When the Everfree Burns

by SpiritDutch

Chapter 55: Fruit of the Poisoned Tree

Rainbow Dash’s eyes fluttered. Something was making her nose itch so she tried to shift to scratch it but her hoof was blocked by something soft. She squirmed, and discovered herself surrounded by that warm softness.

“uhmm.” She reluctantly opened her eyes. She was in a dark room stacked to the roof with bookshelves. Somepony had put her in a small bed with linen blankets.
Dash sat up. There was patter of rain of the little window, but a little bit of murky moonlight got through. She thought for a terrifying moment she had been transported back to the Eternal Night: she wasn’t ignorant of such time shenanigans. But after a second of hitched breathing she calmed down. “Ponyville library… What day is it?”

She got out of bed and did some stretches. She neck and legs ached. She sat on the bed and fussed with her hair, to discover she had bandages wrapped around her forehead. There were more bandages around her left wing and her barrel.
It was coming back to her… The nightmare was somehow possessing ponies. It had possessed her! She remembered moving not of her own free will, attacking Twilight Sparkle and the black earth pony, Iillor.

“Hmm…” Rainbow rubbed her tender forehead. Her last memory was getting beaten into the ground by Iillor. She must have been knocked unconscious. “Geez… Like I didn’t get enough brain damage during Chitin or the Eternal Night.”

“Hey, I think she’s awake.” Familiar voice bled through from the other side of the wall, muffled by the wood and bookcases.

“Should I make some tea?” Another, slightly more male voice whispered back.

Rainbow took the decision into her own hooves. She leaned on the door let it creak open. Twilight Sparkle was laying on the couch, a book in front of her, reading by the light of a firefly lamp.

“Hello Mis Dash. I see you’re awake.” Twilight said.

“No dip.” Dash rubbed her eye with her wing and stumbled over to her. “Since it seem normal around here now, I’m guessing we won.”

“Somepony did.” Twilight said tersely. “How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?”

“No. Why am I here?” Rainbow Dash demanded.

Twilight made a face like it should have been obvious. “So I can watch over you.”

“Tshh, I’m not a foal and I don’t need a daycare.” Dash grunted. “You and me don’t have a good history. The sooner I leave the better.”

“No you’re not a foal, you’re a grown mare whose spine was cut to ribbons.” Twilight’s eyes flashed with annoyance. “If you want to return to the circumstances in which I brought you here, which I do not recommend, that can be arranged with some more magic.”

Dash fluttered her wings. “Geez, grumpy much? Somepony step on your hoof or something?”

Twilight put her book down. “Sit down please. We need to talk.” She said, though by her tone the ‘please’ was just a formality.

Rainbow Dash reclined on the couch and rested her aching neck on the back.

“Mis Rainbow Dash.” Twilight began again. “We were never properly introduced.”

“I’ve known you for a while, Sparkles. You confided some heartbreaking baggage to me.” Dash scoffed.

“Like what?” Twilight challenged.

Dash suddenly remembered that those confession, coming about from discussions with Ancepanox, almost all related to the inner demons she had been struggling with, ergo definitely not something to discuss with Twilight. “ … Forget it.”

Twilight looked like she wanted to claim the victory there, but held back. She sat up, leaning towards Dash. “It must have been quite stressful, for me to talk so openly as you claim, with a stranger no less. I’m not always the best of hiding my emotions, but I have some things I have always held very close to my chest.”

Dash did not like the examining looks she was getting. “Yeah it was rough out there.”

Twilight drew in a long breath and let it out as a sigh. “In the forest. Yes. Everypony keeps telling me so, instead of any real answers.” She picked her book back up and started reading again.

A few moments later Spike entered the room from the kitchen, bearing a tea tray. “Err, hello Mis Dash.”

“Hi.” Dash nodded.

“You can put that down for now.” Twilight said from behind her book. “Mis Dash doesn’t feel like talking.”

“Oh, so I don’t get tea if I don’t talk?” Dash shot.

“Fluttershy said you didn’t really like tea, so this is a light brew. I thought it might help lubricate your throat.” Twilight said flatly. “You’re probably dehydrated, since all your liquid intake the last three days has been me using a funnel.”

“A- A funnel?” Dash balked. “Three days?” She’d been out for three days? Not bad for a broken spine, but things had been so dire that a lot could have changed in that time.

“I’m joking. About the funnel. It really had been three days.” Twilight smiled thinly. She poured herself and Spike some tea. “Mentioning daycares, you are not far off the reason I am, like you accuse, grumpy. I spend all my day keeping these ponies from killing each other, and then they have no time for me when I need information.” She whistled softly over her hot tea, spinning little eddies in the steam coming off it. “Makes me wish I were a mind reader.” She laughed quietly to herself.

“Okay...” Dash rubbed her temple. “Could you, um, connect this to something I have the smallest idea of?”

“Sure.” Twilight said, setting her book down again. “Do you remember three day ago, the morning of the nightmare thralldom incident?”

“I remember, but it’s cloudy.” Dash grunted.

“You, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Amethyst Star, Carmel, Roseluck, and Cherry Berry were enthralled for varying lengths of time. I don’t expect the villager names to mean anything to you, but just note that they were all members of Rarity’s nightmare faithful.” Twilight said. “The thralls, versus Iillor, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie before she infected herself, and yours truly. There was a fight, some spines were destroyed, but thank heavens nothing fatal.”

Dash nodded. “That makes sense I guess.” She sat back and listened to the rain for a little while. “I bet that creep Iillor cleaned shop quick.”

Twilight snorted scornfully. “She did well enough. Killing machines like her aren’t as good when holding back. You and Applejack got some good hits in.”

Dash felt a swell of pride in herself. “Huh. These hooves still have some pop in them then.” She laughed. “There’s some things I’m still good for. I… like that.”

Twilight seemed to miss the point of Dash’s reminiscing. “Good for punching, which isn’t an altogether useless skill.”

“Sure.” Dash said. “Don’t keep me in suspense. How’d the brawl end?”

“I won’t give Pinkie Pie’s half of the event, and she will tell it when she wants too. I can say Pinkie and I fought. She had some tricks but I had teleportation and the right frame of mind.” Her soft smile curved down and she glanced away. “The right frame of mind was most of it. Frame, like a still portrait… It’s hard to describe but the adrenaline of the moment reconnected me to something from the Eternal Night that I’d forgotten. I felt so dangerous! When I disarmed Pinkie and eradicated the nightmare, that feeling slowly bled out of me. Like… color bleeding out of a dress in the rain.” She nodded to the storm pounding on the windows. “I don’t know if it has to do with being a Star, but I certainly felt like more than myself in that moment. Getting frustrated with ponies of the past days, I get tempted to start a fight to see if I can fish that feeling back.”

Rainbow Dash cocked her head a bit. “Okay, so um, you won.” She half-shrugged. “I’m not the pony for the psychology stuff, like at all. I went crazy trying to line-item my problems with Gilda.”

“Gilda?”

Another sensitive topic Dash had only discussed with Gilda. “She a friend.”

“Topic for another time I suppose.” Twilight sipped her tea. “Friends are supposed to be supportive in difficult times like these. But everypony is stonewalling me. At some point, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy met and agreed to tell me absolutely nothing.”

“So I should be doing the same, basically.” Dash arched a brow. “Because yes, I’m part of their concerted effort to keep you from learning anything. And yes, it’s because of Ancepanox, like you were probably guessing.”

“I got that much. It’s obvious Nightmare Moon had extended access to all of you during and after the Eternal Night.” Twilight pursed her lip. “But why this secrecy directed at me? I don’t understand it. Nightmare Moon should have just killed me. Why? Why?” She repeated. “These are the kinds of questions I have, and I know it’s connected to what I did during the Eternal Night that I don’t remember and-”

“Stop.” Dash said firmly. “Twilight, you thought I would be the most likely to talk. You’re almost right. I really want to tell you.” Her frown deepened. “But not because I’m a nice, empathetic pony. The truth would destroy you, Twilight, and I’m a crazy pony that would like to see it happen.”

“You’re wrong.” Twilight said, as dismissive as she was testy. “I’m embracing the truth no matter what it is. It can’t hurt me if I recognize and understand it.”

Dash leaned back in the couch and untensed. “Sure. My advice to you is not to think about it. Nopony is going to tell you, and if they do, you’ll die. Just forget about the ‘truth’, don’t get obsessed, and do whatever else with your life.”

“Kill me?” Twilight wondered at that. Nopony else had said anything like that. “Obsession I can deal with. I’ve always been obsessive.”

