An Intermezzo: A Velvet Manifesto
With the return of the sun and daylight, construction on the six towers on the bastions of the Castle Magoria had resumed full tilt. Even more than under Foaly Flux’s leadership, the project was a hive of activity. Twilight Velvet had pulled generously from the imperial coffers to bring on every craftspony and worker in the city to work.
Sel was waiting in the garden at the base of the central keep, watching the carpenters and masons go about their work. In and amongst the craftsponies were a few academics from the Canterlot University, surveying the work and drawing up plans from some mysterious power system Duke Flux had commissioned.
Laurel Black, imperial architect, broke away from the congregation and trotted over to him.
“Hello Sel Lech. It’s been a while.” Laurel Black said in her meek voice.
“Good morning, Lady Black.” Sel bowed, surprised she remembered his name. He always thought of himself as being in the background, forgettable. “I thought about you during the Eternal Night, and how you were taking the news of Duke Flux’s death.”
“Not well. I’ve had a little time, but I’m going to need a while longer.” Laurel casted her sad eyes up to the keep. “At least Lady Velvet is honoring his memory by finishing his castle.”
“He and Velvet cared for each other like family.” Sel said wryly. Poor Foaly Flux, covering his bitter depression with extravagance and fancy. He’d been happy to let Velvet kill him. “She’s sentimental.”
“She’s something, taking charge of a lot of things around Canterlot.” Laurel said. “How is she treating you?”
“I’m up to see her right now.” Sel sighed. “Honestly, I really screwed up. I expected her to boot me out of her coterie, or even out of Canterlot.”
“Oh no, she wouldn’t do that.” Laurel lamented. “Sel Lech, you should stand up. Tell her I’ll stand with you.”
“Thank you but you don’t know what you’re getting into.” Sel looked around for any sign of nearby guards, but they all seem preoccupied with the construction workers. “Laurel, I signed up for a very dangerous game, a VERY dangerous game. I don’t want you to get sucked in too. I don’t mean this as insult, but you’re too nice. I was too before all this, but I’ve gotten better, or perhaps worse depending on your perspective. Laurel, stay away from Lady Velvet and politics.”
“I see you really have changed, Sel.” Laurel looked very sad. “Lady Velvet is a client and my friend’s mother, that’s all. She’ll stay that way, I promise.”
“Be careful. This city is starting to wrap up and smother innocent ponies.”
“Sel Lech, if you’d ever like to talk, come by my office at the university.” Laurel turned away from him. “I will see you around, captain.” She trotted back to the construction site.
Feeling even more melancholy than before, Sel entered the keep. Without Foaly Flux’s eclectic and colorful decorations the old tower was unfriendly and cold. Such was probably Velvet’s intention, to put ponies off before they met with her.
Twilight Velvet was herself was working out of the castle’s modest library, reviewing expense reports. Night Light was lounging in the corner, double checking her tallies. He’d started taking the Blackhorn Sword with him everywhere, sheathed against his barrel with a harness. Every moment he wasn’t helping his wife, he was practicing with it.
Sel waited in the doorway, unsure if he should interrupt. After a few minutes Velvet looked up from her work. “Come in Captain. I summoned you once, I shouldn’t have to do it again.”
Sel quickly stepped forward. Velvet had visited him in the hospital but hadn’t said anything. It was long past due that she hand down his well deserved punishment for the lies.
“Sel, do you have a good memory?” Velvet asked.
“Ma’am?”
“I feel like my memory has been fading lately, becoming less of the sharp and rational flipbook that it used to be. Whenever I try to remember things now I feel more emotion, more heat and fire.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Sel, between you and me, I think the dragonfire spell is subtly changing my magic. Something odd and new is growing out of the hole left in my mind since Astral’s birth. Fascinating, isn’t it?”
That kind of talk terrified Sel more than threats or abuse. “My lady, please!”
“It is only a small change so far so no need to worry. Longer term plans will need to be adjusted.” Velvet pushed her paperwork off the table and plopped a calendar down on the table. She opened it up to the middle. “Let’s see… Hmm, all of this will have to be reworked. That means some doubling up, some slashing. Night Light dear, have you heard back from Aurthora about transferring prisoners from the constabularies to the royal dungeon for processing?”
