Chapter 9: Going For A Walk
Removing the last of his bandages, Blueblood turned his attention to the bed next to the one he’d been occupying, empty apart from one of his simpler black tailcoats. Not that he particularly wanted to wear the thing again, but he faintly wondered what became of the most indulgent piece of tailoring he’d ever seen.
“Suit?” The nurse he’d asked, white-furred earth pony mare, light pink mane, and red cross with hearts in the corners for a cutie mark, seemed confused. “When you were brought to the hospital, there wasn’t a stitch on you.”
He reddened a little at this, but the medical pony seemed unfazed, wearing nothing but a little nurse’s cap herself. “I see,” he said, quickly donning the clothes that had been brought for him, presumeably by Luna, before looking at the nurse. “I wish to extend thanks for the care I’ve received in this establishment, is there any way I might be able to assist you?”
Staring at him for a moment, she blushed, trying her hardest to remain professional while stammering out her reply. “Th-there’s really no, I-I mean, we don’t-“
She was almost saved by a brown stallion with a short, grey-mane charging around the corner, black tie pinned against his white shirt, The silver badge cutie mark clued the prince in that this was probably security. “Redheart,” he barked, “Are you alright?” Not waiting for a response, he moved his head to very closely examine her flanks, deepening her embarrassment in that moment.
Luckily, she found it easier to compose herself while annoyed. “And what,” she demanded, stepping away from him, “do you think you’re doing?”
Looking her in the eye now, the guard’s face held only the utmost seriousness. “She’s out.”
After a moment’s contemplation as to what that may mean, Redheart’s eyes widened slightly in horror, as she backed herself against the nearest wall. “W-when, how long?!” Her eyes shot about, as though expecting some horrible beast to descend on her at any moment.
“We’re not sure,” the hospital security pony replied, “The door was just hanging open, cell empty, but the corner she usually sleeps in was still warm.” He scanned the room quickly, voice quiet. “She couldn’t have gotten far…”
Blueblood, seeing an opportunity to make himself useful, took it. “Perhaps I could assist in tracking down this…” He blinked, realizing he wasn’t yet sure what they had been talking about. “What are we looking for, exactly?”
“A mental patient,” the guard answered “Earth pony, light blue, grey mane, got a screw for a cutie mark, responds to Screw Loose.”
“Fitting.”
He nodded, smiling a little. “It’s the only thing she responds to, even when she isn’t barking like a dog, believe it or not. I’ll check all her usual hiding spots around the hospital, you start looking around town, ask if anypony’s seen Screw Loose and they should know who you mean.”
As the two set off to begin the search, Redheart sheepishly got back to her duties, wary of the madmare pouncing on her at any moment…
It proved to be a long, stressful day for the nurse.
---
Blueblood stepped through the hospital doors and into town with renewed vigor, the afternoon sun shining bright, he was about to do something heroic! Or, at least, helpful. Still, it felt like a big moment, like what he felt when he ventured into Club Canterlot, only under more respectable terms this time. Peering about as he walked, he looked for any signs of something amiss in town, though knowing he was in Ponyville, apparently Chaos Capital of the World long before Discord’s second coming, the suspicion that it would just be Wednesday weighed heavily on his thoughts. Must be because it’s so close to that accursed forest, Everfree…
Regardless, he smiled. He was Prince Vladimir Blueblood the 52nd, Master of Navigation, if there was somewhere he wanted to go, he’d find his way there, if there was something he was looking for, he’d have it in his hooves sooner or later, which is probably why Celestia always had him be the one to track down missing objects around the castle. Scouring the hedge maze to find one of her golden shoes, accidentally kicked off and sent through a window when she was startled by a spider, was not a demeaning task nor wasteful of his abilities. Not at all.
His cutie mark had always guided him before, but as he stood near the center of town, an uncomfortable thought struck. I’m looking for a crazy pony in the town thought to have the highest density of crazy ponies in Equestria. And with that, he decided to take the guard in the white shirt’s advice.
“Pardon me,” he said to a random passerby, a particularly bulky red stallion hauling a cart of boxes, “I don’t suppose you’ve seen anypony by the name of Screw Loose of late, have you?”
“Nnnnope.”
“Do you know whom I’m referring to?”
Big Mac chuckled. “Eeyup.”
The prince smiled a little. “Might you know where she would be likely to go, having escaped the hospital?”
“Eeyup.” He pointed a hoof toward some distant trees.
“She’s probably in the woods, then?”
