• Published 11th Apr 2014
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Fimfiction Writes Ponies! - Obselescence



What happens if almost one hundred Fimfic users get together to write a single story simultaneously? This happens! Also Lord Apep ate the Sun, and Twilight should probably do something about that.

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Chapter Omega: R.I.P 4th Wall, We Knew Thee Well

Chapter Omega: R.I.P 4th Wall, We Knew Thee Well

Twilight Sparkle and her friends found each other floating in the empty, dark space between the multiverse. There, coiling ‘round them, was the great snake Apep himself. He had been weakened by Twilight’s virus in the calculator that he had eaten, but he was not yet dead.

“Where are we?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking around at the nothingness surrounding them.

Twilight sighed. “Subspace,” she replied solemnly.

Her friends all looked at her quizzically. “Come again?” Applejack questioned her.

“The space between spaces,” Twilight clarified. “Or, to be more precise, the space between universes also known as the multiverse, dreamscape, spiritual realm, Narnia, and a thousand other things.”

“Ah, okay, Sugarcube but what does that do to get us out of here?”

“Yes, and you and your friends have practically destroyed the damn thing.” a certain brown Earth Pony said as he appeared out of less than nothing.

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Doctor?!” she said in shock, having met a version of him in one of the countless adventures the authors were too lazy to write out.

“No! Well, yes, but... That’s besides the point!” Time Turner or Doctor Whooves (or maybe some kind of combination… Time Whooves? Doctor Turner? James Bond?) said. "The point is, because of you six, reality itself is beginning to fracture, and will eventually shatter from the stress caused by an excess of adorability and cuteness, as well as stupidity.”

“Well, how bad can that be, exactly?” Rarity asked, a tinge of worry in her voice.

“I don’t think you understand,” Time-Travelling Pony said. “With reality fracturing, everything will be lost. Time, Space, Plot, SANITY. Unless Apep can be destroyed, all of creation will be sent screaming into nothingne—” And suddenly he became a pear.

Discord smiled, ‘leaning’ against the fabric of space. “Oh, you bring up an excellent point Pinkie. Who cares?” he said, grabbing the pear and taking a bite out of it, ignoring the yelp it made.

“Discord!” Twilight snarled, turning on him. “What are you doing?”

“Eating a pear. Isn’t it obvious?” Discord replied haughtily.

“But why?! He was warning us, trying to save reality from chaos!”

“Why not? He would have failed anyways and he probably would have taken reality along with him, and me and I would die hungry and a million other things that are beneath your concern. That’s exactly why I’m doing this,” Discord said with a sneer, throwing the pear away. “My name should tell you enough, but since you seem to not understand, let me explain.” He said before snapping his fingers, bathing the nothingness in golden light,

It showed Equestria from a bird’s-eye view, if such a metaphorical bird were able to survive in the void of Space. “Here, we have a world shown in perfect harmony. Serene. Peaceful.” The last word was snarled out, as if it were a curse of some kind.

“Now, here’s the world when it ISN’T peaceful.” Another snap, and suddenly everything changed. The world appeared to be Apep’s ugly mug, smiling cruelly while vast volcanoes formed his eyes, and an enormous Techno-Changeling Horde being his mouth. “Nothing but madness and insanity, just the way I like it.”

“I thought you only liked chaos and insanity when you were the one causing it?” Twilight questioned him.

“Who said I wasn’t? You can’t understand chaos. Chaos is by definition not understandable!” Discord monologued before snapping his fingers and creating an orderly list on a whiteboard and showing it to his enemies “See? This whiteboard is chaotic, because I made it–and, since I am a being of chaos, it is unpredictable that I would create something orderly.”

”But... It’s just a whiteboard,” Twilight said, confused as to why Discord’s monologue was still going on and what his actual point was. She was also amazed that Apep had not shown up yet, surely he would want to confront the ones who could stop him?

And, speak of the Apep…(praise be to him!)

GRAAAAAW! I am Apep, hear me roar!” the Egyptian God of Chaos hissed as he appeared from the schoolhouse of nothing, looking down at Discord and his puny whiteboard. Apep snapped his jaw, and summoned a bigger whiteboard, better than Discord’s.

