Sad4,351 stories ·2,622 members
The Writers' Group56,381 stories ·9,290 members
Rainbow Dash7,252 stories ·4,141 members
Dark8,311 stories ·3,761 members
Slice of Life8,149 stories ·1,460 members
Rainbow Dash wakes up in someone else's bed again, surrounded by yet another set of unfamiliar walls. It's the price she pays to be happy, to drag herself up the mountain and tumble down the other side, battered and bruised, at the end of the day.
Page generated in 0.118 seconds
Total duration
1,032 users online
1,358,020 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Thanks to Dash The Stampede and Arcum42 for proofreading
That cover pic... I don't know what it is, but it's disgusting.
I'm so glad to finally see this in action!
Let's see where it goes!
~Dash The Stampede
4420491
It's a riverbed after a dry spell. Like this. It's one of my many creative uses of microsoft powerpoint to edit pictures.
4420594 hmm... Now that I think about it, that makes sense. Good thought!
This fic has so many hidden meanings that I cannot even begin to fathom.
Wow... Just read it. I will never look at a clop the same way. Although, I prefer having the feels, it's still kinda depressing.
Well now, this is depressing, and yet I cannot help but find myself intrigued as to where this is going.
As long as this keeps from any explicit sex scenes, you can expect my continued readership. Good work!
4420774
Thanks! That's what I love about art. I as an author can try my hardest to make a story about one thing, but based on the life experiences of someone else, they will see even more than I thought I put in. It makes me all warm and tingly inside, even if this story is all dark and cold and stuff
4421324
*username is jack mahoff*
*doesn't want to jack off*
And don't worry, I don't write clop. I'm under 18 and all that jazz.
4421037
Unfortunately, it's not going to. It was meant to be a one-shot, but I forgot to mark it as complete (which I have a habit of doing).
4422104
Very,very depressing, then. Oh well. It would have been interesting to see how, precisely, Dash reached this self-destructive state, and if her friends knew anything about it, but que sera, sera.
Does not feel like it's about Rainbow Dash. Does not even feel like it's about ponies. It's a sad story, yes, and rather skillfully written at that, but it's hardly in-character and hardly has a chance to establish itself in such a low word count.
Ya know, it's a shame, but you just can't use the words cur and wretch anymore without sounding like a douche-bag. This fact is compounded when you use such old-timey words in a story like this, they just don't go well together. Anyway, I found the "screw yourself" line to be very ridiculous. There was no reason for her to say such a thing in that situation. It was unbelievably hostile and was obviously put in as the spark to start the story's climax. Damn near No one would say that in that situation and would have probably just left.
Sooo... Is this going somewhere? It's marked complete, but it sure doesn't feel complete.
4422859
Clop doesn't feel like it's about ponies either, and that doesn't stop people from writing that either. I do see your point with the low word count, though.
4423901
Who would've left? Rainbow Dash? Based on the situation I painted, I don't see her leaving so easily. I'm also not convinced about that word choice critique. You're saying that because the theme of my story is raw and a bit simplistic, that I have to use raw and simplistic wording. You know, normally I like criticism, and I don't go out there with a "you're wrong about everything" attitude, but calling me a douchebag over my word choice is a bit out there, and I think I deserve an apology.
4423980
Neither is Rainbow Dash's self-destructive habit.
It fits.
4424736
That was the point of the story. I'd be lying if I said it did it intentionally (It must have been my subconscious being clever when my brain was being dumb), but the reason the story doesn't "end" is because Rainbow's addition is cyclical. Though I have to be a bit honest with myself in this respect: the story should've had more of an ending. The cyclical thing, as much as it works, is still lazy writing, and I could've done more with the ending. If the story had multiple chapters, it would be a perfect chapter end, but it doesn't,
4424773
Who am I to argue with the author, no?
While more could have been done with it, to be true, I feel like this was a valid ending. Perhaps not the most amazingly executed, but when I read over it that was the feeling that I personally got: a literal symbolism of sorts in the open-ended nature of the story.
4424773
I'll be honest, I disagree. This story was a good, quick read, and it was written well. The way it is works, for me at least, and I feel as though adding more to the story would over saturate it, and take away what gives the story its power. I know people who have suffered from this little problem, and they'll be the first to tell you that it doesn't end. To continue on this story would either become repetitive, or give an overly optimistic representation of what really happens. Perhaps certain authors would opt to drag this concept out, and if you were planning on it being a long, multiple tens of thousands of words long story about Rainbow Dash's recovery, then it could work, but as a short one shot, it works as is. That's my opinion at least.
The title's a bit shabby, in my opinion. 'Clop' is really just a term that this fandom uses to describe MLP R34; it isn't a proper term. The story itself was brilliant. The characterisation was beautiful; the guy didn't need a name, yet he became a great, three dimensional character. I'm pleased with your decision to not continue the story-it doesn't need an ending.
This is a great story.
