Chapter 1: It Begins, Hail Apep
Morning in Ponyville is like head on a Sunday afternoon: good stuff. It was like most days in Ponyville, except that this day had been eaten by a giant black and red monster. A large snake that in no way resembled any known species, to be precise. Apep, the sun-eating god of Evil, to really be specific. Naturally, it was up to Twilight to figure out both how this situation was possible and how it could be fixed.
"Spike," she called. "Send a letter to Celestia telling her to scoot her soggy-ass flank out to Ponyville for once. There be magicking to be done!"
Spike replied with a depressed grunt, directed more at her bad pirate-english than the chore.
Without pause, the sun swooped down and exploded. It was terrifying. Celestia threw up. As per the norm, everypony blamed Trixie. Because it was Trixie. The Great And Powerful Trixie.
*Several Hours Earlier*
"Theeeeee Greeeaaatttt and Powwweeeerfuuuullll Trixie has blown up the Sun!" she yelled, rearing up on her hind hooves and extending her tongue. "Just as she expected to do!" Without warning, The Great and Powerful Trixie was swept up into a maelstrom of energy and harmony—evil harmony—and transformed!
It was at this point that Pinkie Pie said, "This is the craziest fanfic ever!" At that, the fourth wall gave a terrifying cracking sound, at which point she stopped talking, lest the universe come to a merciful end, and nopony wanted that. (Except Donut Joe, but nopony cared about him.) Besides, the universe was where most ponies kept their stuff! Everypony knew that the fourth wall was a physical object, and thus, like the Sun and unlike all other metaphorical concepts, was vulnerable to being destroyed.
The ponies around her merely ignored her, because she was an unrepentant knucklefk.
*The Present*
Twilight sat utterly dumbfounded, looking up at where THE SUN had been just moments earlier. Instead, in its place there was only a black vortex of evil! And exclamation points!
Some ponies ran. Some ponies screamed. Some were even vaporized on the spot. Applejack just wondered why it was still bright outside.
“Narrative convenience,” thought Pinkie. She hoped such thoughts would be safe if unspoken. At this thought, the Fourth Wall gave a another tremendous groan, as its structural integrity was further challenged. Apparently, her thoughts were not safe either.
Spike threw up a reply from Celestia, "Screw you, Twilight. You’re a princess now, handle it yourself. I have other stuff to do. You have no idea how hard it is to peel a banana with nothing but hooves..."
"Spike," Twilight said. "Do you think we should contact Luna?"
"Nah, it’s daytime. She’s sleeping. If we wake her up now it’ll be the Fillydelphia Pancake Massacre all over again."
Twilight’s gaze grew distant. "So much syrup…" She shuddered, shaking herself out of the flashback. "You’re right. Let sleeping princesses lie."
"Why don’t you just handle the situation, like you always do?" Spike raised his scaly eyebrows.
"This wasn’t in any book I’ve read, therefore I’m powerless to do anything."
"Are you saying that you could only handle all the random situations from the past because you read about them in books?"
"Yes—I am a huge nerd, after all."
"You don’t say," Spike replied, rolling his eyes.
After a moment of thought, Spike replied, "What about the time when the princess was being replaced by a changeling? You couldn’t have read about that one."
"That was in the book The Way of the Changeling. Chapter 69, paragraph 42."
"Someone actually wrote about that?"
"Why yes! Almost all ideas have already been written about — that’s why half of Canterlot is the library. Most books are still from the era when Celestia had everypony write one fiction story per day."
"If that’s the case, why didn’t you just outright say, ‘She’s a changeling’?"
"Spike, I’m the only one who reads most of these books. The girls wouldn’t know what a changeling is any more than the Chevallans would know what a quarter-pounder is."
"You mean the Fancies?"
"No, the proper term is Chevallan."
"I suppose you read that too."
"Yes, just like how I read about how Chrysalis is Empress of Neighpon… oh… I think we caused an international incident at the wedding."
"She was leading an invasion." Spike deadpanned
"Right… but Neighpon is a valuable trading ally!"
Spike belched forth another letter.
"It’s fine, Luna’s filling out the paperwork whenever she’s awake."
Twilight paused after reading the letter. "How does she do that?"
Spike tapped her shoulder. "Twilight, remember? Sun exploding? Fixing it??"
Twilight nodded. "Right! Let’s fix this!"
For having the combined work of 100 people, this is surprisingly coherent.
Whats going on!
I would point out all the errors that still slipped by the editors' attention, but Apep . . .
~The lizardman has spoken enough
This reads exactly like your average BZPower comedy.
There is no sanity.
I expected worse, to say the least. Like SoApBoX said, I kept up rather well with what was going on.
After reading the first sentence, I can already say this is the greatest story on this entire site
4218136
Yes I agree
Be thankfull it wasn't edited by... The place that shall not be named
"You have no idea how hard it is to peel a banana with hooves..."
This is going to be fun!
4219465 4chan can write stories, they just put in radically different content than the authors of this story would.
I . . . I'm not sure if I want to continue reading this. . . .
What the actual fuck is happening. I was told this story didnt make sense. This makes perfect sense, its a simple as asking. If nothing escapes a black hole not even light, and if gravity is perhaps a form of electromagnetic radiation (G.U.T.) how does gravity escape the black hole to pull things in?
Everyone knows the answer is. The idea is that space and time are parts of one entity, spacetime. The presence of mass distorts and warps this spacetime; normally the warping is minor, but around a very compact object such as a black hole or a neutron star the warping is dramatic and all sorts of funky effects happen. Therefore, the key is that the effect of gravity does not emanate from inside the black hole; instead, it comes from the overall warping of spacetime *outside* the hole.
Chuckles*
God, I need more madness.
1. I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON (btw Pinkie Pie is now Best Pony)
2. It's Apophis, silly! At least I think so. *looks up on internet* OH COME ON!!!!! APOPHIS IS THE GREEK TERM?!?!?! Now I've gotta correct all my Kane Chronicles fanfics. DAGNABBIT
This story so far sounds like the stories my friend and I write by taking turns writing each word
well, this went weird quicker than i thought possible......
down the rabbit hole we go
4233348 I know that you you DO want keep reading.
Well, dis gun b gud.
Discord would approve of this story