I hear marshmellows don't grow on trees, how sad.
Broken.
Dead.
Cold.
Are the first few things you think of when somepony says death. To the Elements of Harmony, it had a different meaning. Death took away something important, important to Equestria. Broken, and on the brink of insanity; the elements gather, to remember those who are taken away.
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Good idea but the execution wasn't great. It switched tenses and rushed into everything, especially the conflict, way too quickly. I didn't eventry to finish it. Your idea was good, but try working onthe technical stuff now.
4210786
I see where you are going with that, however, this is not a chapter story. It is meant to skip to the action because it is a one shot. If I were to make this into chapters then extending it would be my first order of business, but I do not plan on making it a full story unless it gets popular.
4211981 I never said you need multiple chapters. I have seen many several thousand word long one-shots. Just make it long enough so it doesn't rush everything by so quickly you can't feel what's happening. You need to show, not tell. We need to be able to feel it. We should feel their fright and pain and grief. We can't rush by because that is what makes a sad story: being able to feel the pain.
4211991
You are actually the first person to dislike this, if I got more people that feel your opinion I might change it, but I have gotten many messages saying it was great. Sorry, but until more people feel that way, I don't see the need to change it.
4212332 I did not dislike this story. I do not hit the thumbs down button even if it is the worst story in the history of the universe. That is someone else that apparently did not comment. If I don't like a story I say so in the comments; I do NOT dislike it. It is up to you to believe me or not.
4212431
I don't mean you hit it, but your the first person to say it was wrong in some way, shape, or form. It's not that I don't believe you but since you're the only person to say it, then I really don't see the need for change, this was meant to get more out while I worked on my next chapter for Fallout: Equestria. If it gets popular then sure, I'll work more on it, but right now I don't have the time.
4212480 Logical explanation. Good luck with Fallout then.