• Member Since 14th Dec, 2013
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LordBrony2040


(Insert witty comment here)

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This is the story of a brony, who inserted into Equestria.
But instead of a pony, he became the enemy of Celestia.

Would he decide to do what’s right, to love and tolerate
Or would his evil changeling nature make it hard to integrate

Then there is the question of the duty that is his natural birthright
Tasked by the changeling Queen, he was to murder Princess Twilight

So, here’s my attempt at a SI with a bit of a twist that others have done before. Go to Equestria, end up on the wrong side of the tracks, and have to deal with it. Enjoy!

Art provided by SoukiTsubasa

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 529 )

Im rooting for the chaingelings to win, Chryssi is awesome. Keep up the good work.

Love your portrayal of the changlings and the misplaced human, as well as actually showing an interesting plan for taking over equestria. Sad thing is your plan of replacing the paperpushers would of worked incredibly well especially if it had been done before the invasion. do not say much about chrysalis's planning ability's

amusing reaction to finding out daring do is real :pinkiehappy:

one thing though, your character seems to swing between acting like they think they are in a dream/coma, (their total lack of any care towards ponies and talking like they are still a cartoon) and then acting like they are real living things, with his interaction towards the mane 6. if this is intentional and the way your character deals with their situation then you might want to include some conflict between their beliefs, as it can break the story flow a bit where one second he is acting like the ponies are real and then thinks about maiming flash for fun because of a cartoon

s1

Well look, the princess is such a huge fan of your work,” I said while rubbing my head with my hoof on instinct. It didn’t really help at all, those things are hard. “And after Rainbow Dash heard your book was delayed, we came down here to see if there was anything to be done to help get the thing back on track.”

A.K. Yearling stared at out little group for a moment before apparently shaking off a visit from divinity and nodded. “I’m…fine…princess,” she said before trotting over to her writing desk.

While Twilight seemed to take just being blown off by this self-important peon, and Rainbow was still kind of gaga over her favorite author being in the same room, I scowled at the mare while holding in my anger. How about you show some respect you fucking piece of crap and BOW DOWN TO YOUR NEW GOD!

I think he was expecting A.K. Yearling to act like this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/12/11/495008__safe_rainbow+dash_comic_daring+do_daring+don%27t_spoiler-colon-s04e04_role+reversal_scene+parody_artist-colon-fadri_autograph.jpeg

I like this version of the Daring Do episode much better than the original, except for the fact that Flash Sentry saved the day. Good thing it wasn't relay Flash :raritywink:

oh god... Infinite changeling drones incoming.

its the clone wars run.

4237137 infinite mindless, directionless, useless changeling drones. considering how badly it affected pinkie's clones, it is likely that the drones would be worthless.

.......... uuuuugh. so celestia is somehow stupid enough not to regularly check for changeling activity in her own kingdom after that changeling incident?

biggest issue I have is that celestia would probably know if the crystal empire was attacked without question. cause they are not limited to mere documetns an papers if pushed.

let us also add that Chrysalis..... would lose. she would ose the war even with a larger army because she has no method to be strong enough to FIGHT celestia once more. the crystal heart would not matter, they defeated sombra when he had it in his control when they were kids, the regal sisters.
chrysalis, while powerful, is FAR from the level of alicorn. the only reason she beat celestia, she admitted herself, was because she managed to overcharge.

also why did oyu kill foals like that for no reason? it is kinda stupid. its literally the desperation of killing puppies to make a character seem evil.

...........not the worse idea I have come across but it treats celestia like an idiot, overestimates a being who was distinctly not as powerful as celestia just as SHE herself said, and I highly doubt an attack on the crystal empire would go unnoticed. it seems a curse of self insert fanfiction.
only actual credit I can give is that your oc self is vulnerable and not some super smart unstoppable character.

4244518

Since I'm not one for opinion battles this will be my only word on the subject.

