The Light Goes Out
Is there something wrong, Twilight Sparkle?
No, Princess. I'm just not very thirsty.
That's too bad. I made this tea myself, you know.
Yes, I know.
... are you sure that nothing's wrong?
Yes. I'm sure. But... can you close the curtains, please?
With a gentle flutter of magic, Celestia drew the curtains shut, sealing out the sunlight and dimming the room.
Silence fell over the two of them. The alicorn sipped her tea, wearing the same beatific expression as always. Her student remained still, making no effort to take up her cup. Curls of steam rose from her undisturbed drink.
The princess eyed it, but said nothing.
... Princess?
What is it, Twilight?
Why have you done all this?
Done all what?
Everything. Everything right now is... wonderful. So soft and bright. It was never like this before.
A smile, touched slightly by the gentle sense of humor brought upon by centuries of experience.
Perhaps your perception of things has changed. That can happen with age, you know.
Not this much, I'd think. Even the sunlight feels different.
Different how?
Everything feels... so warm and gentle.
And that disturbs you?
It's unnatural. Nothing was ever like this before.
Was there fear in those eyes?
No, not fear.
Uncertainty, maybe. Hesitance. But not fear.
And Celestia was certain that her own eyes reflected nothing but love and pride, for that was what her student brought out in her, and that was what Twilight Sparkle deserved to see in them.
The princess might have spoken at that moment, to say something of this, but Twilight interrupted her.
It feels like you're trying to make it easy for me.
Easy for you? What do you mean?
The tea, the light. The peace. It's like the way parents break bad news to their foals - as gently and easily as they can. I should know. I did the same thing with Spike. When he was little, whenever I had to tell him something upsetting, I made sure to have a gem on me.
That's silly. You know perfectly well that I keep nothing from you anymore. There's nothing going on that you don't already know about.
A quiet room, once flooded with light and made entirely of soft, melted, butter-gold sunshine, was now dim with the coming evening and filled with the scent of early autumn. No music, but the sounds in the distance - the rustling of leaves and wind, the droning of bees, the tweeting of birds. Celestia took another sip of her fragrant tea as her beloved pupil continued.
Sometimes I think that knowing is worse than being left in the dark.
Well! A Twilight Sparkle who's afraid of a little knowledge? What in Equestria happened to you?
A wry smile; one that had once been habitual to the unicorn, but had become one of her less frequent expressions as the years had passed. Now, it seemed almost wan. Wistful.
I grew up, I suppose.
You did indeed. And you did so marvelously, if I may say so. I couldn't be prouder of you.
... sometimes I think it would've been easier if I'd never known just how little I knew. The way things are now, all I can think is, it's not enough, it's not enough, I'm not done yet. But it's not like I have a choice, do I?
Of course you do. There's always a choice. You choose how you react. You can choose to see yourself as not having done as much as you wanted to, or you can choose to see yourself as having done everything you could and everything you needed to. Either interpretation would be correct, and it's up to you to decide.
Rows of her beloved books lined the shelves of the quiet, bright room. The musty smell of old pages and worn leather spines mingled with the fragrance of fresh tea and clean air, filling the room with a comforting scent well known and well liked by Twilight Sparkle.
Even if she could no longer read them, possessing neither the strength nor the inclination at the moment, their mere presence was, in itself, a comfort. A reminder of days long past, when she had been the eager schoolfilly; studying not only through habit, but through desire. After all, once she'd been accepted into magic school, the unicorn had been a true scholar through and through, studying for the joy of learning rather than for any worldliness of hers.
You say that like it's easy. I can't just decide that I've been everything I could be. The fact remains that there's too much I haven't done. I'm not ready. I can't be.
What could possibly be left, my dear pupil?
... Princess, who am I?
Oh, dear. Has that brilliant mind of yours worn out at last? You're the unicorn Twilight Sparkle, of course.
Very funny. Have you always been this way, or am I only just now noticing?
I believe I've always been this way. At least, I've always been.