4.5/5
4424674
I think you have to go back and re-read my wording, I wasn't calling you a douche-bag, just making the observation that those words, in general, are hard to use today without sounding pretentious, or, in other terms like a douche-bag. The fact that this story was written in the tight third person perspective of Rainbow Dash meant that the language choice should have fit with her thought process somewhat, like using asshole and bastard instead of cur and wretch, which I can hardly see Rainbow Dash knowing, let alone using in even thought. On a bit of a side note, the language used here would fit well with a story following Princess Luna.
As for the situation you put Dash in that I think she responded to unrealistically, lets go over it a bit. So, she gets drunk, willingly goes home with some ugly guy to have sex at his house, wakes up and uses his shower, and then tells him to screw himself when he asks a simple, if not slightly suggestive question. Unless she feared she had been drugged or if anything that had happened the night prior was forced upon her, then her response was overtly hostile and appeared to be there to to initiate the conflict.
I feel that you could remedy both the low word count problem and this scene by slowing things down. Put more dialogue between the two that shows a slow but steady escalation in anger that ends with Rainbow Dash saying "go screw yourself" in response to something actually insulting that he said. If this is done, all the stuff that followed wouldn't feel so forced. Here's a rough example:
"What are you doing over there? Come back to bed."
"Ahh, no way in Tartarus. I'm just gonna leave."
"What, you too good for me now, is that it? You didn't seem to think that last night"
"Dude, I was drunk last night."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's it and not that you're just a slut."
"Go screw yourself!"
4423980 True. But it doesn't look like its going anywhere, after this.
Hmm.
Story's pretty alright, nice little snapshot into a destructive cycle which, given fanon interpretation of RD, seems totally feesible. Fairly original concept, and not a ton of room for error given the length.
I do agree with some of the sentiments which have appeared in the comments, though, which essentially boil down to "well that escalated quickly." Rainbow's "screw you" response seems a little out of left field, especially if she went home with this guy the night before. Maybe as an expression of anger she feels at herself directed outward it would make sense, but she seems totally capable of punishing herself based on her unwillingness to fly later, so that theory is a little far-fetched. Also, the guy with the hangover, after being insulted only twice, tries to rape her. Jesus, what kind of guys is she going home with? I mean, i suppose she was probably drunk, but that seems a little extreme. Everything just flew right off the handle way too quickly, without sufficient buildup. I'm not saying this story should be 6,000 words long or anything, but it needs a little more there to really get its message across.
Anyway, that's my two cents. Not a bad story by any means; I'm glad i read it. Execution could just use a little work.
Hope this helps!
4425434
That's how it came across. There was no reason to say douche-bag in the first place.
And as for the second thing about things being OOC, there's a few details you're missing in the story. This is not a one-time thing where she was just drunk. It's stated that this is something she has been doing every night for a long time. It's an addiction and she's acting like an addict. I don't know if you know any druggies, but they act the exact same way if you try to confront them about it.
4426686
That's accurate. What I was trying to get across - and seemingly failed to do - was that all of the escalation was Rainbow's fault. She's overreacting to every little problem, whether it be how cold the floor is or the stallion not acting the way she wanted him to. I also thought I made it clear in the last section that it's Rainbow screwing up, not the stallion. He's just hung over and hearing a mare scream at him for no reason, and considering the burned picture line, probably a bit unstable due to a past problem with romance. The whole thing escalates quickly because Rainbow makes it. She's pissed off with herself, feeling hopeless about her life, and needs something to direct her anger at.
Interesting story....definitely a darker take on things - which is refreshing. Well done.
My problem with this story is that I can't tell what it's supposed to be conveying. The last part of the story makes it sound like it's talking about someone else since it only refers to Dash as a 'blue mare' (not even a blue pegasus mare) and the large time difference from the section immediately prior.
Additionally, it doesn't fit my personal view of Dash (so I see it as being OOC), but I can't properly expect someone else's story to match my view of characters.
4430226
I omitted her name in the last section intentionally to illustrate her detached state of mind. I did the same thing at the beginning of the story too. As for the OOC thing, I'm getting that comment a lot, and I don't agree with it. She's no more OOC than she is in a clopfic, and considering that this is a parody of those, I don't think this is too outlandish. This isn't regular Dash, but a depiction of her if she lived out clop fics every night. Maybe the title didn't make that obvious enough.
4431252 Well, I was only saying that she was OOC to me personally, not necessarily OOC in general.
Also, the Dark tag kind of makes it difficult to view as a parody since parodies are usually light-hearted/humorous. They don't have to be, but they usually are.
This.
Was.
Amazing!!!!!
You could be a pro writer!! Like seriously that's how good this was!!! Very discriptive, told us her feelings, and like how she was doing and oh my goodness it was just great! Loved it ^.^
HOW COULD YOU MAKE MY LITTLE DASHIE A WHORSE !!!!!!!!!!!!