Celestia was knocked on her ass and imprisoned in a cocoon from the love of a single unicorn now the main character fears Chris has the love of an entire country behind her, the guards did loose the battle for Canterlot as we could plainly see them being beaten and tied up, so they are in fact inferior to the changelings in combat and Sombra could never use the Crystal heart as it is powered by love and hope something that did not exist within his empire of slaves when he was in charge.

And yes, Celestia is a LONG way from all knowing. She's actually pretty oblivious to things since when Trixie enslaved Ponyville, which could be seen right outside her window, she did nothing.

Alladin? I thought it was beauty and the beast

4244698 love is not equivalent to amounts of energy. it is the strength of the love sihining has for cadence that gave her power. guess it is like using high quality fuel; more energy for the amounts.
and as I said, chrysalis herself dmitted to this. it was less the source of the love and more its quality.

we saw two guards overpowered, only two. and the mane six fought off dozens of changelings and only were beaten because they ewre surrounded in an enclosed space. they have no formal combat training. two guards overpowered is not a sign of total defeat. not to mention luna was absent.

.......... it is a show and the regal sisters are not the center. though I can give logical reasons why she did not attack. largely because considering the nature of the amulet, she knew she would have to kill Trixie. also she has often tested twilight.
I can give a similar reason why she did not take on sombra herself. she wanted to test twilight. her little comic time with spike reveals that she was far from hiding. she was ready and willing to step in the moment she believed twilight couldn ot win, could be harmed. but she had to test twilight.
outside of the esting, she has two other logical reasonins. sombra is strong enough to draw out the battle, risking harm and even casualties. also the distinct possibility of him banishing the empire once more if he saw the regal ones coming. he would be less likely to delay his retaking of the empire if the enemy was anything else but them.

also I am pretty sure chrysalis would have no use of the heart herself to begin with. and has to contend with the combination that completely overpowered her army at the cusp of victory.

put simply chrysalis herself admits to it. she is no match for Celestia. she won through dumb luck and nothing else. in the comics we see her trying to make up for this by tricking twilight and brainwashing her, both for her power and her magical knowledge from celestia.

so how does she expect to win when even twilight, who while weaker had more magical skill when she was a unicorn, is possibly stronger than her and more skilled?

also even if celestia was not aware of certain events she would be making sure the changelings do not return. she has not kept her kingdom together for a millennium through luck.

4244698 also using the fact that celestia is not shown aware or unaware of Trixie attacking ponyville is not a strong bit of evidewnce of incompetence. it is a show, you cannot damn a character because the characters that are the focus must solve the problems in the episode. that does not create strong reasoning.

an argument I could have is that Applejack could have gone to Secora in leap of faith to see if the potion is a potion. It would have ended in five minutes as Zecora would know potions and tonics. but applejack would not necessarily just think to reference zecora and the episode required her to find out for herself. you cannot damn applejack for nto going for zecora simply because she had to discover the tricks herself for the episode to function.

a strong reasoning could be that celestia could be manipulated, a limited degree, if twilight was a captive. or that the very fact she lives in a world full of demons and her nation is stable enough and still standing after a thousand years that celestai is powerful and knowledgeable.
there is a lack og omniscience, like not seeing the changelings coming, and then there is just making her stupid, not ensuring the changelings have not infiltrated deeper which is a logical action.

....just because I have a criticism to the story does not mean those that like the story can just thumb down my comment. if I am outright insulting the writer or even teling him to not write any more, that is one thing. but I am simply identifying an error in the story and making critique of it.

4244874

and now you're telling people what they can and can't do. Seriously, get over yourself.

No one cares about the little nitpicks you spend some to find and point out. You like Celestia, fine, we get it good for you. No one really cares dude.

4245197 less telling what to do and more pointing out flaws.
a story is a complicated thing. you got to take a lot into consideration especially with fanfiction. and letting disdain for one character paint how you write them is no excuse to write them badly or out of character or incompetent.

