Douglas came through the mirror portal to Equestria from a war-torn world, beaten and left for dead. Taking sympathy on him, Celestia allows him to live and work in Equestria. Douglas settles into his new life easily, but he receives a chilly reception both from his coworkers and the residents of Canterlot, despite his favor with the alicorn sisters.
In a bid to increase funding for the Crystal Empire, Celestia and Luna offer Douglas a transfer opportunity to the crystal city. Eager to escape, Douglas accepts the offer and comes into the care of Prince D'Amore Temporus and his Captain of the Guard, Gleaming Shield. But something appears off about the prince of the Crystal Empire, especially when he starts taking an interest in Douglas.
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Prince D'Amore Temporus/Tempo = r63 Princess Mi Amore Cadenza/Cadence
Gleaming Shield = r63 Shining Armor
They're not married here.
I like it
That blank spot says "They're not married here."
I read through this today, and I can say, the second and third chapters are major improvements compared to the first, rushed one.
I like how the story goes but the explanations and origin story of Douglas is lacking. It could have been done much better.
The grammar is great, the wide range of word usage, including using the gentleman's kind of speaking, makes the whole story much better to read.
I can already see some elements lining out and I can also conclude possible elements, but I'm eagerly waiting for the next chapter to see whether I was wrong or not.
To summ it up: The story is great but it requires the creativity of a different person, to fill up the holes and fix the lacking parts.
If needed, I could give ideas.
-Zeph
I am loving this story, it feels like you are moving along fast, but you aren't. It's well paced. Keep up the good work :D
KEEP FIRING THEM OUT WHEN YA CAN :D
Awww, this was adorable!
I mean, it is slowly turning obvious how Douglas develops feelings towards Tempo.
Hmm, those eyes.... yes, gusta, definitely gusta!
Make more soon!
-Zeph
I find it interesting you used a marching band term as Cadence's R63 name; 'Cadence' is what's played on the drums- and 'Tempo' is used to keep the rythm.
Nice.
Please continue- I like this
Hoooooly mackerel.
That ending.
Oh boy, I can see how this story is turning out, I see through the veil of conspiration!
Heheheheh and I LOVE IT!
Tempo's behaviour is very pleasing to my tastes.
*evil smile*
The perverted sides of my mind are dancing in joy.
Today is a good day!
-Zeph
Hm... Story tagged "dark". We need much darker end of this events.
4242333 don't fuck with LOGIC
4242716
In literature Logic is conditional category.
Everyday I wake up knowing that another chapter is only around the corner. Keep up the good work, Defiantly got a Fav here.
4242333
It's gonna be there. And when it does, what you thought about every single little event is going to go spiralling down...
Oh boy, oh boy!
Things are happening exactly like I expected!
I can see through your plan, Revenant, I see what's going on!
Also.... d'aaaaawww! :3
-Zeph
Symbolism-shmambalism... Everything is clear as day: Prince Gaypo just want to fuck this emotionaly suppressed alien. Maybe its his fetish: damaged minds. And he cant do that forcibly because Celestia will skin him alive for this. Instead he choosed to brainwash protag into submission following this with "im the only one who like you".
P.S. Moreover, its gay and disgusting because of it.
4247661
So, I take it you don't like it.
If that's the case, why are you still reading it?
There's a lot of feeling in this story, and quite a lot of entertainment as well.
And I am looking forward to see how Douglas will reach in the next chapter now.
But not once when I found this story did I expect it to end out like this.
But over all I still enjoy it.
4247661
And why do you leave a hate comment? Wouldn't it be easier to just not continue reading it?
Just saying.
4248423
Lol. Who said i dont like it? It is interesting fic. If someone commented negatively it doesnt mean that whole picture of this fic is bad. You placed "dark" tag here. W8 for "dark" responce.
Well.
*insert Planet of the Apes reference here*
I think this was a strange turn of events.... but nothing unexpected.
I just wish Douglas could handle the situation with Tempo. I mean, seriously.
Who would refuse him?...
Oh well.
This story needs more chapters.
-Zeph
I would say this is an unusual turn of events, but I have seen it done before.
What interests me more is whether or not Douglas is representative of a particular group of individuals with marked difficulties in social interaction and a crippling inability to spot overt social cues and clues. I have been suspicious for a few chapters now, but it has come to a head here.
Oh God. This alicorn are sadist to.
I dont know what Celestia was thinking while sending Douglas to obvious torture. If she wanted to get rid of the inconvenient alien, why all this bravado? why simply not to kill him?
4252765
Celestia and Luna didn't want to kill him. If I'd gone into it more - which I didn't because this was supposed to be a one-shot - they were benevolent bosses for Douglas.
4256909
Thank you for pointing it out; I'll fix that right away.
Whoops... I'm used to writing and seeing HiE in first person I might have let that slip.
And yeah, that intro was a bit of a problem. Maybe I'll go back and write a few more chapters fleshing that out at some time, but right now I kind of want to just get it finished so I don't lose the ideas for the end.
Thank you for the comment.