“Eeyup.”
Blueblood nodded. “I see, thank you for your assistance.”
That he was dressed as he was to go looking for somepony seemed maybe a little bit odd to Big Macintosh, but he reckoned a fancy city pony -that looked like the kind of coat Miss Rarity might’ve sold at her shop- coming all the way out here to Ponyville probably had important things to do. Why those things would involve that silly mare that goes around barking like Winoa when she’s feeling playful, he could only guess.
He felt bad laughing about Miss Screw Loose, other ponies said it was a serious problem that she ‘relapsed’ every so often, whatever that meant, but it was just so darned funny he couldn’t help himself. A grown pony running around yipping and hollering, chasing sticks when thrown and rolling around on the floor? He couldn’t even think why, but it never failed to bring a smile to his face. Regardless, he shrugged and returned to carting supplies back to Sweet Apple Acres. His sister’s plan for a growing a blue-ribbon apple needed a lot of T.L.C., afterall.
---
While Blueblood did see a blue-coated mare, her wings, colorful mane, cutie mark, and… sports cap thing? The rest of the details told him this was the wrong pony, crazy or not. Being that she was standing in the middle of a field of foals, shouting apparently random instructions and words of encouragement as the younger ponies went about… whatever they were doing, he guessed that something crazy was indeed what was going on here. Still, it all looked harmless enough, the stage with three fillies doing some kind of show with ribbons didn’t seem to be collapsing on anypony, so he returned to searching for Screw Loose.
Venturing into the wooded area further, he came across an even burlier-looking stallion than the last one, a white pegasus with tiny wings and the most bizarre facial expression. I’ve only seen two like this now, but what do they eat out here?! Blueblood was well-built himself, of course, but the sheer bulging muscle on this one was absurd. He had a feeling he was on the right trail.
“Pardon me, sir,” he said, waving a hoof in front of the brute’s face to get his attention, “have you seen one called Screw Loose of late?”
The likely crossbreed of a pegasus and a very large earth pony only shook his head.
“I see.” They stood still for a moment before curiousity as to why one would stand alone in the forest seemed as good a reason as any to clear the awkward silence. “So, what brings you to, er…” Blueblood glanced around somewhat uncertainly. “This place?”
The hulking pony smiled, his thick eyebrows making it look oddly menacing. “Tug of war.” Blueblood only blinked, so he went on. “Some nice fillies asked me to play with them, they’re getting the rope now.”
The prince barely managed to cover the laughter bubbling in his throat as a cough. Fillies? In a contest of strength against this beast of a pony? Insane, this town really is insane. Probably related to that display in the field I saw a little while ago.
Bulk Biceps, thinking the cough had been entirely real, looked concerned. “Are you ok?”
Blueblood had a pretty good poker face, but he was straining not to smile and possibly set his newest acquaintance off. He couldn’t be sure his status would protect him from angry, impulsive sorts as well out here as it did in Canterlot. “Yes, yes,” he uttered, his next sentence out before he could think about possible repercussions, “I suppose next you’ll be playing against butterflies.”
The pegasus who probably struggled to so much as get off the ground raised an eyebrow, not smiling at all.
Blueblood gulped, smiling sheepishly. “Y-you know, they can be surprisingly strong, I’ve heard about a flight of them catching a falling pony once.”
The bigger stallion’s eyes narrowed for a minute, the prince starting to sweat. He was just starting to charge up a blinding light spell when the walking chunk of muscle looked utterly bewildered. “Really?”
Seeing a chance, Blueblood seized it. “Y-yes, it’s fascinating what even insects can do if you give them a chance, isn’t it? Well, I really must be going now, but do enjoy your game of rope-pulling, cheery-bye!”
And then he sped off into the woods, not so much as looking back. It wasn’t lying, really, he’d heard it from Fluttershy. Wwwait, wasn’t she Kindness? Oh, well, same difference. If it keeps me from getting mauled, I don’t much care.
Running through the woods, he spotted something odd up ahead, a little hole in the dirt -this is where the prince first realized he was, in fact, running about in a dirty forest- with a fresh mound of the stuff immediately next to it, hoofprints leading away. Turning to follow the trail, he caught sight of blue hooves almost instantly. Raising his muzzle, he was face to face with somepony meeting exactly the description of Screw Loose, panting and holding a bone in her mouth.
There had been no mention of the twisted, utterly insane look on her face, but he supposed it went without saying.
“Um,” he began, “Hello, might yo-“
“BARK.”
