Chapter 4
Chapter 4: I Become A Cutie Mark Analyzing Detective
Okay…so, where was I?
Oh right, Daring Do is real. Look, don’t even get me started on how wrong that is. Yes, when I actually got to talk to her, it ended up making a kind of sense but… Listen, when Dash first read Daring Do, the character she imagined, okay she was on the cover, but still, when somepony reads a work of fiction they tend to throw their own spin on things and the fact that Daring Do had a grayed out mane and everything just like Dash was a brilliant piece of artistry pointing this out. If it actually turns out she’s Dash’s grandmother or something to explain how they look so much alike, I’m done. That’s it, game over. I will be up and out of here, right now.
Please don’t tell me she’s Rainbow Dash’s grandmother.
…
Okay, the day when all of this began like any other.
On second thought, no…it didn’t. There was one little thing I wanted to try out, and I needed about of week of observing Ponyville after dark to make sure I wasn’t caught. Plus, it took that long to get the house set up so that nopony would be peeking in.
I pushed the covers off of my body and stretched my wings out before I popped a crick out of my neck and yawned. That’s when an oddity made me stop. I didn’t sound like some little wannabe ladies man who only existed to be a cheap romantic interest for Twilight, who if she had tried to engage in a relationship with would have been borderline bestiality.
Sure Flash could talk, but that didn’t make him an intelligent creature like Twilight was! The poor mare’s reputation would have been ruined. Oh, and I’m pretty sure it’s a sin or something, so she would have been damned on top of it!
But long story short, I didn’t sound like Flash Sentry. In fact, I sounded like a girl! A very familiar-sounding girl with wings…and lavender fur. Oh right, I snagged Twilight’s form so I could sing Twilightlicious in the mirror, I reminded myself before jumping off the bed and looking at said mirror.
Thanks to the fact the house where us changelings were living in was an actual house instead of just some shack that was thrown up at the last minute. We all had our own rooms too. However, due to a changeling’s nature, Dawn Star and Pathfinder didn’t really bother to decorate their rooms with anything aside from the writing desk, bookshelf and bed Twilight had equipped each of them with. I, on the other hand, had a nice bed, a writing desk, and a mirror!
What were you expecting? I follow Twilight around all the time, it’s not like I had any reason to hang out at my house aside from when I was making my evil plans for Equestria. Which I still kind of was. Sure, I wasn't got to kill, maim of hurt any of the ponies, but I sure as hell didn't want them wiping with the changelings either, I was one of them after all. So if shit went down, I wanted to be ready.
Speaking of which, from what I could tell, the plan involving the Crystal Empire seemed to be going aling pretty well. Chrysalis and one thousand thinking changelings using the forms of some two-hundred pegasi (although I’m sure she grabbed more to eat on the way up there judging by all the missing pony reports in the papers I was getting) were protesting the Crystal Empire’s use of magic to control their weather. After all, that’s what the pegasi did, and now it wasn’t just Canterlot where magic was taking their jobs away, but a city that might as well of been a country in and of itself for its size. The place was bigger than any other city in Equestria by at least a factor of three, with the population to match.
Thanks to the god forsaken speed at which news traveled in Equestria when you didn’t have a pet dragon to burp letters, Cloudsdale was just now asking things like how long would it be until every city in Equestria had crystal towers to control the weather and destroyed the purpose for the pegasi in general. Even if not every pegasus’s actual talent was in weather management, nearly one in three of the tribe worked clouds once in their life for some reason or another.
Of course not all the towns felt this way. Most of the papers in Manehatten said this was just some flash in the pan rabble rousers. I was still a little torn between just replacing the editors of the newspapers and have them print what I wanted them to, or just start up another group of protesters in Canterlot to make them think this wasn't going away. Hell, I could even have changelings take up the opposition and start brewing my own little pony race war, given enough time. With a pony’s group mentality and the tendency to follow shiny new things, a few changelings in every city could bring their whole society to the brink of civil war within a year.
The funny thing was, starting a pony tribal war wasn’t even the reason I managed to talk Chrysalis into going north; the idea of it was just an unfortunate side effect. See, there’s something magical about the main city of the Crystal Empire. It’s able to project emotions throughout all of Equestria. When feelings of peace and love are projected, every pony around is dancing around happy as can be. But when fear and envy were the special words of the day…well, I wanted to see what would happen.
As for Cadence, sure she was the Alicorn of Love and all that, but any attempt to spread her emotional mojo would just feed us changelings. That’s how I got Chrysalis to agree to go. She would get to watch the woman responsible for her biggest defeat fall into a pit of despair as her talent became useless and her kingdom crumbled around her.
Luckily, I had things to distract me from the mental images of a creature as gentle and loving as Cadence, broken and crying as she watched her people give into hatred before they went at each others throats. I’m pretty sure I would have been having guilt filled nightmares if changelings dreamed instead of entering the hive mind.
But I had learned to tone the Borg Collective of dreamland down and was having plenty of rest when I got my shuteye every night while I poked and prodded it for info. I also had to give and receive updates from Chrysalis, but that was no biggie as long as I had something to entertain me every morning.
Speaking of which…
“Put your ass in the air, put your ass up in the air, put your ass in the air and shake it like you don’t care!” I said in a Twilight Sparkle manner as I performed the end of the ladybug dance over and over again in front of my mirror.
Don’t judge me!
