Author's Notes + Somewhere Far Away
Please note: Original author's notes are below, but everything in italics is new, written with the FimFiction upload.
First, thank you for reading. If you have read this entire thing, then I salute you. A special extra little thanks to those who have read this before it completed and added their comments on EqD or mailed me; I could not have written this without feedback and encouragement along the way. I feel like such a broken record saying this, but it’s true.
So yes, I have no idea where all these words came from. A little over a month ago I had an idea for an adventure fic that involved finding the truth about what happened to three villains who had been varying degrees of douche to our beloved little ponies. That was the main focus for about as long as it took me to write the prologue.
Apparently, I ended up with something like a psychological drama romance novel. This is not to say I made it up as I went along, but the focus shifted. At one point I was toying with the idea of cutting three of the mane cast out of the fic. I am so very glad I didn’t.
I never felt like I had much choice in anything, though. I made one or two decisions that I knew people might dislike, but trying to change those things felt like going upstream. From the moment I conceived this idea and up until this moment, it’s never been a question of “what happens”. At worst, it’s been “how does this happen?”
This month has been a blur. During the middle three weeks, I spent between 6 and 10 hours a day on this. You may make comments on my sanity at this, but fact is, I’ve enjoyed every single damn moment. Now that I’m done? I can’t wait to write about something else.
(Feel free to drop me a mail (cloudyskieswrites@gmail.com) or a note on deviantArt to say you hate me for Trixie or felt that Twi and Luna should totally have bonked or something. I get so happy whenever I get mail!)
-Cloudy Skies
Edit 23.04 2012: This fic was originally written during August-September 2011. Over the past month, I've edited and uploaded a new version here to FimFiction.net. I've taken the opportunity to smooth out some problematic oversights, address awkward turns of phrase, and generally tried to make this story the best it could be.
It's been a special type of nostalgic journey, reading my own old fic and editing it, but also great fun. I hope you've enjoyed it! For those who read it here first, I pray the fact that it's a S1 fic didn't hurt your enjoyment. For those who re-read it, I hope that the changes were all for the better and that issues surrounding Ch16 and the 21-Epi bridge were resolved. Trixie should no longer be quite as neglected, and the timeline leading to Ch21 no longer makes you wonder about how Celly has the letter already - it should make sense, hopefully!
Thank you for taking the time to read, and thank you again for reading the author's notes! I've left the thanks-to below unchanged because those three ponies are awesome, but I want to send a huge thank-you to RBDash47 for his help, too! He's been a total champ in providing me with proofread versions of the original fic that've been very helpful.
Special Extraordinary Super-Thanks!
You, brony, are a rock without which this fic would’ve had less rocks. No, seriously. Knowing your reader count can never go below 1 is an absurd motivator, and your feedback has been appreciated so much - all those nights where you’ve stayed up a little longer just to read, if only so I could go to bed with a pat on the back? Done me a solid, you have. But you know, I think you’ll be hard pressed to top the pic you did for this fic. Going “sure” and sitting up through the night at a moment’s notice like that, it’s just stupid as hell. And I love you for it.
Check this guy out, ‘cause he does awesome art! But you saw the pic on EqD, so you probably know that already. He also loves pony plot.
Cormacolindor.
It sucks that you don’t do anything artsy-fartsy and that I can’t link to anything as thanks, because you’ve made Applejack and Rainbow Dash check their flanks to make sure you didn’t steal their cutie marks. A few mails and a tentative query from me, and here you are, trying to surpass me on hours spent working on this fic. You weren’t kidding, sir. Loyalty and hard work. Thank you for every mail where we’ve discussed the fic. Thank you for every gruelling hour spent finding stupid typos that I missed.
We have, at this point, exchanged over two hundred and twenty emails in under three weeks. That’s insane, in case you wondered. This is why FiM is awesome: The magic of friendship.