You're smiling. You know exactly what I mean.
Her tone was accusing, but she smiled herself.
And I answered. You are Twilight Sparkle, nothing more and nothing less; and I believe that should be enough to satisfy you, my little pony. It satisfies me, at least.
But what does it mean, to be Twilight Sparkle? What have I done with myself?
Far too much to list from memory - but I'll try, if you like. Hmm. You're my pupil, for one.
But...
But?
You could always take on another, couldn't you?
Do you think I want to?
An accomplishment that depends on another pony is no accomplishment at all, is it? All it would take for it to lose all meaning would be for the other pony to have a change of heart. Being your student was an honor, to say the least, but not an achievement, really. It was nothing that I earned. It was... luck.
Very well, then, though I must say I disagree. Let's see, let's see... you're also the Element of Magic.
But that's not something I did or earned, either. That's something that just sort of happened.
You're the archmage for the Council of Magic. How does that sound?
I don't know. That's... well... well, what kind of accomplishment is that? It's the same as being your student. All it means is that I'm just as good as the pony who came before me, and someday, there will be another. It doesn't mean that I, personally, did anything of worth.
Of course you did. You've surpassed my expectations of you hundredfold.
I don't want my accomplishments be tied to the expectations others hold of me. I don't want them to be defined by somepony else. Not even you.
Fair enough.
There had been a time when it never would've even occurred to Twilight to have said such a thing. The approval of her teacher had meant everything, once upon a time.
Nothing had ever brought Twilight Sparkle happiness quite like the feeling of cracking open a new tome or unrolling a fresh scroll of parchment, waiting to be filled with scribbled words and diagrams. Nothing, perhaps, but the happiness of having discovered a new fact or learning a new lesson and putting it down on paper for Celestia to peruse.
And here she was now, saying that she didn't want her sense of self-worth to be defined by others - all the while defining self-worth by using the expectations of others as her parameters.
... I'm sorry, princess.
For what?
I've failed you.
Twilight had never stopped learning. Had never stopped sharing. The unicorn had always wanted to know and be more than she was, while meanwhile, all Celestia had wanted was to tell her that she'd always been exactly right. But her approval was not enough.
Not her approval as it had once been, at least.
Firmly held - and mistaken - beliefs pervaded Twilight's every move, her every step, as though the unicorn was utterly convinced that Princess Celestia had such high expectations and demands of her that she couldn't afford to slip up once. She couldn't drop. She couldn't rest.
She couldn't let go. Not until she had done enough. Not until she had done her teacher proud.
Ever the faithful student. No matter what she claimed to the contrary.
You haven't failed me. I don't believe you could fail me if you tried.
But... but there's still so much I don't know! So much I haven't learned! I mean, I haven't learned everything about friendship yet - I haven't written you enough friendship reports. Even if I don't want accomplishments to be defined by others, that, at least, was something I wanted for myself, too!
It is impossible to learn everything there is to know about friendship, Twilight.
You wanted me to learn, though.
And so you did.
But there's still so much left.
Indeed there is. But you've uncovered most of it. Of what there was, at least. Friendship isn't a static concept; it's one that's ever-changing and ever-growing and ever-shifting.
It feels like my first Winter Wrap-Up all over again. I don't know where I belong or what I can offer. Or what I could offer, I guess. And if I don't figure it out soon, I'll miss my one chance for it to even count.
"Twilight," the princess of the eternal sun wanted to say. "You have no further obligations to me, nor to Equestria. You've met and exceeded my every expectation and I desire nothing else from you."
But you understand it, now; you know what it is. And you were both willing and able to study it - that was what I wanted for you. Not to become a master of friendship, but to have friends. To discover the happiness of loving and being loved.
It's not just that, anyway. It's part of it. But... I mean... I haven't said goodbye to everypony yet.
Isn't it wonderful that you have so many friends to say goodbye to?
And yet I haven't! That's what I mean! I haven't learned or done nearly enough - I couldn't even tell everypony how much they meant to me, in the end! I couldn't even do that much!
