Chapter 7
The day had started off like every other day, with the everyday commonplace routines of life taking place as they always had. But then, the day had changed. The routine and commonplace gave way to unusual and extraordinary, as unique circumstances allowed the unthinkable to happen.
Anomie rose slowly and struggled to her feet, clutching the back of her head, she could feel the blood trickling through her fingers as she pressed her hand to her split scalp. She gazed around her, stunned and unable to take in every horrible thing she saw.
The front half of the house was gone, crumbled away. Bodies lay in the rubble. Up the road was the gate, and Cerberus lay dead, one of his heads having rolled quite some distance away. Charon’s headless corpse had fallen not too far from Cerebus. Night Fright had died shortly after Charon fell, her front legs ripped from her body before she was thrown into the wall, causing some of the house to crumble. Dark Eye’s lifeless body lay partially buried under the rubble, her wings twisted and broken into unnatural angles. Calpurnia was nowhere to be found, but was probably dead like the others. Starling had been skewered on a fencepost and had died from her impalement.
Squeaker made a few plaintive whimpers though, and Anomie moved to her brother’s side. He was ripped open, bleeding, but he would live. She touched him, tried to comfort him, tried to make sense of all of this. She pulled a tapestry from the rubble and pressed it into the oozing gash in her brother’s side, saying nothing, but stroking Squeaker’s face. Then, she rose, climbed into the ruined living room and found her bow.
She had business to look after.
After some digging around, she found her hunting arrows, the ones with the horribly barbed tips, with the barbs pointing in both directions. Once they went in, they were almost impossible to remove, either from pulling or pushing through. She slung her quiver over her shoulder, kneeled down to kiss her brother one last time, touched Dark Eye briefly and wished she had said “I love you” one last time for Dark Eye to hear, and then she wordlessly said goodbye to her family with a wave.
Anomie went hunting.
She found her prey securing a ship, moving stuff on board. The dead lay all around him. she was a fair distance away, and Anomie had a good shot. She knocked an arrow, let her breath out slowly, and let fly.
The arrow struck Tirek in the chest, causing him to bellow and look around.
The second arrow struck him just above his navel. Tirek looked down in annoyance at the protruding missile, growled, and ripped it out. His flesh slowly began to heal even as Anomie watched. Anomie felt a sinking feeling, remembering her lessons from Kelphos about regenerators. She needed to get closer and strike a fatal blow, such as decapitation, and then she would need to burn the body somehow. She let fly with another arrow and cried out in grief stricken sorrow, a furious banshee wail.
Anomie released a hail of arrows as she approached, each one finding their mark, one of them even going into Tirek’s eye. While they hurt a great deal, none of them actually did much to slow Tirek down.
The two combatants neared one another, Tirek brandishing a spear, and Anomie her bow. There was no exchange of pleasantries, no words, no communication other than Anomie’s inhuman snarls. She sank one arrow into Tirek’s throat, which actually slowed the centaur down for a moment. He ripped the arrow free and staggered as he struggled to breathe. The blow, while not fatal, had weakened the fell being.
Grunting, Tirek charged, and Anomie did nothing to move, brave and defiant, she stood there, firing off her last arrow as Tirek closed the distance finally between them.
The centaur skewered the smaller human female on his spear.
Anomie stared down in horror at the spear that had entered her stomach, just below the ribs on the right side. She could feel that it had exited out behind her, also just below her ribs. She glared defiantly up at Tirek, braced herself, summoned her will, and began to push herself forward along the spear, her lips pulled back in a defiant snarl of hatred.
“You wish to die bravely little one,” Tirek growled. “So be it.”
Anomie pushed forward, feeling the wooden shaft of the spear tugging and pulling at her insides as it traveled through. Tirek leaned into his spear, thrusting it through Anomie, taking cruel pleasure in watching the girl embrace her own death with noble dignity.
Finally, the two beings were standing hoof to toe, Anomie now standing inches away from Tirek. With an impossibly fast gesture, she drew her dagger out from behind her and in one fluid motion, slashed at Tirek’s throat, cutting him down to his neckbone, causing his head to tilt unnaturally backwards. The centaur gurgled in surprise, and his spear slipped from his fingers.
Anomie staggered away, still skewered. She knew she had little time.
“Die!” she spat through bloody lips, the taste of her own blood and feces rising up into her mouth. She stumbled through the shipyard, looking for something, something she knew she needed. She reached a nearby lamp post, and, at its base, there was a barrel. Straining to keep alive long enough to finish her task, she began to drag the barrel back to Tirek’s body, the spear still skewered through her body, acting like a cork.