You’re just silly, you know that? You probably don’t even realize how much you taught me during the period where you went above and beyond the call of duty. Pre-readers are supposed to be busy creatures - and I know you are - but the close feedback you provided during the first six chapters were immensely helpful to me. Of course I have probably peed all over those lessons in everything after chapter six, but I like to think I learned a lot. If nothing else, I look at the first draft for Building Bridges, and then at the final version of Within and Without, and I’m thinking you’re to blame for much of this. When the world ends in romance novels written by me, you’re to blame.
Kits also does both art and stories, and is awesome. You should be ashamed if you didn’t know this and haven’t read his fics, but you’ll be forgiven if you check him out now!
Elsewhere.
Silk Net loved his job sometimes. When he had discovered that his special talent was making sure everypony was well taken care of, most of his friends had thought him destined to become a nurse. Not that there was anything wrong with being a nurse! He simply did not see himself in a job where he had to deal with such unpleasantness, was all.
Today, Silk Net was returning to his office after a month-long vacation that he had decided to take on a whim. It was one of the many benefits of being high up in Equestrian Insurance Co., and one of the reasons he loved his job. He nodded to his assistant as he passed her desk by, opening his office door with a shimmer of magic.
“Two cases for you on your desk, sir,” she said, looking up from her work.
Silk Net paused. “I thought I told you to transfer all cases to Deadbolt and Scales while I was gone.”
“I did,” she said, indignant. “Twice, in fact. They were referred to back to you specifically because of the, um, circumstances. And the subject.”
A vague yet terrible feeling passed through the insurance agent’s entire body. It was as if a shiver had called in a favor from its big brother. Silk Net strode into his office and found two innocent-looking brown folders resting on his mahogany desk. He opened them both and peered at the cover papers. He already knew what name he’d find.
Winter Sun, P.E 1001, Fall - Insurance Claim - Grey Hollows Inn.
Riot.
Possible fire.
Hostile territory. (I looked it up, there’s a clause for that from year 605.)
(P.s: I think the inn may still be standing, but really, it’s a bit like that time in Grazewich if you remember, back in ‘997. -Winter)
Winter Sun, P.E 1001, Fall - Insurance Claim - Clopenhagen Grand Hotel.
Extreme exterior damage. (Seriously, you should see this, the wall is missing!)
Major interior damage.
(P.s: Hey Silk, does emotional damage count too? Princess Luna said it did. -Winter)
Silk Net’s head hit his desk. Sometimes, he really hated his job.
(Thank you for reading the credits!)
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This is still a very nice romance and adventure story. The fact that it's based on season 1 doesn't hurt it at all. Sure, some of it might not be strictly canon anymore, but honestly enough, the show is heavily based on Rule of Funny so a lot of the canon stuff is contradicting anyway.
I'll admit I didn't reread all of it, but I did skim through a few of the chapters again. I loved following the progress of this fic when it was new on EQD. You've got my comments on it over there anyway. (I still think the Flutter/Dash/Pinkie thing is awkward, but that's me. Plus I still can't think that Pinkie is a good romance character, even when in a relatively minor part, haha.)
Ah cool glad to see this up here I'm gonna have to give it a re-read. (Spoiler alert: This story is awesome)
483683 Rainbow Dash is of course only pointing out that Twilight should read the very excellent Egghead's Guide to Lozenge-Making.
485586 489617 Thank you, truly!
489663 Thanks! I felt like adding a little something to bridge a gap, since exactly what happened in that time-space, or rather, how it happened was very, ah, debated. I generally don't like giving people straight answers, and I hope it's still vague enough that people can read into it what they want, but I did want to add something to "celebrate" the finished edit.
489612 Sergeant Longleap, yep! I think it's mostly the novelty of having three princesses. Pinkie being herself.
489245 Hi! If you do, I hope it doesn't disappoint! Always curious how the edited story feels to somepony who's read it before.
489244 You're of course right in that "canon" can sometimes be self-contradictory, and it's not so much that I worry because it's a S1 fic - that's an honest enough deal - I just hope it doesn't ruin anypony's enjoyment of it, I guess!
