The Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
The Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
High noon in Ponyville’s town square. A harsh wind howled as two titans approached, ready to do battle for honor and glory.
“You ready for this, Scootaloo?!” Sweetie Belle squeaked as she pulled her red ball cap around to let a cotton candy curl pop out like a fluffy, little quail feather. Across the square, her arch rival rolled up her long, purple sleeves and thumbed her nose like a 80’s kung fu star.
“You know it! World Pokémon Super Ultra Championship Battle is officially a go!”
Eyes glinting in the hard sun, hands darted to belts and retrieved the red and white orbs that would mark the start of their epic duel.
“Go, Persian! I choose you!” Sweetie Belle yelped.
“Let ‘em have it, Crocnaw! Go!” Scootaloo cried.
The two Pokéballs sailed through the air and landed, splitting the papier-mâché hulls apart to release an exploding sprays of red confetti. Sparing a moment to admire a morning’s worth of work well spent, the two hurriedly turned around to get their “Pokémon” in place.
“Ow, quit it, Opal!” Sweetie Belle winced as her sister’s hissing cat caught her a good swipe on the hand. “You’re supposed to be fighting Scootaloo, not me!”
“What’s the matter, Sweetie Belle?” her cocky friend gloated, “is it hurting you in confusion?”
“Just you – ow! – watch, Scootaloo! At least my Pokémon has attacks!”
“Yeah? Well… uh…”
Well, Leer was technically a move, which sort of counted, right? And Gummy, with his wide, empty gaze, was certainly doing a good job of that.
“Alright,” the girl in curls called as she finally got her cat reasonably situated. “Persian! Use your Fury Swipes!”
Being as disagreeable as ever, Opal deigned to cease her hissing clawing and chose to wash her paws instead.
“Hah! My turn!” Scootaloo crowed. “Crocnaw! Use Bite!”
He did. Opal didn’t seem to notice.
“Looks like it’s not very effective,” Sweetie Belle smirked. “Persian! Use… uh… Tail Whip!”
With a look of supreme condescension, the white cat continued to lick its paws. However, she did sort of move her tail around, enough to tickle Gummy’s nose at least. With a squeaky pop, the toothless alligator sneezed itself right off.
“Oh no, critical hit!” Scootaloo groaned. “Alright Crocnaw, come back and take a rest.”
A slow blink and Gummy ambled off on his merry little way.
“Alright, Sweetie Belle. You may have the advantage, but I’ll bring it back with this. Go… Blastoise!”
It took a little huffing and puffing, but Tank finally made his dramatic appearance into the battle.
“Go, Blastoise! Use your Headbutt!” the tomboy cried.
Turning its head about very, very slowly, Tank gave Scootaloo a very, very confused look.
“Come on, use Headbutt,” the purple haired girl pleaded. “Just do that little… you know… head thing you always do.”
After a blink that lasted a good fifteen seconds, Tank finally seemed to get the idea as he turned and nudged Opal with his noggin. Slowly, of course.
“The attack missed!” Sweetie Belle cheered.
“No it didn’t! It totally hit!” Scootaloo shot back.
“Well, it didn’t do anything, did it?” she retorted.
“If it didn’t, then just say it wasn’t very effective,” her friend replied.
“I already said that! I was trying to add some variety to the situation!”
“Yeah, well– wait, what?”
As the two were arguing, it seemed that the Pokémon had gotten some ideas of their own. Not pleased at having been touched by a lesser creature, Opal had taken a swipe at the tanky tortoise, who had jumped back into his shell with surprising alacrity. The swipe, therefore, had come into contact not with the turtle, but its shell, resulting in a very upset cat as it broke a well-manicured claw.
A screeching yowl later, and the cat darted off like a furry, white cannonball.
“So... Persian fainted?” Scootaloo suggested.
“I guess,” Sweetie Belle shrugged.
Here, the red capped girl turned to grab her next Pokémon, only to find that it was nowhere to be found. It seems like Owlicious wasn’t as keen to play a Hoothoot as she’d originally thought.