With a final grunt, she tipped the barrel over towards Tirek’s writhing body. The area flooded with lamp oil, drenching Tirek. Anomie stumbled and straddled the equine half of Tirek, reached back towards her dagger sheath, and pulled out a rod of flint.
She struck sparks with her dagger, and, in seconds, both of them were ablaze in the ignited lamp oil. The flames spread quickly, consuming the pair as they died, locked in hatred. The fire ignited other things, including the barrel, and soon, most of the shipyard was burning, the flames rising into the sky, a pillar of smoke and fire alerting the other islands that something was terribly wrong.
“It wasn’t supposed to end this way,” Discord sobbed as he stared at a marble statue of a human girl holding a bow, a fierce look of determination on her face.
“I know,” Celestia replied in a wavering voice.
“I actually wanted her to be happy,” Discord confessed.
“I know, “ Celestia said sadly.
“I wanted her to find love, to be happy, to have a chance to do something good, to be loved… loved. I figured that if something could love her, that maybe you could love me,” Discord said, absolutely heartbroken. “I was afraid if I just said it, you would think I was joking, I had to show you, to make you see, I didn’t know what else to do…” he said, his words fading into whimpers.
“i know,” Celestia whispered, pressing her muzzle into the draconequus and weeping.
“You knew?” Discord asked, feeling Celestia nuzzling him and taking some small measure of comfort.
“It took me a while, but I finally figured it out. I forgive you, and you are loved,” Celestia said. The draconequus responded by whirling around rapidly, throwing his forelegs around Celestia’s neck, hugging her close, and breaking into fresh sobs of grief, unable to look at the statue any longer.
The pair held one another in their sorrow, lamenting their shared loss, and taking comfort in one another. Discord howled mournfully, feeling something entirely alien and unknown inside of him, something that even with his thousands of lifetimes he had no words to express as he clung to the large white alicorn. “Don’t ever let me go,” he begged.
Celestia wrapped her wings around the serpentine figure and held him close, saying nothing, feeling her own heart soar as she had finally forgiven Discord and let go of her own hatred. Love flooded in to fill the gaping hole left behind by the core of loathing that was now gone.
The two figures clung to one another, sobbing, finally letting go of the past, old hurts, and moving into the future, together, finally sharing something in common, the love of a girl.
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No.
Just no.
4434980
I sorta figured that would be the general reaction.
If it is any consolation, I am sorry.
Perhaps I should have went with my first instinct and simply cancelled the story.
4435002 Probably, but I'm not arrogant enough to not tell you what you did wrong.
While it WOULD have been a god end to the fic, this is not the sort of end you just drop on the readers.
You need to build up to it slowly, over 5 to 15 chapters, each getting a bit more ominous and/or darker than the last.
4435023
I dunno, I thought the troll face was pretty telling.
But then again, this story was never actually about Anomie.
She is merely a proxy.
This story is all about Discord.
While I didn't see it coming, in retrospect it does seem obvious. She who lives by the sword, etc.
He made sure she had a better, longer life than she'd have had on Earth. That's not nothing, after all.
I am not displeased with this. Saddened, but I knew all along it wasn't really her story.
4435078
Thanks. I don't have any other fancy words, but thanks.
4435028 That does not make my point any less valid.
4435136
Your point is fair, and you were right to make it.
My point is fair, and I have a right to express it.
We're both right, for different reasons.
I hope we can remain civil towards one another after this conflict of viewpoints.
feces? really? I could understand bile, but feces is a little too far down the gastrointestinal track for me to believe
4435144
Try having your intestinal loop ruptured.
You taste feces. Trust me, I know.
4435142 I never intended to imply you weren't right.
4435023
While I agree that this was very sudden, and that including a chapter where Tirek actually came back first would have been better (or including that in this chapter rather than starting in media res), this entire story is told that way, in choppy snapshots that generally start in the middle of things going on. I don't think building to this ending slowly was appropriate, because I feel like the whole point was that those who live a warrior's life die young, suddenly and without warning. Anomie embraced the lifestyle she was raised in, a military, warrior's culture, and this meant that her entire life, this kind of ending was always a possibility for her. And Anomie would have known that all along, but Discord, who is not part of a warrior culture, didn't really see it coming. Despite being the avatar of chaos, he doesn't expect things to change suddenly in a way he doesn't approve of.
Hm.
I only just started reading the story yesterday. The premise wasn't really anything new to me, a human being brought to Equestria from a horrible life, etc.