And yeah, I'm well aware that that little element isn't everypony's thing. Heck, it's not my "thing" either, I guess, it's just how it ended up!
488291 I'm glad! I am also now six times as curious to see what you think of everything on that topic, going forward, gah. I think it was during this part that I actually gained my love for writing Fluttershy. Guh, it hurts just thinking about it. Heck, reading your thoughts on it hurts, too, but it's such good hurt - so long as I can make it all better.
On Pinkie, you have it, exactly. I have always firmly believed that when it comes to Pinkie, it's not something as silly as a premeditated stance on polyamory or whatever; she simply doesn't have barriers, doesn't see the problem. Ever. Dash is easygoing enough, too, and hardly a classically romantic soul. Add to this a setting where love is the norm, and, well. Tadaa!
489741 Whup. Thank you! Fixed that little derp.
I guess you can read into it what you will, but I envisioned them agreeing that they want to get married, and Dash wants to just - as she describes - be done with it. As you say, Pinkie would never let it be that easy. Nor would Rarity!
Or, if I misunderstood your question; It wasn't meant to be something "special", she wasn't asking for something unique, they just came to Luna because they assumed she could preside over a wedding, and thus make it official.
489786
Lozenge Making... Of course... It makes perfect sense in context. /end sarcasm.
Awesome!!! This was such a great story, one of the classics for MLP fiction. Do you know that when I started writing my own fiction, I scoured the net trying to find that exact line Luna gave Twilight about just because her friends don't appreciate a good book, doesn't make them dumb? I couldn't recall how it went and-oh! How I looked! Took forever to find it again. XD
A thought, perhaps you should tell MaximillianVeers on Deviantart http://maximillianveers.deviantart.com/ about the changes you made so he can put them in the eReader for Within and Without? Just an idea!
Kudos!
489741 OH lol...i get it now...that's hilarious
Okay having now finished the story properly I can give my two cents on it.
1) I loved this through and through. Plenty of adventure lots of romance questions answered and loads and loads of D'aaawww not to mention humor in all the right places blended to near perfection.Then of course there's Pinkie Pie, she always makes things better. There were parts that liked a lot and then there were the parts that I just LOVED. Your sense of humor is wonderful to behold and I often find myself having a hard time NOT laughing at all the silliness and snark you managed to pack into your story. Even during the most serious of moments you managed to have at least one line in there that made me snort with laughter. This helped to break up the tension just enough for the rest of it to be bearable. I could go on and on but I need to make room for the rest of my points.
2) My thoughts and reflections on the less silly sides of this story. I very much appreciate the seriousness and levity where appropriate you used to touch upon the darker parts of Luna's past. You managed to convey perfectly just how grim and terrible those events were without drowning us in gory unnecessary details. Not only were the moment's regarding Luna's past well done but you also managed to treat the issues surrounding Dash's romantic life with just the right amount of drama all the while managing to keep her as in character as possible given the circumstances. In fact you treated all four characters romantic issues perfectly here. I'm of course referring to Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and of course Luna. Now the romance aside I also appreciate the skill that the psychological drama that each and every one of these characters went through during this journey was handled with.
3) The only thing that I could complain about during this fic is in fact regarding Applejack and Fluttershy's reasons for going on this journey in the first place. Now this may just be a case of me forgetting tiny details but I don't recall ever being too clear on their precise reasons for going on this journey other than of course the obvious one of their friends going on it as well. Rarity had Blueblood, Dash had Gilda, Pinkie had Dash and just the general excitement of an adventure. Twilight had Trixie and the possibility of learning more about Luna.
4) I'll be honest here, this bulletin was put here mostly to take up space and to once again thank you for a job well done AND to show that I can, in fact, write walls of text. Also this was mostly to make up for the essay length praises I failed to deliver on a prior comment of mine.
489935 Thank you very much! I know that feeling - of seaching the net in search of one particular phrase, scene, or worse - a feeling. "I read this.. thing that made me feel, uh, something. Where is ittttt.."