“Are you going to go your entire life-”

Twilight interrupted. “You like her.”

“What?” Dash asked, confused, probably Twilight’s intention.

Twilight grinned. “Nightmare Moon. When I said her name, your wings did the pegasus thing.” She mimicked fidgeting wings. “You saw it, right Spike?”

Spike, trying to stay out of the conversation, shrugged continued to stare into his teacup.

“What are you saying?” Dash asked accusingly.

“I saying you’re a loyalist. You aren't doing Nightmare Moon’s orders out of fear. You like her, as a leader, perhaps as something more.” Twilight nettled. “You’re sad sad mare. You think you’ve found the friend that will last this time.”

Rainbow jumped to her hooves, incised. “You bucker you take those words back!” She snarled.

“I will if it’s a lie.” Twilight said. “Can you tell me to my face that I’m lying?”

“It’s-” Dash trembled in anger. “You don’t understand at all, and you never will. You should focus on holding parties or whatever it is nobles like you do. This isn’t for you.”

Twilight cocked her head. “And what do I have to do to understand? Do I have to be as fecklessly miserable as you and the others?”

Dash was about to continue the argument when she realized what Twilight was doing. The unicorn was trying to provoke a fight like she had just admitted to longing for.
Dash turned and made for the door, head lowered. “I have to go.” She said, choked up by her anger.

“You haven’t even touched your tea.” Twilight called after her.

Rainbow slammed the red door of the Golden Oak behind her. She stood in the threshold for a few minutes, protected from the rain. Not a good start to the evening.
She stepped into the rain and galloped in the direction of Rarity’s house. Thankfully there was a light inside telling her the tailor was home. She knocked and waited in the cold rain until she heard the latch pull back.

“Who could it be in this weather?” Rarity mumbled to herself as she pulled the door open. When she saw Rainbow Dash, soaking wet with bandages hanging off her head, her eyes widened. “Mis Dash, you’re awake.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Dash shoved past her. She’d never been in Rarity’s house so she just stood in the hall dripping. “Like what the hell has been going on here? Why isn’t Ancepanox back yet?”

Rarity sighed and led the way to her sewing room. “There is a towel in the corner. You should dry yourself off before you catch a cold.”

Dash obliged, mostly drying herself off then draping herself with the towel. She sat on a stool Rarity provided her.

“Have you been awake long?” Rarity asked.

“An hour at most.” Dash said. “Then some talking with Twilight.”

“Did you tell her-”

“No. She already knew plenty though, which tells me you, Applejack, and Fluttershy were the ones blabbing.” Dash scowled. “How you all got out okay when I got a broken spine annoys me. I’ve actually been in a war.”

“You and Iillor did most of the fighting. Everypony else was damaged, but not badly.” Rarity said. “The day after, Twilight brought us all together and talked at us quite protractedly. Pinkie Pie was there too, but not Iillor. Twi went over what happened, how she felt about our responsibility for causing the crisis, and what she knew about Ancepanox. Then she talked at length about her new dream.”

“I got a taste of all of that too.” Dash grunted. “She was very aggressive. I feel like she was a breath away from punching me or something.”

“Did she tell you about her mental…” A look from Dash answered Rarity’s question. “Yes, ahem. That was not a comfortable conversation the first time either. Twilight has partially awakened to something. She called it a ‘multi-faceted’ affliction.”

“Which is her fancy way of saying she’s messed up in the head. Again, tell me something I don’t know.” Dash sighed. “So back to my first questions, why isn’t Ancepanox back yet?”

Rarity shrugged. “Why would she be?”

“Well because…” Dash paused. “Because Twilight is after her.”

“Twilight is after quote-unquote ‘Truth’. Capital T ‘truth’. She thinks she is searching for ideological meaning, when what she actually wants spiritual meaning. It makes talking to her very difficult.” Rarity huffed.

Dash looked unimpressed. “I’m not the one you should be blasting your practiced criticism at. I think you’re wrong, for one, but mostly I don’t care what her reasons are.”

“You should. She trounced Pinkie Pie, who if you did not know is likely one of the most dangerous mares in the hemisphere.” Rarity said. “What if Twilight finds a reason to use her power against us? We need every psychological tactic to deflect her away from ourselves.”

Dash thought for a minute before speaking. “How did you feel after the nightmare in you died.”

Rarity was caught off guard by the change of topic but went with it. “I was in pain, mostly. It was afterwards, while Twilight was talking at us, that I had time to think about it. I felt humiliated, guilty, lost…”

Dash got up.

“Hey!” Rarity jumped up too. “Are you going somewhere?”

“To get Applejack and Fluttershy. We need to have a talk about what our goals are here.” Dash said. “Are we going to stick around and let Twilight Sparkle chip away at us until we give her what she wants? Or are we going to act? We have to decide.”

“That-” Rarity tisked. “Rainbow, tonight… I would prefer this happen some other night.

“Wha? Why delay?” Dash took a few steps towards the door. “Okay, just Applejack then. I’ll go get Applejack, and be back in an hour with her. Stay here. If you’re worried about the rain-”

“Rainbow, please don’t misunderstand. Just give us tonight.” Rarity said, more firmly.

“Why?!” Rainbow said, raising her voice. “How can you agree with me about how urgent everything is, but not want to start solving it tonight? Are you worried about Twilight finding out? So what? She already knows but isn’t going to stop us.”

“That’s not it. It’s just-” Rarity’s eyes flicked towards the hallway, where a sleepy white filly was rubbing her eyes.

“Rarity, I can’t steep. The rain…” Sweetie Belle fell silent when she saw Rainbow Dash.

“The rain.” Dash repeated back under her breath. “Like that night.”

“Applejack and I have our sisters back and we would like to savor it before launching into politics immediately.” Rarity said.

“Politics.” Dash said testily. “That’s how you see it? That’s what justifies your- your sniveling?! “ She scowled. “This isn’t politics Rarity! This is life and death!”

“Oh, the mare sobs her way through one war and now she thinks she is fighting one at home.” Rarity sneered back. “Get out of my house, Rainbow.”

“This IS war! Twilight and Moon, can’t you understand what they are? Harbingers!” Rainbow stomped her hoof. “These mares are going after powers like only the gods should have. I’ve seen what happens when that premise is seen through. Ponies are going to start dying! You want your sister to see that?”

“Get out of my house!” Rarity yelled. “Out! Out!”

Dash, teeth digging into her lip, backed out to the hall, kicking off the towels as she went. Rarity and Sweetie Belle watched her leave, the first with disdain, the second in confusion. Dash threw herself through the door and slammed it behind her.

For the second time that night Dash found herself in the rain, wondering where to go.

“What am I even doing?” She asked herself. What goal or outcome was she working for?

Vague existential questions aside, she didn’t want to spend all night in the cold rain. She could go to Fluttershy’s or Applejack’s and Applejack’s was slightly closer. After a second of hesitation she started running down the road, kicking up clumps of mud. She could feel Rarity watching her leave through one of the windows.

Had Rarity already made a deal with Twilight, Rainbow wondered. Were they playing her from both sides in case Nightmare Moon had confided some secret in her?

“But what did me and Ancepanox tell each other that nopony else knows.” Rainbow murmured her herself, her soggy mane slapping against her neck with her gallop. “Phantom Time… The Amulet… Gilda… The Stars… That’s what I told her. What did she tell me?”

Before she knew it she was out of Ponyville and halfway across the fallow between the hamlet and Applejack’s orchards. She looked around, all shape reduced to dark silhouettes in the rain and darkness.

“Buck me. Three days. Ancepanox should be back from Canterlot by now. What is she doing?” Rainbow continued. “Bucking Rarity. She could never handle the truth if it broke into her polite little pretend world. We should silence her. She’s always been the weakest link.”
But as she said that she remembered Twilight’s smug accusation. ‘ You think you’ve found the friend that will last this time.’

Rainbow’s cheeks burned again, cooled by the cold rain, but she comforted herself with the assurance that she was just being pragmatic being a partisan for Moon. It was the rational choice. Rarity was blinded by a sentimental refusal to see the truth, the truth being a byword for which way the wind was blowing.

The very non-metaphorical wind was starting to pick up, driving the rain against Dash in sheets from the side. She sprinted to the orchard treeline, and finding a little respite there, took it a bit slower until she was in the clearing around the Apple Family farmstead.
Like Rarity’s tailory, a light was on inside, so Rainbow paused for a breath on the porch, then knocked on the door.

It took a few minutes of knocking, maybe because it was hard to hear it over the drone of rain, but eventually Applejack unlocked and opened the door, letting Rainbow rush inside.

