Please leave comments about my stories, in the story. Don't PM me about them.
Rainbow Dash has been stressed lately, very stressed and exhausted. She desperately needs a vacation to soothe all this stress and exhaustion. But why did she have to resort to something so unexpected? How did she do it? And how will she now handle her new form?
Marking this story as Complete because my ideas for this story have completely ran dry.
(Picture vector by "dasprid" from Deviantart, I just zoomed it in.)
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best first story ever!
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUph092Wyec]
MOAR I DEMAND MOAR
Rainbow Dash being Fluttershy's pet breezie? I'm all for it!
I really hope you post the next chapter soon!
4237762 The hell were you disliked for?
4239277
I'm not disliking anything, some other user just dislikes the comment.
Off to a good start! I thoroughly enjoyed it, except for one thing...
"Cyan Pegasus" Count: 23
And that's not even including "blue pegasus" or just "pegasus." If I included those, the count would be somewhere in the thirties or maybe even forties. You have a bad case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Trust me, I know how if feels. Writing "Rainbow Dash" over and over again can convince someone that their story is repetitive, but it's not. Writing "cyan pegasus" isn't any better. Having "cyan pegasus" in there a couple times can add a nice, descriptive flow, but including it so many times makes the flow of the writing feel chunky and rough. Here's a solution: If you're getting so bored of "Rainbow Dash," try out some nicknames. "Rainbow," "Dash," "RD," and "Dashie" are some good examples to use sometimes. I hope you'll take my advice, then this already great fic will be much better.
4243992
Actually, you should never say "Dashie" or "RD" unless another pony is talking to her. Using that kind of colloquial language in your prose just makes it look low-rent.
But yes, "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome" is a disease we should all be on the lookout for. Symptoms also include: referring to a character by their element, or their most conspicuous trait, or worst of all, by their cutie mark.
"The apple-marked pony looked at the lavender unicorn, and wondered where Dashie had got to."
*shivers*
4239277
Lotta people getting disliked on this. Maybe someone really hates it?
4244626 Yeah, I meant when talking to other ponies. But keep in mind there are certain ponies who would use those nicknames. For example, Pinkie Pie would call her "Dashie," but Applejack probably wouldn't. Applejack would call her "RD," but Pinkie probably wouldn't. Twilight probably wouldn't call her either of them. You just have to know these things, and that knowledge comes from watching the show...a lot.
4244676 Twilight always seems to be a full-name-basis sort of pony, unless she's irked, in which case she'll start shortening the name. I've heard Dashie say "AJ" a couple of times, but I've never correspondingly heard her referred to as "RD".
4244729 Fall Weather Friends.
4244733
Also, you're scary quick.
4244740 I try my best! :)
4243992
Yeah, but here's the thing, I didn't want to use common nicknames like these because not all characters have them available. So if I were to be using another character, I would be stuck if that were to occur.
But I do see where you're coming from though. Considering the way Rainbow Dash was dressed, I could've probably used a description like, "Black suited pegasus" or something like that, but oh well. I was actually more worried that I used the word "Cauldron" too much at the end. I didn't know what else to call it.
But thanks for the feed back anyway. I'm hoping to get the next chapter up later tonight.
P.S. I have no idea what "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome" is...
4244632 Well, I know of a certain friend I showed this to who really seems to hate breezies. Maybe it's coming from him?
Nah, I don't think he's that mean, or is he?
4244754 Go check out Ezn's writing guide in the FAQ.
4244763
I hope not. I wouldn't fret about it so much. Someponies around here are really capricious and will downvote at the drop of a hat. Or a saddlebag.
4244763 Well, the thing is, on the internet, people think they can be as mean as they want to be and get away with it, because they face no physical danger. It sounds hard to believe, but that's the truth. In fact, I'm pretty sure one of my friends whom I just got into an argument with has been disliking all my stories...
4244754 No, not necessarily for talking with other characters. I think you missed my point: Black-suited pegasus is just as bad. When narrating the story, you can say "Rainbow" or "dash," you don't have to say her whole name. I think that's what caused you to develop LUS, only using "Rainbow Dash." Here, I'll go in a little deeper. Here are two examples of a passage, now tell me which one you think flows better.
1. Rainbow glided down from her cloud-house to the ground, her annoyingly frilly dress getting in the way of her flying. Dash greeted her five friends happily; she had been expecting their company for a long time.
2. Rainbow Dash glided down from her cloud-house to the ground. The pegasus wearing an annoyingly frilly dress greeted her friends happily; the cyan pegasus had been expecting their company for a long time.