4245320
(For the one wondering why he got upvote in his comment, it's mine)
I totally support you in this argument. :rainbowdetermined2:



On a totally unrelated note:
He is a Brony, right? A fanboy of the Mane 6, right? :rainbowhuh:

Currently, he is more or less working for the changeling.
Why do he do that? :pinkiecrazy:
A possibility is that he is mind controlled, but he is betraying Chryssi!
I didn't see any explanation on "Why do he do that?"
Did I miss something? :derpyderp2:

4245647 ......totally did not notice that. they would probably imprison him but Celestia is not the kind ot just destroy someone just because thwey are on the ebnemy side.

Haven't finished reading this chapter but I love the meta-humor making fun of fanfictions.

4245320

You're literally telling people they can't down vote your comments

And I don't dislike Celestia however she is quite an incompetent ruler in every way imaginable.

4249585
How is she incompetent?
As far as we know, every move of Twilight was a plan of Celestia.

How many time did she answer even before she could have read the text Twilight have send her?
Look at the episode 1.
In 14 seconds (Between Spike flame in and out), she:
-Receive the letter of Twilight.
-Read it.
-Answered it, and with a "BIG" letter (29 or 75 word, depend if it's the same letter after the breaks)


We see once how much time she takes to write letter herself, and it took her more than 3 seconds.

She admit manipulating Twilight, from the first episode!

The second episode? She deliberately send only 2 tickets.
And, when Twilight send the tickets back, Celestia answered in 13 seconds flat (Between Spike flame in and start of the *burp*) with 2 sentences and 6 (most likely highly secured) tickets.
In this 13 seconds, 4 seconds at BARE min go to the travel on the letter.
So, she manage to gather the invitation and find a solution extremely (a little too much even) quickly.


And, it's not the last time she "use" Twilight...

We don't really know how if Celestia wasn't aware of Chrysalis presence and only have used this to reinforce the bound between the Mane 6, and between the love birds...

4249662 she does nto manipulate twilight though. this is given context in that little one shot comic with her and spike. she did it to challenge twilight, but the entire time she was watching in the background, waiting. if twilight did fail, though celestia would not think less of her, she was ready to intervene, to protect twilight.
if she was manipulating twilight she would never have any intention to involve herself.

she does seem to have a secondary goal though. whether nightmare moon, discord, or sombra. if she engaged any of these in battle there was a risk of greater destruction. especially sombra, who could possibly force the entire crystal empire to vanish once more if he sensed to saw the regal sisters coming. he would not want to waste any more time if his enemy was any being other than them.

only time she seemed legitimately off guard was with chrysalis, which is a testament of how guileful chrysalis is, if more than slightly short sighted. chrysalis was lucky. fortunately twilight managed to help cadence and shining armor to drive her out.

also the fact she has an entire eempire that hs lasted a thousand years despite being in a world full of monsters seems testament that she is powerful enough to either defeat or ward off enemies for the most part.

4249662

Once again I don’t get into long arguments with head cannons, which all fan arguments have to use so this will be my only post on the subject.

“I have watched you from your very 1st day” does not translate to I have controlled every step of your life. Hell, some of those scenes Celestia was showing were before Twilight even had her cutie mark.

Luna becoming Nightmare Moon.

We have no idea where Celestia got the tickets. We’ve seen unicorns conjure plenty of things before, and those tickets were all wrapped in a golden glow. For all we know, she could have just created them out of thin air, taking one whole second to do so.

Dragon quest: The dragon had plenty of time and opportunity to kill all the ponies that approached it, and Fluttershy’s ability was an unknown until that point. Her oldest friend was even going around saying how they shouldn’t bring her along. Yet I’ve seen how some people argue that Celestia knew this was going to happen.

No knowledge whatsoever of parasprites, despite the, being more ecologically damaging than tribbles.

Twice when Twilight was driving herself insane, she did nothing. While the time travel one can kind of be overlooked as it caused no harm to her subjects despite the massive amount of running around all the ponies did, but before that we’ve got the Smarty Pants incident. While some people can point out that her showing up proves she was watching Twilight while standing around in doing nothing, others can just say she noticed there hadn’t been a friendship report in a week and look in to see Ponyville had been turned on its head, both interpretations are pretty damning as she either watched it happen and did nothing, or did nothing to check up on things before they got out of control when she most likely knew of Twilight’s psychological problems.

