is big.
We get it.
What.
I can't help but wonder if Twilight loves Seabreeze for the temporary Italian accent alone.
Because all of the breezies have magical wands. Also, couldn't Twi have done this to herself? She had the Alicorn magic to do so after all.
Isn't the saying 'A hop, Skip, and a Jump'?
Remove 'And they loved each other'
Anyways, I'm not sure if this is a trollfic or not.
I hope it is.
I'm four years younger than you and I write better.
4398387
oh thx man i geuss sparkleshiper is a badd editorer/. :PPPPPP i got a new one tho so its all good
but the reyson im not good at spellign and stuff is bcause i skip school alot, yeah. So yeah, aobviously your gont to be bettr then me. uits the ways the cookie crumbles. but yea ithink ill just start a new wirth a new storyie and leave it alone. leav it be ykniw??? :)n ;(
4398741
Well, I guess you seem to be able to handle criticism well...
4400604 yeah i lov n tolerate
*inwardly groans at everything*
So from what I gather, you dropped out of high school because you "Weren't getting anywhere in popularity and got bullied because you liked ponies". Is this supposed to be a viable reason for the abomination that is your grammar, spelling, and overall logic? School isn't about popularity, and bullies are usually easy to outsmart. There's plenty of classes available to dropouts, and you could always read books on the subjects in libraries. I'd recommend postponing anymore writing 'til after you've read up on the subjects.
4691990 I am :( im not writin write now and i might quit this site lok at my art site xskettigo-catloverx.deviantart.com for the info. :((((((
Um... No offense, but the person who edited this.. Is he or she blind? Or are you lying? If she or he had edited, he or she would have noticed all the spelling mistakes. I want an answer please.
Jesus Christ, everything about just screams that you're a nine year old that made an awful attempt to be an author.
And the rest of your stories like goddammit you're persistent I'll give you that. But you stories are awful. Like after 20 fics that can't even get a small number of people to outnumber the downvotes is a sign that you should give up on writing.
6240511 You're nice.
6240634
I know, thanks for noticing.
*sarcasm*
Based purely on the use of text speak, asscaps and multiple exclamation points, I'm going to guess that this was written by a teenage girl.
6240720
>girl
6240773 Yes, a girl. I don't know about you, but in my experience, the only people who type things like this...
...are girls aged roughly thirteen to sixteen.
6240840 Experiences with thirteen year olds? Do tell...