About five minutes later, I was down in the secret room of our basement with Dawn and Pathfinder getting breakfast and fixing to change back to the abomination of a royal guardsman. Although, I wanted to stay in my natural form for as long as possible, so I started with the small talk. “You know, sometimes I wonder if I should just go on a killing spree in Canterlot, then let Flash out in the countryside somewhere to laugh when the guards snatch him up,” I told my minions in a melancholy tone.
“Why don’t you?” Pathfinder asked.
I shrugged. “Waste of food.” Plus I didn’t know for sure, but there was probably a spell or two out there to make sure ponies were telling the truth when they testified in court. All Flash would have to do was say it wasn’t him, and he would be off the hook. But I couldn’t appear ignorant in front of my goons.
Part of me did want to take the colt out of his cocoon and give him another beating though. To preserve our food for as long as possible, the goo we sealed our prey in was practically a Star Wars bacta tank. All those nutrients and junk flooded the body and made it heal quicker than any human medicine. It needed to since we were basically sucking the life force out of the imprisoned ponies.
Not for the first time since becoming a changeling, I wished we could have just grabbed mana around us like normal ponies. That was our big problem. We couldn’t draw energy from the environment like everything else in this reality, we needed to suck it out of living creatures that had already processed it to a certain amount.
“So what’s on Twilight’s schedule for today?”
“The princess dropped off an amendment to her list yesterday while I was filling in for you,” the changeling who was currently a mare said evenly. “Pinkie is throwing a National Random Holiday Party Day party at the library.”
The news didn’t sit too well with my meal. Pinkie was nice and all, but I still tried to avoid her like the plague. I didn’t know how much of her just dropping random insights was cannon or fannon, but anyone who knew about the show in my position would have been wise to avoid her on Pinkie Sense alone. I was just lucky she didn’t have a ‘new pony in town’ signal or ‘invasion of the body snatchers’ twitch.
Of course there was also a question of why a random party day party had been planned out, but…(yes I’m actually going to say it) that’s just Pinkie being Pinkie.
“We’ve also got mail,” the beast told me before a letter floated over to my face and I frowned at it. The damn thing was addressed to Flash Sentry, from his parents. God damn it.
I knew what was going to happen if I read it, but I couldn’t not do that. With my luck, the stupid horses were coming for a visit. So I grabbed the letter out of the air with my TK and ripped it open to read what was inside.
Dear Flash, we hope this letter finds you well.
HA!
We are so proud to hear of your transfer into the personal guard of the new Princess of Equestria. After you wrote us about your first meeting with the princess we could tell that fate had something special in store for the two of you.
And then I wanted to gag. So they’re those kind of parents, I told myself. It always creeped me out when my mother stuck her nose into my sex life with a demand for grandchildren.
Just remember to be on your best behavior, and give Princess Twilight your winning smile every morning. As for us, everything is going well in the city. Your father’s new job as the district weather manager keeps him out more than I’d like, but with the bits he’s making we can finally afford the down payment on that home in the suburbs that we’ve always dreamed of, years before retirement even.
Please write back to us soon, bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla bla.
I finished reading the letter and turned it over with my magic to see that was nothing written on the back, then looked back up at the imprisoned pony with a frown. “Why the buck couldn’t you have been a friendless orphan you piece of crap?”
It wasn’t the problem that having to write back to Flash’s parents that bothered me, I had already planned to take him out and work the pegasus over a bit until he gave us a complete sample of his writing so I could have #666 copy it. I knew the little bastard would be getting some kind of correspondence and I had planned for it accordingly.
The problem was that it helped humanize, or pony-ize the little turd. Hell, look at Discord and how he could routinely torture an entire species until one of them made friends with the maniac. Still raises the question of what’s going to happen when Fluttershy dies.
Okay, getting off track…
So yeah, the Flash Sentry that had just been in the movie? I could cripple his sorry ass and throw him into the Rainbow Factory, no problem. He was a one dimensional character that needed to be put out to pasture, preferably the kind where you hide dead bodies.
A Flash Sentry with a loving family and friends to add to his personality? One dimensional characters weren’t supposed to have that shit! I’ll admit it, the letter from his mom probably did save the idiot from becoming a ‘wingless pegasus’ experiment to see what happens when one of them really do lose their wings.
…
Hey, it’s a perfectly logical question! Can they even still walk on clouds? Or can they just not fly anymore and still mess with the weather? Can they even survive without them? If they can, do they go into some sort of weird depression? And it’s not like I could ask Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy about it, that would just make me look mean and creepy.
You can see how hanging around Twilight all day has made me more curious about this stuff.
But as to what happened next, I got the rest of my spy reports and went through them as fast as I could. I think the biggest news was some hoedown in Appleloosa that was due in about six weeks when their big apple harvest was due. For some reason AJ’s started like a week or two earlier.
Maybe it was scheduled for the end of their first harvest…
So once I was done with the whole spy report things, I went over to Pinkie’s party and…I’ll admit, I had fun. It didn’t have as many games as usual, but hell, I had already been in Ponyville long enough to attend two of her other parties and actually got a question that’s been bugging me answered. I had no idea ponies actually paid her for the damn things.
I always thought she just threw them at random or something, but one of her jobs is to literally be a party pony. She had free parties too, but that was mostly a potluck thing where everypony brings something and she supplies the games and reusable décor. This was one of the free ones for just her and her friends at the library.
Maybe she thought Twilight needed some cheering up or something. She wasn’t really over her ‘I’m a princess’ depression, but our little talk did help her out. Pinkie’s party was like the icing on the ‘you’re still one of us’ cake.
See why I was worried about her insightfulness? Nobody else seemed to give a damn about the princess.
Then Rainbow Dash showed up, and everything kind of went downhill from there.