“Well, what now?” Scootaloo frowned. “It’s not exactly an epic battle if you’ve only got one on your entire team.”
“Um, gimme a second,” Sweetie Belle called out. “I’m sure I’ll figure out something.
Rummaging through her pockets, the cotton candy haired girl took quick inventory of what she might possibly use as her next battler. Pocket lint? Possibly a Ghastly, but not very convincing. A goldfish cracker? About as useful as a Magikarp, but not quite worthy of a place in their World Pokémon Super Ultra Championship Battle. A butter knife? It could do for a Honedge, but they’d agreed on only up to Gen… wait, why did she even have a butter knife?
Just as Scootaloo was about to claim dibs on Sweetie Belle’s snack fund, salvation came walking over on hard-soled boots.
“Graves! Thank goodness you showed up!” Sweetie Belle beamed as she ran over to grab the marshal’s sleeve. “Here, you need to step in. There’s no way Scootaloo can beat me now that I have a Genesect!”
“Sweetie Belle–”
“Wait, what?” Scootaloo gaped. “How the hay is he a Genesect?”
“Um, hello? He carries around a big old metal cannon as part of his job? I think that qualifies him for the job,” Sweetie Belle replied with a roll of her eyes.
“Oh yeah?” Scootaloo retorted? “Well, then, uh… Hey, Rainbow Dash! Over here!”
“Yo, ‘sup squirt?” the aforementioned flyer grinned as she alighted next to the giddy little girl.
“So, me and Sweetie Belle are having a Pokémon battle, only she’s cheating by calling in Graves on her side–”
“It’s not cheating!” Sweetie Belle huffed as her squishy cheeks puffed up in anger. “It’s a legitimate choice for a competitive sweeper! Everyone knows that!”
“Sweetie Belle–”
“Aw yeah, I used to love this stuff!” Rainbow Dash chuckled as she began stretching out her arms. “So what am I? Rapidash cause of my name? Pigeotto cause of my speed?”
“Rayquaza.”
“WHAT?!” Sweetie Belle screeched. “And you say I’m cheating?”
“What the hay’s a Rayquaza?” Rainbow Dash blinked. As a staunch gen oner, her knowledge of the Pokémon in question was sorely lacking.
“Legendary dragon,” Scootaloo beamed. “Controls the weather and flies so high, almost nobody’s ever seen it. I thought it’d suit you cause you’re both so cool and all.”
“Heck, you betcha!” Rainbow Dash grinned. “Course, it probably needs to be about twenty percent cooler, but your head’s in the right place.”
“Okay, that’s it!” Sweetie Belle cried. “If you’re gonna cheat by using legendaries, then I’m taking priority and attacking first. Go Genesect! Hyper Beam!”
…
…
…
“I said… Go Genesect! Hyper Beam!”
Even with the repeated command and dramatic finger point, there was no movement from the marshal. In fact, from the way he stood with arms cross and feet firmly planted, launching into sudden and violent confrontation seemed to be the last thing on his mind.
“Sweetie Belle,” he called once more, the low rumbles of his baritone sounding like thunder on the horizon. “I just had a chat with your sister. Didn't you promise to clean up the living room this morning?”
“Um… yes?” the little girl nodded as she suddenly recalled the mess of construction paper and confetti she'd left all over the galleria's floor.
“Morning’s over, isn’t it?” Graves continued, as calmly and coolly as ever as he glanced up at the noonday sun.
“Um… yes?” Sweetie Belle answered, a drop of sweat rolling down her forehead.
“Well then,” the marshal frowned as he fixed gunmetal grey eyes on her with a pointed look. “Are you finished?”
“Just gimme five more minutes, Graves!” Sweetie Belle squeaked as she latched onto his sleeve in fervent plea. “I just need to finish this one battle and I promise I’ll do it as soon as it’s over! Pretty please with chocolate sprinkles and a cherry on top?”
Graves looked down at the fluffy little girl as she looked up at him with big, sorrowful, pony eyes. He stroked his chin in thought.
“Woah, I didn’t know Genesects knew Seismic Toss,” Scootaloo gaped.
