Chapter 6: The Genius and the Mudhoof
At the Inn of the Prancing Pony
Chapter 6: The Genius and the Mudhoof
Celestia carefully made her way back up to the surface, escorted by two identical white unicorns. Nopony said a word.
The whole time, Celestia had to fight to keep a grin off of her face, and to keep her head down. To these guards, and to most of the rest of this town, she was just Hope Springs the earth pony, and needed to show the proper degree of self-abnegation, else such a state might be imposed upon her by another. But inside, she was feeling the first true ray of hope since discovering exactly what she was up against in this new Equestria.
When the outer door was opened, the earth pony was bathed in the light of the midday sun reflected off of the snow that blanketed the streets. She looked about her for a moment, until she realized that her guards were holding up hooves to shield themselves from what was to them a blinding light, and belatedly brought up her own hoof to fake the same reaction.
The guards lowered their hooves after a moment given to adjust, and looked to Celestia with impatience. They had been instructed to take her to the manor of the Blueblood line, a simple summer home by a noble’s standards, but nonetheless a formidable structure where apparently the Duke’s daughter was stuck studying.
“I don’t see why the Duke insisted we escort the mud pony,” one of them grumbled to the other.
“I’m sure I could get there on my own if you gave me directions,” Celestia said demurely, her head raised to address the guards. Not seeing where she was going, she dropped her hoof right into a deep mud-filled pit in the road.
The guards laughed uproariously, having raised magical shields to deflect the splash of mud back onto Celestia’s coat.
“Nah, we better take her,” the other guard said. “She’d probably get lost in a matter of seconds.”
“Come along!” And with that, the pair of ponies launched into a quick march.
“Wait, I need a moment to clean my...oh, never mind.”
After leaving the slums, and traveling through the more militaristic districts, trees began to appear in small plots along the sides of the road. The sorts of ponies on the streets changed as well, from a scarce representation of the other two races, to none at all. Unicorns stopped on the street to stare at Celestia in confusion, sneer, and veer sharply away as though to avoid contamination.
The whole time, Celestia was carefully radiating an aura of submission, that she was here merely as a servant following instructions. The last thing she needed was for her mission to be derailed by an assault a few strides outside of the home of the Duke’s daughter.
The opulence escalated to a peak at their destination, a stone gate with its own gatehouse, guarded by the same sort of official guards as her escorts. The stones seemed to be inlaid with ice, until a closer examination revealed that there were glass chips in the stone, giving it a shimmering blue tint.
“We’ve come to deliver this one...” The guard pushed Celestia forward, though careful not to harm her. “...To Miss Midnight.”
The gate guard stepped forward and looked over the trio, before huffing and shaking his head. “Fine, yeah. I got it.”
The original escorts took a moment too long to leave before the gate guard stepped forward aggressively and stomped his hoof. “I’ve got it, get out of here, you’re crowding the street.”
Once the two were gone, his expression softened and he looked to Celestia, shaking his head. “Come on,” he muttered, “got a spare blanket you can use to clean up. No point in sending you to the wolves bleeding.” He opened the door into the gatehouse and held it open for her.
“Thank you,” she said softly, almost but not quite making eye contact. She walked in the direction indicated, her head low.
The guard house was small, but big enough for a table and two chairs, one of which the guard covered in a blanket. “Don’t ask why I care, I’m not supposed to. But it’s obvious that you’re out of your depth here. If you’ve been sent to see Midnight...” He laughed, shaking his head again. “Best of luck.”
Celestia jumped up onto the chair with the blanket, quickly cleaning herself. “It’s just ‘Midnight’, then?” she asked. “I don’t want to make the wrong impression by not using the proper title.”
“The filly’s got no title,” he said. “But she’ll do her best to make you think she does. No matter what you call her, I’m sure she’ll find a way to nitpick it.”
Celestia shrugged. “Alright. I think I can handle that.”