“Hey Dash.” Applejack looked tired, lacking her hat and with her mane cascading around her shoulders. “Have a nice nap?”

“I ran out from Twilight. Then Rarity kicked me out.” Dash said mirthlessly. “Before I ask if I can stay the night, I have to ask this: Where do you stand between Ancepanox and Twilight.”

“Why’re you using her name?” Applejack asked.

“Huh?” Dash grunted at the non-sequitor, digression from her very important question.

“You go between callin’ her Moon and Ancepanox. You think she’d find it funny you’re droppin’ her title?”

“Does it really matter? Look, I’m asking, no bullshit, where you stand between Twilight Sparkle and Ancepanox.” Dash said pointedly. “If we had to go after one or the other, would you be ready?”

“I can see why Rarity kicked y’all out.” Applejack returned to her seat at the kitchen, hunched over a cup of cider. The kitchen was strewn with broken furniture and barrels, the uncleaned shambles of the battle three days past. Apple Bloom was curled up on the couch in the adjoining living room, snoring softly. “Get some sleep Dash. The guest bedroom is open.”

“Sleep?! I’ve been out for two days! I want to solve this problem!” Dash exclaimed.

Applejack played with her cup of cider, then after a minute replied. “Then why do ya look so tired?”

Dash opened her mouth but object, but nothing came out.

“Cut the drama out. Simper down and go to bed. Wait for something to happen, get me?” Applejack said roughly. “You, me, and Rarity aren’t gunna be the problem anymore. Me and Fluttershy agreed that it’s going to be quiet in Ponyville from now on. We’re gunna keep to ourselves, and stay in our own worlds.”

Dash had many objections but held them in. She didn’t want to be kicked out again. She wordlessly climbed the stairs to the second floor and took the door to her usual room.
She sat on the bed, still dripping wet. The drone of rain on the windows and roof wasn’t so loud she couldn’t hear Applejack mumbling to herself downstairs. It was odd, but ponies dealt with stress in many ways.

Stress… Dash was too stressed to sleep, too stressed not to. She felt like mush. She slumped laying her head in her hooves. At the back of her mind, there came the feeling she hoped she had forgotten: Her deathwish.

A peal of thunder shook the entire farmhouse. Dash fell on the floor, hitting her chin on the floorboards. “Buck!” She groaned. “Buck all this.” She curled up and closed her eyes, trying to keep tears from escaping the edge of her eyes. “I wish I were dead.”

The bedroom door opened, and a heavy hooffall made the boards creek.
“Applejack?” Dash sniffled? She lifted her head up. The silhouette darkening the doorframe was not Applejack. It was too large. Dash let herself believe for a second it was Ancepanox, but the huge winged creature was lacking a horn. “Who are you! How did you get past Applejack? A-Are you after the amulet? I don’t have it!”

The large pegasus took a step forward. A flash of lightning illuminated her face for a brief moment.
“Guess again.” Her nightmare-ified self, sooty of fur, faded rainbow mane cascading down its head, loomed over Dash. “I don’t care about any amulets, ha ha, unless you care. I get past Applejack the same way you get past her: Numb, angry, tripping over your own words. A looser, Dash.”

Dash was racked between the conflicting urges to shelter from and confront the nightmare visage. “Shut up, liar! You’re just in my head!”

“Which one is it, Dash? Am I a liar, or in your head?” The dark reflection taunted. “You stupid bucker. You can’t resolve your inner conflict without having a mental breakdown?” The nightmare laughed. “Dashie, baby, I left so suddenly, and now you miss me. It’s not hard to see.” The entity stretched like a cat. “You miss my power, my intelligence. When we were together you weren’t worried about pony against nightmare. It was all nightmare all the time baby!”

“Buck off!” Dash shouted at the apparition.

“You’re a bit slow, so I don’t blame you for not realize it.” The nightmare tapped the side of her head. “Dashie, that romp in Chitin was the happiest you’ve ever been. Killing bugs, doing drugs, doing the cha-cha with Gilda around a campfire. Whoo-boy! That was the best time of your life, Dashie.”
It knelt by Dash. “But Dash, it’s going to be really, really tough to recreate those days. Gilda left us, first of all. Second of all, there’s no bugs around here. Just ponies!”

Dash buried her head in her hooves wishing the rain to drown out the nightmare. She knew it was futile; The voice wasn’t even real.

The nightmare leaned in. “Dashie, what made bugs okay to stomp? Cuz they’re bugs? That they’re different? Damn straight! Those changelings would have stabbed you in the back if you’d given them the chance. They don’t think like you do. They’re just insects. It’s not a sin to kill them. If it were, we’d go to hell, eh?”
Tentatively, gently, it stroked Dash’s mane. “But Dashie… Imagine how fun it would be if we went on a romp right here, in Equestria. Just forget about ponykind, in a moral sense that is. Morality and all that junk is made to keep us from having fun. To a nightmare, ponies are bugs.”

Dash, eyes squeezed closed, began to squirm her way towards the bed on her stomach. She trepedly climbed onto the mattress.

“Dashie, stop ignoring me. This is what you really think, otherwise you wouldn’t be dealing with me now.” The nightmare growled. “What I’m saying you BELIEVE, Rainbow Dash. Waking up tomorrow, I’m still going to be there, maybe not talking to you, but up in your head tempting you. And as long as we’re miserable, I’ll be there, a sword over everypony around us whether they realize it or not. You told Rarity ponies will die? Hell yeah!”

---

Applejack expected a certain amount of stomping and clattering with guests like Rainbow Dash. Mulling over her cider, meditating on the sound of the rain and thunder, when Dash’s shouts came muffled through the ceiling.

“God dang. What’s she doin?” Applejack reluctantly stood up and trotted to the stairs. She climbed to the second floor paused outside the guest bedroom. The door was open but Applejack couldn’t see anything in the enshadowed room.

“ ...can’t even die right… ...she’ll accept us, cherish us…” Dash’s voice wavered in and out of audibility as she alternated between shouting and whimpering. “...do anything anymore? For a REASON? For happiness? So we… so we...”

Applejack pursed her lips. Then she very slowly leaned forward to grab the door handle and shut the door. Dash’s voice still carried through a little, but after a few moments, trailed off completely.
That was when Applejack realized the rain had stopped, and she was surrounded by total silence. She couldn’t even hear her own breathing.

A floorboard at the end of the hall creaked.

“Tut tut.” A familiar voice, hers in many ways but wrangled into a clipped Manehattanite accent, said. “Still denying your problems, Applejack? Still shutting ponies out?” It move forward, to stand over her. Applejack had tried so hard to forget when she had seen the reflection her nightmarified self, but that memory did not want to leave. It intruded on her, leaning its head around to whisper in her ear. “You didn’t leave me far behind at all. Hee he, we are going to have lots to talk about on into the night.”

---

The Next Morning

Sitting by one of the big windows of her workroom, Rarity counted out the bits in her purse. She had enough for another week, but no more. She considered accessing the stash of bits she kept at her parent’s house, but decided against it, since Iillor, Twilight, Pinkie, or somepony else was likely to be watching her make that trip. So, she had to open shop.

Rarity spent the whole morning cleaning up and organizing. By mid morning Sweetie Belle had woken up and they had breakfast together. Sweetie bid Rarity good morning and trotted off to meet her friends at Applejack’s farm. Rarity was a little reluctant, considering that was probably where Dash had gone the night before, but relented when Sweetie started to pout.

When she was satisfied with the arrangement of the shop portion of her house, she opened the curtains and set her sign at her door. That being done, she sat in her work room and fiddled with some lace.

She heard her the door bell jingle a few minutes later. Amethyst Star. looking much more treped than usual, stepped into the work room.

“Rarity. Hi.” Amethyst gave a little wave. “It’s been a while.”

Rarity set down her work. “Here to shop or talk?”

Amethyst blinked. “You opened up the tailory? Good, cool. That’s, um, great. My mom had a dress that needed repair.” She cleared her throat. “I came to ask about the way forward, you know? Me and Carmel were messed up. We don’t even know what happened. I’m, uhh, asking what happened.”

Rarity sighed. “To summarize, in a blunt way, we were caught up in my last grasp at power. My ambition outgrew my willingness or ability, or perhaps it was always that way. When the nightmare parasite grasped me, it took that ambition for itself. Through repeated, painful humiliations, my nightmare and the ambition it represented was castrated.” She closed her eyes. “It hurts. I had a dream I could believe in, and while it was often self-centered, it was mine to work towards. I was punching up, Amethyst. Isn’t there some nobility in that? Isn’t it just a little sad to have that snuffed out?”

