Kapuchu
Joined 25th Jul, 2012 ·
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And here it is!
I still can't believe you did this, man.
Good show!
~Skeeter The Lurker
files-cdn.formspring.me/photos/20121208/n50c3e4651a163.jpg
This was well written. Worth the wait.
derpicdn.net/img/2014/1/4/515018/large.png
Never thought I'd ever post such an image before...
~Skeeter The Lurker
I hate you. For mentioning that fucking book. You monster.
This was thoroughly enjoyable.
Maybe you meant "but music was not..."
"words" unless you mean works, cuz he's a DJ..
Woah! Sounds like some stubborn excuses! Try "convincing" here.
Remove the "a" before 180 and capitalize that J in DJ here.
"unleash"
I'm pretty good at if too, but I'm no expert
Either "exploration into each..." or "exploration of each" sound better here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, I'm certainly jealous. You wrote clop so good, I stopped caring about little edits.
And I'm jealous as fuck of NL/LL. Full moon-mare time? YES PLEASE.
~Dash The Stampede
would this make him a were-mare?
4403172
I do recall that I wrote "were-mare" near the end.
Indeed it would
4402290
Thanks for catching those, they should be fixed now
4401212
stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2870071/evil-fluttershy-laugh-o.gif
4401323
I'm glad you enjoyed it.. and that counts for everyone else here. I'm glad you enjoyed this story
4403243 I assure you we're just as glad you wrote it.
Sequal, please?
Love it
4404785
Once I'm done with The Fate of Clover, I'll begin on a TaviScratch story. It's unlikely that there'll be clop (Teen rated, most likely), but there will be shipping. And secrets. And more shipping.
Vinyl Scratch the succubus, huh?
...Imma steal that.
4406470
Welp, 'bout time someone commented on that particular thing
But, well, I haven't patented it, so I suppose you can steal it if you want to
Oh come on, I was hoping Neon would get some two[or three] on one action as a stallion.
4408389
Sorry, but VInyl ain't that kinda gal
4400868
Of course I did it
I promised... even if by accident
Oooh, I definitely enjoyed this story. I enjoyed it quite a bit. The addition of making Vinyl a succubus was really cool, and making Neon a mare was even better. The sex was nice, and I liked how the four of them all got into doing it. I'll be looking forward to reading more by you in the future! Keep up the great writing!
~SolidFire
4400976 And then:
I'm in a little predicament here. I tried to enjoy the story. That's part of the problem. I tried. Tried hard. I shouldn't have to try at all. At least, I think I shouldn't have to.
It started with an interesting premise, although I'm not that fond of the clubbing scene and can't really understand the necessity of another pony-OC - but those things aren't even worth to nitpick about. What gave me pause was that whole pheromone-concept. You tried to establish that it isn't any sort of mind control. But altering the chemical substances in ones blood... is a sort of mind control.
So she 'helps' them by overcoming their inhibitions. Getting horny and all that. That... isn't really help, is it? By doing all the work for them, nothing was learned or achieved. Nothing about making hard decisions or finding solutions by thinking outside the box, nothing at all - the solution to their problem was presented to them, on a silver platter.
Adding to that, I'm moderately confused about their reaction to the gender-swap. 'I don't love you because of your gender/race/eye colour/whatever' sounds really romantic and all that, but... I think that's just crap. Idealistic nonsense. Loving someone means loving them as a whole, as everything they are. That doesn't exclude looks. For some, it might seem petty and superficial to care much about how one looks like - but in the end, if not by some miracle, appearance matters quite a lot. It's a lot harder to keep a relationship running with someone you think looks disgusting for whatever reason. You're probably gonna wake up by his/her side a lot - there should be some kind of attraction. So, yeah. While appearance can and most certainly will change over time, it's still part of the person you fell in love with in the first place.
And they don't freak out. Instead, they're just like 'heh, yeah, that's hot, too, everything's fine then'. Uh... sorry? Come again? Only reasonable explanation I could imagine? Pheromones. Again. And to keep them that calm while something like that happens, that's gotta be really heavy stuff...
