Interim: Journey through a suicidal mind (Pinkie's Poetry, as reproduced by T. Sparkle)
Pinkie Pie's poetry, written before her death.
Dear Faculty,
It is the reccomendation of I, Twilight Sparkle, that the following poems become part of the Modern Poetry course here at Ponyville Community College
Sincerely,
Ms. Twilight Sparkle, BA, MA
Assistant Professor of Literature and Cultural Studies
Faculty of Literature
School of Arts and Social Sciences
Ponyville Community College
-------------------------------------------------
To whom it may concern
Two whom it may concern,
How to describe my feelings?
How the fuck do I explain
All the chaos in my head?
The despair, the rage, the pain
“Utterly shit” is hardly poetic
My life is at a point of loss
Like a leg that’s gone septic
No happy endings
No undercover boss
I’m done for
Dead
No more chaos in my head
To whom it may concern,
I don’t think I can take the pain
I’m afraid of pain
I’m weak, I know.
But don’t stop me
Don’t even bother trying
You’ll have more luck with Sarah Kane
At least she accomplished something
Before she plucked up the courage
To end her life
She was twenty eight
Still fresh faced
Five plays to her name
What a fucking waste
But I’ll get no such sentiment
I’ll be lucky if anyone
Even goes to my funeral
To whom it may concern,
You don’t deserve the pain
Not any more than I do
So for that I’m truly sorry
I know that what I’m about to do
Will utterly destroy you
I worry that it will
Shatter the fabric of our friendship
Fuck the foals up in the future
Cause another war
Sickness
Depression
Unemployment
Despair
Alcohol
Drugs
Death
It comes on pretty quickly
And snowballs out of control
A spiral into empty darkness
That rends at the soul
But I know you’re strong
I know you’ll be alright
Life is a tunnel
You’ll all reach the light
But I’m staying here
In the darkness
The land of eternal night
To whom it may concern,
There’s nothing left to live for
My future is black as coal
That has been dunked in oil
Or acrylic
Sucked into a hole
And shat out by God
I’ve got no prospects
I’ve got no drive
I cannot stand being alive
Trapped in my mind
It’s a fate worse than death
Worse than hell
Worse than exile
There must be something else
This can’t be all there is
Can it?
Falling
She
is an echo and I am a fading noise.
A muffled sound,
Like one that drowned.
I am falling through
water
and I have left my oxygen on the
boat.
Empty,
My glass shatters into
shards on the floor.
Slowly, I return to the pain of sobriety.
The haze has lifted, and I realise that
The once bright day is now
my black soul.
Deliberately,
I venture towards my outcome.
There is a dark cloud above
the canopy,
and there’s a slippery
climb to
the
top,
with angry spikes underneath
Me.
I am alone.
Purpose unknown.
No feelings at all.
It feels like I’m stuck in
limbo.
Pink
Between the black and grey.
Black.
And grey.
A single step too far.
Black.
A hoof that betrayed me.
Hooves that once lied
Now tie
A choking
claustrophobic blackness
around my throat.
One yank.
I shatter into pieces
and fall into blackness.
I was somepony
I was somepony once:
Somepony who was born
Somepony who grew up
Somepony who went to school
Stopped being a child
And entered adult life.
I was somepony once:
Somepony who rose in the morning
Somepony who left each day for work
Somepony who came home
Had their tea
And went to bed.
I was somepony once;
Somepony who... started to find things
Somepony who... saw darkness and fear
Somepony who knew
That something was wrong
And knew it was near.
I was somepony once.
Somepony who saw death in the mirror.
Could not sleep for the ghouls on the ceiling
Or the demons under the bed.
Ate nothing for weeks.
Could not think for the barbs
Inside my head.
Or the poison in my soul.
I was somepony once.
And then death was a carpet
Bleeding paper on the walls
Tears flowing from open wounds
Emptied bodies begging for mercy.
Lies drip venom from my tongue
Corrosive words
My life is done.
Tartan Paint
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit fuck, fuck-fuck balls
Fuck: fuck, cunt, shit, arse fuck shit fuck
Fuck shit fuck, arse fuck shit fuck cunt
Fuck fuck cock, fuck shit arse fuck cunt
Fuck fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck wanker shit fuck
Shit fuck arse fuck, shit fuck arse cunt balls?
Fuck...
Jizz fuck arse cock, cunt arse cock, bollocks fuck arse cock
Cunt fuck balls wanker; shit fuck piss cunt balls
Balls shit bollocks, fuck balls wanker shit fuck
Shit wanker bollocks fuck tartan paint
Cunt bollocks bastard shit fuck
Tartan fucking paint
Fuck.
Scholarship - Twilight Sparkle
My proposal is sound
On these two affronts
Give me my funding
You filthy inbred cunts
#LORDOFTHEFLIES
LOL PIGGY Y U SO FAT
FUCK U RALPH I HAS ASSMAR
SUCKS 2 UR ASSMAR U FAT CUNT
ONOEZ LOOK ITS JACK MERRIDEW
ONOEZ HE IS FUCKIN NAZI
NO STFU HE IS HERE
HAI JACK Y HAS U GOT GINGER PYEBS
COZ I FKIN HAS AND I R TEH HUNTER
I R TEH FUCKIN TIGER
I HUNT PIGS
LIKE U
FAT FUCKIN NAZI
BUT JACK U HAS GINGER PYEBS
AT LEAST I HAS PYEBS
BITCH PLZ THEY R FKIN GINGER
HATERS GON HATE
OMG STFU LOL
U CANT SEE PIGGYS 4 HIS STOMACH ROFL
Y SO FUKIN MEAN?