“Who knows, Rarity.” Amethyst said. “But you got us involved. You misled the Nightmare Faithful. That hurts too.”

“I don’t mean to downplay or excuse anything I’ve done.” Rarity said glumly. “I’m grasping at positives. It can’t all have been bad. I… I’m not a bad pony. I saw the chance for something beautiful and gave insufficient care for the costs.”

“That’s a pretty bucking euphemistic way to put it, pardon my Prench.” Amethyst frowned. “I don’t have anything to gain from asking you to pay me back. I gave you my time, and I had fun while it lasted.” She shook her head. “But Rose, or Cherry Berry… They thought they had something good with you, a better way of living and believing. You owe them a lot, Rarity. Especially Rose! The whole town thinks she tried to kill Lady Sparkle!”

Rarity slumped. “I- I don’t know what I can do for Rose. Twilight knows the whole story. She is a reasonable pony.”

Amethyst shook her head. “If something happens to Rose, the Faithful are going to kill you, Rarity. They’ve outgrown you too. Remains to be seen if they are also, as you colorfully put it, castrated.”

“Outgrown me? Is somepony holding meetings without me?” Rarity asked. Amethyst said nothing but just stared at her. “You? Are you… Are you here to tell me I’m out?”

“I’m here to tell you you’re on notice. We’re going to do our own thing, see how we manage without a hierophant, then decide for ourselves. In a few years, we might ask you and Fluttershy back. We might even give back control to you, if you’ve good.” Amethyst shrugged. “I hope you’re smart enough not to try to sabotage us.”

Rarity sighed. “I’m not bitter, Amethyst. I would have been angry a month ago, or even last week. Not anymore. I have to focus on what matters. I wish you the best. Tell me as much or as little as you want.”

Amethyst seemed disappointed Rarity was so yielding. “How much you want to tell them about the nightmare, and everything else, is up to you.”

Rarity looked out the window. The eyed the leafy roof of the Golden Oak across town, peaking above the cottages. “I don’t care Amethyst. I just want to live my life.”

“You say that now. You’ll work up the courage to interfere again.” Amethyst smirked. “Love ya Rarity. See you around town.”

“Bye Mis Star.” Rarity picked the lace back up to fidget with on.

The doorbell rang as Amethyst left the shop. Rarity set the lace down and buried her face in her hooves.

The next hours were subdued and normal, almost dreamlike. Customers came in, needing new socks or repairs for their clothes. Rarity made a quick trip to pick up more thread from the market, which advertised her tailory was back in business. The late morning was a little more busy, but things tapered off at noon.

At high noon, Rarity found herself staring at the wall, hooves clasped a little hat she had been mending. What had she been thinking about? It all felt disconnected, like she wasn’t supposed to be doing what she was doing.
There was a tap at her window, making Rarity jump. She turned to come face to face with Pinkie Pie’s manic smile through the glass. Cherry Fizzy was behind Pinkie, looking pensive. Rarity blinked. Pinkie stepped back and ran around the house, and a moment later Rarity heard the ring of the door bell in the front hallway.

“Rarity!” Pinkie bounded into the work room. “You’re back open!”

Rarity rubbed her eyes. “I have to pay for food somehow. I don’t want to start dipping into my reserves.” She sighed. “Besides I need to work. I fear I may lose my mind if I’m left by myself with my thoughts.”

“Why’s that?” Pinkie queried. She hopped up on a dresser and used it as a seat. “You can tell me Rarity. We’re pals now. Twilight said we have to be pals and we have to care about each other’s mental well-being.”

“Lady Twilight said we have to stop trying to kill each other. That doesn’t mean I have to smile and bear your company.” Rarity said coldly. “Pinkie Pie, we have been playing a cat and mouse game for years. Now my secrets are laid bare to you. Congratulations. You know all about the Nightmare Faithful. Not that it matters.” Rarity paused as Cherry Fizzy peeked into the work room. “Good afternoon Mr Fizzy. I suppose you’re audience to this too: The complete dismantling of what I thought I had for myself. I have been thrown out of my own organization. The Faithful, who I brought together, I shepherded, I instructed on faith and prophecy… They have ditched me.”
She sat back in her chair. “What do I have left? I’m a seamstress in a backwoods village, with nothing to look forwards to. I have overlapping targets on my back: Nightmare Moon, Lady Sparkle, and you Pinkie. Perhaps Applejack and Rainbow Dash too.”

Cherry Fizzy glanced over to Pinkie Pie. “Well, uh, I thought you were brilliant Mis Rarity. The Faithful were stupid commoners before you helped us. We were content cows. Now we care about the world, and making our place in it.”

Rarity’s brow furrowed. “Fizzy, you can’t gaslight me with my own quote. On no less than six occasions over the past year I-”

“Rarity.” Pinkie interjected. “Accept the compliment. He’s trying to make you feel better.”

“I was a fraud. I was a hack. I did things for selfish purposes.” Rarity looked to be on the verge of tears. “But I kept fighting on. I was pushed into the dirt five times, and each one should have been the point I should have accepted defeat, but I stood up again for the sake of my ambition. Every time, more rage and resentment to force down. Now I’m just exhausted. I can’t feel anything. I gave up.”

Pinkie hopped down from her perch. “You’re not alone, Rarity.”

“I know I’m not alone.” Rarity said with a bitter sarcasm. “I would be much happier right now if I were alone.”

“Alone for losing what you care about.” Pinkie’s expression lost its customary glee. She looked concerned, sympathetic. “Rarity, You’ve had your suspicions about me, like I have had mine about you. I didn’t want to know your secrets to hurt you. I’d never hurt anypony in Ponyville! Never ever!”

Rarity was silent.

“Why do you care about what you care about?” Pinkie Pie pressed. “I mean, really think about why the Nightmare Faithful mattered to you.”

“It was mine, mostly. I turned an insular little cult of a few families into a community undertaking.” Rarity said, like she was giving a depressed sales pitch.

“How did you get your start in it?”

Rarity rubbed her temple. “My parents. My family have been leaders for the Faithful for hundreds of years. We were artists and craftsponies, you know. Our community was small but prosperous. Then a bunch of impoverished farmers came and ‘founded’ Ponyville. They gave no thought to the society they were destroying. So, my parents left, along with the other old Faithful families. They’re all clustered in a neighborhood in Baltimare now, with the lion’s share of Equestria’s nightmare worshipers. But I stayed, because I saw opportunity where they saw desolation. I made a more inclusive Faithful that liberated ponies, not pigeonholed them.”

Pinkie wrinkled her nose. “So, umm, your parents. You’re doing this for your parents.”

“No, I’m doing this for me. Or I was.” Rarity objected. “Do you think the only way we could care about my faith is because my parent’s indoctrinated me? No Pinkie. This is about fulfillment. I thought I was doing something good for us. Yes, I may have screwed it up…” She sighed shakilly. “I screwed it up. I screwed it up… And for what? Why? Why am I so self-destructive? Maybe that is what the sinners consumed by the nightmare have in common. We have a deep, self-targeted hatred. We can’t live with ourselves.”

Pinkie couldn’t contain a confused look. “I thought that was obvious from the beginning.”

Rarity mewled. “Not that Lady Twilight and Lady Moon haven’t been drilling that through my head since before nightfall, but I never fully believed it. I thought it could be something good for us, that it could make us, ponykind, better. So essentially… I’m just stupid.”

“You’re not. You had good reasons.” Pinkie insisted. “Misguided reasons can still be good. You’re not a bad pony.”

“Everypony thinks they’re not the bad pony, up to and including the moment they start hurting innocent ponies. Lady Moon thinks she’s an ambiguous pony at worst, and she killed Celestia! I’ve been a wretched pony: Misled, self-centered… How do I come back from this?! Pinkie Pie, I’ve been-”

Pinkie held her hoof up, and Rarity fell silent. “Rarity, you know about my past?”

Rarity glanced over to Cherry Fizzy lingering in the corner. “Pinkie, are you sure you want to tell this to me?”

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Fizzy knows some already. Twilight knows a little. You deserve to know it all.”

“Deserve?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Okay, maybe not deserve. But I want you to know. I think if we can be friends, it will make us both better ponies.”

Rarity shook her head in surrender. “Fine, Pinkie Pie. Business has slowed anyway.” She gnawed her lip. “But depending on what you say, other ponies have to know too. Twilight for sure, but also Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash.” She cleared her throat. “Any possibly Nightmare Moon too. Especially Nightmare Moon.”