“And why should you put Equessstria into eternal chaosss?” Apep hissed, twisting around the Draconequus.

“Hm, let me think?” Discord said, putting a paw to his chin as if in deep thought. “Why not? I mean, I am the Equestrian God of Chaos. And hey, I don’t get my ass kicked nightly by MY Sun Goddess.” Celestia teleported in and bucked Discord’s backside before inexplicably disappearing with the parting shout of "Molestia strikes again!"

“Yesss, yesss, you do,” chuckled Apep.

Discord grumbled, rubbing his backside. “Well, better than two sun deities.”

Apollo flew in and promptly slammed his fists down onto Discord’s cranium. “Shazzamitylam!” he shouted triumphantly, and shot off into the distance.

“Oh, come on!” Discord shouted, rubbing at his now aching head. “I don’t even know that god!”

Apep snickered and hissed simultaneously; a sort of ‘sniss’, if Apep will.

Meanwhile, Twilight and co. slowly backed away from the gods of Chaos; wondering where the nearest exit was.

Apep, as if reading their minds, pointed at a big neon exit sign. The door was shaped strangely like Apep’s jaw. “Please, do leave. I’d rather not have a bunch of children disturbing me.”

“What did you say?” Twilight asked, her voice soft but stern.

Apep turned around, his face a wide smile. “Oh? Did I insult the little princess’s student?” he said, cackling. “Compared to me, you are insignificant. Nothing. A child. I only give you the choice to leave because I’m simply annoyed with you all, and don’t want to hear your annoying prattle as I burn your world,” he sniffled. “Also I appear to have a cold, and I’m not in the mood. So, in short, Go. Away,” he said, his voice as cruel as the desert.

Twilight turned around, her eyes cold. “No,” she said.

The vast snake reared back, blinking in surprise. “What?”

“No. The opposite of Yes. A negative statement,” Twilight said, her voice becoming more passionate as she walked towards the vast snake, who stared in confusion. “As in, not agreeing, forming a differing opinion and, in some extreme cases, actively going against the wishes of others.” She furrowed her brows and shot the snake deity an icy glare. “The last example being the one currently on display, from me to you.”

Apep’s eyes narrowed as he glowered at the tiny unicorn. “You dare defy a God?”

“I’ve done it before,” Twilight said with a shrug.

Apep roared at her, a sound that promised unimaginable pain and agony.

“Ah, come on, why are you so grumpy?” Pinkie said with a pout, leaning on top of his head and looking into his vast eye.

Apep reared back in shock, throwing Pinkie away. “What the- How did you get there!?” he said before shaking his head, snarling. “Enough! Thisss shall end!”

“With cupcakes and a party!!” Pinkie exclaimed, happily bouncing around in circles.

“Oh, I’m more of an apples mare mahself, but I could go fer that,” Applejack said, while Apep’s vast godly eye began to twitch.

“And I as well, darlings,” Rarity added with a haughty smile. “Though, I must say your skin would make the absolute finest snake-skin boots.” She eyed the snake deity’s exterior with a slightly mischievous gaze. “Boots fit for a God, in fact.” She giggled at her intended (and slightly clumsy) pun.

“What, annoyed how they don’t find you to be a threat?” Discord said, piping up, reminding the readers he hadn’t been dealt with yet. “I mean, even Rarity is saying she could fight you,” he said with a snicker.

“Do you all have a death wish?!" Apep exclaimed at them. “Because, if so, I’ll gladly play genie for a bit!”

“Ooh, I have a bit in my saddlebags,” Pinkie exclaimed, yet again popping into the story only for comic relief.

“I still f-find him f-f-frightening,” Fluttershy squeaked.

"You're scared of everything, Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash jibbed.

"Even your own shadow as seen in season one, episode seven,” Pinkie elaborated. She bowed to the audience as a rimshot echoed through subspace.

“Oh, I don’t intend to fight him, Discord,” Rarity replied to the draconequus, completely ignoring the previous exchange. “I intend to outwit him—” she pulled out from behind her back a seemingly empty hoof, “—with this.”

