• Member Since 23rd Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Tuesday


I'm Jordan Kinsley, and I'm a relentless shipper. Send me a PM or leave a comment about my stories, I love getting feedback. Patreon!


On a trip to visit Twilight's parents in Canterlot, Twilight and Rarity find themselves in an unusual situation. Can they straighten everything out before they have to return to Ponyville?

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 100 )

Moar please!

Absolutely! I'm working on Part 4 right now. I need to finish planning out the second half of it, but I'll get down to writing it sometime this week.

Ooooh YES! So glad to see this story on here finally. Big fan of it!

I'm glad you like the story. It was a pain in the flank to post because I have a PLOTLOAD of formatting I do (all the italic thoughts, the letter special font, some smaller fonts for whispering, etc.) that is really hard or impossible to bring over. But I like FiMFiction's layout and stats tracking, something I wish I could on EqD. (Maybe I should have given them bit.ly links?)

Well. I have read everything you have posted, and well you have a new fan great work! please keep it up and thank you for writing this! :twilightblush::rainbowkiss:

I love accidentally finding out a story I've started reading has been updated :D
Looking forward to the next part :)

:flutterrage: moar please!

Are you planning on continuing this? :pinkiesmile:

YES! I've had a lot of school work as the semester wraps up (it's finals week for me :fluttershysad: ), but once it's all over, I hope to get back to writing this again. I really, really miss it.

66341 Okay, fair enough. It's just been seven weeks, so I was just checking. This time of year always seems busiest for people. :pinkiesmile:

please :raritystarry: don't forget about continuing this one:twilightsheepish:

I most certainly have not forgotten! When I can, I'll be posting the revisions to Part One, and I have a few people who are looking over Part Two over the next couple of days. And just last night I got a few paragraphs written for Part Four! So things are coming together, but they need time.

Hrm! I've been waiting for this story to update. Not what I expected though.

What exactly did you revise? Everything? :o

Not everything. But a very large amount of things got changed. A lot of the narration and scene descriptions got changed or updated. Some dialogue was reworked to plug plot-holes. A bunch of minor typos got corrected.

Overall, though, it's still the same story. Just, a better version. Part Two is getting the same treatment, and Part Three will be revised, as well. And once I completely finish writing the story, it'll be time for yet another round of edits and revisions.

This story is a bit of a rarity, pardon the pun. Twi and Rarity as a couple i mean. Love your portrayal of confused, nerd-love Twilight. Rarity makes me laugh when she tries to hide from Twilight. I eagerly await chapter four. :raritystarry: :twilightsmile:

Good on you then, I suppose. :o I've never really gone back and edited my stories. I'm generally pretty satisfied with how they came out!

I'll be sure to read over your revisions eventually, though. :3

neato. to tell you the truth, i'm tired of the same three chapters of this sitting on my ipod for like infinity.
What I'm really looking forward to is chapter 4 of course :rainbowlaugh: But revisions are almost as good:raritywink:

Read read this up back on EqD. Still has that quality I came to enjoy when reading this fic. And still as always how rare this the pairing is, makes it my favorite. All in all nothing note about on the text, tho when will we expect the next chapter? :twilightsmile:

Oooh, hey! Glad to see this is still alive and kicking. :)

:yay: It updated...sort of. Glad to see you're still working on this.

Part Four? I have no idea... But so far, the rewrites are going well. Hopefully, within the next few weeks or so. I'm a slow writer and it takes time to do all the revisions that really make a story shine. Also, >slow writer >can write 1000 words in an hour if she tries :derpytongue2:

Hey, I did add another 600 words or so. But I do so want to get to new material. Revisions can be fun, but nothing beats the freedom of just writing something no one else has seen. :twilightsmile:

Very interesting. This is the first time I have come across a Twilight/Rarity story. At first when I began reading I thought the details that Rarity used in her internal monologues as she described Twilight seemed odd. However after considering her personality I have to say you really hit the nail on the head and did a good job. I am now tracking this and I hope to see a new chapter out soon. Keep up the good work. :moustache:

Out of order, much? Somehow, chapter three wound up before chapters one and two. :pinkiecrazy:

Rarity and Pinkie Pie are really difficult characters to write well, at least in my opinion. And then it becomes even more challenging to keep Rarity in character for a romance. But thanks for the compliments! :raritystarry:

That has to do with FiMFiction's handling of chapter order: it goes by date/time posted, not numerically or by any adjustable order. The only fix is to get the rewrites done and post the new versions.

I went through a several emotions when I logged on and saw that your story.
First when I saw your story had updated.

But then when I saw it was a revision


(Will comment on the actual revision in a separate comment :P )

It's been refreshing to re-read over this story again. :3 I hope it updates soon!

Now we just need part four. Such a wonderful build-up.