The Evil Cadence swap. Hell, I’ve even explained that one in this fic that shows Celestia not coming off as a total moron thanks to subtle mind control by Chrissie.

Trixie controlled Ponyville for days and she did nothing. So slavery and an attempt to inflict pain that she tried to inflict after the amulet was removed isn’t enough for punishment in Equestria?

And while she can’t do anything because it would ruin the story/conflict/whatever and is actually attempted to be explained away in one of the comic books as Celestia letting Twilight grow because of these challenges, a ruler who does not protect her subjects from potentially harmful situations but sends unprepared civilians into danger (not to mention blows off a day of duties to go adventuring when some guards could have been sent with Spike) does not deserve to be a ruler.

4249732
Episode 1 season 1 part 1:
I quote Celestia:
"My dearest, most faithful student Twilight. You know that I value your diligence and that I trust you completely but you simply must stop reading those dusty old books!"
In answer to the query of Twilight about NMM

Episode 1 season 1 part 2:
"I told you that you needed to make some friends, nothing more. I saw the signs of Nightmare Moon's return and I knew it was you who had the magic inside to defeat her, but you could not unleash it until you let true friendship into your heart."

How do you call that? :pinkiecrazy:
Manipulation by omission, that it's...

Omniscient? No likely. Manipulative? More likely. Plan for about everything/one? She is a ruler, she must!
(Small prophecies? Who know :derpytongue2:)

4249774
Small push in the right direction can help :pinkiehappy:

Who could have predict Luna's transformation?

I think (I'm no expert in security) that that kind of event need more that just a "simple", "mundane" tickets...

Do every rules know the existence of EVERY species in his realm? Remember the numbers of deadly creatures! And, against that kind of menace, if truly necessary, Celestia have the "Sun Beam". No?



Off MLP universe:
Let's theorise:
In a realm, the leader is an extremely powerful Wizard.
Not omniscient, not omnipotent, but most problem the population could face, he can annihilate it.

There is 3 possibilities of ruling method:
1)Pro-active: The leader look at every/most problem, and intervenes systematically.
2)Re-active: The leader look at every/most problem, and intervenes if it's citizens can't overcome it.
3)Passive: The leader don't look at his citizens problems.

Now, what if the problem is too big for the citizens?
1) There is no problem
2) There is no problem
3) They can't solve it

Now, what if the leader is too far away, or buzy?
1) How could the citizens solve it efficiently? They don't have to usually!
2) There is no problem if it's not too big.
2) There is no problem if it's not too big.

What we know is that Celestia use the ruling n°2, staying away until it's really totally out of hoof!

4250553 manipulative perhaps, though not in the way most would interpret manipulative. she tested twilight, and hide in the background. both to motivate twilight, and also to prevent an excalation of confrontation. nightmare moon is probably more powerful than her even after a century, and fighting her........ well a defensive battle left their old castle in ruins. who knows what would happen if celestia fought directly. i have half a mind to think that a reason why celestia did not break free of her attack with chrysalis is becuase the blast would have wrecked the ceiling, bringing debris down on eveyrbody.
as i said in that little comic it shows that celestia thinks of herself more as a teacher than an outright ruler. she wants thsoe around her to grow, but unlike most teachers, she iwll get involved if they cannot handle it.

with her knowing it and such........... think it is healthy to presume that her knowing when nightmare moon would come was not a prophecy, but and estimate of how long her seal would last. she used the elements on her own with a heart in pain, the seal was imperfect. it also happened the twilight's tushy had the emblem of the tree of harmony on it.

chrysalis, however ,wa doubtlessly a mistake on her part. but a thosuand years of keeping her nation together, a mistake is no so daming. not to mention they sitll had luna somewhere. even if they could not outst the changelings from canterlot luna could probably rescure the mane six, shining, cadance, and her sister and they can regroup and prepare for war.