He staggered back, forehooves flailing as he fell to the sheer percussive force of her enunciation. That her face had been mere inches from his own hadn’t helped. Ears ringing, he leapt to his hooves to see her apparently in the process of burying the bone she’d held, not unlike a dog. He approached casually, placing a hoof on her shoulder.
When her head whipped towards him, apparently startled, he smiled. The sort of smile he dreamed he’d one day give a mare he didn’t just want to cooperate with him for the moment, but only ever seemed to use for just that purpose, eyes half-lidded. “Perhaps you’d like to come with me? I think I know a better place to store one’s valuables than a mound of dirt in the forest.”
She held his eye contact for an entire minute. He was sure the unthinking madness in her eyes faded a little, like fog lifting for some kind of cognition to shine through. Her mouth opened, hanging ajar for just long enough that he could practically hear her enthusiastic acceptance, happy to accompany the Handsome Prince anywhere in Equestria.
And then she licked his face.
“Eugh!” Sputtering and disgusted, he furiously rubbed a forehoof across his muzzle to get the spit off. The Prince Charming routine failed, he thought, incredulous, the Prince Charming routine never fails! Once he recovered, he saw Screw Loose trotting merrily away, tail wagging as her head swiveled about, as though exploring these woods for the first time. Gritting his teeth, Blueblood marched after her, a new strategy in his mind as he charged up his horn…
It was a nice day, she was having a nice day, things were nice and it was day, so she was having a nice day. First she got food from the nice mare with the little white heart on her rump, and when she was done, she noticed the door was cracked open! It must have been a play day! So play she did, running through the woods, checking on all the things she’d buried on other play days, running some more, and burying a new thing in the hole she’d just dug! Then she met a new friend! He tasted like peppermint! She could hardly wait to show him the other things she’d buried and-
Wait.
Something wrong.
Not touching the floor. NOTTOUCHINGTHEFLOOR! She couldn’t reach, she flailed her paws with all her might, stretching them out, trying to reach past the shiny, blue glow that was all over her body for some reason. Panic, it was time to panic, she didn’t know what else to do, so it seemed like it was time to panic! She shook, she barked, she whimpered, nothing bringing her any closer to the ground where she loved to romp and run and roll. Peppermint Friend was saying something from behind her, but she couldn’t hear him, too busy doing panic. She tried swinging her back legs, using both at once in the hopes she’d kick free of whatever was holding her. She felt a hoof connect with something and dropped to the ground. It worked! Panic worked! Thanks, panic!
She sprinted off into the woods, hoping Peppermint Friend would follow her to get away from whatever didn’t want her on the ground.
Blueblood lay in an agonized heap by a tree, using his fading consciousness to make the mental note that suspending a pony in the air telekinetically and not casting any sort of paralysis spell does not immobilize them. Also? Earth ponies hit hard, even if they think they’re dogs.
About a minute later, Bulk Biceps approached, looking around for the source of the noises he was hearing from over here. “Uhh, is everypony ok? I heard something and-“
He saw the unicorn he’d talked to a little bit ago, lying by a tree, apparently hurt, a single butterfly hovering over him. Confused, he looked at it, pink wings, little white spots, what was-
The guy in the fancy coat’s words resounded in his memory.
“…it’s fascinating what even insects can do if you give them a chance, isn’t it?”
He looked at the lone, fluttering figure above the bruised pony for a moment, pupils shrunk to pinpricks.
It flapped towards him.
He ran.
---
The prince awoke in the dark, moonlight just barely enough to see by. Vision still blurry, he struggled to his hooves and watched as something, a dark, vaguely pony-shaped thing took off into the sky. It had been only a meter or so away…
Shaking his head a bit, which his newfound splitting headache told him was a mistake, he tried to gather his thoughts. Grass, trees, dark. What was I doing? Who was that that just shot into the sky without a word? The past several hours, barring his time spent lying in the woods, came back to him, as did something he’d somehow spent his entire stay in Ponyville up to this point not thinking about. Looked like a pony, it was out at night, approaching an unconscious pony, and fled when it was spotted?