Thanks for the reminder, too! I noticed MaximillianVeers did an eReader version way back when, so I sent him a note about this. Much appreciated!
490247 Thanks! It was remarkably quick to write, but I didn't want to make it too long or in-depth since canon Fluttershy has progressed since S1, and my style has changed too. I hoped a little bite-size thing like that worked.
490385 Oh my. That's quite the comment! Let's see -
1. I appreciate it! I remembered when writing this first that I actually worried about that. I received a few pokes about how the "mood" in Building Bridges was allegedly a little inconsistent, but I couldn't make myself change my style, flawed or no. I need to have little bits of humor even when it's dark, I guess. I'm not cut out to write "proper" dark stuff. If you liked this, I'm glad!
2. I don't know what I can say to this except: thank you! I'm very curious to see whether the characterization withstands the test of time going forward. After S3, I wonder if I'll get people going "Dash is so OOC!"
3. It's a very fair point, this. My personal interpretation is simple; Fluttershy is pulled along because the very idea that somepony could be hurt is anathema to her. She is compelled to help anypony in need, especially because she saw Trixie and Gilda. Gilda may have hurt her, but that doesn't stop her at all. That, and perhaps she knew she was hurting on the inside, and thought something needed to change?
Applejack, for her part, would never have been the first to speak up and go, and once any of her friends were doing something even remotely dangerous, she'd feel compelled to go. I see their friendships as so absolute that the very second the pull towards going started - by Twi and Flutters, arguably - it was inevitable that they'd all go. Initially, when I started writing this, there was some of the symmetry you describe - Dash going after Gilda, Rarity chasing after Blueblood, but it really is as simple as Friendship(tm), and once they started moving, everything got more complicated.
AJ's role upon their return pretty much explains how I see her - or perhaps, how I saw her after S1. She was the rock. She got very little out of the journey personally, but for her, it was enough to know that her friends were doing well. I wonder if I'd do it differently now that we have another season, and a bit more AJ to go by. That all said, this is just how I read it. I do not have interpretational monopony!
4. In all fairness, it was a nice wall, and I enjoyed it! Thank you for reading, truly, and thank you for your thoughts!
an awesome TwiLuna fic done loved every bit of it going to look a more of your stuff now
A lovely story, I enjoyed it when I first read it on eqd, and the updated version is even nicer.
I absolutely loved the original, and now seeing that you've revamped and expanded upon it, I get the pleasure of re-reading it again! Awesome, insta-fave!
This is a great story. I feel bad for Silk Net.
One of my favourite stories now on fimfiction
Oh, hi again !
One of the first, and long, fanfic I have ever read ! Now it's completely revised, I shall read it once again; when I would have finished all the mass of new ones I read... Because of you ! I think you're also responsible for my ever-growing sympathy for Trixie 
I still have the .pdf somewhere, hehe
.
I enjoyed this immensely! I seriously have never been as excited for updates as I have been for this story. Thanks for sharing such great words and ideas, here's looking forward to more great things from you!
490762 490998 491300 492163 Thank-you, truly! I'm glad!
491325 I'm sure he can afford another vacation when he's done with the paperwork - assuming the company survives!
492625 Thank you - appreciate it!
492652 Thanks! To be fair, I'm not sure I personally consider it a classical love triangle myself, but I did intentionally leave a lot of room for interpretation.
492532 Aw, I guess I kind of gave her the short end of the stick, hah. I threw her a little bone this time around though! Thank you for reading though!
490987 Of course you are. Also, the alternate epilogue bit where Pinkie's shoulder IS achey, and they watch what's happening on the balcony.
492955
>shoulder
Haha. I can do better than that :3
"Hrm." Pinkie ducked her head down to stare at her own belly or something. "That's a new one!" she chirped.
"A new what?" Dash asked?