As the party went on, I just found myself standing away from all the ponies while wondering if all of their dances were crazy. I mean, I’ve seen Twilight go into her spastic fit, but Applejack’s…whatever the hell she was doing looked pretty weird as well. But I guess that’s the way it was when you’re dancing alone. I sure as hell couldn’t point fingers. (Oh God, I think I just made a hoof pun.)
Thankfully, Twilight had long since made me ditch my armor as not to stand out too much on the street. As if the alicorn who had saved the world twice before achieving godhood wasn’t a big enough draw. However, I still had a bit of clothes on me. The lopsided party hat that adorned my head was thanks to Pinkie Pie just sticking it on…from above me…without any means of support.
Twilight also had on a party hat, but Applejack was wearing a cute cowboy hat with an apple design on it, Rarity was wearing her princess envy tiara, and Fluttershy had on a flowered monstrosity of a hat that belonged on the Mad Hatter. Oh, and Pinkie had a fez…it was kind of adorable really.
I was still trying to repress the memory of how Pinkie put my hat on from above when Rainbow Dash crashed through the door.
Well, not literally. I think the fandom managed to blow her bad landing skills out of proportion thanks to a few high profile drops. The times I went up in the clouds for Twilight’s flying lessons, she always landed just fine and managed to catch Twilight the one time the alicorn clipped her wing on a cloud to spin out of control. Gave me a whole new meaning to the term weather hazard.
So Rainbow showed up, and managed to go, “Hey Twilight, aren’t you excited?” before Pinkie hung down from a chandelier I hadn’t noticed beforehand to blow a noisemaker in her face.
“Rainbow! So glad you finally made it!” the princess exclaimed while the pegasus just looked around in confusion about what the hell was going on. It didn’t take a genius to figure out she hadn’t gotten the invite.
Oh god, please don’t let this be some ‘you guys were dicks to me again’ thing like Mare Do Well or have Rainbow break down like Pinkie did that one time she wasn’t invited to a party, I begged to whatever power was listening. I swore, main cast or no, if somepony made Rainbow cry, I would eat their souls!
Because I was a fucking changeling princess, AND THAT'S HOW I ROLL!
But as it turned out, she had been invited and just didn’t hear as she was too wrapped up in the Daring Do book series. So, crisis averted.
With Rainbow’s entrance, I had an excuse to fly closer to the others and grab some more punch that Twilight was passing out. I may not have had telekinesis at the moment, but I could at least hold stuff with my hooves and get around with my wings. Still needed to keep the flying to a minimum in order to conserve as much magic as I could. My storage capacity might as well of been unlimited, but I could only 'bank' 1/3 normal pegasus’s amount of mana per day since I didn't want to kill my food. Because of that, I moved about conservatively for the days when I would need to do a lot of flying.
As I got closer to the group, I finally picked up on what Rainbow was so excited about. “In three months and twenty-six more days, I’ll be able to read the next one!” she said before Twilight sent her into panic mode with a comment about how it had been delayed.
It was actually pretty funny to see a real spit take when Rainbow soaked Twilight’s face in her drink. What was even cooler what how Twilight just kind of waved the whole thing off like it was nothing. Seriously, monarchs aren’t supposed to do that.
Then Rainbow started going on about how we needed to find the author, who was named A.K. Yearling of all things. If I hadn’t nearly poked my eye out with a facehoof back at the hive, I would have done it then and there. The twisted name of JK Rowling also made me wonder if this writer was also such a crotchety old bitch that made little girls cry because they made a Harry Potter fan-site.
As I listened to Rainbow Dash start to freak out, argue with Twilight about who was the bigger fan, and Twilight go on about her stalker-level knowledge of the author, I had to feel a bit of sympathy for Rainbow Dash on a personal level. I had been waiting forever for them to publish a new Ice and Fire book.
Considering the last epic series I got involved with was the Wheel of Time, I actually had a great fear that Martin was going to kick the bucket like Jordan did before he finished his masterpiece and hand it to some half-assed hack who couldn’t even read between the foreshadowing lines! Judging by the amount of books on the shelves and going by the estimation that Rowling…okay, Yearling got out one book a year max, she had to be pretty damn old.
As Rainbow continued on in her plan about how she and all her friends, and me since I had to follow Twilight around, would be cooking, cleaning, doing Yearling’s shopping, and basically become the pony version of Spike…who was back in Canterlot of course, apparently he needed some kind of magical treatment from Celestia every now and then to…well, Twilight wasn’t very specific, but whatever it’s supposed to do, she gets real sad and nervous whenever the topic comes up. My money’s on it being some kind of anti-dragon greed magic so he doesn’t transform again and try to kill everypony in the town.
Anyway... Since I didn’t want to go traipsing around some stupid pony city looking for an author with six other girls, and Twilight probably wouldn’t like all the attention her being a princess would cause, I raised my hoof. “Excuse me, Ms Dash?” I was using formal stuff with the rest of the Bearers. I might have been on friendly terms with Twilight because she kind of ordered me to, but I was still pretty much an outsider with the rest of the group.
“Umm, there is one little flaw in your plan.”
Thankfully, she didn’t give me a glare or anything. All I got was a confused look. “What’s that?”
“Well…” Sorry Rainbow, much as I like you, housework sucks. Plus, I’d actually have to find food while we were being an author’s personal slaves. “You may be able to take some time off from work, and Twilight can pretty much set her own schedule these days, but don’t the rest of your friends have work and other responsibilities?”