Pinkie nodded reluctantly. “Okie-dokie. Letting my secret out will be as good for me as it has been for you.”

Rarity glared.

Pinkie sat down and began her tale. “Scene, Canterlot, the big city. The biggest of cities! It’s got a lot of stuff and ponies. You’ve never seen so many pretty nobles! And you’re supposed to bow to them and say ‘yes ma’am, no ma’am’ or they might get offended. Thank them for buying from you. Thank them for shouting at you. One of my friends said Canterlot would be a million tonnes lighter without all the nobles and their petty bullcrap.”

Rarity’s eyes shot open. She’d never heard Pinkie be so inflammatory for serious. “Pinkie Pie, I hope you watch your language around Lady Sparkle. I would hate for you to get in trouble.”

“Is she going to stop buying bread at the only bakery in town?” Pinkie challenged playfully. “I really like Lady Sparkle, actually. She’s probably one of the nicest Canterlot nobles I’ve met. Yeah I loved it there, but so many things frustrated me. It was hard for a country pony. I had an apprenticeship at a bakery until my master got thrown out of town over guild politics. Then, the inn in the Inner City I was living out of got burned down by corrupt guards. Then the abandoned tenement I was squatting in burned down from poor maintenance. Then, a bunch of nobles brats broke my instruments. Then I…”
She trembled a bit, but maintained her smile. “Then I starting breaking into mansions to steal food. It would have been easier to steal from shopkeepers or whatever, but I’d grown a serious grudge against the nobles and the authorities. I wasn’t really a revolutionary, but a lot of the Inner City workers were. There were guards all over the town outskirts where all the nobles live, but nopony is as sneaky as I am. I thought I had a hussle.
“That didn’t last long though. By a bag of bad luck, a pony came back home while I was still in a house. By his bad luck, it was one of the noble colts who broke my instrument. I don’t have any excuses. I knew what I was doing. He saw me and tried to run, and I jumped on him. I couldn’t let him get away, since he’d seen my face and where I hung out. So I started to stomp. I was planning to stop at some point… Maybe when he wasn’t able talk, or remember past five minutes ago. I wasn’t angry. It would have been better if I was. Nah though, I just knew he had to go for me to be able to live.”
Pinkie cleared her throat. “I got caught up in it. Rarity, you know how it is, when you pour all your pent up frustration into a cathartic release… It’s like you can’t even think anymore. My head was all bubbly but I knew logically I wasn’t doing the right thing. It’s never about logic though. Logic never matters ever. Ponies that talk about logic are hiding opinions just as irrational as anypony else's under a frosting of legitimacy. Like how there’s all kinds of logical reasons why the poor have to starve and the nobles get to rule. Yeah, there’s no such thing as logic. I’ll call my hoof logic while I put it through somepony’s skull.”

Rarity was stock still. Pinkie could be morbid at times, but it was always a joking, ironic morbidity that was ridiculous on its face. Pinkie Pie, dead serious, lip twitching, was talking about stomping ponies to death. Catharsis indeed.

“I was still there in the morning when his friends came to find him. I was able to brain two of them before they forced me to retreat to one of the rooms. I knew I was going to die once they fetched the guards. But as I was trying to barricade the door, contemplating this, I heard screams from the other side, then silence. I thought it might be a trick but I opened the door anyway. That’s when I met Scratchy, my best friend. She’d killed the rest of the noble brats. We ran without a word.
“She led me back to her hang out, a house her mother owned. There I met her brother Long Play, her other friends, and what we’d done never came up once. It felt super jarring, like two flavers that clash. I looked and talked like a street tramp and I knew I looked like a charity case, a dog Scratchy had decided to care for. I guess they all knew though, because after a few hours of chit chat they started talking about the ponies they’d killed that week. I was flabbergasted! It was so horrible to hear them talk about murder so casually, but it was enrapturing at the same time. I felt… I felt included for the first time in months.”
Pinkie laughed to herself. “Great start, huh? The first time I try to get my way with violence is rewarded, ex machina, like destiny had saved me from repercussions.”

Rarity tried to formulate a sympathetic word. “Pinkie Pie… I know you had it hard-”

“I’m not done. Save it until the end.” Pinkie said.
“I stayed in the hang out from then on. Scratchy took me with her places, and I pretended to be her maid. She did all the stuff other noble fillies did. So many parties! Scratchy and all her friends were kinda upper class, sons and daughters of either nobles or big merchant families. I don’t know why I considered them different, probably because they didn’t care I was a country commoner. But when I think back, they never included any commoners besides me. They thought I was one of the rare good, capable peasants. Well, what they liked about me was that I stomped on heads good.
“Yeah. Scratchy took me prowling at night. She killed for fun. It excited her, like, viscerally and probably a little secually too. I was like an accident you can’t look away from. During the day I had a bunch of innocent fun with her because we actually shared a lot of hobbies and passions. At night, her joie de vivre became joie de fin. I’ve never read a book on nihilism my entire life, but I could probably give a good lecture on it just because Scratchy would never shut up about it.
“She wasn’t picky. She’d kill anypony. The first times she took me along I freaked out that she was attacking homeless ponies. I didn’t think I could stop her, but I steered her. I convinced her to go after nobles. We would chose out targets at her frilly noble parties. She didn’t buy my reasons but she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so she agreed to go after the ponies that deserved to die. There’s that word again, deserve. I dunno Rarity. Seeing how easy Scratchy and her friends could get away will violence sold me on a lot of the nihilism. I wondered how far away it would be before everypony realized nothing was keeping us from just murdering each other. Weird ideas of what ponies deserve or don’t deserve was at odds with that: I knew deep down something mattered but I wasn’t sure what.”

Pinkie coughed and cleared her throat. “Rarity, can I have some water? All this talking…”

Rarity gave a little nod. “There is a pitcher in the kitchen.”
She waited while Pinkie fetched herself a glass and water from the kitchen. When Pinkie had returned she had formulated a question. “Pinkie, did you ever find out what that feeling was? What mattered?”

“Kinda. I’ll explain at the end.” Pinkie settled back in her seat.
“After a few weeks with Scratchy, she introduces me to her mother. Phyte, or the Mistress as everypony called her. Back then Mistress Phyte lived in a townhouse in Old Town, but lately she lived in a cave underground. I was sure she was going to disapprove of me, because I was just a peasant. But when I talked to her, Phyte told me she’d noticed me hanging around the Musician’s Guild right after I arrived in Canterlot. I hadn’t gotten into the guild because I didn’t have what it took, they had told me, but Phyte had kept her eye on me. When Scratchy saved me from the noble brats, it was on her mother’s orders. Me, thinking of how she must have seen me suffer and suffer for months, I got more angry than I ever had before. I attacked, but Phyte pinned me down easily. Like that, I was in the Musician’s Guild.
“Mistress Phyte and I had a complicated relationship. Whenever I met her in person, I couldn’t stop from getting mad. It was like a reflex, you know? I couldn’t help it. Phyte and Scratchy thought it was funny, which didn’t help. I’d thought I wanted to be part of the Musician’s Guild, but learning more about it cooled my interest. Most Guild ponies do contract assassinations. Ponies just there to play music get sucked into Phyte’s orbit and forced to do her work. I don’t think there’s a more evil pony, than Mistress Phyte. It’s pretty obvious why Scratchy turned out the way she did.
“Phyte wanted me to stick to Scratchy and keep her out of trouble. That’s what I was already doing so I agreed, and she would pay me to do it. I didn’t like taking her money but I reasoned it was better in my pockets than hers. Scratchy knew right away. She’d introduced me to her mother hoping I would get situated with contract work. I felt hurt she would think I’d like that, and she didn’t trust me as much since Phyte was paying me. I mean, we still hung out during the day and prowled by night, but Scratchy started keeping her other friends close just in case I tried something. I think this is when she started to go a bit batty.”

“A bit batty?” Rarity scoffed.

“Since we were going after nobles and not vagabonds, Canterlot started to wake up to the problem. Even more guards walked the town outskirts, and some nights there was literally a guard in front of every manor. After a few months, the our problems started.
“One night, one of Scratchy’s friends was pinched by a guard ambush. They tortured her and she spilled a few names before she died. My name was safe, but most of the rest of the group was in the crosshairs, including Scratchy. Things were really tense, and everypony was panicking, thinking we should leave town. Scratchy didn’t want to, and neither did I. So Scratchy and me talked, and decided we had to get rid of the others. With her brother’s help we killed the rest of her team the next night. Man, that was a bummer, but we had to do it.”