Ok I like the revisions you did to this chapter. I am always a fan of longer chapters and it is nice to see the changes in this one. I am going to fully re-read the story again. Again, keep up the good work. And sorry about the theatrics in my first post :rainbowlaugh:

I'm sorry! But it's been so important to me that I keep my story at my writing level. And I've gotten much better since I published these, and I knew I could make the story better. But I definitely appreciate you taking the time to look over it. :twilightsmile:
Thanks! It's been great doing the revisions. It's... odd, reading about the cute things you wrote, but kinda forgot. Still brings a smile to my face, though. And judging by how quickly I've been able to get all of this stuff written over the past week, I might be able to get something ready... soonish. :trollestia: It certainly shouldn't be too long.
Again, shouldn't be too long. I've already got about a page written so far. Not much, but it's enough that I should have enough motivation not to leave it unfinished. :raritywink:

I'm glad to see that my two favourite sections were untouched; consider my appetite for more suitably whetted. :raritywink:


was this a re-post? because I remember reading it before? Unless I for got to comment?

Ether way Nice woke, I always new Joe was a smart guy?

Reading this with the April fools' joke on the site, so it's Sparkle x Sparkler... very good! :twilightsmile::raritywink:

You're welcome! I can assure you, whatever your favorite part is, it's also one of mine. I love (almost) every line in my story for one reason or another.

By my count, I added somewhere in the order of 2000 words to the story as a whole. Some of it was little details, like extra character interactions. Others where pretty big sections of exposition. So, more than likely, it's still the same story, but more in line with what was in my mind. Like, Part One had a lot more Spike, more Rarity and Twilight drinking tea, and more Twilight interacting with the shopkeeper. Part Two added tons of extra stuff to Rarity and Twilight leaving (poor, poor Spike) and some other polish to the later scenes. Part Three got lots of new stuff, mostly focusing on the Pony Joe's scene. Much more exposition and backstory. And across all of them, I added more details about scenery, which was a big failing when I started.

Oh, my poor story! I hope the fonts don't ruin it for you.

391380 It's gonna take much worse to ruin this story :twilightoops: I've had this in my ipod since forever... can't wait for the next chapter :twilightsmile:

While I like the story as is quite a bit, the way you write down thoughts kind of bothers me, thoughts are usually a lot more direct and have little need for pointing out the obvious.

The only other thing I really have a problem with is that your Twilight is more dense than a particularly stupid brick. (though it does have it's place I suppose)

Anyway, looking forward to more. :twilightsmile:

JKinsley, if it takes you weeks to make the funniest Romance about Rarity and Twilight, then please do so:yay:. Do not rush [much] because of pressure, we understand. So go make fun and not the rabbit kind of fun:trollestia:

We will be ever patient! Good Luck!


In that case thank you for taking the time to better your story :pinkiehappy:

This was so worth the wait, love it!:raritystarry:

I'm glad to see this story is still active. I eagerly await more.

> Or was it her new set of beakers to replace the ones that shattered after another one of Pinkie Pie’s prank?

Can't believe the EqD prereaders didn't notice that. Good work though.

I was also about to note that Rarity's dialogue with Twilight seems a bit odd, but then I realized that was the point. :facehoof:

Think of Equestria Daily's prereaders as gatekeepers, not proofreaders. They just pass judgment on what they think is worthy to be featured. Thanks for pointing that out, though, I'll be sure to correct it.

As do I. Part Five will be very exciting. :raritywink:


One other thing to note - your style and voice are expressive enough to forgo clarifying statements, an example would be:

> “I love you too Mom!” Twilight shouted back, blushing a little at the very public display of family love. And thank you so much for today. You have no idea how much this means.

Context is strong enough to make that unnecessary, if not distracting. If you feel the need to use narrative summary to explain a character, use one of your strong points instead - internal monologue for Twilight and Rarity works well or body language/dialogue context.

Oh man I was so happy to see this update. I loved this chapter and cannot wait until you unleash the next one. Keep up the good work my friend.You are a credit to the story writing community. :twilightsmile:

Also I love the way you write Twilights mom. She is quite perceptive isn't she?


How is that hard to believe? It's a one letter typo, they miss that all the time.

Oh Twi, you silly thing...

i thought this one was dead.
but then i saw my notification box and i was like :pinkiehappy:

Awesome work, keep it up!

Horray! Praise Luna, Celestia's work be done! It finally updated! Now... proceed. o-o

This is so adorable! I can't wait to see what happens next :twilightsmile:

damnit, i wanted to click next! :pinkiehappy:

That was probably the hardest scene to write so far. People might struggle to write action or narration or have a good story to tell, but getting the whole mother-daughter relationship in dialogue and body language is really challenging. That was one of the biggest areas of revision for me, and I'm really thankful for it.

Hell, I missed it through probably dozens of rounds of revisions. But I'm glad you enjoyed the story, I've had a lot of fun writing it. I'm getting started on writing Part Five, which should be the best part yet. :raritywink:

Neither can I! I look forward to finishing the next part so it can revised and polished and finally published.

I wish you could too, but I must get the next bit written first! It's already planned out, I just need to get out of my head and into the computer.

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