“You make a promise, you keep it,” Graves said, as calmly and coolly as ever as he walked back to Carousel Boutique with the Sweetie Belle safely tucked under arm. “When Rarity says you’re done, you can come back out and finish your little game, but not a minute before.”
“Stop! Lemme go!” Sweetie Belle cried out as she flailed with all the effectiveness of a Splash attack. “Genesect, return! Use Rest! U-turn! Uh… Self Destruct!”
“Yeah yeah,” Graves sighed with a weary roll of his eyes. “Not enough badges to train me.”
And with a final, dismayed wail, Graves rounded the corner and carried his forlorn quarry out of sight.
“… Huh,” Rainbow Dash blinked. “I thought trainers caught Pokémon, not the other way around.
“Maybe it got its hands on a Master Ball?” Scootaloo offered.
“Maybe…”
The two stood there, a little confused as to what had just happened and a little confused as to what came next. Rainbow looked down to Scootaloo. Scootaloo looked up to Rainbow.
“So,” the older girl shrugged. “Wanna go throw stuff off a cliff?”
The offer was super effective!
**********
To Be Continued
The Journey of Graves will continue in the next story: Old Flames and New Sparks.
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Hilarious. Can't believe how well you wrote that. And that comment from Graves when Sweetie kept trying to command him
. I didn't think he could make a reference like that. Good to see he didn't grow up under some rock.
Pokémon! Gotta improvise them all!
Poor Sweetie Bell, doesn't she realize Graves already has a master?
Blastdragon used face-palm.
It's super effective!
That was a fun read. I like these shorts, they're comfy and easy to wear...I mean they are cute and funny to read. Sweetie Belle is always her adorable self while Graves is still a bad-ass. And it shows that while Graves is a bad-ass he is also a very good father figure for Sweetie, I dare even to say a better father figure than Magnum.
Ha ha! Love the Pokemon.
4550449
UHM... I was thinking of a funny word and a silly video
Rematch! I'd love to see Graves face off against Twilight, or Spike, or RD, or AJ, or Big MAC!
You know what?! That's a great story idea! Please please please please
I wonder what Graves 6 mon squad would be, and if it would be limited to only Pokes.
Imperiadramon. Plasma Beam.
Well that was the weirdest chapter since the nightmare night chapter, it was a fun chapter, but I haven't been a Pokemon fan since Crystal and I had to look up most of the Pokemon.
Speaking as someone who never made it beyond Generation 3, I must argue against Rainbow Dash being a Rayquaza, when She's Clearly a Ho'oh. How would all the main six be classified? I can't help but feel that Fluttershy would be a magicarp. Spike is naturally a Dragonite, you can't argue that. But the rest seem very hard to match up.
P.S. Could Pinkie Pie possibly be a ...... Psyduck? It's a shot in the dark, but never-the-less it just feels like there's something in it.....
Let me guess. Graves and Rarity finally get married.
I would of thought of Ho-oh for it leaving a rainbow trail wherever it goes or latias/latios because they can fly faster than a jet plane
4552191 Your guess is as good as mine.
4551532 Let's see I would match Tauros with Applejack, Rarity with Diancie (pokmon from gen 6 that creates diamonds), I would actually put Fluttershy as Celebi, Pinkie Pie as I guess Slurpuff (another gen 6 that looks like a dessert and is evolved by holding whipped dream), then Twilight would be I guess Cresselia (Gen 5 legendary psychic), Although I agree with Rainbow being Rayquaza or maybe Latios/Latias because I think Celestia would be HO-OH.
4553915
4551532
Can't argue with any of those. Also, I'd have to say that Sweetie Belle is a Jigglypuff and Scootaloo would be a Scraggy.
But what about Graves? Honestly don't think Genesect fits him the best.
4553953 Hmm, I don't know I guess the best one would be Lucario. Maybe Arcanine since it's usually depicted with Officer Jenny.
4553981 Never was a big fan of Lucario; no idea why though. I was thinking maybe Scizor? Steel type designed for quick and efficient shanking who can learn Hyper Beam. Gotta love the razor bug.