He paused with a clipboard and pen floating in front of him, eyebrow raised. “Maybe you aren’t out of your depth. Well, what’s your name?”
“Hope Springs.”
“Age and location of birth?”
Celestia performed the mental equivalent of an eye roll. Always with the questions! “Nineteen, and Oriano.”
“And, I’ll just put down that you are visiting Midnight...” He hesitated, looking over what he had just written. “Oriano... Where’s that? Not to pry, I just pride myself as a bit of a map collector,” he looked up to “Hope.”
“It’s southwest of here,” she said. “You could get there in a month if walking. Maybe a week in a carriage.”
“Ah, that’s quite a ways. Well, I hope Midnight is not too terribly rude to you.” The guard moved to the inner door and rang a bell, summoning another guard in a few moments. “He will take you to Midnight. Goodbye, Hope.”
“Goodbye, mister. And thanks.” The smile that Celestia gave the stallion was genuine.
# # #
Celestia’s first hint that Midnight was approaching was not by sight or sound, but by smell. Specifically, the smell of sulfur and brimstone.
She was therefore not entirely surprised when the door of the manor burst open with a plume of brilliant purple smoke. Celestia raised a hoof to cover her muzzle as the various other servants tending the grounds burst into fits of coughing. She wasn’t able to prevent her eyes from watering.
Emerging from the smoke was a figure in a white lab coat, her head held high. Celestia noted that the mare not only wore no goggles, but also appeared to have no adverse reaction to the noxious cloud.
Celestia put on a slight smile. Here was another pony who was trying to fight back the tide of ignorance that had overtaken her Equestria.
“Any progress?” she asked the scientist.
“Only the barest hint of it!”, the mare said, brushing a long white mane out of her lavender eyes. “I swear, if it weren’t for the poor quality of materials in this area, I wouldn’t have as many...” The deep purple unicorn stopped, and appraised Celestia carefully. “Who are you?”
“Hope Springs,” Celestia said with a curtsey. “A humble mare with an interest in that which has been hidden from the knowledge of ponies. I was sent here by the Duke.”
The mare quickly nodded. “Right, my father sent ahead that you would be...accompanying me? I do hope that you understand, I am quite capable of making this trip on my own, I don’t necessarily need you to come along. I’m more...doing a favor to my father, by insuring that he feels comfortable with my departure.”
“That’s perfectly understandable,” said Celestia with a guileless tone, stepping a bit closer. “I’m sure you know Rigged Bee’s life story in detail, including what happened at the cave of Kameneva. In which case I suppose I can carry any baggage you might need to bring with you.”
The mare stopped, looking over Celestia again as though she had grown a wing. “Well. I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Midnight Sparkle. I will be the head of this expedition, and I expect to be treated as the leader. Is that okay with you, Hope?”
Celestia accepted the setback with equanimity. “Yes, Ma’am.”
Midnight nodded, looking back towards her smoking lab, then back to Celestia, opening her mouth as though to ask a very important question, going so far as to raise a hoof to gesture, before stopping, and turning back, to walk into her lab. “What do you know of distillation, Hope?”
Celestia thought back to her first, and thus far only, student, Pericycle. Peri was supposed to become her generation’s answer to Star Swirl the Bearded, but it turned out that all she was really interested in was chemistry. Now what had she said about distillation…
“Temperature gradients,” she said. “Very tricky to control those.”
Again, Midnight stopped and looked at Hope, but this time she seemed more confused than upset. “Yes. Pressure...Pressure is useful as well. I was trying to distill a type of acid that is commonly used to etch metal. I want to make it more pure, to the degree where it would be possible to dissolve metal into the solution, and then apply it magically as a coating to a non-metallic item.” She watched Celestia, trying to see if the earth pony understood any of it.
Celestia blinked in surprise. Has this generation really forgotten that much? “So you’re preparing aqua regia?” she asked cautiously. That sounded like what she was doing. It would work, but that wasn’t the best way of doing it.