I remember a Twilight Sparkle who once believed that she didn't have time for friendship, and yet here you are. You've made so many, and have met so many dear ones during the years, that you don't even know what to do with it all. They all care for you deeply, and you for them. It's magical, in a way; how one's family can grow so much in no time at all.
... I miss them.
"As your princess, I'm telling you... "
You will see them again.
How do you know?
Believe me, dear Twilight. I know. I know more than you might think.
Can you tell me what will happen?
That, I cannot do.
... I guess I should've known better than to think you would, huh?
It's not that I don't want to tell you, or have some sort of oath preventing me from speaking. It's that the concept itself is far too complicated to be expressed and communicated through mere words. But know this; you have no cause for fear.
"That it's okay to let go."
Will they be there?
You will be with them again, yes.
I wish... that I could've let them know, somehow. How much I loved them all. I hadn't even realized... I didn't know that I could feel that much. But I loved them. I love them so much.
And they loved you.
... do you think they knew?
They did, and they do. They always will.
... how do you know?
Because I know, plain and simple; so naturally, they must, too.
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie and Applejack and Rarity and Fluttershy and Spike... and mother and father, and Shining Armor... all of them... I loved them so much...
They know. Trust me.
... I trust you, Princess.
Thank you.
Did it get easier, with time? Saying goodbye to these fleeting mortal lives, so brief, so insignificant when compared to the sun?
No, of course not.
But it had never been impossible to begin with, and so, Celestia was able to survive the time of fading light.
She was the sunrise, the symbol of birth and renewal and growth, and these times of ending were always difficult for her, going against a part of her very nature. But she was also the sunset; so she knew the truth, as it was.
The sun did not disappear entirely when it set in the evenings. It always rose again come the dawn. Always. Brighter than ever before. A cycle, eternal and unyielding.
Does it still not feel like enough, my faithful student?
You can't rest until you know that you've finished your duties.
A mare like Twilight Sparkle couldn't, at least.
Meticulous, precise, and organized to the last, needing permission, needing structure. Even as she claimed she didn't want her purpose to be dependent on another, those who loved her knew better. She needed the authority of it. She needed to know that she wasn't disobeying any regulations, wasn't breaking any rules.
That she was all clear to go.
I, I don't know. I don't know.
Then... know this, at least. No matter what else you did, no matter what else you were, you were loved.
...huh?
You were loved, Twilight. You were loved by many. And you, in turn, loved them back. Isn't that enough? To know that you gave others a reason to cherish you? You may not have learned all there was to learn about friendship, but you were a worthy friend, and you know this because you yourself had worthy friends.
...
It's a cycle, Twilight. You love others, and they love you for that; and so you love yourself, knowing that you are worthy of it. Their love strengthens your love, and your love strengthens theirs. It's never-ending. There was a time, when you were very, very young, when you didn't even know how to love yourself; but that's changed, now, hasn't it?
...
You were loved. You were cared for. You were loved because you loved. You were loved because you deserved it. And that is the most anypony can ever claim for themselves. Material goods are temporary. Accomplishments as you define them are always dictated by others, and are meaningless once their whims change or they replace you. Good looks fade with age. So all that leaves to define you is what you are and what you do, and what you did was win the love of others.
...
You ask what you are. You are Twilight Sparkle, and you are loved. By your friends, by your family, and by me. Don't you think that's enough? That is the meaning of your existence. Your life brightened the existence of others. Don't you think that's enough?
... yes. Yes, that's enough. That's what I needed to hear.
You are loved, and you are wanted.
... I ...
A mare lay in the bed before Celestia; a bed much like a hospital bed. Somber, plain, neat, clean.
The room had been made as cheerful as possible, but not even that could disguise it for what it was.
The mare was a mare who had seen many days and months and years, both her own and others. A mare who had watched foals from her youth grow into mares and stallions of their own right. Who had done and seen much, and had befriended many. Who had watched, one by one, as her friends had slipped away.