492994 I see what you did there
489803 Nope, I got it now. Thanks for clarifying.
Hmmm- Now I want to see a sequel wherein Blueblood (like the spoiled and offended man child he is) decides to run away to spite his Aunts.
I wouldn't put it past him, if he thinks they don't love him anymore. That's exactly the kind of stupid thing a guy like him would pull, just to force Celestia to say she's sorry for sending him away.
The story was great, I'd be interested to see a continuation that ties up some of the loose ends, though...
Ah, this was one of my first real favourites. It's good to see it appear here as well. I'm favin' it and once the time comes, I'll re-read my old favourites.
It's good to add it to the other 7mill words I've read as well
This is a fantastic fic. One of my favourites and my only complaint is that it had to end eventually. I think anyone who was in need of help writing stories would just need to read this. It all just fits. I look forward to more epics like this
I stand up and SALUTE you, good sir! Loved the special scene after the "credits," very cinematic!
I can't remember, but after glancing through the chapters I can't remember if Blueblood was ever even addressed in this story. Was he, or am I just high?
492994 See, as you don't have photographic memory and thus don't know exactly what I referenced, you've made something quite profoundly disturbing spring to life (har) instead.
I salute you. Now go write it.
493345 Yay! I was super nervous when you had pretty-yay-makes-Cloudy-happy words about the PinkieDash and the PinkieDashShy - because I feared you wouldn't like the ending note. In re-reading, I realized how much easier it was to read this as a setup for a regular triangle when it really wasn't ever my intent. Even if I'm happy to let people read whatever they want into it, I made my own vision more clear by expanding the epilogue.
You have it exactly though, on how they work - on why it works, in my mind. Personally, I envision a beautiful scene two years down the road when Flutteshy comes back home from a not-so-terrific first date experience and knocks on Pinkie and Dash's door. They of course let her in without a word. Perhaps they realize that they just want to be like that, the three of them. Perhaps they just provide a safe fallback when she's tired. Who knows?
I'm of course thrilled if the TwiLuna dynamic worked as well, and on the topic of the epilogue at large, I will be the first to agree; It isn't symmetrically fair. I like to think AJ's part is made cooler at least in some ways by the fact that she didn't need/have a "problem" except needing time to come around to Luna, but Rares and AJ were slightly neglected. It's partially because I am not a very elegant writer - I plan far less than I should - and partially because they were less interesting to me when I first wrote this. I simply couldn't figure out how to run a perfect balancing act.
Thank you for your thoughts all the way through!
494426 Hah! Well, I guess Blueblood's "fate" could easily be a little sidestory in itself. I love your description of him, haha.
494532 While I am playing around with a minor even-later Epilogue that deals with Luna, I doubt I'll make it public as it's just me toying with a scenario that's been done to death. (NMM resolution). I'm curious - what would you like to see resolved? Most things, I left open very intentionally, simply because a hopeful open ending can sometimes be far more happy than any full resolution (see: immortality).
494785 Oh, thank you! I hope when you do, that you're pleased with it! I'm too well aware of how rose-colored glasses can work.
494877 Thank you very much! I honestly just wanted to make Fluttershy feel better, truly. I know she's a far stronger, braver pony in S2 (well, a little bit at least!) but I'm yet another of those bleeding hearts who just want to hug her. When I played up her personality in W&W/O, I felt I had to make up for it.
For fun, read the Flutter-epilogue whilst drawing the curtains at Pinkie's last line before they head to the bedroom. Whoops. I meant to cut there, but realized I was sending the wrong signals.
495073 Thank you very much! I am not sure the way I write is very admirable, in that I'm terribly messy and imprecise, but I'm glad you like!
501353 Thank you! If only there was a saluting Dash icon I could respond with.
503157 He's tied to Rarity, and Rarity's arc wraps up between chapters 9 and 10 I think it was? Check after Luna reunites with them after the debacle (fracas?) in Clawford!
503573 Got it, thanks
503621 While the stories are certainly different - mine being character driven drama, arguably, and DB being setting driven to a greater extent - any ephemeral, invisible feeling of sameness is actually quite spot on! Dangerous Business and Off the Edge of the Map were two of the greatest inspirations for this fic.