4553995 Oh yeah Scizzor's a pretty good choice didn't think about him despite him being one of my favorite pokemon.
4554019
4553953
Wait, I have it! I know what Graves is. Firstly, we need a real classic, something that has been everywhere, and done everything. Secondly, it must be an electric type, why that didn't occur to me before I just don't know. And finally it must have ALL the swag. Therefore I can declare that Graves is ....... a Pikachu.
P.S. Scizor is really not a bad idea though, it was my absolute favourite go to pokemon back in Gen 2. False swipe was ideal for catching Legendary pokemon, so no surprise there.
4554047
But not just any PIkachu. It must be a serious PIkachu, one with a proper appreciation for hot beverages. We need...
ih1.redbubble.net/image.14220530.1509/fc,550x550,white.u1.jpg
4554068 Perfect, the most dangerous electric furball in the Equestrian army.
4554090
4554068
Excellent, just fold in this aspect and we're done.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs51/f/2009/294/6/a/Ghillie_Sniper_Pikachu_by_NeoPikachu.png
4550449 I should probably change that. I'm going to change that.
Well... that was different. And I think I'm in the same boat as RD here!
4550370 Technically, Rarity is his mistress.
I sense an old paramour coming to stir things up. Trouble in paradise I expect and hope for.
Fantastic ending to a hilarious chapter.
4553905 Look, I'm digging these cute little slice of life stories, but I'm kind of wanting something with a bit more meat. With Savage Skies on a hiatus until the next story, and most of the other stuff I follow moving at the speed of continental drift, your all I've got at the moment.
mewtwo is the only pokemon i can picture graves being
mostly cus of pokemon the first movie
so awesome
I suppose that makes Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon Team Rocket?
I'm guessing that Winonna and Angel Bunny were therefore on Team Applebloom?
How did she not win?!
I love it. I was waiting for graves to say the "not enough badges to train me" line.
could I get a link to the next story, I've been looking forever, and am starting to lose hope. help me, GentlemanJ, you are my only hope
4611110
There is no hope. The next story is not out and will not be for some time.
Be patient. It will be worth the wait.
4611674 Did you at least get the star wars quote?
Graves needs a beard and pistol! Give him a beard and a pistol!
I really liked this installment in the series far less dramatic its a nice change to see the more slice of life part to the lives of the characters, as well as some very well written humor.
I Don't mean to act like the stereotypical rude person on every forum, but could you please finish the next one
? I kinda got addicted to your writing. (In a round-about way, it's your fault you write so good!) So, yeah.
4928278 You inquire at an austipacious time, my friend. Become my disciple, and ye shall see wonders the likes of which have never been seen before.
hmmm, so Graves know at least some pokemon
*whaps author on the nose with a rolled up newspaper*
No! Bad author!
4550750 mmm... Graves teaching the girls how to fight when they realize that he's the only Marshall that hasn't been beaten by Tirek? Sounds like a story to me, but definitely endgame material.
I knew this one was gonna be a pokemon one as soon as i saw the chapter's name
Lovely and amusing as always, especially that quip from graves at the end
Okay, this section was the best! Although I did have one (personal) problem with the second to last sentence.
They got a cliff?! All I had growing up was an old ditch. *Mumbles* Some kids have all the luck.
Although the 'Pretty please with chocolate sprinkles and a cherry on top' was a nice touch.
Looks like getting Graves from a trade with Rarity didn't work out too well.
I know how you feel, Sweetie. I had a magmar do that to me once. He just wouldn't listen!
8036513
Didn't have enough badges to train him. :3
9568357
Yup. First time playing Pokemon with a friends gameboy.
9570696
Big Siblings Must Endlessly Tease Little Siblings.
9570701
But I wear brown boots with a black belt. No one has looked at me funny. Maybe.
9570814
Oh man. I remember my first run on Pokemon blue. Couldn't get past the ice chick for the longest time.........wasn't till later that I realized in my kid brain that types are a thing and going all in with a psychic moth is detriment to winning.