“How do you know so much?!” The unicorn blurted, wide eyed. “I was forced to search a vast array of books just to perform this basic experiment; where did you learn these things?!” she asked, seeming to have forgotten her racist tendencies for the moment.
“I, um...well…” she tried to find a way to phrase this that wouldn’t set the unicorn off. “Non-magical chemistry tends to fall within the purview of earth pony talents. Even a town as small as Oriano tended to have at least one chemist per generation. We preserved all manner of tidbits in this way. Of course,” she added quickly, “we are absolutely useless in magical chemistry, and so I’m sure you’ve proceeded much farther than the little that my breed is aware of.”
“Right...natural talents, I suppose...” Midnight nodded quickly, reassuring herself that it was all how it should be. “So...aqua regia. While I pack this equipment...what else do you know about non-magical chemistry? Specifically, its application to metals.”
Celestia knew that the following suggestion had about equal odds of being outright rejected, or making Midnight hate her for solving her hard-fought solution for her. “Have…” she began, shuffling one hoof on the floor and looking away. “Have you have considered experimenting with, um...with batteries?”
Midnight frowned while she slipped bottles into a specially designed case, made to hold them all safely. “Batteries...but, all I’ve seen those used for is audio manipulation, and taking the place of magic in magic based chemistry...” She put the case into a rolling cart, along with a few jars of oil and a lamp burner.
“Oh yes, of course, that’s precisely their primary function,” Celestia said, adjusting the reins of that cart in preparation for pulling it. “But the actual action of batteries, the way they work, is by taking apart and putting together metals.” She paused for a few seconds for this to sink in. “In solution. So, I just guessed that that would be useful.”
“I see...” Midnight stuck her tongue out ever so slightly as she thought, finishing her packing as she led the way out of the workshop and into the main hallway. “This would allow for the attraction between metals to be strong enough to bond them?” She asked, either fascination or disbelief in her voice.
“Why don’t you try it for yourself?” Celestia asked.
“I suppose I must.” Then, without warning, Midnight stopped at the door, looked towards the garden, and shouted “MUDDY PIE!”
“Yes, Mistress?” answered the same scrawny earth pony stallion Celestia had seen doing delivery duty earlier in the day. Celestia shook her head in befuddlement—she was sure she would have noticed this pony entering the room, but here he was on the opposite side of her from the door.
“Muddy, this is Hope. She will be going with us on our trip. Do you have my traveling supplies packed? She will be pulling my lab.” The unicorn seemed entirely unsurprised by this impossible behavior.
“All packed and ready to go, Mistress!” Muddy responded with enthusiasm. “So, is this the pony your sister captured from those adventurers? Moving rather fast for an earth pony, aren’t we?”
Celestia, having no way to respond to this accusation, said nothing.
“She is quite unique for an earth pony, Muddy. I will say that she has earned at least a chance to prove herself. Now, we will be leaving immediately; please meet us at the city gate.” Midnight then continued on her walk towards the gate of the compound, completely ignoring Muddy in what was likely her normal reaction to earth ponies.
Celestia followed, the portable lab pulled behind her.
The gate guard nodded toward the trio as they approached, and pulled open the wrought steel gate, allowing them to exit onto the main street.
Interestingly, Celestia noticed that the wealthy unicorns in the area gave Midnight Sparkle the same avoidance as they did “Hope Springs”.
“Hey, Muddy!” cried out one of the unicorns watering her lawn. “How’s business?”
“Oh, business is fine, Ma’am. Very fine.”
“You going out of town, Muddy?” another unicorn asked.
“Just for a bit, Sir. I’ll be back soon enough.”
“Will you bring me something?” asked a young unicorn colt. A colt that Celestia distinctly saw being ushered away when she was being escorted so that he wouldn’t have to see an earth pony.
“We’ll see, Master Kip. We’ll see.” And Muddy ruffled his hoof through the laughing foal’s mane as he was saying this.