503573
Yay! I was super nervous when you had pretty-yay-makes-Cloudy-happy words about the PinkieDash and the PinkieDashShy - because I feared you wouldn't like the ending note.
Oh, no, no. I liked it a lot. Especially as, the more I think about it, it really never was a traditional triangle. I never got the sense that Fluttershy felt for Pinkie anything other than friendship and vice versa. Instead, I saw Pinkie offering up the solution she did as a way to address Rainbow Dash's loyalty qualms, and Fluttershy accepting Pinkie as part of the deal that allowed her to have Dash--neither grudgingly doing it, both happy to do it, but both of them feeling the primary connection to Dash.
You have it exactly though, on how they work - on why it works, in my mind. Personally, I envision a beautiful scene two years down the road when Flutteshy comes back home from a not-so-terrific first date experience and knocks on Pinkie and Dash's door. They of course let her in without a word. Perhaps they realize that they just want to be like that, the three of them. Perhaps they just provide a safe fallback when she's tired. Who knows?
Yes! This fits in exactly with what I figured. *nods vigorously* And the reason I'm happy with how it ends is because I can't help but think that their friendships have all been changed in this way, that they're bonded like this to one another. This beautiful sort of love that can't quite fit into any traditional category--romantic, platonic, familial--but just EXISTS.
And I think you really like this, too. Shades of this kind of dynamic are in your WEMS 'verse of stories, too.
I like to think AJ's part is made cooler at least in some ways by the fact that she didn't need/have a "problem" except needing time to come around to Luna, but Rares and AJ were slightly neglected.
"I didn't learn anything'! HA!" It fits AJ's character, too. She doesn't seem to have as many problems as the others and is a bit of a reliable rock for the group--the most dependable of ponies. Besides, both AJ and Rarity got some really nice moments along the way. I still love AJ efficiently and remorselessly ruining Pinkie's chances to get some action back when they were splitting up who was going to bed down with who.
And really, it's not a huge thing that they got less "screen time," I just thought to mention it. And EGADS, I'm impressed with how many subplots you were able to juggle simultaneously and weave together--that's something I've never been able to do. Major props for that.
Sir i cannot help but say that this deserve more views than it already have. Therefore i know the reason, the story is kind of boring itself i guess for me it is ok since i'm a book worm like
but for some people, they just don't stand the patience.
A sides from that i think it is a well written story. If you were R.R. Martin i guess this would be a book by now (if it is not)
513112 I guess we are in accord then! I guess the final note here is that I really do agree with you about Rarity and Applejack, in the end. One thing I could (and probably should) have done was move Rarity's reveal to ch12 or 13 just to spread them out, but this fic didn't really follow any grand plan wrt. spacing, things just occurred where they happened to occur, I guess.
Which is my "secret" to juggling subplots, btw: relinquish all control, yay?
513179 I- um, I'm sorry if you are, and I'm glad if you are, but if it helps? Yeah, that chapter hits me like a sack of bricks even when I re-read it last week, haha.
515350 I am not sure I deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as a successful published writer, but I am very glad for your kind words! I guess it takes some getting into, and it switches mood fairly subtly, so I guess it makes sense that the retention (comparing chapter views vs. total views) isn't that high, but those who stick with it seem to like it. Thank you!
517407 I hope the re-read doesn't disappoint! I'll freely admit the Hollows bit is among my favorites, along with the stretch from ch17 'till the end. Thank you!
Thoroughly enjoyable and highly epic.
I doubt I could say anything that hasn't already been said, so I'll just leave off at 'This is wonderful, I look forwards to reading more stuff you wrote.'