“Not yet. She’s having doubts about the plan after the encounter with the beast.” Light Light said.
“As she should. Send her a reminder, just to let her know we haven't forgotten.” Velvet laughed. She turned back to Sel. “But what about you? Can you remember your early childhood, the color and faces of all the ponies in the background of your life? It would be understandable if you didn’t notice, for example, a mare and her young children in the same park as you and Sunset Shimmer.”
Velvet had known about Sunset Shimmer all along. Not surprising. Sel sighed. “She was my only friend, before she left for the unicorn school. I never saw her much after that. When Princess Celestia selected her to be l’Élève Premier, I thought about visiting her in her new castle but I never got the nerve. I guess it’s better I didn’t since she was branded a traitor so soon after. Sunfall Scandal, everypony called it. I missed her, so much.” Sel stared at the ground, trying to hold back tears. He felt so worthless. “I doubt she ever thought about me. As one of the most powerful mares in the empire, she must have had tons of colts to choose from.”
“Sunset Shimmer was a piece I never quite got my hoof around. Like Twilie, she was too aloof, too detached from politics. But her betrayal was obvious!” Velvet grinned. “You could see the resentment on her face, every time she saw Celestia and Twilie together. She’d been replaced and she knew it. But what could a common pony do against the power of the princess? More than you would think, it seems. She sure did a number on the skydocks.”
“My lady if I had know what she was planning-”
“Hush.” Velvet barked. “No need to feel that way. Come closer.” Sel complied, stepping into her reach. Velvet did the last thing he expected: She smiled. “Sel Lech, I thought you did great.”
Sel was dumbstruck. Deep in his heart, the clouds of depression and despair lifted slightly. “My lady…”
“Captain, you tried to do what you thought was right, and you tried the best you could.” Velvet patted him on the shoulder, but just to remind him who he was dealing with she flashed a sinister smile. “You are getting to be a very capable pawn.”
Sel fell to his knees, tears of joy welling in his eye. She forgave him, and more. “Thank you so much, my lady!”
“I applaud your diligence.” Velvet cood, lifting his head so they were looking eye to eye. “Go to the Mane Gate and await further instructions. If we are to fulfill our goals with the time given to us, we must all act as precise machinery, efficient and unflattering.”
Sel stood up. Pride swelled in his chest. “I will serve you to my dieing breath, my lady.”
“It is night no longer. We can not die, Captain, only change.” Velvet leaned back in her seat. “Now go.”
Sel nodded stiffly and exited in what he hoped was a professional mix of haste and dignity.
Night Light watched him go. "I just got the joke."
"What joke is that?" Velvet asked.
"A few days ago you told me Sel would raise the Sun."
"Oh, that joke. Ha ha, I though it was clever at the time." Velvet grinned lopsidedly. "I knew Sunset Shimmer was out there but I didn't know where. I thought Sel would be bait enough to draw her out."
"Somehow, you have made your first true believer.”
“You have been paying attention, so you would already know my great revelation, Night Light. It is far nobler to build somepony up than tear them down. One creates fear and possibly resentment, the other dependency, admiration, and dedication.” Velvet eyed over her calendar, reading the hasty scribbles or grand flourishes past her had made. “Sel Lech, Little Sel, disenfranchised self-doubting Sel, was the perfect target for empty words and actions. To make this work on a much grander scale we will need a much grander promise.”
“We need a fractured empire.” Night Light said.
“I know, I know.” Velvet pursed her lips. “I have been distracting myself with inconsequential busywork, from the questions that need answering! Gods, Night Light, did I ruin it all?”
“No, of course not. We can and will succeed.” Night Light reassured her. “Sel Lech believes in you, and so do I. What we need to do is reexamine our strategy, instead of pretending nothing is wrong.”
“Pretending? Is that what I have been doing?” Velvet sniffled. “Yes… I suppose so. A cocky smile has narry left my face since the onset of the Eternal Night.”
“Shall I tell you what I think?”