Quiet, peaceful ends, befitting lives well-lived, and that was what the aged, graying mare was at last beginning to discover for herself.
Twilight Sparkle sat before her teacher, seeking her final grade before allowing herself to be dismissed.
Ever the faithful student.
I love you too, Princess. You were - you are like a mother to me.
I love you as well. You are like a daughter to me. There will never be another Twilight Sparkle.
I'm not afraid.
I didn't think you would be.
Could you open the curtains again? Please?
Of course.
And the curtains blew open, letting in the last fading light of the brilliant setting sun.
It's so beautiful, Princess.
A teacher and student, a mother and daughter, a pair of friends.
Thank you.
With a contented smile, the aged mare turned to her teacher. Her mother. Her friend.
You...
With a gentle smile, the eternal sun turned to her student. Her daughter. Her friend.
Yes, my faithful student?
The fading light of the sun.
Thank you for everything...
Like she was falling asleep.
You're so bright, princess...
Peace.
As are you, my Twilight Sparkle.
A final smile, and the dimming of once-bright eyes.
Twilight?
And the light in Twilight Sparkle's eyes went out.
... oh, Twilight.
Only silence.
The sun could not grieve for the dimming of a single flame.
But she was not the sun, and Princess Celestia felt, in that single moment, a burst of grief rise from within her, somewhere deep inside.
And then, just as completely, she felt relief.
The sun did not set forever.
And in time, Twilight's brilliant, glimmering spirit would rise again, bigger and brighter than ever before.
So she would not mourn.
Whether others understood or not, she and her beloved pupil were now closer than they had ever been before, bound in a way the living couldn't understand.
For Twilight had been loved, and that love still blazed in Celestia's heart, as endless and eternal as Celestia herself.
Sister?
Hello, Luna.
Has...
... yes.
...
...
Oh, Tia.
It's all right, Lulu. I'm all right.
The light had gone out; and yet it would live on, immortalized within her memories.
Sister.
I'll be fine.
No, sister, look! The sky.
... oh!
A sky of a deep, brilliant violet stretched out before them, the faintest prickle of stars shining through the darkness.
It's... it's twilight...
...
...
Perhaps... I will wait to raise the moon tonight.
...thank you, sister.
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Flirting with the clichés now, are we?
Still, this was better than most that attempt this idea.
A nice ending, too. I always like a nice ending.
This is the first fic I've read that actually tackles the mortality of Twilight sparkle instead of just hinting at it. I love the use of large paragraph breaks to slow down the pace of the story, it really gives it the calm, end of days feeling the story was going for.
Sad story is sad. But I enjoyed it, thank you.
Wow.
That was really good. I love the paragraph structure, and the ending made me smile.
Have a thumbs up, my good sir.
keep writing. this story was amazing
God damn it, I wasn't planing on crying this morning.
why have you still got this marked as incomplete...it was very good but i dont even want to know what you are going to do with it next
It would appear something had fallen into my eyes while reading this.
Both of them.
What a curious coincidence.
In This River - Black Label Society
Great story. Absolutely loved it. Liked.
No, I'm not crying. It's just these onions here that I cut.
Honestly...
This was the best thing I have ever read on this website. Thanks for making it
Awww
You've been writing lots of sad stories lately, kiddo. The addiction runs deep, doesn't it? Melancholy hurts so good~
Unrelatedly, I may be the only person who dislikes the Princesses having pet names for each other...
455192 I hear that yo. Didn't plan on it. But here I am, shedding manly tears.
what a way to start a morning.
I have to dry my eyes now
Well well well...
I understand the concept.
But I didn't shed any tears.
Good show however
Short but well done.
increible
Sad but uplifting, always nice to turn things up at the end.
The grief of the immortal over loving and losing a mortal love is nothing new, of course -- Eos and Tithonus were doing this dance thousands of years ago. And, saving something like the Alicorn Twilight gambit (another very crowded field in the Ponyficnet) this is all built right into any Twilestia 'shipping, friendshipping or otherwise. Nothing dealing with this topic is going to be new; all we can do is evaluate on what feels true and moving. Yours is more of both than most.