I should have known trying to stop Rainbow Dash with logic wouldn’t work. Her exposure to Twilight had pretty much made her immune to it. My question did allow the others to bow out though with excuses like foals, little sisters, animals, and orchards. Twilight actually went along with her. Don’t know why it surprised me, I mean she was a Daring Do freak too.
I never got into the books myself. They were exciting and fast paced enough to grab Rainbow’s attention with action opener before they explained just what the hell Daring was doing in that jungle via flashbacks, but well…they were fiction (stop laughing damn it!) compared to the real history of Equestria! What the hell do you think I would pick?
So despite my attempts to dissuade RD and the princess from going Celestia only knew where at the time, we were planning to leave by the end of the day. I’m guessing Twilight used some sort of princess authority to find out where Yearling lived because looking back, I seriously doubt its common knowledge.
There were some serious advantages and disadvantages to the trip though.
With Twilight gone, the royal guard didn’t really have to stick around, and I had been making plans for some of the stuff just laying around the Everfree Forest. Since the goons would have some free time, I ordered them to go find a few things for me.
The downside? I would be spending days with nothing to eat except Twilight and Rainbow Dash!
…
You know what I mean!
Of course once she found out where we were going, Rainbow wanted us to all fly straight there, but Twi and I managed to talk her out of it. The princess was still in need of training to fly for longer than a few minutes without problems, and flying takes magic, which I couldn’t recover on my own. So I loaded up as much as I could the day before. I drained our food stores as much as I dared without damaging them, but there were limits to what even four ponies could give me compared to the most powerful pegasus of her generation.
And yes, I could feed off either of them. Pheromones, proximity, discussions on Equestrian history and cheering her up on that first day we met had forged a connection between me and Twilight that put some calories on her life force. Rainbow’s was quite a bit weaker, as all I had going with her was some fanning over her awesomeness and my presence when Twilight got her flying lessons that I also took care to listen to. Changelings might have wings, but its not the same as a pegasus, and I only had the bare minimum of experience with the feathered variety.
And quit mumbling about that’s not love. Friendship and Love are the same damn thing, its just varying degrees of affection and willingness to give oneself to another.
Which brings me to another problem this trip brought up pretty quickly…
Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were going to be spending days traveling together. You have no idea how tempting it was to just put a mind whammy on them both and have them start kissing each other.
Yes, I truly believe the two of them belong together! It’s not just some opposites attract crap either. Through every major step of Rainbow Dash’s life, Twilight Sparkle has been there to help and cheer her along! The one and only time she fucked up, it was still done with the best of intentions to try and make her a better mare. If that isn’t love, then you need to go get your head examined.
So…anyway…since I didn’t want to suck Rainbow and Twi dry, and the princess was still pretty new to flying, we managed to talk Rainbow into taking a train. Because Twilight was with us, we ended up taking her personal train car that Celestia had given her once she was no longer needed ground travel. It was as big as a regular car, but meant for only a handful of ponies which probably numbered around six to travel in comfort.
The princess apparently had some spell that made ponies who didn’t know her overlook the fact she had wings; long as she didn’t up and use them that is. Of course I didn’t find that out until after our little adventure, but that’s neither here nor there.
As for that train ride, we kind of had a bit of time to talk about nothing.
“So…nice cutie mark,” Rainbow Dash said as the world went by through the window. “How’d you get it?”
I looked down to the lightning bolt over the shield on my flank and sighed. I can’t believe I forgot to come up with a lie for this, I told myself while looking at the fake cutie mark. It was probably the number one ice breaker question in Equestria! “Oh, it’s not really that special…I just ummm…”
Okay think idiot, think. Lightning bolt and a shield. Okay… Thankfully, I actually knew a bit about symbolism from when I was human, and that translated over to MLP pretty well. Not the actual symbolism for what stuff meant…although the smiling flowers did connect to the faces of smiling children in Japanese pop culture…
But thanks to that odd skill, I could put two and two together for the symbolism present in Equestria to figure out what a few of the symbols meant. For example, a lightning bolt mostly related to flight speed, not some kind of weather talent. Every single one of the Wonderbolts that I’d seen have a yellow strike on the sides of their butts. The shield was pretty self explanatory.
So all I had to do was come up with a lie that involved those kinds of things. “I got it during my time at flight camp,” I began slowly, trying to stall for time while I put the story together in my head. “I was up on one of the higher clouds when I saw some bullies messing with another colt. I think they may have messed up one of his wings, because when they pushed him off the cloud, he didn’t fly back up. So I flew down as fast as I could and caught him. And that’s why my cutie mark is a lightning bolt and a shield, for being able to react quickly to protect other ponies.”
It was pretty much a rip-off of Dash’s story with Fluttershy falling and some of the details changed, but…hey, it was the best I could come up with in ten seconds.
Of course the mention of being able to fly fast got Rainbow Dash’s attention. “So you think you’re fast huh?” she asked with a smile.
“Well I don’t hold a candle to you Miss Dash,” I told her while holding up my hooves. “I think it has more to do with like…a rush of adrenaline when I see another pony in danger, my speed and reaction time go up. Otherwise, I’m pretty average.” Then, just to make absolutely sure she wouldn’t try to make be back up speed skills I didn’t have… “You on the other hand…you’re probably the fastest pegasus that’s even been when you need to be.”
Twilight groaned and hid her face with her hooves. “Please don’t feed the ego Flash.”
On the other side of the seat the were sharing, Rainbow Dash sat up a little straighter. “Hey Twilight, let the guy tell it like it is,” she said with a smile before looking back to me. “So you think I’m the fastest pegasus ever, huh?”