521400 Thank you very much! I hope the conclusion satisfies!
521505 I'm very glad to hear it! You do me honor - thank you for reading!
529617 What, I don't even.
530030 To respond in sequence, I wouldn't know if I've subconsciously taken inspiration from something, but it's not modelled after anything, far as I can see. As far as Pinkie and AJ goes, it was really quite as simple as AJ figuring that if Pinkie and Dash shared a room, they'd make enough noise to keep all of them up. (With clean and PG-13 antics, I assure you!)
Regarding pacing, I'm not sure what to say except that yes, to some degree it "picks up" - it has quite a few action sequences and big reveals, but at the same time, it's a deliberate and slow drama fic, not an actual action-adventure with lots of big explosions. I really think it's a bit of a shame that there isn't a better distinction between story types - action-adventure and drama-adventure are very different things, gah.
Last, I didn't actually know that, no! The more you know, huh? Thanks for the education, there! Mind, I don't really think it's a problem, but it's neat to know.
531242 lol
the youtube math curse is basicly
1000+ likes and/or dislikes = 300 views
makes sense to you?
531242
Well... at least I was right with one of my assumptions (I couldn't really see what other reasonable options there would be beside the two of them I mentioned).
Like I said, I didn't really want to insult your story, its just way to heavy on me (which is why I read like a chapter or two a day so I don't jump out a window or something) but then again I'm dyslexic, so no its not you there is something wrong with, its me! xD
Oh, I see... and knowing is half the battle! *cough* I was just wondering because it's VERY rare for females to be colour blind, it's a little funny to think about because that females have XX instead of XY makes females genetically superior to males, more females survive birth than males, must females live longer lives than males and many claim that the average female is smarter than the average male (I almost feel bad for being born male *sad face*)... but something even more interesting is that males being XY means that they are pretty much half female *instead mind fuck here* so all that BS with males and females being VASTLY different is just pure ignorance :3
This is a truly amazing story - took me about three weeks to finish reading it and I loved every minute! I can't wait to read whatever you decide to write next.
531455 531727 You're not the first to comment that she drops it on them very suddenly. In my head, it's as simple as Luna being very eager to get out of the Castle, but the perspective didn't let me hammer down on it. Should've mentioned it at the end of the prologue, actually, but it might've soured the mood a bit, gah.
532438 Hey! Well, thank you, and thank you for reading - I hope it stays interesting 'till the end! On the characters, I'm very glad to hear if they feel right. Since this was written in the season gap, I hadn't read much Luna by this point, and the main Luna in my head at the time was actually that of the Progress series - it wasn't a conscious reaction to shy-waifu Luna, but in hindsight, I can see that, hah.
Regarding your critique, I will happily take that on the cheek. The part between chapters 8 (or 9?) 'till 12 or so is probably my least favorite, though it still has some scenes I really really really like, but it's true that it is a bit "cut and dried", as you say. Mind you, my problems with it isn't the same as yours, though they are related. I'll happily pretend a regime change can be enforced by a party simply because it fits the MLP:FiM mood and such, but it's still a very episodic part of the fic; the Clawford business is very "contained". Were I to be more critical, I'd say it was disjointed, too, but it does have significant threads that weave into the rest of the story. Still, I do agree.
532602 Oh! I guess something derped somewhere along the road, hah.
533337 Thank you for reading this far, and thank you for your comments! Hope it doesn't disappoint!
533248 Oh dear, I think we're fast approaching a "No, I'm sorry-" "No, I'm sorry-" vortex here! Still, I will agree it seems to be considered a heavy read, objectively, all such things aside. It has a lower average chapters read per reader than many fics, I think!
535324 Well, if you liked this story specifically, you may be interested in the next fic, which is also an adventure with shipping elements! Been too long since I wrote anything like this - this fic is closing on a year old now - so I'm going back to something ass-long, adventurey and worldbuild-y.
Thank you for reading, and for your comment!
542746 Thank you, truly! May your days be long, and the remaining chapters be to your tastes!
i spent most of my day today reading this, insta fav'd and well worth the lost time.