Rarity’s expression of blank indifference was starting to wear. She couldn’t hide her horror at what Pinkie was saying. Pinkie noticed and giggled a little.

“Things started to go really downhill after that. The nobles knew this was one of their own doing the killing and were desperate to stop us. Mistress Phyte was pissed, and sent another young Guild mare, Octavia, to watch us. Having to hide during the day put Scratchy totally on edge, so she and Octavia argued constantly. At night, she got more brutal with her kills, dragging them out way too much. It was like she wanted to get caught, and we almost were a couple times. It was hard to be patient with her, especially after she started getting urges to kill during the day.”
Pinkie sighed. “Then one morning, she was gone. Octavia hadn’t seen her either. News came later in the day her brother Long Play and his friends were caught in a conspiracy to discredit Princess Cadenza. Canterlot was buzzing with rumors of how angry Princess Celestia was. I was sure they would be executed, but LP and his friend Manered instead went into the Solar Monastery. Some others got life in prison. Mistress Phyte made a deal with Celestia: LP got off easy, but Scratchy had to be stopped.
“Phyte called me and Octavia to her new lair underground. She ordered us to find and bring in Scratchy. Scratchy was running rampant in the outskirts, butchering whole households. Between her and the rumors about LP’s conspiracy, Canterlot was in total panic. Octavia refused. She was a good mare and musician, but only a decent Guild mare. I agreed, so Phyte lent me a couple of her best assassins to help me subdue Scratchy.
“We caught up with her a few days later, in an outskirts mansion where she was dragging her kills. She was… Amazing. I mean, I always knew she and Phyte were not completely pony, but Scratchy literally glowed in the dark from how bloodthirsty she was. She couldn’t even form words. I knew right away we wouldn’t win but we tried anyway. I never had so much fun, but she totally kicked my butt. My backup got cut down to one pony and I got most of my skull removed.” Pinkie traced a line from her forehead to behind her ear. “Pretty lucky Octavia chose that time to show up to drag me away. The mansion burned down with the last Guild mare and Scratchy still hashing it out inside. I didn’t wake up until, umm, about a month later, at the Musician’s Guild. I didn’t find out Phyte saving me came at a price. She and Princess Celestia teamed up to surgery on me a little. Phyte’s into that stuff, like seeing how many organs a pony can live without. They added a little something to me.”
Pinkie tilted her head back and lodged her hoof under her throat. “Somewhere in the middle of a pony’s brain is a thing called a pineal gland. It does some stuff normally but I don’t really know that much, but mess with the pineal gland the right way, and you can change a pony. Princess Celestia gave Phyte a part of her sub-dermal tissue or something, and Phyte drilled it in my brain to the gland. Phyte was explaining that to me and I was like, woah that’s gross. But I also got, like, really really angry at her again. If I hadn’t been so tired I probably would have tried to kill her. Thinking about it, those mood swings around Phyte were the first time I got in touch with my intuition, what I call my Pinkie sense. Some ponies really have a destiny I guess, because I found out later I was never supposed to wake up from Phyte’s experiment.
“I laid low for a week, just kinda walking around the Old Town. The ponies recognized me from hanging out with Scratchy avoided me like I stank. I still had to stop Scratchy, but now I knew for sure there was no place in Canterlot for me anymore. Not even my old friends in the Inner City dared to see me. I felt pretty down. I thought everypony betrayed me. I still didn’t understand what Phyte had done to me and I had no idea if I could go home or not. I had nothing. Um, so, uh… I don’t know… I was ready to believe nothing mattered. Full nihilism.”
Pinkie hesitated, calculating how to go on with the story. “So I tried to get myself killed. At first I tried to be funny with it, you know, something ironic like setting myself on fire outside the firehouse, or being run over by a hospital cart. But every time I put myself in danger, I’d black out and wake up safe. Like, I don’t know how many times I tried to…”
Pinkie cleared her throat and put on a weak smile. “It took a while, but I got in tune with my new sense. I don’t know if it was always there, or if Phyte did it, but I could enter a time outside of time. Phantom Time, Phyte called it later. Like, nothing was moving except me and I didn’t even know I was doing it at first. But the more I tried to hurt myself, the more aware I was of the instinct stopping me. I knew what I had to do.
“I looked for Scratchy again. An entire block of the Inner City had been sectioned off because she’d been seen inside, so I looked for her there. I found her after a while, but another pony had found her first: It looked a little like blood-lusty Scratchy, but as soft as a baby. I think it was a baby, kinda. Phyte’d just created her, so I guess it was Scratchy’s half-sister. She had found Scratchy and knocked her out with her big paws, and they were both really cut up. When I tried to talk to it-”
Pinkie cleared her throat. “She tried to talk back. She was intelligent, but… Really anguished. It wanted to die too. The noises she made my throat go dry. Rarity, did you see anything during the Eternal Night like that? Something that couldn’t stand its own existence?”

“You know I did.” Rarity replied softly.

“Yeah… In Canterlot I was, you know, not thinking straight. But I could tell something was very wrong with the new pony, and that it didn’t like me. Or THEY didn’t like me, because while I was distracted another of the bloodlusty ponies entered the room behind me. Phyte made twins I guess. And then they didn’t do anything, but stared at me and make weird angry noises. The next second I realized we were all three in Phantom Time. So like, whatever Phyte learned from testing on me, she was trying to nail down with the new ponies. They were still using it on instinct though, and I was not.”
She paused again. “So um… We fought. They weren’t as good as Scratchy on their own, but together were way better. I was losing until I was able to force one of them out of the Phantom Time. I killed the one still moving, then finished off the frozen one. It was kinda cool, because stabbing and cutting it didn’t do anything until normal time started again, then it fell apart.
“I had to burn the building down to hide the evidence, while I sneaked away with unconcious Scratchy. She and I stayed at the hang out for a day, while I thought about what to do. I’d really started to hate Phyte, but letting Scratchy keep hurting ponies wasn’t right either. In the beginning I’d thought I could control Scratchy’s violence and use it to do something positive. Stupid… I couldn’t control her. I never could have been able to steer her unless I convinced her that nihilism was wrong and murder for its own sake was immoral. Sitting around, thinking things over, I realized violence for any sake was wrong. What did I, Scratchy, or any of her silver spoon friends accomplish? Her friends thought they were being cool participating in youthful rebellion. I thought I was a hero of the Inner City. Scratchy couldn’t have cared less about our reasons. She just wanted to kill. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that was my reason to. I could frost my bloodlust in logic and excuses all I wanted, but murder was still murder. Unless I was willing to say nothing mattered, not even pony life, what I was condoning was inexcusable.
“I could have tried to run away with Scratchy but I knew I would never have been allowed to live in peace. I took Scratchy back to Phyte’s lair, told her what happened to her twin experiments, and tried to leave. Phyte told me to stay for at least a little while, so I sat around the Musician’s Guild, detached from everything I’d been living for the past year, wandering my mind trying to reconnect with my old morality.”

Rarity interrupted here. “Pinkie Pie, if you had your power, the time thing, why didn’t you try to fight Phyte again? You could have stopped her.”

Pinkie shook her head. “Because Rarity, my Pinkie sense wasn’t tingling any more. I have to trust it. It made me angry when I had to be angry, and made me calm when I needed to be calm. If I’d done it different, maybe I wouldn’t be alive. Maybe I wouldn’t have my power.”

“It sounds like you don’t understand.”

Pinkie grinned. “Nope. Not one bit! I just go with my gut and it works out. It’s how I make all my decisions.”

“Do you feel it all the time?”

“Nope. Most of the time I don’t feel anything. Sometimes I feel a little tingle that guides me, and sometimes it feels like my whole body’s on fire.” Pinkie explained. “As long as I do my best to follow my Pinkie sense, nothing too terrible happens.”

Rarity sighed. “Seems unfair you’re blessed with holy precognition. Do you wonder why? What do you think you’ve done to deserve what you have?”

“By being myself? Best guess I have.” Pinkie shrugged. “Do you think it’s for no reason? There might not be a reason for anything in this world. It might all be random.”

“A pony of faith can’t accept that nihilism.” Rarity shook her head.

“Doesn’t change anything what you do or don’t accept.” Pinkie tapped her hoof. “Going out and doing something is the only thing that creates a difference. If you want what I have, go fight god and make her give it to you.”

Rarity let out an exasperated huff. “That’s inconsistent. If you don’t want to discuss in good faith Pinkie, you might as well finish your tale.”