Apep peered down at Rarity’s hoof, and frowned confusedly. “What’sss it sssupposssed to b—”

His statement was cut off by a tiny explosion upon his forehead, which caused him to stagger back a little ways.

“What happened?!” he shouted, a hint of fear in his tone. He spotted Rarity rubbing her hoof against her side nonchalantly, to which he glared icy daggers at the pristine white unicorn. “What did you do?!”

Rarity smirked slightly without meeting his gaze (which would make a certain snake-haired goddess blush if she were there). “Have you forgotten where we are, dear Apep?”

Apep snorted steamy breath from his nostrils. “Of course I haven’t; we’re in the multiverse.”

“Right,” she replied, her smile taking on a sinister edge. “Meaning we have access to literally anything and everything our minds can imagine.”

Apep stared in confusion for a brief moment before realization struck not just him, but everyone else. Immediately, everyone present began brainstorming the most awe-inspiring, violent, lethal and awesome things she could imagine.

Rarity equipped a jetpack to her backside and twin purple magic glowing swords to her hooves.

Fluttershy armed herself with a hydraulic, 20-mm Vulcan V-8 six-barreled minigun, capable of firing 6600 rounds per minute, with a muzzle velocity of 1050 metres per second, complete with a million-round belt of 7.62 NATO, custom-machined, incendiary, elemental, enchanted rounds.

Rainbow Dash procured an enormous scythe, which might or might not have belonged to Death himself. It easily dwarfed everypony present in combined length.

Applejack summoned full body power armour with a MK-19 grenade launcher, which had extensions of other grenade launchers which would have other grenade launchers, all mounted on her back. Each grenade fired would explode into other grenades upon detonation. She removed her Stetson and withdrew the Holy Hoof Grenade, before placing the hat back atop her head.

Pinkie Pie pulled out translucent shards of the destroyed Fourth Wall.

Twilight got really creative and summoned a spell book on how to kill snake-deities (written by Star Swirl the Bearded, with a foreword by The Great and Powerful Ultra Mecha-Trixie).

Discord decided to remain chaotic neutral and summoned a set of bleachers, multiple snack stalls, and donned himself in a jersey which read ‘rEF3rE’. Multitudes of random and quite diverse characters from all across the multiverse started pouring into the stands, all rushing furiously to find a seat before the grand spectacle started.

“Well, this certainly looks to be an exciting match-up,” Lady Palutena mused as she took her seat.

“Indeed it does,” Neo affirmed as he took one next to her.

“Can someone change me back to normal!?” Doctor Pear Whooves whined, or whatever he was called now, only to be completely ignored.

“Will there be blood!?” Rick Taylor shouted from way up in the stands, the mask attached to his face delighted by the prospect of witnessing a bloodbath not instigated by them.

“Oh yes,” Jigsaw replied, turning to look up at him. “There will be blood.”

“Pika-pika!” Pikachu supplied, which loosely translated as ‘Off with their heads!’

“Shhh!” Discord said, pulling out a bag of popcorn. “The show’s about to begin!”

“I love a good show,” Dimentio giggled evilly.

“Where’re the gambling booths at?” Homer Simpson asked aloud, turning his head around each way in search of said money-suckers, despite having no money on his person.

“Are we playing a game?” Billy asked Mandy and Grim, of whom the latter waved a dismissive bony hand at the scythe Rainbow Dash possessed.

“Let’s-a go!” Mario urged.

“How did I get here?” asked Prince Staghorn of the changelings, and the son of another pony-universe’s Chrysalis unrelated to the one in this story.

“Multiverse rules and the fact that you’re a low-grade author avatar, dear,” said his wife, Double.

“What’s going on?” Snowdrop asked to no one, hearing around while Nyx had an expression of confusion etched on her face.

“Mom?” she said, looking at Twilight down in the arena.

“I said, shhh!” Discord repeated as the fighters lunged at each other with their summoned armaments and allies.

Round One...FIGHT!

Pinkie lunged at Apep, the shards of the broken Fourth Wall digging deeply into the Egyptian Chaos God’s hide.

