Dashie: Twenty Percent Cooler

by Kieva Lynn

Ten

Standard Disclaimer: I do not own MLP, nor am I in any way affiliated with the author of the story this fic is based upon.

XXXXXXX

Chapter Ten

The Bleed. In the space between worlds, a powerful entity observed events on Earth with growing concern. The fact that direct intervention would be necessary had long since been accepted as unavoidable, but this was sooner than hoped. Sooner, and under quite different circumstances. “Oh Celestia, why didn't you listen to the prophecy?” The being thought with a shake of the head. “Human and Pony should have been in contact long before now...”

A sudden shout echoed through the emptiness. “I'm back!”

“So I sensed.” The entity replied. “Don't you have somewhere else to be?”

“Sure. But there's time. There's always time if you think there is.”

“If you say so. And in the meantime the single point of contact between Earth and Equis is held by men with names like 'Needles' and 'Barry the Blade.'”

“And 'Johnny da Snitch.'”

“Yes... That as well.” the reply was droll. “Regardless of their names, these mobsters are a danger to our plan. And there is no longer time to spare. I'm going to have to intervene in person.”

“Ahh, you already knew that. But not yet, I've got this one covered.”

“Are you sure? Really sure?”

“It's me! What'dya think?”

“----”

“Right. Don't answer that. Anyway, I'll be on my way. Lots to do.”

Alone again, the entity returned her focus to a certain warehouse on Earth. She hoped trusting her friend wasn't a mistake...

XXXXXXX

Port Timbrey. Rainbow Dash continued to watch and listen from the roof of the warehouse. The mob Don had told her father that he would release Solomon, Thomas, and Sara only after Brian and Miri had proven their willingness to cooperate by producing a functioning bomb. Problematic since the rescue plan had hinged on getting Brian's friends set free before Dash came in to save him and Miri.

“Can't you just let them free?” Brian asked. “I mean, it's not like you don't know where they live now...”

“True, dat, and don't youse all forget it.” the Don answered. “But I still wants a test first... Tell you what, here's what we gonna do: The boys an' I are gonna go across the street 'ta Solly's Diner for lunch. Don't bother tryin' ta' escape, the only way in or outta this place is in full view o' the diner. You gots one hour to think things over. Make the right choice.” With that, the Don motioned for his men to follow him, and they all exited the room.

Once they were alone, Thomas looked Brian in the eyes and said “Bri, I'm gonna be real calm and collected here... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!?!?!?”

“Yeah! Please tell me you're not really building bombs!” Sara added.

“Of course not!” Brian answered. “Though... I do know what was really up with those blasts.”

His friends all stared at him. “Well? What?” Sara demanded.

Brian sat quietly. “Brian?” Miri whispered. “I think we're gonna have to tell them.”

“Yeah... Yeah I guess so...”

On the roof, Rainbow Dash nodded. The Princesses wouldn't be happy with so many humans knowing the truth, but there really was no choice in the matter. She glanced at the recall device she wore around her neck, and saw that the lights on it were still red rather than green. “C'mon Twi, don't let me down.” She thought, and then started looking for a way to get inside and down to Brian and the others.

The skylight itself was a bust. There was no way to open it up, and breaking the glass would just leave sharp jagged shards falling directly on the hostages' heads. Searching, Dash quickly located an access hatch. It was rusted heavily, and she needed all the strength she had to make the wheel turn, but once it started moving things were easier. Carefully opening the hatch, cringing at the annoyingly loud sound it made, Dash crept inside and began searching her way through the dark, narrow hallways.

As she went, she found no sign of any other humans. It seemed the Don really had taken all of his men with him to the diner. “All the better.” Dash thought, but knew that she still needed to be very careful. It wouldn't do, after all, to round a corner and be face to face with a very quiet guard. Slow and careful, then, was the order of the day, but she was still Rainbow Dash. Fast and caution-to-the-wind was more her style. Balancing the two was not an easy task...

XXXXXXX

Canterlot. Twilight Sparkle went over the latest reports on the construction of the gate for the fifth time today. She was pleased with how well the work was progressing. The actual physical structure of the gate was complete. She looked over the top of the reports that were held floating in her magic, to where a team of four unicorn scientist-mages were casting spells onto and into the structure.

In human terms, the spells now being cast were the magical equivalent of an operating system for the gate; essentially, if the gate were a computer these spells were the programs that would make it able to do things. They were horrendously complex. Even Twilight's eyes had crossed after a few hours of studying up on spells that had lines like “Go submana blue fifteen; checksum submana red three,” or, “If ((Universe) (Cosmological Constant) = (Negative)) Then (Run Program (Emergency Shutdown)).” With a sigh, the unicorn sat the reports back on her desk and decided it was time to get a nice cup of tea.

She turned, to find herself less than an inch from the face of Pinkie Pie. “Twilight Twilight Twilight Twilight Twilight Twilight Twilight Twilight!!!!!!!!!” The pink pony shouted.

Twilight yelped and fell over backwards. “Pinkie! What are you doing!?”

“Oh it's bad Twilight we need your help 'cause we've got a problem and time is running out and-” Pinkie was silenced by a lavender hoof in her mouth.

“Calm down Pinkie. Where have you been anyway? We've all been worried.”

“Oh you didn't have to worry silly filly! I was on Earth with Dashie!”

“You what!? But how... I mean... Even for YOU, How?”

“Long story. What matters is, Dashie and her dad and a nice human girl named Miri are in trouble because when Dashie did a sonic rainboom years ago the mob thought it was a bomb and now they've captured him to build bombs for them and if he doesn't they'll whack him and all his friends and Dashie needs the recall-thingie working so that she can save them!”