Pinkie gave her an odd look but went on.
“When I thought I knew what I wanted, I went to talk to Phyte for the last time. Scratchy was gone. She’d already been sent out of Equestria, exiled along with her brother. Instead I met Princess Celestia’s representative, a short earth stallion with a funny voice. The princess was getting proactive, and wanted to make sure that Phyte wasn’t going to use abuse Phantom Time now that Scratchy was apprehended. It was good the twins were dead and erased, but nopony was happy I was still alive.
“Phyte was trying to negotiate for me to stay and be a Guild mare full time. I let her know loudly I didn’t want that. I wanted nothing to do with her anymore: Scratchy and friends were gone. That phase of my life was already over, and I had no reason to stay. One mare wasn’t helping Canterlot’s poor no matter how many slumlords she stabbed. If there was a pony who could help the Inner City, it wasn’t me. I wanted to go back to baking. It was what I’d gone to Canterlot for, but I knew I couldn’t continue to do it in Canterlot.
“Celestia’s representative went back to the castle to see what the princess was willing to do. Meanwhile Phyte told me the Musician’s Guild usually never lets go of its children. I was never really a guild mare though. I was one of her daughter’s shelter animals, tolerated, included superficially, but never in a way that mattered. The guild killed ponies because they were Mistress Phyte’s collection agency, and she collected. Yes Rarity, I could have fought her, and with the Phantom time I would have won. She knew too, and let me give my demands.
“Coordinating with Celestia’s agent, I was given a stipend from the guild and papers to settle wherever in Equestria I wanted. The master I’d apprenticed with, Carrot Cake, was from Ponyville, so I decided to move here. So yeah, you know everything after that. I bought the cottage, opened my bakery, and live quietly.”

“I wouldn’t say quietly.” Rarity said.

“I don’t hurt ponies anymore, Rarity. Never ever. Everything ponies think they’re accomplishing with violence is actually hurting them.” Pinkie said. “Forcing ponies to do something is bad. When ponies do things against their will, more evil is created in the world. Every pony has to do what is good willingly, or its not good at all.”

Rarity sighed. “I’m not sure I agree with your philosophy, Pinkie Pie, but hearing your past I see how you came to believe it.”

“But do you understand the point, Rarity? I wasn’t telling you to convince you of anything, or to get your pitty. I don’t want anything from you.” Pinkie scooched closer, to offer a hoof to Rarity.
“There’s life after trauma. Whatever you experience, it doesn’t trap you. Life is infinite possibility! The past is real and fake at the same time, depending on how much you dwell on it.”

Rarity’s brow knitted. “Pinkie Pie, why were you trying reveal my secrets?”

Pinkie’s smile went squiggly. “I wasn’t hurting anypony.”

“You were. You were upsetting me. Surely you must know how much anxiety one gets about such things. Sure, if you were after a secret recipe I wouldn't have been so worried.” Rarity huffed.

Pinkie giggled apologetically. “I was… I was trying to figure out if you were like me. I don’t follow my own rules all the time.”

“What? Like you how?”

“I thought you had something you believed in as a justification of violence, like I did in Canterlot. I thought you might hurt ponies. I wanted to uncover everything so I’d know the perfect thing to disarm you.” Pinkie admitted. “Yeah… I’m a hypocrite. I don’t think I could ever have convinced you. Everypony has to go through their own journey. We can’t prevent it, just help it along.”

Rarity rubbed her eyes unconvinced. “But… All the times you were just annoying? All the times you and Applejack bothered me for no reason?”

“You weren’t innocent in those exchanges, Rarity. You and Applejack got pretty mean with each other.” Pinkie smirked. “And I kinda love drama.”

Rarity sigh-laughed. “Okay Pinkie… I understand.” She leaned back in her chair and looked out the window to the cloudy afternoon sky. “But where does that place you in this nightmare business?”

“I’m just trying to do the right thing.” Pinkie Pie said. “Lady Twilight is in a bad way. I went to check on her when she was in the hospital and had to hide from Nightmare Moon. My Pinkie Sense went crazy, telling me there was a Star in Ponyville. I thought it meant Nightmare Moon, but it turns out it’s Twilight.”

“Yes we know.”

“Mistress Phyte was a Star too. They’re not good news, Rarity.” Pinkie frowned. “I feel like I failed Twilight. I was right here in Ponyville and I couldn’t sniff out what was going on with her. I was too focussed on you. Now she knows about me and the Phantom Time, because I was stupid and got caught in your nightmare curse.”

Rarity shook her head. “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know. I just came to make sure you’re going well.” Pinkie admitted.

“I am doing better. Thank you.” Rarity smiled a little. “You had your whole life uprooted twice, and chose a new future both times. If I can’t deal with this-”

“Don’t be hard on yourself. I’m not trying to wave away what you’ve been through.” Pinkie said.

Rarity nodded. “I suppose. Only, you always kept your dream of being a baker with you. What do I have that can keep me motivated like that?”

Pinkie thought for a while, then answered in a somber tone. “Rarity, you never had dreams. Or, they were never yours. Dreams… Dreams aren’t real. I mean how we think of them isn’t real. They didn’t come out of one ponies brain. They’re collective, multi-generational cultural inheritances. Memes, you know? I wanted to be a baker, but I don’t know how much that was really my dream. I want to make ponies’ lives batter, and that’s something that was always important to my family. Being a baker was part of that, and so was stabbing nobles.”

Rarity was confused and a little offended. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Think about what is important to you and your family, more than your faith, or being in charge of ponies, or anything like that.” Pinkie said. “I don’t know Rarity. You still have your dream, but you have to figure out what it is.”

Rarity scratched her nose. “No offence Pinkie Pie, but I doubt I will be doing any deep soul searching for quite a while. It hurts too much.”

“I gotchya.” Pinkie nodded. “I want to be here for you. We’ve had our differences-”

There was a tap on the window. Everypony turned to look, to Fluttershy standing outside, looking very alarmed.
Rarity stood up and opened the window. “Fluttershy?” She glanced back at Pinkie and Cherry Fizzy. “Is something wrong?”

Fluttershy nodded fearfully. “Dash and Applejack… They’re in trouble.”

---

Twilight was trotting back to her lodging in the Golden Oak, saddlebag laden down with her haul from the afternoon market, when she saw Rarity and Fluttershy standing outside her big red door.
She was not expecting them, and indeed was resigned to have them avoid her. She was immediately on edge then to see them come to her.
“Hey.” She called out to them.

“Lady Twilight.” Rarity sighed, relieved. “Listen there is a problem.”

Twilight led them into the Golden Oak and dropped her saddlebag. “Are you going to wait for me to ask?”

“Rainbow Dash and Applejack are at my house.” Fluttershy explained softly. “There is something wrong with them. They are having visions. They think they are being haunted by nightmares.”

Twilight’s eyes naturally roamed to Rarity. “Any physical symptoms?”

“Um, shivers, but I think that’s because they’re afraid. Dash was, umm, cowering. Applejack was upset and angry, then ran off.” Fluttershy recounted.

“It sounds like a stress reaction.” Twilight said. “Rarity have you been experiencing anything like Fluttershy was describing?”

Rarity averted her eyes.

“Whatever. You want me to check it out to make sure there’s actually no nightmare.” Twilight grimaced. “You know, it would be more convenient if there were. I’m starting to feel hunger pangs again.”

“I- Well... “ Rarity stuttered. “I could offer myself.”

“I was just saying. I don’t want to make this transactional.” Twilight said. “Why did you come to me? Are you trying to provoke something. Dash must have told you we got into it last night.”

“Not to me.” Fluttershy said.

“She told me.” Rarity said. “She said you were trying to pick a fight. Twilight, if a fight is how we have to begin every interaction with you, so be it, because we need you.”

“Need me? What do you need me for?” Twilight scowled, putting particular emphasis on the words ‘need’ and ‘me’.

Rarity gave a little smile. “Why wouldn’t we?”

Twilight tried to think of some snarky, standoffish reply. But what was the point? Was she really going to chase after a high by browbeating and literally beating on ponies trying to engage with her?
Twilight shook her head. “You think I can help you.”

“We do.” Rarity and Fluttershy said together.

Twilight chuckled. “What, did Nightmare Moon turn you down already?”

“No.” Fluttershy said. “She’s not here.”

“We want to help Mis Dash and Applejack, not traumatize them more.” Rarity nodded. “Twilight, we want to include you in this… makeshift alliance. Excluding you could only end with you being our enemy, and we don’t want that. We have too much in common to let petty things come between us.”