“That’s what your cutie mark says,” I told her while pointing at it with a hoof.
Much to my confusion, that remark did get Twilight’s attention and wipe away the mare’s previous annoyance. “Her cutie mark?”
I raised an eyebrow at the two of them. “The rainbow lightning bolt.”
After sharing a look that told both the mares they were equally lost, Twilight looked back at me with a frown. “What about it?” she asked while Rainbow just looked down at her own ass.
Oh crap. “You girls have no idea what the symbolism behind your cutie marks actually means, do you?”
For some reason, Twilight seemed to take that as a challenge. “Sure I do, it’s magic.”
“And the five sparkling points around it?” I asked while raising an eyebrow.
“Um…well, I never really thought about them, to be honest,” Twilight mumbled before she rubbed her chin with her hoof. “I just saw the bright glowing star and figured it would be magic. I never really paid attention to the smaller details.” The statement did make me wonder how the star tied to magic. Although with Celestia standing around when she got the thing, the goddess just could have up and told her.
I shrugged. To be honest, I was just guessing to but, if I had to place money on it… “Well, considering their configuration, I thought it might have to do with the Elements, but since you can only use one, I’ve been observing you all week, I’m guessing that it has to do more with the connection you share with your five closest friends. It’s like you were destined to be with them since the day you got your cutie mark,” I added with a smile.
Twilight just stared at me with a gobsmacked expression before Rainbow practically stuck her rear in my face. “Oh! Do me!” she said before the alicorn grabbed the mare and sat her back down.
“Rainbow!”
“What?”
Thankfully, by that time I had recovered and let out a chuckle. “Okay well, there’s your lightning bolt, which obviously means speed. But the fact its colored a little like a rainbow probably points to the fact that you can either push your limits beyond their norms for the sake of your friends, or it relates to the Magic of Harmony itself, pretty much saying you’re the fastest pegasus ever. Then there’s your cloud, which points to a talent in weather. All you’d really need is a pair of wings that link with something like precision flying to classify as the most talented pegasus in history.”
The explanation seemed to strike a chord with Rainbow, as I could smell her excitement suddenly disappear, to be replaced by an unnerving calm. Twilight on the other hand raised an eyebrow at my explanation. “That’s an interesting theory Flash…where’d you find it? I’d love to read the book and see the reasoning behind it.”
And so we come to the impasse, I thought to myself. “It’s not really an…official theory that’s been scientifically tested or anything, I just sort of came up with it myself over the years. I mean, there’s some holes in it since the filly or colt has to kind of figure out their talent, and my idea kind of accounts for hidden skills, but you’ve got to admit that there are plenty of ponies that have more than one skill related to something outside their talents.”
“Still, it might just merit looking into,” the princess mumbled. “What do you think Rainbow? …Rainbow Dash?”
The pegasus looked up at Twilight with what I could only describe as fear in her eyes. She smelled of it too, sweet and succulent fear. It may have tasted like crap, but that didn’t mean changelings could enjoy bringing it to others. “Is that why Rarity was working the weather in Ponyville, Twilight?”
“You mean when our cutie marks were…um…” she looked over to me for a minute. “Flash, would you mind leaving the room for a second?”
Rainbow looked over to me, then back to Twilight. “No!” We both blinked at Rainbow’s reply, then she looked at me for a moment. “Uh…” Her gaze drifted back to Twilight. “It’s his idea so…I might need help getting an explanation.”
Twilight looked me up and down for a moment, then hesitantly told me the story about how she had swapped the Elements cutie marks with a botched spell, explaining how Rarity had gotten Rainbow Dash’s. I didn’t ask any questions about why Twilight didn’t want me to hear the news.
Hell, it could have been as simple as she just didn’t want someone else to see her friend so nervous, to the cutie mark swap being some big state secret. If there was a pony who could just switch someone’s destiny at will…not that I think Twilight could do that with her magic or else every pony in town would have been sporting a new tramp stamp… but I could see how even the hint of that possibility could undermine all of Equestrian society.
God forbid freedom of choice and the ability to reevaluate one's path in life finds its way into the pony monarchy. What’s next, democracy?
So after I got the rundown of the cutie mark swap, Rainbow shifted her gaze between us. “So is that why Rarity was working the weather instead of trying to race? Or is that my real destiny, to just sit around Ponyville...kicking clouds?” she asked nervously.
Oh crap…that’s…Rainbow has a good point. I thought to myself. Hell, Rarity’s little musical number hadn’t said anything about wanting to be a Wonderbolt, it was all about her being a weathermare! And if ponies believed their destiny was written on their flanks, then Rainbow’s hopes would have been thoroughly crushed. Good work idiot, why don’t you just clip her wings while you’re at it!
I looked over to Twilight and tried to convey my thoughts of, you’re the magic expert, SAY SOMETHING!
She gave me a look back as if to go, “It’s YOUR theory, NOW FIX IT!”
“Rainbow, have you been feeling this way since I became a princess?” Twilight asked tentatively.
Dash cleared her throat and looked away from Twilight, but she didn’t stop the purple alicorn from putting her wing around the pegasus and pulling her into a wing-hug…or whatever the hell it was. As much as it pained me, I had to look away from the heartfelt moment of TwiDash before I just jumped up to shout ‘see! You belong together, NOW KISS’ and clear my head.
I’ve had to give advice to confused kids plenty of times before in my life, so the situation wasn’t that out of my comfort zone. However, none of those kids had tattoos that said what they were good at in life.