Celestia was flabbergasted. The same ponies that despised her for existing all acted like this pony was their best friend. And then there was his name: Muddy Pie. Muddy Pie?
“‘Muddy?’” Celestia asked in a low voice.
“You can call me Mr. Pie,” he said with a snort.
They reached a gate. Unlike the western gate by which Celestia had entered Horn’s Reach, this one was much smaller, and came complete with a large and well-equipped guard station. The purpose of all the guards was to monitor the ponies, and especially the merchandise, that came and went. Celestia witnessed the collection of at least seven different excise taxes on goods ranging from papyrus to papayas. She also may have witnessed a bribe.
The three ponies waited in line to exit with varying degrees of patience. Celestia wanted to get out of this city that wanted so little to do with her, but was willing to stay here if necessary and learn anything she could. Muddy was the life of the party, and everypony was clearly sad to see him go. And as for Midnight…
“I WILL NOT PAY YOU TO TAKE MY LAB OUT OF TOWN!” The unicorn screamed, getting nose to nose with a gate guard, her mane flickering with white and blue flames. “It is not taxable as a non-tradable good! I am an arcanist, and registered as such, you will not so much as TOUCH my supplies!”
“My apologies! He’s new,” said the guard captain, pulling the guard who had stopped the trio aside. A clipboard was produced and discreetly shown to the new recruit, but not discreetly enough that Celestia couldn’t see that the list written upon it was topped by a drawing of Midnight and lots and lots of exclamation marks.
Midnight almost snarled, as the path was cleared for them, and she led her earth pony companions through the crowd and out of the gate. “Imbeciles, I swear...they give me trouble every time. I’ll have to write another letter to my father.”
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Lovely! Quite lovely! Chapter 6 was greatly enjoyable and I look forward to the continuance of this story.
Aha. Ahaha. A god called Howard. How silly.
I like how this adventure is turning out so far. The sieges I didn't find terribly interesting, but I think the story really picked up once we got away from the adventurers and into the unicorn city. I find these characters very interesting, and I'm noticing more than a few parallels to BoAPW. Muddy seems to be accepted by the unicorns. Might that be because, like K in BoAPW, he's got some form of unicorn magic despite his earth pony heritage?
I must say, though, the adventurers/"heroes" confuse me. I'm not sure what their deal is meant to be. Are you implying that Equestria in this story is literally the setting for a D&D game being played by the gods? If so, well... I wouldn't know what to think of that.
An odd thought, especially since being a Pie is almost explanation enough to explain his popularity despite being an earth pony among racist unicorns, but is Celestia the only one who can tell that Muddy is actually an earth pony? And from the odd emphasis he put on what he said to her, is he able to tell that she can see him as he is?
I thought this bit was hilarious, but if you want to say that he attempted to show the clipboard inconspicuously, the word is discreetly. Discretely is something else entirely.
I'm liking this.
4704008
well, there's only one clipboard, and since it has a drawing of Midnight it's probably quite distinct from any other clipboard, so I'd say it discretely can work well here too. Just not in the way the author intended
You know you've accomplished something with your life when your name and face share a clipboard with dozens of exclamation marks.
Gotta love the mad scientist tendencies of a Sparkle family unicorn.
4704008 4704937
Alright, so my work on English homophones needs work--fixed.
Just be glad you're not reading this in Equine: there are seven different spellings for "nay", and two of them are quite naughty.
Ahh! All caught up now. Still very curious, very curious indeed. So somehow there are multiple GMs, or some sort, and they are all jackasses
4708947
Wait a minute... Are you meaning to say there exist GMs without that quality?
Be right back; need to go rethink my worldview.
4710415
Most of them start off gentle and friendly. Then the team begins to plot how to kill off DM's favorite NPC without getting their alignment affected, one of players abducts the NPC in the dead of the night, then proceeds with being a total creep towards her, and soon the disillusioned DM just starts bidding time to deliver a proper comeuppance to the team, dealing out little random acts of malice in the meantime.