Bat ponies. Every fear and suspicion he’d ever had about the species raced through his mind at once, primarily that they probably didn’t all work for Luna, he didn’t know whether or not they bit ponies and drained them of blood, or-
He leapt from where he’d been standing, ignoring the pain in his right foreleg as he landed where the figure had been, and charged up his brightest light spell, keeping the illumination in his horn as he looked about for any sign that it hadn’t given up so easily. Didn’t leave, didn’t run, just wanted to take me by surprise! He stood almost perfectly still, eyes slowly scanning the darkness and taking deep, slow breaths while waiting for a face with fangs and normally beautiful eyes full of malice to spring towards him from anywhere…
And then they didn’t. Not for the entire ten minutes he stood there as he was. Relaxing his shoulders a bit, he slowly dropped his impromptu battle stance, willing his racing heart to do the same. He wanted to call it quits there, check back at the hospital to see if Screw Loose had already been caught, at least take refuge from the creatures of night until dawn, whether they were actually after him or not. Sadly, it was primarily those two thoughts that kept him from speeding back to town, whichever way that was now, admitting he’d failed this time, and finding a less dangerous way to endear himself to the populace. She might still be out here, I’ve heard all about the monsters near this village, walking about at night might well be a death sentence! I can find her, maybe if I do something that-what attracts dogs again? Glancing up at his horn, he wasn’t sure if bright lights would be of any consequence to the madmare or just make him a target for any wandering hunters in the dark.
That was when he heard it.
“OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUuuuooooooooo!”
It sounded like howling, but… Off. He ran, for about two steps, in the direction of the noise, then limped the rest of the way towards what he sorely hoped was the mare who had apparently injured him with one quick kick. He'd worry about that line of thought later.
---
He saw her, digging with her hooves at the base of a thin tree on a little hill, no pony-eating horrors to be seen. Good, good, now I just have to catch her, bring her back to the hospital, no idea which way it is, by myself, in the dark, with a chance of that bat I’m not sure wasn’t just a hallucination coming back with friends to inflict great bodily harm on us both, then collapse in the very same bed I was in this morning.
Blueblood steeled himself as much as he could. Ready? Go! Hobbling up to the crazy pony tearing at the dirt around the slender tree’s now exposed roots, he cleared his throat a bit and puffed out his chest, trying to think of how he’d speak to a disobedient animal, not a pony.
“Now see here, peasant!”
It came a little too easily.
“I command you to cease whatever nonsense you’re engaged with post-haste and return to the dingy kennel they lock you in where you belong, understand?!”
Screw Loose didn’t even seem to hear him, going right on with her digging under the tree, which caused the prince to deflate a bit. No time to dwell, next idea. He shuffled a bit closer, his tone considerably gentler as he placed a hoof on her shoulder, which at least got her attention. “Pardon me,” he said as amicably as possible with a fairly convincing smile, “what I mean to say is that you really shouldn’t be all alone at night, moreso in untamed wilderness. Quite dangerous, don’t you think?”
He took a step back, well out of tongue range, when her mouth so much as twitched. She looked him in the eyes, no hint of the awareness he thought he saw earlier, gave a short, quiet ‘woof’, and went back to digging.
His headache not having gotten any better, from his current circumstances or the light spell he was maintaining, he decided against trying to just lift her with magic again, no matter how careful he could be in terms of keeping her out of sucker-punching distance. He sighed. “I don’t suppose if I just wait until you’ve dug up whatever you’re trying to uncover, you’ll follow me back to the hospital?”
She stopped, looked at him, and gave a short, happy bark before carrying on with her task.
Blueblood, hopeful and not knowing what else to do, sat by the tree and waited. He wasn’t sure how much time passed, ten minutes, maybe twenty, but eventually the sounds of forced soil and wood movement stopped, replaced by a few rapid hoofsteps in his direction and panting. He turned his head to see Screw Loose, tail an excited flurry of movement and big, silly grin on her face.
Something was in her mouth.
“Ehm,” he ventured, “found what you were looking for, I hope?”
“Woof!” She dropped the object at his hooves, a rose, looking as though it had been just freshly picked. That was underneath a tree? That makes no sense, she must have gotten that from somewhere when I wasn’t looking. But then, why did she dig up the roots of-
The slow, resounding creak of wood shifting through soil pierced his thoughts like a javelin. He shot his gaze to the tree Screw Loose had been digging under to see it slowly falling, on a course to land directly on top of her. It wasn’t a massive tree, but it looked more than large enough to damage bones and crush organs. He acted without thinking, charging straight into the mare in an effort to clear her and himself from the tree’s likely arc.
He was not fast enough, and as his illumination spell gave out with his waking thoughts, the world returned to blackness.
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Blueblood cant catch a break.
Bwhahahahaha!
This explains so much.
The parts with Big Mac and Bulk Biceps gave a hilarious look from the outside