The Super Equestria Verse is about to begin with the ponified origin of the Superhero that began the Silver Age- The Flash. A semi-squeal to "To be a Hero in changing times".
When Lightning Force, a CSI scientist for the Central Canterlot Police is Struck by a Strange lightning bolt that gives him superspeed, he must learn to cope with it and control it before it destroys his life completely. And on top of that, a friend of his has gone rogue.
In order to stop him, lightning must learn from the best to control his speed. But will Rainbow Dash relinquish her claim as the fastest pony alive to teach him, or will she just let him go unprepared against the Magic of Captain Cold?
Please tell me what you think of this fic in the comments (just be civil about it). And tell me what you don't like about this story so I know if I need to explain why it's that way or change it.
Okay, here's the review:
First thing, as a non-english speaker I will not judge grammar nor orthography.
The set is pretty good, a little heavy on the paper article. An advice from someone studying journalism, compaction; only the essential info and nothing else. But the exposition about the world where we are is good and helps setting the ground (it has that feel like when reading thoe One Year Later issues that came after Infinite Crisis).
The conversations about Freeze and Grodd are good too, they help to establishing Lightning as a curious guy as also a forensic scientist and a law officer, no complains there.
And cutting the chapter just as the lighting strikes is basically poetry. Very well done.
(and the reference to the Ballad of Barry Allen is a nice touch)
4209032 Well, considering I'm a piss-poor speller and grammar was never my strong suit, You can judge my grammar. Also, I have no clue what orthograhy (english: the least complicate language to learn, yet somehow the most complicated to use. Even by native speakers of it
)
Main problem is that it's suppose to be Lightning telling his origin as the Flash. Him narrating is the main focus of the fic (aka: it's from his perspective). I'm going to need a lot of help with
Technically, it a "25 years later" story. Rainbow is 44 and married to Soarin' (no kids). Making her the Jay Garrick counter-part is going to hard. How the hell am I going keep her Dash and make seem like mentor at the same time.
Then I need work on Flash Facts.
On the plus side, this fics' opening Chapter was better to pull off than "To be a Hero"s' first chapter was.
As a question to you: Which Flash villains do you think Cobalt Blue is an Mixture of? (Should be obvious with one of them. The other not so much unless you know his relation ship to Barry, hell Cobalts' name is that villains' name.)
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Orthography is my misinterpretations of 'spelling' (ortografía in spanish)
You always got the 'out of camera development' just make Dash the wise one and explain that it's experience talking. Jay was very much like Bart in the golden age but then he started to act more wiser and now you know the final result.
For Flash facts you could use physical principles like these ones:
http://heroes-comix.blogspot.com/search/label/FLASHFACTS
You're improving your skills and polishing your style, I can see the advance here.
And Cobalt Blue is a mash-up of Cobalt Blue and Professor Zoom, the first and the last members of the Twane family
So, any questions about how this fic is gonna work?
There are some jokes in the chapter, but not as many as I'd of liked.
This: Universe 2010 (Universe 1938 DCU variant 83C) is how I define alternate Universes. The 83 is a reference to the year the MLP franchise was started. 2010 is The year the FiM started, and 1938 is when Superman was created. there are at least four DC crossovers that have ponies as the heroes. The Lyra "Flash" is from the universe mentioned. (This Universes' Designation is Universe 2010 (Universe 1938 DCU variant 83D)).
Next Chapter, Lightning Force tells what happened when he actually experienced his super speed for the first time out side the Speed Force. Also Coldwave makes his appearence, along with Miss Freeze in a longer cameo. Make no mistake, Captain Cold will be less of a villain than his Father and Sister (Frost Freeze is basically a 10 year old who thinks killing and murder is fun and a game, she is Also know as Killer Frost. Icicle is just a Greedy, murderous SoB.).
He's mainly the main villain, because Zoom and Grodd can be OP if using them as starter villains. Cold Just seemed more natural, since he can be portrayed as a friendly villain. This because Money is his primary motive, and he doesn't kill without reason (most of time any way). I thought about using Turtleman/Mare, but he just seemed too silly.
Remember, if you have issues with this: BRING THEM UP IN A NON-FLAMING MANNER PLEASE (this includes, but not limited to:Spelling, grammar, or the story in general). Suggestions are welcome too. Also, if you want to write a story in this verse I will allow it as long as you ask me how I think it should fit in the the Super Equestria Verse overall.
Okay, here comes a life reading review:
Ben Boxer? I saw what you did there.
I assume that this tunnel thing is how Lightning's mind connects with the Speed Force.
The info montage, just. Well done.
Why Lyra? I'm sure that there's a story of her becoming a Flash.
Twenty Sonic Rainbooms?! Ho-ly-sh*et.
Dead, she's a very nice gal (some levels of weird but still nice) and you portrayed her well and her appearance helps with the characterization of Lightning.
And good way to show how time perception works for a guy who can run at sound speeds when he's tired. Just remember that the substantial difference between the Flashes and Zooms is that the former can control it which the later can't.
Keep gonig.
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Lyra is suppose to become the Flash in Iowaforevers' Justice League Equestria verse, I figured, I'd at least give a shout out to that.