STFU OR I BURN DIS ISLAND
WAR
FUCK
NUKE
BEAST
GAS THE JEWS OMG
KILL THE BEAST
FUCK HIS CHILDREN
MAKE THEM SHIT BLOOD
AND BEG FOR MERCY
SIMON IS DEAD
NOW WE KILLED PIGGY
OH SHIT LOL
NOW U IS FUKIN BEASTS LMFAO
How now gentlemen
Dare I say there has been a war going on?
Silly little children with your silly little war.
I would expect much better from British boys.
Drowning
Every day when I wake up
I wish that day was my last
I check my mails
And then my sales
By nine thirty I realise
That I’ve got nothing
At all left to live for
I just want to disappear
Take a knife, and slit my
Throat from ear to ear
For some huge, crushing force
To tear me into pieces
That cannot be rebuilt
The king’s horses and men
Are shit out of luck
I jumped off the wall
And I don’t give a fuck
Suicidal Ideation
It has to be painless
I’m so scared of the pain.
I have nothing to lose
But nothing to gain
I tried suspension hanging
It seemed easy at first
but it hurt, and I don’t
think I have the right noose to
do a drop hanging.
I don’t want to overdose
Because it’s unreliable
To leave it up to fate
There’s no hope for banging
My head against a moving train
Or putting it in an oven
Like Sylfilly Plath
Or lung cancer, like Granny Pie
Drowning is a laugh -
The nearest lake is miles away.
I’d jump from a high building
But it’s too hard to find one
I could just slit my throat
From ear to ear
But I don’t think I’m strong enough
I’d probably get it wrong
Wrist slitting doesn’t appeal
Toaster in the bath is... no
Carbon Monoxide is impractical
I suppose if it was easier
More people would do it
Why bother living in this shit?
I could try
Ripping up the complete
Works of Fillyham Shakespeare
Tearing out each page
And swallowing them whole
Until I choked.
I wish I was dead
I wish it was that easy.
People say it’s the easy
Way out
You try overdosing
On sertraline
Or jumping off
A fucking bridge
The one thing more
Disappointing
Than my life
Is not being able to end it
Initial diagnosis
You’re here because
You want my help
Or you want to help
yourself – is that right?
You
Are not alone
Many people suffer from
Depression. About one in four
Actually.
It is very common
You’re here because
You feel you cannot cope
With day to day life
You cannot rise in the morning
Take adequate care of your
personal high gene
or cook yourself satisfactory meals
you’re not a student anymore
you can’t just live
off pot noodles and toast
You say your life is as absent as
your diet. I think that may be
an exaggeration?
I think you like the idea of
Suicide. But
I don’t believe you’re seriously considering it
What would you say
are your protective factors?
Family? Friends? Faith?
You must have something to live for
Or you’d have taken your own life
Already
What is it that holds you back?
Fear?
I have prescribed you sertraline
I think that will help but
may cause some anxiety
Keep you awake at night
You know you’re fucked
When you can’t even
Trust your drugs
They won’t hurt you
But
They won’t treat you
Granny Pie
I am dead to the way that it makes me feel
Watching you writhing there like an eel
Attached to a hook. I'm in agony here,
But you don’t give a fuck.
I have to be strong for mum.
Keep my composure -
Don’t grieve till you’re gone.
But you’re already gone
As far as I can see,
You’re not my Granny.
You’re a shell of what you were
A china plate, now barely a spoon
Kept alive
by a growling beast in the corner.
Wires like tentacles, threading
into your floury skin.
Eyes like eggshells,
Your bones like driftwood
And wire wool growing from your
Shrunken head,
coiling around your knitting needles.
When the morphine could
no longer stop the pain
You died.
When they opened you up
They found me inside.
My mood
black as your lungs
drips from every pore.
And even now
You haunt me still.
I cannot escape your
Loving embrace.
You’re always here
With me.
My Granny Pie, my grief,
My jailor, my relief.
My disease
Falling backwards into hell
A dry lakebed in the crater of a sore
Skin that peeled from splintered bone
A broken soul, forevermore.
My head is like
A newborn dove
as it crawls from its egg
Into the jaws of hungry predators.
A tin can without a label.
Burger without cheese.
A soul without a body
This is my disease.
The next two poems were written by a ghost writer.
I, Ghost I
Ghost, ghost
I’m a ghost
I watch you while
You eat toast
What’s for dinner?
Yum, a roast
Chicken is what
I love the most
You send mail
I send post
No I don’t
I’m just a ghost
I, Ghost II
I returned to earth in the dead of night
Location unknown, empty and cold
Grass froze when I walked near
But I felt an absence of pain and fear
I was dead
But for the first time, I could breathe
Thank God, the pain was gone
I’d stopped feeling empty
Even though I was nothing
But incorporeal matter
Passing through space
Joined only by a consciousness
Stray thoughts that walked
Ideas with legs
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UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4234502 My thoughts exactly
Is it bad that I laughed on this part...?
pure poetry
4234502 I agree.
4334032
Well, that’s Pinkie.