Ironically, it was something I remembered from another old cartoon show that helped me put my answer together. “Every pony is born with a gift, and in that gift, lies the path to their destiny,” I began at a somewhat soft tone. “However, its what that pony does with that gift that determines just where that path goes. Just because you’ve got a lightning bolt doesn’t mean you have to become a Wonderbolt, just like because you have a cloud doesn’t mean you have to be a weathermare. If anything, it means you have options.”
Twilight was quick to pick up on the explanation and looked over to Rainbow Dash. “That’s right! Rarity wasn’t trying to race when she had your cutie mark because she could fulfill the weather part of it much easier!” she said before giving the pegasus a reassuring smile.
For her part, the pegasus just blushed and fought Twilight’s wing off of her before she looked out of the corner of her eye at me for a second, then back to the princess. “Figures you’d get an egghead for a guard Twilight.”
So, the rest of the train ride went pretty good. It took us two days to get to the stop that we needed to go to, then we had to fly over the Unicorn Range Mountains. I’m pretty sure we ended up somewhere near Vanhoover, but with the way Twilight got blown around by the wind so much, it was impossible for me to keep track of our direction. The alicorn really was a hopeless flier.
After our little talk, we went to the dining car where all the plebeians on the train ate and I had to make room to process more cocoon goo. By the time I got back Rainbow was telling me to call her Rainbow, not Miss Dash. Unfortunately, the scent they were giving off had changed somewhat drastically from what I had been getting from Twilight all week. Since infatuation didn’t really exist in the changeling hive and I had stopped the hive mind from cramming knowledge into my skull when I slept, I had no fucking clue about the vipers nest I had just stuck my foot in. Stupid Flash Sentry body and its apparent attractiveness!
You know, now that I think about it, it’s pretty pathetic that even with empathic abilities I can’t tell what’s on a girl’s mind.
But I will admit it did help a bit when it came time to feed on the girls. I was a bit wrong when it came to my first assumption about how changeling feeding works too. Emotion didn’t just affect the taste of our food, but its nutritional value as well. Energy transfer for changeling doesn’t work on a 1 to 1 ratio. The stronger the affection the more the magic we eat is worth.
I left them with plenty for the trip of course, Rainbow’s got enough power to equal at least three Flash Sentries, and Twilight’s a fucking alicorn princess. A few days of sucking on them even at just growing affection and friendship levels, and I probably could have KO’d Celestia!
Too bad I actually needed all that energy over the next couple of days.
Stupid Daring Do and her messed up Mesoamerican mythological crap!
After leaving the train station and an hour of flying where Twilight would have crashed three times if not for me and Rainbow, we found the house of A.K. Yearling in the middle of nowhere. It was set up in a forest on the edge of a rather large valley. Despite the fact we were in the northern parts of Equestria, the place was pretty damn hot. I don’t know if the weather factory messed up with a heat wave, or if Celestia just felt like dicking around with Twilight, but I was glad for the fact I was walking around butt naked again instead of having to cook inside my armor. The stuff may have been lightweight, but it still trapped heat and was made of metal.
As for the house, it was…well, it looked like something out of an old Disney movie with its thatch roof and red brick chimney. However, it appeared as if someone had taken a baseball bat to the thing, knocked the door off its hinges, smashed out the windows, and thrown a pretty cushy chair out on the lawn.
“Well…either you got the wrong address, or somepony really didn’t like Yearling’s first draft,” I mumbled to the princess.
Rainbow didn’t take the fact her favorite author might have been hurt, and zoomed over to the door faster than I could close my eyes and avoid having to watch. Prismatic blurs might have been cool in the cartoon, but seeing something move that fast in real life was just freaky and wrong. Twilight Sparkle wasn’t the only one taking a daily dump on physics.
“Wait up Rainbow!” Twilight called out before we both trotted after her to follow the blue mare while the pegasus busted down the door.
In Rainbows defense, all she did was tap it.
The inside of the house was even worse than the outside. Everywhere I looked, there were broke pieces of furniture, dishes laying on the floor, a bale of hay that I didn’t know if it was for sitting or eating, a pile of junk that even bothered to include the kitchen sink, and books. Everywhere I looked, there were books stern throughout the area.
“W-What in the world happened?” Rainbow asked as she looked at the mass of devastation in front of us.
Okay, I’ve seen enough cop shows to at least get step one of crime scene investigations down, I told myself while Twilight and Rainbow Dash started looking around and calling out for Yearling. “Hey! Nopony touch nothing! If this isn’t a crime scene, then I don’t know what is, and that means we can’t have any of the evidence disturbed. If you’re going to move around in the house, do it from the air.”
“Darn it,” I heard Twilight mumbled before she backed into a corner and sat down. “Flash, do you think something might have happened to her?”
What was apparently Rainbow Dash’s third greatest fear got a scream of terror from the pegasus. “Oh no! There might be no more books!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow at the pegasus as if to say “really?” and I just rolled my eyes. Not that I gave much of a damn about ponies I’ve never met, but… Actually, no, I’m siding with Dash on this one. The whole purpose of that pony’s life is to write fiction to entertain my favorite ponies! Yearling needed to be chaired to her typewriter and forced to churn out fiction at an impossible rate to keep Dash and Twi happy!
I looked over the place for about ten minutes while Dash nervously followed me around and Twilight managed to sit still. It wouldn’t have taken as long if I didn’t need to keep slapping Rainbow’s hoof away from touching everything, but that was the downside to having Dash around.
When I finished a quick sweep of the whole house, I landed in front of Twilight to give my report. “Well, everything’s trashed, but I don’t see any signs of a struggle.”