I feel like that ending is missing some *cough* extra material....
4282558
Said "*cough* extra material" is not my forte, nor my exact desire to write. To me, I won't write it unless it's plot crucial. Here, it isn't, so I won't.
And it didn't go that far anyway.
4282561
Perfectly fine, I am loving the story anyway without it, can't wait for those last couple of chapters :D
You know, I'm starting to think that the title has less to do with the human protagonist and more to do with the prince himself. Then again, maybe I'm just reading too deeply into things.
4282561
Plot is always crucial to the plot
Hmmm, this was delicious!
As 4282558 says, it needs that little extra.
The plot might not demand it at the moment, but later on I feel the need to include such things as the more... intimate kind of affection showed.
With great detail.
Yes.
I would be more than happy to co-operate in making that, see me on Skype, Rev!
-Zeph
Hmmmmm. Tempo uses the word "platonic", yet his action speaks to the contrary (from the perspective of most contemporary western cultures). You touched on an issue of ethnocentric thinking in regard to certain physical actions, but I do believe it could do with more details. Does Tempo truly kiss with a cultural mind toward platonic feeling? It annoys me that I can't answer that question with any degree of certainty.
aww you made him a wimp
Something that's bugged me up to this point is a simple question: why is this rule 63'd? I've been trying to figure that out. You've written the length of a long novella and have almost reached novel length without me figuring out the answer to that question because it seems like the same relationships would exist if you just stuck an AU tag and said "they were never married and things played out differently"
4283309
That out of the way, I like R63'd Cadence and had been meaning to use him in a fic for a while.
4282987
It will be answered later.
MOAR!!!!!
.....he's trying to mind-bend Douglas into being his lover, isn't he? Normally i'd be all for a good romance story, but something about all this just feels off. Artificial. Sinister.
Why hasn't this been updated for such a long time? The story left at such an amazing chapter with no continuation. :(
Would have liked an actual conversation between Ruby Rose and Douglas, rather than just the cliff notes stating "nice and likes biology".
Is Ruby going to be a ball of happy like Pinkie, smart and energetic like Lyra, a grounding force like AJ or Bonbon, or will she be silent and crazy like Flutter shy?
Nice to see Douglas showing more personality.
Not sure if Tempo is hitting on Douglas, or if Douglas is developing feelings for Tempo because of the Prince showing him kindness and care.
At the very least, there is bromance that will transform quickly to romance in order to fulfil the romance tag (Unless Gleaming Shield or Ruby Rose come from behind and sweep Douglas off his feet)
Should be "Douglas said nothing"
Male Rarity? Is that you?
Even though Tempo just made Douglas his date, I am still uncertain on who is falling for who first.
I kinda want to brace myself in case Douglas is inches from professing his romantic love for Tempo, and... I dunno... Ruby Rose swoops in, calls Tempo some lovey-dovey-pet-names, makes out with him, and Tempo returns the names and smooches.
In front of Douglas.
Tell us about Ruby Rose plz!
5817214
This will be getting a rewrite, though I'll make sure to keep this up and save these comments. It's just not on the top of my list right now with other projects and school.
Tempo wins gold in the "Profess your feelings" race, while Douglas earns the "he is male, therefore dense" award along with his published peer approved PhD dissertation in "miscommunications at critical times".
The impending angst and fallout is going to be delicious!!
Hold on, let me get some pop corn so I can better watch the emotion train derail into a grid locked highway of pain!
Oh man! The fallout pain at the beginning was as delicious as anticipated!
I think some one needs to use plain English on Douglas to explain that Tempo wants him romantically.
....So is Douglas sleeping with his face to the floor, ass in the air, and arms to the sides?
That's the best I can mentally translate that description.
Dang it Revenant Wings!!
You have me eagerly waiting for more romance between two males!
I'm a straight man damn it!
While I'm glad I read it, I'm not so glad that I powered through it all in one day.
More plz?
5817226
OK, gotcha.
Should I go through a bit more critically and post thought and misspell catches?
Remember R. Kelly's wisdom Revenant: ...Ain't nothing wrong, with a lil bump and grind...
Though I am still feeling confused on if Tempo wants Douglas romantically/passionately or not, because of Tempo's actions and some phrasing, despite Tempo's explanation to the otherwise.
...you haven't given up on this yet, right? I really miss this story.
Damn. That's one hell of a cliff you've left us hanging from. It's been a good story thus far.
I take it this is the image that inspired your Prince Tempo's appearance (that or you inspired their art):
img11.deviantart.net/ffde/i/2013/083/6/b/distant_prince_by_whitefangkakashi300-d5z616d.jpg
It's a nice look. The facial hair really works for him, color and style alike.
Oh, Douglas. It's just a kiss on the forehead. It's not like he ripped your pants off, levitated over a bottle of lube and told you to assume the position.
That's happens on the second date.
I'm guessing that was supposed to be "Douglas' ribs".
6599932
Yes, that's the one that inspired me. I love that one in particular of him.
Masterful Artwork this piece is.
The only question left to ask is, "is it dead Jim?"