“It’s not petty, Rarity. It’s life and death.” Twilight sighed. “That’s what Rainbow Dash seemed to think.”

“We are asking you to compromise, just a little. Moon will punish us all if you cross certain lines. It’s our responsibility to include you and let you know what and why.” Rarity agreed. “Please, Lady Twilight. We offer our hoof and leave the terms up to you. But help us, please.”

Twilight shook her head a little. “Fine. I have no excuse not to help you. So should I meet you there or we go together?”

“Go ahead.” Fluttershy said.

“Wait-” Rarity help up a hoof. “Let’s go together.”

Fluttershy wasn’t happy with that. “Rarity, Twilight can go much faster-”

“But we have to go together nonetheless. Trust me, I just have a feeling about it.” Rarity insisted, fending off Twilight’s curious look. “And we should pick up Pinkie Pie as well. She is waiting at my house.”

Twilight was a little wary of Rarity’s intentions. “You have a feeling? Rarity, you’ve spent the last days avoiding me like the plague.”

“For which I apologize.” Rarity bowed her head.

Rarity sounded sincere. Twilight shrugged. “Lead on then. Let’s go save those sinners.”

---

Dash was sitting in the dark cellar of Fluttershy’s house, back to the wall. The only light was the faint glow of sunlight seeping under the door at the top of the stairs.
Oh, and eyes of the nightmare staring at her from the other side of the room.

“There necks are so brittle. SO much weaker than a bugs’. Try it. Just once. Listen to the sound and you’ll grow to enjoy it.”

Dash had long since stopped engaging with the nightmare, her throat hoarse from protests muttered and shouted.

“Didn’t you want to take on Twilight Sparkle? Go meet her, talk to her, let her relax, get behind her. A surprise attack will sove it all. Dashie, are you scared of her? You don’t have to be afraid.”

The door to the house creaked open and dusty light streamed into the cellar. The nightmare visage partially faded, half-in half-out of the shadow.
Both Dashs looked up to Rarity, descending the stair.

“Don’t be weak Dashie.” The nightmare growled. “Take her on. There’s no better time than now. You will never have to be scared again if you rise up and destroy her.”

Rarity stood over Dash, looking her over.
“Dash, are you okay?” She whispered. “What you’re facing right now… I won’t say it doesn’t exist, but its within your power to overcome it. Rise up Dash. You don’t have to be scared.”

The nightmare rolled to its hooves and stood by Rarity, eyes burning with anger. “Look at this mare. A pretender, a ponce. She would crush you given half a chance. Her ilk poisons the world. An enviable position! Overthrow her by brutal bloodletting. Kill kill!”

“What you’re going through is natural. You’re confronting the feelings inside. I’m happy for you, that you’re not hiding from your fear. You can overcome it. I want to help you. I’m offering myself with no reservations.” Rarity said. “I know what you’re facing. You know I do. It’s funny, I said just the same to Pinkie Pie, when she told me her story.”

“The pain can go away if you embrace me and stomp her down.” The nightmare growled, venom seep into every word.

“The doubt can be lifted if you share with us. It will sting in its own way, but it will heal you, I promise.” Rarity said.

“I already told you ponies everything.” Dash whispered. “I’m still here where I am.”

Rarity was silent for a moment. “Where would you rather be?”

Dash grit her teeth. “Dead.”

Rarity shook her head. “Do you believe that?

“There’s not enough in the world. If I have something, you loose it. That means that you being alive is creating more need and loss in the world, and destroying you reduces it. As long as the two of us are alive, there is competition, dischord, and violence. Your death brings peace.” Dash said hoarsely. “Or I die, and bring you peace. When I recognize what’s about to happen, I can be the first to make the sacrifice. My death brings peace to everypony else. I’m a danger. I’m a risk. It’s your moral duty to kill me.”

Rarity grabbed Dash by the shoulder. “Darling that’s bullshit. We can share.”

“W- We can share?” Dash repeated hollowly.

“We are in this together. Life after trauma does exist.” Rarity pulled Dash to her hooves. “Solidarity, Rainbow Dash. I’m going to be for you as long as you need me, forever if I have to.”

Rainbow squeezed her eyes shut. She began to feel her breath catch in little sobs. “You don’t even like me…”

“That doesn’t matter.” Rarity hook her hoof around Dash and helped her towards the stairs. “I know better than anypony the dangers of somepony stewing in their own misery. Come on. Fluttershy is already making tea.”

Outside Fluttershy’s cottage, halfway between the river and the fringe of the Everfree Forest, another confrontation was transpiring under the warm sun.
Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle observed Applejack pacing the field of rippling long green grass. The earth mare’s muttering could barely be heard over the whine of the insects.

“Have you ever had a stress reaction like that?” Twilight asked.

“Tons.” Pinkie said. “If I go out at night I get flashbacks. Sometimes I get really sad for no reason. Is that a stress reaction or my Pinkie sense?”

“I don’t know, Pinkie. I wouldn’t understand your ‘pinkie sense’, or anything else about you until I studied further.” Twilight admitted. “There’s a lot I’m not getting. There’s a lot that doesn’t make sense. I’m afraid too, not as afraid as Mis Dash and Applejack, but still afraid. If I had an avatar to attach these feelings to I’d probably be muttering to a nightmare in a field too. I provoked Dash last night, when I didn’t need to. I… I’m yearning for explanations to alleviate this doubt but I will hurt the ponies around me if I get those answers.”

“Not if they tell you willingly.” Pinkie said. “They don’t trust you. You’ll have to throw a lot of parties to build their trust.”

“Am I trustworthy? I’m not a complete pony anymore, and my existence is inherently damaging to the ponies around me. They SHOULD see me as a threat. I see myself as a threat.” Twilight rambled. “I’m not stupid. I know I did something awful before the Eternal Night. I only remember bits and pieces but I’m getting there. They’re worried I’m going to repeat my sins and so am I.”

Pinkie shrugged. “Yeah you might. I’m not gunna say for super certain that pulling everypony together will solve everything, but you can try.”

Twilight nodded. “It’s what Princess Celestia would have wanted.” She pursed her lips. “What am I going to say? To Applejack, I mean.”

“How do you feel?”

“Sympathetic, a little. These ponies need something to believe in. This is what dwelling on the past has done to them.” Twilight mused. “I don’t know if I’m the pony to help them, but I want to be.”

“Tell her that then. Let her know how you feel, and how you think you can help her.” Pinkie said. “Whatever you do don’t lie. She’s good at sniffing that out.”

“I think you’re right Pinkie. I have to get these ponies to trust me, and I have to trust them. It’s not going to be easy.” Twilight rubbed her chin. “I know I sound cynical just saying it, but I really mean it. I can’t live in paranoia of everypony around me. Do you trust me Pinkie Pie?”

“A little.”

“That’s better than nothing.” Twilight said throatilly. “How do we cope with the problems of life? I need explanations. I have to understand, and then explain, otherwise I’m fighting from a point of ignorance. If one has explanations, maybe still you can’t win outright, but you know how to make your hits count. Knowledge is power, is victory.” She sighed and began stepping through the long grass towards Applejack. “But that might all be pointless, without something to be hopeful for. If I can do anything positive here, I want to offer that hope.

The breeze settled down and the insect went quiet. Twilight made her approach to Applejack in silence.
Applejack, trotting in little circles, saw the interloper and froze.

“Here comes the alpha bitch, her mouth full of lies, her head full of deceits. A perfect match for you.” The nightmare over her shoulder whispered silkilly. “She will suck you in and spit you out if you give her a chance. Are you going to push her away too, Jackie? Are you going to give her a taste of rejection.”

Applejack closed her eyes and sighed. If she let Twilight close, she was opening herself up for more betrayal and pain in the future. What could be gained from letting Twilight in?
Twilight got a little closer and stopped. The two mares stared at each other over the rippling green meadow. Applejack saw a strange earnesty in the unicorn’s eyes.

“Don’t be a fool Jackie.” The nightmare was harsh. “This meadow wasn’t far enough, but the world isn’t poor on lonely places. Run away. Don’t let her close. Run! RUN!”

Twilight chewing on her lip, trying to think of what to say or do, smiled awkwardly. “Applejack… Can we talk?”

Applejack returned the smile sorrowfully. “I think I’d like that Lady Twi.”

Pinkie watched the two mares chat for a little while before trotting back to Fluttershy’s, where there was surely some tea and cakes waiting. Twilight and Applejack would find their way there eventually, and together the six of them could enjoy each other’s company, empathy, and solidarity.

Author's Note:

It took 55 chapters and 700,000 words, but the heroines are finally together.