4244765 Well after reading this, that does bring up another question from me, but I shouldn't ask that now.
I see what you mean now though, I heard other stories were problematic with the use of repetitive word uses, but I guess the repetitive use of their name isn't what causes that problem.
4244632 Maybe. . .
4244859 So is using their actual names very repetitively ever a bad thing?
4245015 Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. It all depends on the mood of the story. If you're writing something quick and excitable, you won't want to throw readers off by including long names. If your story is more of a slow, resounding fic, repeating full names is okay. You'll have to decide for yourself which one your stories are. But I'll tell you one thing: using descriptors instead of a character's name constantly is NEVER a good idea.
4245022 Well then I guess it's a good thing I'm doing a practice fanfic first, although the irony would be that this fanfic would probably become more popular. I certainly wasn't expecting to get this much attention to it. Thank you for your advice.
4245094 No problem! It deserves the attention; so far it's a great, creative idea.
THIS WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *squeals* CUTE!!!!!!
I like it really much, i think Angel is the pure evil myself sometimes.
cant wait for more
Mess with her after she has healed k angel?
Ehehehe! This is an awesome story so far!
It's called a spit TAKE.
Nice chapter! Can't wait for more.
Can't wait for more
Good, good! I'm glad we finally have an explanation. It's alright that nothing else really happened, as long as you update again soon!
4281170 What do you mean by "Nothing else really happened"? And is that usually a bad thing?
4281688 I think she meant that there wasn't any action but it's ok
4281756 I still don't understand, what was missing?
4281781 -sigh-
This chapter was pretty much exposition but she doesn't mind
4281688 I meant that besides hearing an explanation, nothing else was reallu accomplished. That's not really a bad thing.
4282755 Well unfortunately it'll probably be a while before I get the next chapter up, so, sorry.
D'aawww
this was so sweet I loved it great job I'll be looking forward to the next chapter 
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I like this. Tracking...
Well, I do adore these things, especially the Mane 6 Breezies, let's see how this plays out...
Hmm... Interesting concept. I'll give this a good look.
WHAT I LIKE SO FAR:
DETAIL: The story so far has surprisingly good detail for a beginning writer. It's strong and I can visualize what's happening. It needs a bit more detail, but it's still very well done.
CONCEPT: The concept of Rainbow turning into a Breezie is a very interesting, albeit strange, one, but the strangeness works to the story's advantage.
HUMOR: Though the story does not have a "Comedy" tag, the storm cloud attack was very amusing and enjoyable.
ZECORA'S CHANTS:. Zecora's chants here are very interesting and curious. It sounds like she's trying to summon Cthulhu or something- and I like that.
WRITING STYLE AND GRAMMAR: Often, new authors have issues with how their style of writing is, and how their grammar is. This fic, though, just needs less 'Cyan Pegasus' use.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE:
WHY DID SHE DECIDE TO DO THIS?: I get Rainbow wants a vacation, but why become a Breezie, of all things? It's not bad, just confusing. Anyway, it's a minor nitpick.
LAVENDER UNICORN SYNDROME: The description 'Cyan Pegasus' is used way too many times. I recommend fixing that a bit.
Overall, for a starting fic (and especially the prologue!), it's no wonder this is in the Featured Box. The concept is interesting and fresh, the quality is appealing, and it's overall an excellent launch fic for you.
The Final Verdict for Fluttershy's Pet Breezie is a 8/10. This is the first type of review I've done, but that doesn't matter. This story is strong, and the prologue alone is very strong and hooks the reader. Have a follow, thumb up, and favorite.
Also, I could use some advice from experienced reviewers.
Well, this is damn cute, I'll give you points for that. But it's kind of crap that Fluttershy can't remember Dashie now. I mean, she was there when this Pony-to-Breezies stuff started.
Fluttershy is DENSE!!!
For not remembering that.
Sorry, best pony, but you slipped up here. But still, keep writing, I look forward to more barrages of adorability.
I daaww... I can't even speak.
4322566
I think too much detail would slow the story too much, but I'm not sure. I would like to know which areas needed more detail though if that's the case.
You think this needs a "Comedy" tag then?
All reasons are explained in a later chapter.
This problem was a lot worse when this chapter was first posted. I had hoped I had taken care of it.
This was in the Featured Box? I didn't see it.
Thank you for the feed back, I really appreciate it. I would like to be pointed out any more errors or problems with the story if you find them.
This story is so adorable! I know you are not writing more on this right now but I can't wait for you to start back on it! Its just so darn cute!