“No signs? What do you call all this?” Rainbow Dash demanded as she waved her front legs at the mess.
I shrugged. “Like I said, trashed. But there’s no blood, or feathers just laying around indicating there was some kind of fight,” I explained. “More than likely, an obsessed fan tracked A.K. Yearling down and rooted through her place looking for the unfinished copy of her book. Kind of like we just did.”
Rainbow Dash scoffed at the idea. “Yeah right, what’s the point of being able to read the thing if there’s no ending?”
“Oh my gosh!” Twilight exclaimed. “If somepony’s stolen her manuscript, then it’ll take her months to recreate her work. No wonder the release was delayed!”
“WHAT?” Dash yelled in anger. “You mean that’s why I’ve got to wait longer for more Daring Do?”
I nodded. “Makes sense. She probably doesn’t even live here anymore.”
Of course the universe just decided to go ‘fuck you changeling princess’ right at that moment and make me look like I didn’t know shit.
“What are you three doing in my house?”
All three of us gave little jump at the slightly crotchety voice, with Dash actually saying in the air. When I turned to see who had managed to sneak up on us, I blinked.
A.K. Yearling looked like her voice made her out to be. An old looking mare complete with an old lady’s hat, giant glasses for eyes that probably barely even functioned, and a dark purple-ish cloak that had an elderly vibe to it.
“A…K…Yearling,” Rainbow Dash managed to get out before becoming completely speechless.
Twilight went right into defensive mode. “We didn’t do this, we swear!”
“What are you all doing in my house?” the writer asked again in confusion.
With Twi and Dash apparently mute, I stepped up. “Ms Yearling, I’m Flash Sentry,” I told her while hiding my urge to retch. Sweet Celestia, a week and a half and I still want to throw up just from saying that. “The commander of Princess Twilight’s royal guard.”
To make that fact obvious, I pulled out one of Twilight’s wings until it was fully extended, getting a wide eye-look from her, as well as Yearling, than a slap upside the head from said princess.
“Ow! Well look, the princess is such a huge fan of your work,” I said while rubbing my head with my hoof on instinct. It didn’t really help at all, those things are hard. “And after Rainbow Dash heard your book was delayed, we came down here to see if there was anything to be done to help get the thing back on track.”
A.K. Yearling stared at our little group for a moment before apparently shaking off a visit from divinity and nodded. “I’m…fine…princess,” she said before trotting over to her writing desk.
While Twilight seemed to take just being blown off by this self-important peon like it was nothing, and Rainbow was still kind of gaga over her favorite author being in the same room, I scowled at the mare while holding in my anger. How about you show some respect you fucking piece of crap and BOW DOWN TO YOUR NEW GOD!
Seriously, I had KILLED changelings for less, and they were by biological family!
Then this Yearling bitch just shows up and disrespects Twilight like she was just some pony from off the street because she sold a few lousy BOOKS? Unless you were a member of the Element Necklace Club, you did NOT get a pass on something like that! I had half a mind to grab the little cunt and beat her half to death with her own fucking typewriter! I may have not of known how things worked with lesser royalty in Equestria, but when you disrespected 18th century princesses and below, they chop off your head!
But what does Miss “I write Daring Do’ go and do?
She just trots over to her desk, grabs some book with a horseshoe on the cover, puts in a…combination or something that’s part of the binding, and opens the book to reveal a giant pony version of the One Ring!
…
Wait, what? I blinked at the obviously mystical doohickey that A.K. Yearling just pulled out from a book that was not a book. In fact, it looked to be some kind of hidden container. Then she tucked it away into her cape after muttering gladly that it was safe.
“Great!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she finally got over her fangasm and flew over to where Yearling was standing. “So, tell us, how can we help move the new book along?”
Yearling just let out a groan. “You can get out.”
While Dash didn’t take the rejection well, Twilight simply wrapped the pegasus in her magic and carried the irate fan toward the door. “Rainbow Dash! If she wants privacy, then we should respect her wishes.”
“Respect?” I yelled at Twilight before making a wing assisted leap towards the author to point at the pony right in her face. “I’ll start giving her some respect when she starts doing the same to you Princess!”
“Flash-”
I didn’t even let the purple nerd finish before I reached over and snatched the old coot’s cape away from her to get at the One Ring, sending her careering around so fast her hat flew off. “And another thing! Is nopony else wondering what a book author is going with a giant glowing magic ring?”
“What’s the deal with this thing-huh?” I asked, looking back to her on the last word, only to be completely dumbfounded by what I saw. Despite the clothes from earlier, what stood in front of me was not a pony at the edge of old age.
She was wearing a light green outfit with a pit helmet, and a pair of wings that matched the dark tan color of her coat. The varying degrees of gray to black in her mane kind of made who she was supposed to be pretty obvious.
“A.K. Yearling is Daring Do!” both Twilight and Rainbow exclaimed at the same time.
I, however, was a little put off by the reveal. With the One Ring still in my hooves, I jumped away from the pegasus and flapped my wings while holding out my hooves towards the plot hole bigger than the one Celestia had on her rear end! “Oh come on! THAT DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE!”
Of course before I could get any kind of explanation, we got attacked by evil goons coming in from the floor above.
Stupid evil goons.