I've really enjoyed it. And I felt a little adrenaline rush when protagonist met princesses... I can't wait for a new chapter! \^.^/

Miasma damn it, too fast Twilight

After reading this fic i gotta ask, what is with all the hate for flash sentry?

Well, he's boned!

FUCK, freak out, your first time is with a god damit , you are a lucky bastered use this and twilight can be a battery for you when you take over and she can be a puppet ruler.

4266327 Big brother complex from the community?

4266263 It's ok, he can get the Lyra changeling to stumble in pretending to be drunk and ruin the mood :D

Awesome story. Protag is changeling princess but she still held humans mentality, she think, analyze, criticize. You got an reader.

4266327 he is a fucking animation that must be destroyed in the most painful way possible!

The 4 wall is crying

The song that Chrysalis sings is based on this if you want to sing a long. [link]

Me is mindfuck

Me no understand

*Self-destructs*

I just came up with an idea, when s/he is trying to get the other changelings and/or ponies he should sing Are you in or out if your going with the Aladdin theme. It's just a thought thou

I am a little disappointed

I hoped he would stay evil....

It would make a nice noncanon side story tho

and thus Celestia flew down and kick chrysalis ass in nine seconds, after news immediately reached them that she attacked the empire..........
Cause chrysalis stands no god dman chance against celestia.

seriously what the hell? sombra is more powerful than chrysalis, and hining managed ot hold him back if for a short time.
and twilgith amanged to outmagic chrysalis when she was still a unicorn. now as an alicorn she has the poser and magical skill to overpower her......................

also chrysalis does not know much magic let alone combat magic............
this is now very god damn annoying. you can't have the villain overpower more powerful beings like that. it makes no damn sense. chrysalis is a powerful enemy but she swtands no chance against celestia. she is ismply incapable of possibly retaining enough power to match her. hell the power she gianed to overpower her would have been nothing if luna was there too. and likely they would both come down, and likely have other means to tell if there is trouble.

this story has a lot of logical fallicies even for a fanfic about little ponies with magic. what will chrysalis do if celestia and luna come? the answer is nothing, either be overpowered or run away.

4274202

Wow you're still going on about this? Okay you got your wish I saw your lame comment and gave you some attention.

Comment posted by thorondragonic deleted Apr 24th, 2014

4274202

Technically, here, Chrys is in "God mode" because of the crystal heart :derpytongue2:

How by the 9 hells did Zecora still got the Alicorn Amulet? :derpyderp2:
That the kind of artefact that you ether destroy, or keep behind the strongest protection you got! (Or send it to the Sun :derpytongue2:)

Ponies can grab things by the way. How? It's a mystery (Limited TK?), but they can...

s1

4274366 4274112
Here some songs he could sing to the Changelings and/or ponies.:

That all the song I could think of for now.

4275059

How by the 9 hells did Zecora still got the Alicorn Amulet? :derpyderp2:

That the kind of artefact that you ether destroy, or keep behind the strongest protection you got! (Or send it to the Sun :derpytongue2:)

Here a comic to answer that question.:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/4/172385__safe_twilight+sparkle_comic_zecora_alicorn+amulet_artist-colon-egophiliac.png

Comment posted by thorondragonic deleted Apr 24th, 2014

deleting my comments does not change that your tory is flawed and needs to be improved. criticisms will come either from me or someone else.

your story or not a flaw is a flaw.

4283851

Okay if you want a response, considering your account is two weeks old with you have no stories, no pic for your avatar and only five favorites, you're little more than a troll hurling insults and half-baked critiques.

I'm just tired of the crap you write filling my comment boards

4283873 All of us get that at some point in our writing careers. Ignore him and move on. :pinkiehappy:

4283882

Well I've always been a believer in the old saying of "Douches win when good men stay silent."

While getting into an argument is feeding a troll, calling them on the crap that comes from their mouth has to be done by somebody :rainbowdetermined2:

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