I think what really stuck to me was Anomie's interaction with her family and with the lunar pegasi (I really think they're batponies, so I'm just gonna call them that) I also kind of felt pissed off at Discord and Celestia, this little girl's happiness was nothing more than a bet between those two, but as the chapters went on it started becoming something more than a bet.
I'm not sure how I feel about Discord bringing in a broken human baby girl (even though he didn't know what was gonna happen to her) just to make Celestia see that he loved her, but I suppose that's the nature of these types of stories.
It wasn't bad, but I don't give it a 10/10 either. I can understand why you had to make the ending the way it is, you wouldn't be the first guy to have storylines ruined by the show's canon.
Anyways...It was a nice tale. it didn't end nicely, not in any way, shape, or form, but the short journey it was made it enjoyable, I suppose. I'll give youuuu 3/5 flutteryays.
4435754
No, Discord never saw this coming.
He wanted Anomie to succeed, to be married, to have a happy life. He needed her to do so to prove it was possible for him.
Like everything else he touches, this too, turned to shit.
The reverse Midas touch.
4435086
What I don't quite get is why Discord seemed to become increasingly depressed as it became more obvious he was going to lose. He obviously set this wager up to win by losing -- what he wanted was to lose the wager, and obtain proof that a monster can be loved -- so why did he seem so unhappy as more and more of Celestia's win conditions were fulfilled? Is it because Celestia didn't seem to be picking up on the real point he was trying to make? But he was putting so much plausible deniability between his true intentions and his stated ones, why would he expect her to?
4435775
Chaos. You said it perfectly.
He had his plausible deniability, but part of him really wanted for Celestia to pick up on the real reason. He knows how smart Celestia is.
The rest is left to speculation.
Does she know what is going on and just hate me?
I mean, she has to have figured it out by now... Why is she torturing me!
I really hope she doesn't figure it out too soon before I have a chance to make my point.
I was expecting this to play out much more slowly, but this turn of events ( given the fact that the 'main' turned out to be Discord and not the girl) works well enough. With its real focus hinted at and revealed at the end, the length is understandable. As such, I give this a 8.5/10.
I missed this at first, but you definitely made it work. Anomie proved herself, humanity, and Discord to all be nobler than Celestia first expected. The ending is tragic, but it works. Very well, at that. Thank you for a very touching story, and one of the best HiE fics on the site.
Short but very good. You have my gratitude sir.
Wow, that ending was a big tonal shift.
Should have stopped on the previous chapter while I still felt warm and fuzzy.
This ending seemed a little pointlessly gruesome. All previous chapters were kinda sweet and then suddenly death and misery from nowhere.
Mabey I'm just upset that there won't be any sequels or further adventures.
A good ride while it lasted.
There was a lot of false advertisement with the tags: a comedy by Grecian standards may mean tragedy, but on this website, tragedy means tragedy. Not down voting, but not up voting either. I was expecting something full of jokes and pranks, something lighthearted, and most definitely not something as heavy-hearted as this.
I'm not going to downvote because it was written well in its own way, but I'm not going to upvote either because the story isn't what it says it is, so in good consciousness I can't upvote.
I'm ok with the final, You killed 'em all qick and i don't have to grief much and i can move to another story.
Discord surely takes his time apologizing.
Ok, my prediction was wrong.
It's a bit simplistic in general. Which isn't bad if that's what you're going for, but it's not for me. I assume this was a lot better in 2014, given the kind of stuff that was popular on here back then.
something like a 4 or a 5 out of 10 if I had to put it numerically. Not bad, just not something I'd recommend.
I haven't checked to see how much you have or have not been writing since, but I hope you write more.
I know it has been a long time between now and when this story came out but I still feel I need to present this to you.
While I dont' have a problem with the choice to end it as a tragedy, the abruptness of this is a tonal whiplash that leaves a more powerful sense of dissatisfaction than acceptance over how it would be. The story scenes jumps over time with no linking context beyond they were points in a persons life. There was no narrative linearity and no way to reconcile the sudden and seemingly pointless jump to grimdark that the story takes between chapters. There is a complete lack of hints that should have been in earlier chapters that this story has the potenial for grand or personal tragedy. Even having Tirek attemp an escape at an earlier time in the story with casualties and destruction not personally related to the main character would still establish him as a tangble threat and notify the reader that a confrontation by the end would happen. When the confrontation happens and the destruction and loss outlined in the chapter is the outcome, it is still sad but it isn't the unenjoyable slap in the face this provides.
This story should have been longer and had more narrative links.
As it is, this chapter does not belong in this story. You could have done may things to justify its presence. You did none of them.
You shouldn't be sorry that you made a sad ending, you should be sorry at how badly you executed it.