Stats
Page generated in 0.041 seconds
Total duration
744 users online
749,535 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
amusing reaction to finding out daring do is real
one thing though, your character seems to swing between acting like they think they are in a dream/coma, (their total lack of any care towards ponies and talking like they are still a cartoon) and then acting like they are real living things, with his interaction towards the mane 6. if this is intentional and the way your character deals with their situation then you might want to include some conflict between their beliefs, as it can break the story flow a bit where one second he is acting like the ponies are real and then thinks about maiming flash for fun because of a cartoon
I think he was expecting A.K. Yearling to act like this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/12/11/495008__safe_rainbow+dash_comic_daring+do_daring+don%27t_spoiler-colon-s04e04_role+reversal_scene+parody_artist-colon-fadri_autograph.jpeg
Family heirloom? (Also, "going" should probably be "doing".)
I'm sorry, but we can't be friends anymore. Wheel of Time? Really? And throwing Martin into it as well? Sanderson is already better than both of them ever were or will be.
I now know where this hatred of Flash Sentry came from. You aren't mad because he's a one-dimensional character, or because he may-or-may-not be a Gary Stu. No, the reason you hate him(and why I don't have a problem with him) IS BECAUSE HE SUNK YOUR SHIP.
I'm not just talking about the author. Almost all the people hate him have a Twi/something ship.
Look in your heart, you know this to be true.
You got screwed.
Like big time.
Also you are a jackass.
Make sure that thy knows the story behind a pony before beating up said pony.
Who knows, you were beating up the pony counterpart when in all actuality you should have been beating up the human version. Seriously, what were you thinking?
grab the little cunt and beat her half LANGUAGE!
I was about to complain that he considered Twilight in pony form bucking with a human bestiality, you know since she is sapient and all, not a beast/mindless animal, but then I saw this:
, and fell of my chair laughing.
With pleasure, Rainbow! If you know what I mean.
I’m still not completely sure if this is playing its logic straight or is a twisted parody. Either way I cant help but click the next button.
Welcome to Fimfiction, Rainbow.
Yeah, unless Daring Do is secretly Rainbow Dash mother, is kind of a plothole.
No she's her father's, cousin's former roommate.
Seriously i bet they are related.
Welcome to Equalville, Season 5, Episode 1 and 2.
You cant have any Nightmares, if you never Dream.
Why the buck couldn’t you have been a friendless orphan you piece of crap?”
you real fuck up LordBrony2040. you know that Flash Sentry life just like you and me. if going treat him like that you are heartless baster.
BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN EVERYWHERE!
5541984
Of course we hate him because he is a waifu stealer. The rest is just excuses we give ourselves to reaffirm our viewpoint.
This dude really has a ungodly hard-on for the main 6 and a (I/They) (am/are) Holier then thou attitude towards all other characters (Flash Sentry and AK Yearling as evidence so far, but I feel the list will get bigger)
5960363
I think the word you're looking for is bastard,but on the other hand... Mmmmm Base...
*too*
These chapters are not getting any better. I'll try one more before I Downvote.
6402346 just, stop. i don't care if there's a couple of... whatever the heck it's called when you use the wrong spelling. just because you majored in grammar and English doesn't mean everyone else is a grammar Nazi. it's a fun story, ignore the spelling errors.
are dam it i hope that this chapter 4 is a set up one because for some risen it bore me. ?
Ok, this story is making less and less sense.
6402346
Neither of those to's should be too, so I do not understand what you mean.
Heh, TwiDash shipper.
along*
have* -- I think you were going for "well've been" phonetically, but it isn't accepted as standard written English (to my knowledge)
might as well have been*
they*
my*
media4.giphy.com/media/H7iEm8CKI9ZAs/200_s.gif
7595471
XD wow!!! That hilarious. I didn't quite catch that inuendo.
I think you might mean Pinkie Pie, but tomato, tomato.
Should be along
should be was
I think this should be fawning
It seems that here there is something missing.
This part seems a bit out of place in the flow of the story.
Think it should be chained
Love the insights on destinies and marks.
we changelings
might as well have been
(or "might as well've been")
canon or fanon
well have been
it's
ever
chained
So is this guy like, 13, or is he just insanely immature? I've never seen someone so divorced from the idea that others have emotions and lives and that not everything is there to please him.
EDIT: The longer I read this, the more I don't wish to continue because the narrator is an unlikable asshat. Eugh.
8471545
... I mean... isn't this entire thing a joke?
I don't think it's serious... There's a reason it says Comedy :/
I mean, Dash says it herself in the episode, I do believe the SI was just filling that part of the new conversation...
But whatever.
creo que por la imagen esperaba algo mas serio pero mejor me lo tomo como una comedia
... So, apparently, MC is opposed perverted homicidal sack of shit and deserves the same thing he want to do to Flash, no, even more. He so disgustingly... He's a bitch.
8471545
9445534
Honestly, i just read it as satire. Problem solved.
Anger management. You need it.
Simpl mindblowing... This would make a great offical sidestory to the main one
Well there are some theories that Velvet (Twilight's mother) has some form of connection to Yearling, like being her editor or something like that
Oh I'm not laughing... I'm smiling smugly
Indeed... Disrespecting a princess of Equestria would get her in very hot water. Even if she would be a nobel mare.
Can't tell if this is a pun or just a typo.
Yo wheel of time good
But did you just shit on Brandon Sanderson? Not cool man not cool.
*looks at Starlight Glimmer*
The fuck wrong with protaganist? Some kind of personality disorder?
A good comeback, “Hey! I resemble that remark.”
Using a little contraband to write down your thoughts, Ms. Yearling? A little shot of go-juice to get the creative goo flowing? A little ket to kick the muse into gear? Eh? Whatever it is, you better fess up to it.
Echoing earlier sentiments. The MC really just jumped right into being an evil fucker without much of a fuss, huh?