That was beautiful
Wonderful! Just plain wonderful!
455015
My goal is to write at least one good version of every MLP fanfic cliche there is. This is my version of the old favorite, "Princess Celestia and/or Twilight Sparkle coming to terms with Twilight's mortality." Next I'll write a HiE fic or something.
455260
Oops, sorry. I don't actually have anything else planned; it was marked "incomplete" purely by mistake. That's been remedied now.
Surprisingly deep and actually gave me pause after finishing it. Besides the odd formatting, this was a very enjoyable read.
Well done.
Easily favorites, however I have to wonder, is it possible for you to write a happy story?
(I'm only kidding of course)
So true, yet so sad.
Immortality is truly the most terrible curse one could have
I'm just going to lie and say I'm NOT crying
Gahh. Stop making me jealous of your writing skills and taking my ideas!
Although, you have inspired me to write a sad story about Twilight NOT involving death or immortality :)
Really good job, though! Only reason I'm not crying is because I just woke up.
455708 No, he's not. He went on a long sleep, and he will wake up when a pony named Rarity, not the Rarity here, but a Rarity. She goes underground, and finds a purple dragon sleeping. He wakes up, and asks where he is, and who they are. He is Spike. The movie where this happens is The Runaway Rainbow.
455961 What? I don't even!
Bravo, good sir. That's all there is to say...
Hng.. I just got done reading this, it's 9pm and the sun is on it's way down, and night is sneaking upon us.
I was looking out the window and noticed how clear and beautiful place this was, and suddenly I thought of this story. Heh, I can only say that tears were shed.
Can't help but almost crying. Definitely choked me up. Wonderful story. May as well sub to ya.
~LadyRinoa~
Very good weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/that-really-rustled-my-jimmies.jpg wow 112 likes and not one dislike(i clicked like) verry nice job
my reaction
*Sigh* Heavy has never cried from reading a fanfic.... Not even from My Little Dashie...Although, for whatever reason...I wish I would, just once. To experience such emotions. Great Story.
Kinda reminds me of this pic
3.bp.blogspot.com/-TbAMgXUx7Kc/TiEocOkPjYI/AAAAAAAABEY/p3DNxfFZlM0/s1600/manly-tears.jpg
MANLY TEARS WERE SHED
Word of warning to all: Don't listen to the Dead Island Theme when reading this. I think I ruined my tablet...
you have stirred my emotions good sir
and that gets you a fav and like from me
please take my thumb as payment for this epic fic of sadness
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/181/306/65768%20-%20Lyra%20artist%25253ALightbulb%20manly_tears%20parody%20reaction_face.png
The story itself was very good, but a little constructive criticism: instead of putting what the characters say in italics, "Put them in quotation marks," I brained my damage stated.
Still, overall, loved the story. For some reason, I've been drawn to sad fics and horror fics recently...
Very emotional and VERY well written... This was a very moving story... I didn't cry, but tears formed in my eyes... I love these stories... If you can't die content with what you've done, then how can you move on? This was a very good story... Thank you for writing this... Amazing work.
you know it is a good story with you cry
10/10
A sad read, but in the best way.
That... that was just beautiful.
456223
Thanks for the tip; but although this initially did use quotes, the basic format of the story (long portions of pure dialogue, occasionally interrupted by brief descriptive passages) made quotation marks look really awkward and messy, since there were so many of them. I ended up going with italics, hoping for some kind of arty look.
455192 So was I.
Markus Schulz - I Am
Oceanlab - Just Listen
This is all I have to add to this wonderful tale.
Someone posted Lyra so I will put Sweetie Belle.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/225/400/sweetie%20belle%20that%20is%20beautiful.jpg
All the feels, man!
This is probably the best fic I've read in the cliche of Twiight's mortality, and I've read my share(though everyone else probably has as well).
that was beautiful man! but why'd Twilight have to die?!?!