Also, I think Barry had some difficulty with time perception for at least a few months after he got his powers. That why Lightning needs to learn from Rainbow (also, she collapsed from exhaustion after Doomsday was beaten. Because she essentially was going around mach 400 by the time she finished the 20th [this only is to be taken seriously if that video on youtube about going Mach 10 is accurate, I have no clue how fast she actually went] , and all of them were point black ranged. Doing that many Sonic rainbooms at once will that to you.).
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Dude, now you need to publish that cahpter of changing times because I cannot wait.
OK, those of you who've read this new chapter: What do you think (and before you make the jokes, yes the story about the fastest stallion alive is late on updating. Ironically enough, Barry Allen was always late whiles still being the fastest man alive. I just couldn't think of anything that would work for the scenario I needed for a while).
I've also been trying to figure out how to keep continuity with 'To be a hero' and stop more story ideas for other crossover from filling my head (Ideas like Steel/John Henry Iron being flung into equestria. Cyclops from Marvel being sent to Equestria to prevent him from becoming the dick before he joins the X-Men by Tony/other marvel dicks who think they can . Or something like Q discovering Equestria and confusing the hell out of the ponies by not only acting responsible while looking like Discord, but it'd be set before Discord was "reformed" :aka Discord be "stoned" during that fic). Luckly, I haven't even started those. Simply because I'd go completely insane.
MUST...HAVE....MORE!!!!!!!!
5114948 I'm working on it. I'm about 15% ~ 20% done with the next chapter.
Hey there. :-D I have to say, again, so far, this story is looking pretty darn good. Anyway, I have a couple more possible casting ideas:
Lightning Dust as Edward Clariss/Rival (aka the Golden Age Reverse Flash)
Plus, for the Silver Age, an adult Pound and Pumpkin as Hawk and Dove.
Again, I hope you don't mind and profusely apologize if the casting ideas are not to your liking.
Again, though, I like this series quite a bit. :-D
Excellent job on this chapter. It took a while, but was well worth the wait. Splendid job on the emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
Very well done and I'm looking forward for more chapters excellent suspense and writing I commend you.
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Sad part is the iowaforever fic may never happen.
What could have been.
Wait Batmane and Supermane already exists? I thought that only a few heroes had shown up and not any based off any of the big three? Still like the mention of the other villains.
6756536 Of the big three, only Superstallion and 'The Dark Knight' Exist as active heroes currently, and they've only been active for a year (Two in the of 'The Dark Knight'. And before you ask, he's call that simply because I think 'Batpony/mane/Stallion seemed cliche.)
Wondermare has just been sent to Equestria as a diplomat, and hasn't started acting as a hero just yet.
Here the status of the others as of this chapter (The few heroes that have shown up aren't well known, as this worlds Doom Patrol has disband due to the death of Robotstallion before they were offically revealed to the public. Only Elasti-Filly[Sweetie Belle], her adopted 6 year old son Logan[Aka Beast Colt, but pinkie calls him Garfield], and the De-powered Negative Stallion[aka Training Days]. The other known heroes are the Mane six and the princesses themselves. Superman doesn't count, since he's from another universe. Booster Gold, Time Hunter[Rip Hunters' counterpart], and Waverider/Hourmare II[Dinky Doo. Though Time Turners' sister, Minuette technically never actually Calls herself Hourmare, Dinky is technically Hourmare I by default] are time travelers, and aren't known heroes):
J'onn is still trying to fit in to Equestrian society.
Green Lantern has just Found the Central Power Battery, and hasn't really figure out what to do with it yet (Here, he is initially the only Green Lantern. At least till He encounter the Manhunters and the so called 'Guardians of the Universe')
Shayera Hol hasn't made it to earth yet (Thanagarians are Anthro Griffons, mainly to distinguish them from Equestrian Griffons)
Green Arrow is the only other hero that has been active for over six months.
Also, Firestorm Just got his powers from the Particle Accelerator explosion and Sunset Trying to prevent his total destruction with her magic (Which is why Firestorm is human, Sunset's magic canceled out the effect that would make him a pony. She is Always a pony in equestria, but human in the EqG Dimension because of the same effect. Ronnie is always human due to her actions, and so is Firestorm when he combines with her in either world. For now, when they combine in Ronnies' world, they are instantly teleported to equestria, and when the exhaust the power of the nuclear man completely, it's back to the EqG (That how it works for now).
Bane and Mister J(aka The Joker. Yes he is called to Joker in this verse. Mister J is an alias) needed to be established to sort of give a better reason as to why Cold doesn't kill often (and that he's not a nutcase of psycho) from the start.
Hey there. Thanks greatly for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going the effort. As usual, splendid job on the exchanges, emotional content, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Clever use of continuity nods to explain why the Flash rouges (with the exceptions of the REAL biggies like Grodd and Zoom) only kill when absolutely necessary.
Anyway, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
I was actually expecting the CW tv show version
Do you need an editor? I would be happy to provide my services on such an interesting story (Might help that the Flash is my favorite superhero)
Ok, what the heck?! First, we have Ms. Freeze and now Grodd too?! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!