“Please do.” Velvet smiled. “I’m so happy you are taking interest in my work.”
“Massacring the Estates has set back the whole timetable worse than anything else. With them alive we would have tightened our control over the city much faster and had the gravitas to declare the unicorn supremacy. That would have triggered the civil war by now, no doubt about it.” Night Light got up and trotted to her side. “The empire would have been completely delegitimized.”
“The lines would be drawn, tribe against tribe. Ponies would have their beacons and their higher calling.” Velvet nodded. “But that plan died too soon! Now the empire exists in a damn quantum-like state, obscure in its health. Will it fail, will it reform? If we declare unicorn supremacy now, ponies would laugh it off and unify against us. If we are to sow the seeds of hatred and split this continent apart, we need legitimacy!”
“So you turned to Astral?” Night Light cocked a brow. “We could play her up within Canterlot, but to the others she would be more ravings of mad mares. We need a Celestia, something that evokes a sense of continuity with the past.”
“Hmm, what if… no… well how about… Huh. Not necessarily.” Velvet mused. “It is about perception and acceptance is it not? We could force the creation of a new paradigm, as long as everypony accepts it.”
“How? A new Estates?”
“Possibly, but not on my watch. At this point the nobles must never think I will tolerate anything less than absolute royal control. It is from that control that they will be given rights, not the other way around.”
“That’s your paradigm.” Night Light tapped his chin. “Are you suggesting removing yourself from the Canterlot paradigm?”
Velvet grinned. “Night Light, I have been so arrogant, thinking I could steer this world back into the barbarous past by tearing it down. No, I need to lift them up!”
“Velvet…”
“Ponies have grown used to institutions and rules, but do you think they will have forgotten the laws of nature? Ponies will seek glory, distinguishment, actualization, and dirty themselves in the great sins of frothing war and villainous butchery. All we need is a tone setter.”
Night Light shifted uncomfortably. “Will we be said tone setter?”
“In a way.” Velvet said. “The lords will come for Canterlot, Night Light, and when they do they will think themselves united. They may win, but at a terrible cost. Somepony to rise to great heights through an abhorrently despicable act: Controversial, revolting, but unmistakably primal in its victory.”
“I see what you are saying.” Night Light said. “A new power will arise, legitimized by their triumph, but too sullied to maintain the unity of the lords. They will revolt against him, against Celestia’s system and empire.”
“But he can’t be so bad that he is the new pariah. It will be a delicate balancing act.”
“Where will we be during all of this?”
“Biding our time, changing for the new and unpredictable circumstances that the fractured world will create. I’m going to love it.” Velvet licked her lips. “The untamed war is the most basic meritocracy, and there we will flourish as we so deserve.”
“As we do so rightfully deserve.” Night Light agreed. “Shall we commit?”
“We shall.” Velvet laughed. “Bring out the atlas! Let us plan the burning of the world!”
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I'm getting bored and unhappy with this story. The plot is just fan-fiction shite. My philosophy dumps are just edge-lord garbage.
I'd have to completely rewrite it to be satisfied, and even then and the fact is not enough people care. Heck, I don't care. I've committed thousands upon thousands of hours thinking and writing this, and in the end, all it will ever be is a marginally palatable work of fuckin My Little Pony fanfiction. Escapist, power fantasy, derivative in so many ways, fanfiction.
Not that it wasn't okay while it lasted. Writing was cathartic, but eventually I'm going to want something to show for it. I lack the fortitude to dare solicit this to my friends, ask them what they think, ask for pointers and such. Who am I going to impress with this? How can I feed myself with this? The writing was on the wall a year and a half ago; I've just lost interest.
I really tried my hardest to make a good story here. I wanted it to rise above the crap, to be something compelling and interesting that would make people think. Of course, that bs came from the mind of a youth just beginning university, with no idea about anything but it's own importance. You see how it all changed. The story is all bleak and pale now. I made it too complicated, too up it's own ass. How could I untangle these problems, but with obliteration. That is why the stars above yearn for the devastation of the innocence below, and faintly they call, their words carried down on dubious whispers.