546393 It's okay. Dash is blue. It's a good color. Hah, no really, thanks!
554556 Thank you! Congrats on finishing, thank you for reading, and I'm very glad to hear it!
556564 I hope it's still good to your eyes n' all!
559954 Luna is second best princess. Right after Longleap.
564125 Guh, bit of a late reply, but thanks! Hope the story pleases - I guess it does pay to read it slowly, since I went a bit overboard with foreshadowing in places, hah.
564312 Naw, she's really socially aware! She read a primer on social etiquette sometime. Celestia made her do it.
607931 Oo, double-nailed it? Lucky! No seriously though, thank you, and thank you for reading!
616766
Oh, my point was just that it is FAR more common for males to be colour blind than females, which is why I told the author it was "rare" and why that is :) and knowing is half the battle! GI JOE!!! xD
Well that was 9 hours I don't want back.
Thanks Cloudy, what you wrote here is the best kind of unforgettable.
excellent story
while i read; i couldn't stop thinking of how you seemed to take everypony's respective personality to the extreme, it's not a bad trait though, it really adds to the story; makes it way more interesting. the only less 'satisfying' part about the story, in my opinion, is the lack of more mature romance; i would have liked at least implications of a little more mature stuff than cuddling and so on towards the end, i mean i dont have a problem with how you wrote it out, i just feel like it's something that i would have really wanted to be included.
that last part about winter sun and her insurance contact was pure gold by the way!
614614 You deliver praise that makes my eartips warm. Thank you! I'm still clueless as to how or why the pacing works if you feel it does, because I am damned if I dare try something like that again, hah. But no, this Equestria is large indeed, and I did try to convey that feeling. I still struggle with moments where I should "compress" time, and indeed, I think the fic is as it is simply because I never figured out how to do that. The part after reuniting with Luna and until Clopenhagen was initially meant to be brief, I just couldn't figure out how to make it so. Instead, I did the next best thing: I tried to make the time worthwhile.
Brevity and I. Not friends. All that jazz.
620344 Oh, wow. Thank you, truly, I'm glad you like!
626344 Quite a meticulous assault you got going! I wish I could say something more, something less, uh, vapid, but fact is, it's interesting to see the thoughts of a second-time reader - and I am very curious to see (should you make it there) what you make of the few small changes I've made!
627275 Thank you very much for your kind words! I hope you continue to enjoy, and wish you the best of luck on your exams!
627702 I guess it's natural to have to extrapolate a bit, and things need to be put at the tip of a spear if it's the "point" (har) of a fic, I guess, hm. Now, what you say about maturity and such is funny because at this point - in writing W&W/O - I was sure I had crossed some sort of invisible line. In particular, the flight with Luna and Twi is borderline "hot". Now, I've since written far, uh, "worse" things, so it doesn't really bother me any more, but when I set out to write W&W/O, I was very conscious of the fact that emphasis was on emotion and thought, not the physical realm.
That's not to say I'm not very curious to see what I could've done if I had let myself go completely, mind! I just think it would be a very different story. Regardless, thank you very much for your thoughts, and also for reading!
637288 I would hope Copenhagen is well enough known that most do - the alternative makes me a sad pony, hah.
640762
np and thank you for writing the story
This story made my week :3
Srsl my friend, I really love it. And the fact that it is a 1 Season fic makes it even better ^^. Love your storyline, the relationships and, naturally, Luna. I prefer the First Season Luna and u did a pretty good job characterizing her :D.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
sooooooo much :3
645024 Let's see - regarding cliffhangers, it was a bit of a delicate task when I first wrote this, as I published it while writing. I released batches of four chapters, and took care to make sure that there were light cliffhangers at the end of each batch - end of chapter 16 is a good example, iirc. I definitively think cliffhangers get a bit of a bad rep, hah. It's usually used as a bad word, no?
Regarding Winter Sun, I don't think I consciously based her on anyone or anypony, she just grew as I wrote her. I think she's a type I use a lot in some of my nonpony works.
646033 Well, thank you for reading, and for taking the time to leave a comment! Glad you like!