Twilight facehoofed. “The scary thing is, I actually followed that. But Pinkie, the gate's not ready yet! It won't be for days!”

“You can't even just turn it on for a few seconds?”

“No we... Wait... Maybe we can. It only needs to send out the recall beacon after all...”

Twilight turned and ran to the unicorns magically programming the gate. Stopping them, she quickly spelled out the situation, then asked, “Can it be done?”

“Yes, but we'll still need a few minutes to input the last bits of the beacon program. If we all work on it together we can have it ready in, say, twenty minutes.”

“Do it.” Twilight ordered. As the unicorns set to work, she turned back to Pinkie... Who was gone. “Huh. Where'd she go?”

XXXXXXX

Port Timbrey. Brian Dashell sighed and looked his friends in the eyes. “What I'm about to tell you... You'll think I'm nuts. But, Miri can confirm it's true and you'll see for yourself in a few minutes if everything works out...”

“Just get to the story man.” Thomas said.

“Okay then, it's like this... Those blasts, they weren't bombs. They were Sonic Rainbooms.”

“Sonic... Hold on, you mean like what the rainbow pony in that cartoon does?” Solomon asked. “That's cartoon physics Brian, it don't work in the real world.”

“Turns out they do.” Brian said. “Fifteen years ago, I was walking home from work when I found a big cardboard box on the sidewalk. I was drawn to it for some reason. And inside, I found a small creature, alive.”

“Creature?”

“It was... It was Rainbow Dash. A living, breathing, not-a-cartoon flesh and blood Rainbow Dash, a filly instead of an adult, but undeniably her. I couldn't leave her out in the cold. I took her home, took her in, raised her for fifteen years until one day Celestia showed up to take her home.”

“Aw Brian, you're cracked man, you've lost it!”

“No he hasn't.” Miri said firmly. “I've seen this for myself.”

“Okay so you're both nuts!” Thomas shouted, “Oh, this is just great! We're gonna be killed by the mafia because our old friend has lost his marbles and thinks an old cartoon show is real!”

“Give me a chance, please.” Brian argued. “I told you you'd see in a few minutes. Dashie's back, she's here now. She should be coming in to set us free.”

“Ooh, yeah, the hallucination will free us!” Thomas snarked.

Sara glared at her husband. “Be serious here! Sarcasm isn't gonna accomplish anything! I think I can get a hand free eventually, maybe that'll do the trick.”

“You're forgetting there's no other way out of here than past the mobster-filled diner.” Solomon said.

“We've got a way out.” Miri said.

Not finished snarking, Thomas asked, “Oh, let me guess! Rainbow Whatever will come and take us to magical-pony land!”

“In point of fact...”

“Dammit Brian! We need real answers not fantasies!”

Before Thomas could continue, a voice spoke from beyond the closed door. “Pops, you in there?”

“We're here Dashie!”

“Have you told them, well, you know...?”

“They don't believe me, but yeah I've told them.”

“Good, I'm comin' in!” Half a moment later, with an enormous crash, the locked door flew inward, bucked clean off of it's hinges. A pegasus flew in through the now open doorway.

Three pairs of eyes grew wide at the sight. “Son of a...” Solomon whispered. Thomas simply fainted, and Sara stared in shock.

Rainbow landed in Brian's lap. “You're okay? They didn't hurt you?”

“No, no they didn't.”

“Alright, let me get you all untied.” Dash jumped down, trotted behind Brian's chair, and started working on the ropes binding him. As she worked she said “Listen, once you're all loose you need to stay close to me. When I say 'now,' reach over and touch me, back, sides, wings, it doesn't matter but touch me. You won't be pulled through the gate to safety unless you're in contact with me.”

“Gate?” Sara asked.

“To Equestria.” Dash answered. She finished with the ropes binding her father and set to work on Sara's while Brian worked to free Miri.

“Is the gate open yet?” Brian asked.

Dash glanced down at the recall pendant again. Red light. “No. Keep strong, it's Twilight. She won't let us down.”

Solomon raised an eyebrow. “Twilight... ...Sparkle?”

“You know the show.” Dash grinned.

“Watch it with my daughters.”

“I don't.” Sara said. “And I'm not sure I wanna go to some other world.”

“It's horseshoes or cement shoes.” Brian said. “Take your pick.”

“Well when you put it like that...” Sara pulled her arms free as the ropes fell away. “Thanks.”

“No big.” Dash smiled. Meanwhile Brian was freeing Solomon and Miri Thomas, who was starting to come around.

“Sara? Babe? I had the weirdest dream...” He mumbled, as he shook his head then opened his eyes to the sight of Rainbow hovering in front of him.

“I had a weird dream too.” Dash said, “About these things called humans. Very strange.”

Thomas shouted as he tried to jump back but was still tied to the chair. Dash laughed. “Oh that was awesome! You shoulda seen the look on your face!”

From across the room came another voice. “Da horse-thing is right. The look on your face was wonderful... Just like the look on all of your faces now.” Don Calamari strode into the room. “We finished lunch early. Looks like it's a good thing we did, too...”

Comments

[Concordokken]

Is Comedy a primary element of this story? Is the intention of the story to make people laugh?
"Comedy stories are thick with jokes, or at least based on some very silly basic concept." ~FiMFiction Writing Guide

I'm just a little bit confused because the description doesn't seem to match up with the tag.

[Kieva Lynn]

4281063
Fair question about the comedy tag. I put it in primarily due to the Pinkie Pie scenes. I'm open to reader suggestions and if enough of you think I should remove the tag I will. I do ask, though, wait until chapter thirteen (Major Pinkie scene) to judge on this. Thanks!

[Concordokken]

4282862 Okay. Just trying to help a little in my own special way...