Actually though, I'm a much happier person than I was when I started writing. Now I burn with desire to create my own world, my own history. This was a start, a foray if you will. A 428K words foray, with probably another 50K words of notes, canceled chapters, indexes, and unpublished material.
I don't think I'll be writing much, if any, pony anymore. The next few chapters are in a half-finished state. I could put those out, issue a "Hey, this is what would have happened" summary, and walk away forever.
Eventually, maybe, I'll write a fantasy story set to a similar plot to this one. It can't all have been for nothing.
6918147 that's really too bad. I've read about a quarter of it as of now, and it is a story several levels of quality above what I've read before (which, if you check my favourite list, isn't exactly little) and even including irl books I've read so far, this goes among the perhaps fifteen storylines with the perfect (imo) combination of focus on the main character, its skills and actually beliveable worldbuilding with a in-depth change to the common level of "he got an OP amulet, now he winz" of the either side in the story's standoff.
Too bad, really, however i do respect your reasons for abandoning further development.
A chancy update is always appreciated, yet still mark yourself a new follower.
6923098 Thank you. This kind of comment reinvigorates me and my determination to continue on this in some nominal way. I almost makes me want to reconsider, and to just release (even) less often.
However, there are very real problems that crop up by the end of Act 2.
1. Characters start moving into Mary Sue territory. It came about because of bad case of power creep and escalation, so now a few characters are far beyond the level of normalcy in setting. It really hurts the story because it trivializes the dynastic, nationalistic, and ideological conflict I wanted to portray as the plot moves forward.
2. The plot becomes too complicated, or so I feel at times. I just keep introducing characters, problems, and mysteries without wrapping any up. It becomes a game of pushing the story forward while introducing as few characters as possible, and hopefully bringing back some mentioned or scene once then disappeared from all mention. And honestly, the best thing I can think of to solve this is have some massive character genocide scene and have the survivors say 'Eh, screw the sidequests, let's focus on the main plot, one and done'. But that goes against my philosophy of cause and effect, and I really like exploring and agonizing over those causes and effects.
3. There is too much OC. When I started, I made a rule for myself, that every scene would have at least one character from the show. That got broken quickly enough, and now the ratio of FIM characters to OCs is appalling. My logic now goes that I might as well throw out all the connections to FIM, especially considering the drastically ooc characters and drastically original setting.
So will I put out more chapters? Who knows! If I try hard enough, I think I can go forward, having learned from my mistakes and with a plan to rectify them.
It'll take literally hundreds of thousands more words to reach a comfortable conclusion to everything I've thrown out. I'm trying to be actually diligent with my other responsibilities, so months could pass between chapters. Is that better than It being canceled?
6924582
1. There i completely agree with you, however i do believe it is a thing that CAN be solved without a massive clusterfuckup.
2. That can indeed be problematic, but given that there IS a main plot, story could focus on it more and let the so-called "sidequests" fade away into being forgotten. Not all mysteries involved need to be solved. Some such can even add to the quality and the general "feel" of the story as a whole.
3. Too much OC? And yet with how far we've come with this story, it is no more about the show. It is simply a story that contains said characters. Those characters have progressed so far along they might as well be from the show, but they were characterised in a beautifully wholesome way so it does not even feel forced. They are simply characters that were introduced AND expanded upon within this story.
And i commend you on that. But you need to realise that a good story does not need updates very often. It needs updates that make the story feel alive, and those can be rare and far between with still keeping the story fresh.
As with everything, life comes first, but for a reader like me that really gets stuck in a good story, everything is better than seeing said story going cancelled.
Update whenever you feel like you have accomplished writing a chapter worthy of this story, and that only happens when you give yourself the time to continue.
Hope for the best, even if it takes months
Ahhh that finish... it left me yearning for more
6924582
I would like to throw in my five cents as another reader who enjoys your story.
Is it a masterpiece, within the top 10 of stories I've ever read, or even read here? No, but it's still quite enjoyable, and a worthy addition to the site. If you no longer think the story is worth your time, then there's nothing doing, but if you ever get the urge to work on it, know that you still have reader.
It's happening... brace for impact!