Thirteen year old Alphonse Windseeker signs up for the beta of a computer game called "Four". Three other of his friends also sign up for the game. When he recives the game, he downloads it and launches it. But the game is no ordianry game, as you would expect. The end result leves him playing as a pegasus avatar and an author. Allowing him to bend the fabrics of reality to his will just by writing it so.
Warning!
Somewhat of a crossover between Homestuck and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
May contain violence and suggestive content.
It shoudn't be too bad though.
Chapters (1)
Not bad, but the writing's a bit choppy, and it needs a bit more description. That said, I'm looking forward to where this fic is going.
And on another note: I see what you did with the submit date. >.>
Yes, that's been somthing I have been trying to fix. My choppy writing leaves little room for description. I do this because my mind tries to race from thought to thought rapidly. Thank you for pointing that out though, and I will try to fix that for you.
I think it's great! One question though: what's a GUI?
But anyway, the storyline certainly is interesting. I would like to see more!
I do have to say though, watch your grammar and spelling everywhere.
For grammar is everypony's enemy.
An example of a GUI is like a health bar or a stamnia bar in a video game. In the game they were playing, the GUI consisted of things the Server Player could spawn in.
Oh yes, grammer is going to kill me.
I hate grammer.
It interupts my creative flow.
Hey, is it okay if I picked out the most obvious mistakes? I really wanna help keeping your creative flow.
It's not you're fault at all! Grammer, although highly irritating, is important.
Plus, it's not too obivous. In fact, in my first Fanfiction, I counted twenty grammerical errors. I fixed them, but nobody pointed them out.
That submission date. THAT PROFILE PIC IS FROM TIMELESS KNIGHT RIGHT? Cause I have that: file:///C:/Users/HP%20mini/Desktop/VID%20MOV/Homestuck/Sollux%20Captor%206.png (Couldn't use the link)
...
I will flag you in spam, woman...
Anyhoo, yes, the submission date is 4/13! I thought it would be fitting to publish it on that time, yes.
Hey guys, I just rewrote my first chapter.
Have at it!
Yes! 100 views!
This sounds a little similar to the premise for my own Homestuck fan character (a player whose weapon is a keyboard, which when upgraded enough lets him simply type "the monster died") so I'll be looking forward to reading when it's done.