And then they lived happily ever after. Never thinking about talking to anypony about that freakish demon running a club, even after those pheromones should've worn off. Even Neon didn't think about searching for help, maybe consulting the princess or anything, when his transformation showed up again although it shouldn't have. (Which only proves: Never trust a demon. Which, in turn, should bring them to uncover that whole thing rather sooner than later, since Vinyl can apparently not be trusted.)
I couldn't, not at one point of this story, ignore the thought of them being played. Of Vinyl being the puppet master. That gave this whole setting a rather dark and grim, underlying tone.
It was sooo well written. I would've enjoyed it greatly, but I just... can't.
I won't downvote it, since this story isn't bad at all, quite the opposite. But I can't upvote it either, since I wouldn't feel comfortable with that decision. So, yeah. This comment, trying to explain my reasoning, is the best I can do to give you some feedback. I hope I could convey some of my troubles and wish you a good night/day!
6161085
Well, thanks for your input. It's certainly nice to know that people put this much thought into one of my stories.
That being said, it's a clopfic, was always intended to be that, and I never really meant for it to be a longer story with a really deep plot or anything like that. But be that as it may, let me try to clear up a few things, or at least give my views on it.
You say that Vinyl didn't really help them since all she did was make them horny and stuff. Well... She's a Succubus. Her life _is_ sex, after all. It's what her entire being is centered around. If I were to give a reason for her thinking of that as a good way to break the ice and get them to get together, well, she is quite possibly the most sex-oriented being in the entire freaking world, excluding her fellow succubi & incubi (if there are any other). You can't really fault her for thinking that threesome = relationship goals
As to them being okay with Neon suddenly genderflipping. Well... They just witnessed someone pretty much put them into heat in a few minute's notice, sprout wings as if it was just another tuesday for them, and then reveal knowledge about them that no one aside from themselves (or a supernatural being with borderline mind reading abilities born out of unreal expertise in his/her field) could know. Plus, they liked Neon for his personality. He was average looking at best, as I also recall I described. Him suddenly becoming a mare (Limelight) and looking a fair bit better than before, but still being the same person--while a big change--doesn't detract anything from the "Why we like him" score. Yeah, looks is important to some people, but let's just say that they didn't care much for whether or not he was a stallion or not.
Also, the epilogue... that was nothing but a joke. I wanted Neon/Limelights to chase Vinyl, screaming bloody murder and threatening with whatever horrible thing he/she could come up with as a sort of open-ended finale. All for shits & giggles. I'll admit that outright. That ending was there for no other reason than because I thought it'd be a fun way to tie things up.
Now! For the final stuff!
While relationships isn't a thing that just happens because they had sex doesn't mean that, just because they had sex in this story, that this is the case here. About a month passed by from the time they met Vinyl to the ending of the story. While it smells a lot of "Happily ever after" I wrote absolutely nothing about that time, leaving it open for interpretation. For all intents and purposes an entire 100k word story happened in the span of that time. Plenty of time for a proper relationship to be built up, or at least have a solid foundation for such a relationship built.
...And now for the actual final stuff.
This story was written because I lost a bet. I once made a comment on another story, as a reply to a friend of mine, that he liked his foursomes in stories. He replied with a "Yeah, I do" (or something like that). At this point I decided that, hey, it would be a good idea to tell him that if he gave me half his followers I would write a clopfic with four characters of his choice. Next day I have something like 80 new people following me. So... I decided to keep my end of the bargain (even if he pulled the rug under me, that bastard. Never saw it coming xD) and I went about trying to find a plot, threw in a succubus because it sounded fun.
In the end this story is the result of a lost bet/a weird&funny deal, made on the fly and only with the purpose of being fun and entertaining, and not thought through and flawless and free of plotholes. Don't get me wrong, it's really nice to know that people think enough of your story (good or bad, and even good & bad) to write a comment like yours. It's a rare thing, so it's also one I enjoy when it finally happens :3
For a clopfic with a bit more airtight plot you might want to read Magical Callgirl. Stupid ass title aside I think that story is quite a bit better in pure technical matters. Plus, it contains boobs. Something which I am very much a fan of