“Ah, you will pay for that, puny mortal!” Apep screamed before his battle tank began firing upon Pinkie.

“I’ve gotcha, Sugarcube!” Applejack said, going to the pink pony’s defense, before receiving a vicious backhand. She looked up in confusion, seeing who’d deflected her.

“Ashes to Ass, Dust to Duck.” Nicolas Cage intoned, pulling out a katana. “I’m gonna hit you with a GODDAMN TRUCK!” He shouted before suddenly becoming an eighteen-wheeler truck, running over the farmer pony.

“Applejack!” Rarity called out from the sky before a shark suddenly appeared and bit down on her, chopping her in half. The two halves regenerated, leaving two Raritys standing before the scaled God. "We cannot be killed, only divided! We are many, you are but one!"

Meanwhile, just a mere few feet away . . .

Fluttershy revved the minigun, unloading on the Cagemobile, a maniacal grin stretched across her muzzle. Shell casings clattered to the ground in a chiming symphony of destruction.

The Cagemobile exploded in a pillar of flames. And bees. Somewhere, Michael Bay’s weeping intensified.

A dazed Nicolas Cage emerged from the smoldering, twisted carcass of his rig, before he was set upon by the bees.

“NOOOO!” he yelled in anguish. “NOT THE BEES! ANYTHING BUT THE BEES!”

He flailed his limbs wildly, contorting into shapes that defied human anatomy, before charging towards Fluttershy, screaming and clawing at his swollen skin.

But Fluttershy was not having any of this nonsense. She opened her inventory and equipped a horned, iron helmet. She spread her hooves beneath her, taking an aggressive stance.

But there is one they fear. In their tongue, she is Dovashy. Flutterborn!

Fus Ro yay!” Dovahshy squeaked, accompanied by a familiar ponysquee.

Nicolas Cage was thrown through space, imploding from swag overload before disintegrating from weaponized cuteness.

The very fabric of the universe erotically shook, threatening to collapse.

Meanwhile, just a mere few feet away . . .

“That looks like it hurt,” Applejack wheezed.

“Hush, darling, I was just eaten alive by a shark,” Rarity said before flying straight at Apep, stabbing him in the eye with one of her magic swords.

-----

How have we not finished this yet? Jesus Christ,” The Aht ‘Hurz, Gods of the Multiverse, thought in annoyance.

Just keep going--it may end if we just keep going,” one of the Gods said, annoyed.

Or it could go on forever because we were stupid enough to give those mortals brains to use for creative purposes,” stated another God.

I suggest we change the music!” one of them piped up.

NO!” all the other gods shouted.

-----

“Prepare to meet your maker!” Dash shouted, swinging her scythe straight towards Apep’s midsection.

However, Rarity was still flying there and got bisected. “Faust-damnit, Dash!” Rarity said, regenerating and hovering over to Rainbow Dash, glaring at her. Dash chuckled awkwardly and blushed. “Oops.”

“Girls, outta the way! I’m finishing this!” Twilight said, having finished reading the Book on how to defeat Apep (it had taken her a while due to Trixie’s UNGODLY-large ‘foreword’, which was mostly her stroking her ego).

“And, pray tell, how ssso?” Apep sneered.

“By activating her trap card!” Pinkie said, riding one of the laser-headed sharks, whooping and hollering.

Twilight nodded with a small smile. “Activating Spell-Binding Circle!” Immediately, a large circular shape began taking form around Apep’s midsection, which he only looked at curiously as it did nothing to hurt him in the slightest. Upon the spell’s completion, however, the snake god began feeling a slight tingling sensation throughout his body, which only increased in intensity until it eventually erupted into full-on pain and he collapsed to the ground(?) in a heap.

“Its a trap!” Admiral Ackbar shouted from the stands.

“Gah,” Apep groaned, twitching sporadically as the spell’s effects kept him fixed in one position, unable to move whatsoever. “This issssn’t going quite asss I assssumed it would.”

Discord blew his whistle which wasn’t previously mentioned. “Ponies win, game over!” he crowed just as the end credits began to ro—