Endings Are Only the Beginning
Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 and The P Co
Harry stood in shock at it.
Ezio and Master Chief couldn’t believe it.
Wilson didn’t even want to believe it.
Link glared at it.
‘It’ was referring to an army of chaos constructs, large humanoid things made of whatever had been in the area when they were created (most of the material present was dirt, hence the mostly brown color), was destroying the town.
“Bloody hell, this is bad.” Harry complained, readying up his wand.
“This is bad.” John cocked and locked his Battle Rifle, ready to eliminate the enemy.
“This is bad.” Ezio looked at his poison blade, which was still broken from the teleportation cut.
“This is bad.” Link drew the Master Sword and the Hylian Shield, both of which would see plenty of use in the next several minutes.
“This is very not good.” Wilson looked at the Dark Sword, then at his wand, these armaments wouldn’t do much without a proper user, and the Dark Sword drove him crazy.
Ezio was immune to magic...
“Sir Ezio, take my Dark Sword, it’s magical insanity powers will not affect you.” Wilson presented the evil blade to the Assassin.
“Grazie, amico, take my crossbow, I hear the British are master archers.” Ezio took the sword and handed over his crossbow and quiver.
‘That’s racist.’
‘Is it though?’
‘Aw hell, PURPLE VOICE WHYYYYYY!?!’
‘Deadpool got de-capped, but his healing factor covers that, why are you worried?’
‘Are you going to end all of your lines with a question? Because that will get annoying and invoke really long voice-to-voice conversations.’
‘I might, is that a problem?’
‘This conversation is over, I miss purple already.’
“Get ahold of yourself, red voice, Deadpool will be fine.” Chief said as he took point and marched out the door, ducking low to get under the frame.
“Again with those voices, I’m not even that crazy, at worst I hear whispers.” The scientist/wizard said, flexing his wrist in preparation for some fast casting.
“Of all the people I get stuck with...” Harry said to himself, right before casting an offensive spell at a chaos construct.
“You could have gotten villains.” Link pointed out, looking for any nearby enemies or innocents.
“Maybe, but if that’s the case, I’d rather deal with sane villains than insane heroes.”
Just then, Deadpool flew across the street, going through a house, then another, then another.
“That hurt, and it was a pretty good headrush too, DO IT AGAIN!” The crazy merc shouted at the overly large and heavily armored warrior, who was made mostly of the town’s entire blacksmith shop.
“I hope you didn’t get any more brain damage.” Chief spoke in a deadpan manner, taking out his Brute Shot grenade launcher.
*FOOM FOOM FOOM FOOM* it fired a four-grenade burst.
*BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM* and all four went on target.
“RRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRWWWRRRR!!!” The huge monstrosity roared, showing its hungry furnace of a mouth.
“That thing is very angry.” Ezio said, slightly scared.
Link took out a bomb and threw it right into the beast’s mouth, which promptly exploded.
“I’ll take this thing, you all find and save as many ponies as you can.” The courageous swordsman commanded, thinking of his fellows and the civilians first and his own safety last.
Chief nodded, giving a thumbs up, “Take care, soldier.”
Leading the others away, the huge soldier blasted another construct to pieces with his DMR.
Harry looked back at the now alone swordsman, and mouthed a ‘Thank you’ to him.
Feeling bad about leaving Link with no other sort of help, Harry cast a small spell, so small that it wouldn’t trip him up while he ran.
‘Specialis Revelio!’
As soon as the tiny bolt of air distortion struck true, he ran off.
Entropic Firestarter
Mortosmither
Link entered a defensive stance as the fire-breathing beast let out a gout of smoke into the air.
Mortosmither proceeded to belch fire at Link, who rolled out of the way. He took out his bow, nocked a bomb-arrow, and fired at the beast’s mouth. Unfortunately it closed its mouth before the bomb arrow hit.
Luckily, the green-clad warrior knew a lot about puzzle-solving and monster killing, and decided that stunning it before firing off the bomb arrow would be a safe bet.
So he pulled out the only weapon he knew would work on the thick stone body of the forgery-made monster.
His Ball and Chain.
Taking it out, he began to swing it around, gaining momentum, and then swung it at the legs of the forged creature, forcing it onto its knees.
However, its mouth still wasn’t open, but its chest was in range, so without missing a beat, he brought the ball back, swung it around as much as he could without losing his balance, and delivered a blow that would shatter walls.
Unfortunately these ‘walls’ were infused with chaos magic, but that didn’t stop them from being compressed, really hard.
*COUGH-BLAAAAGH*
Mortosmither was forced to open its mouth to release pressure, breathing fire as it exhaled. Without missing a beat, Link threw a bomb into the monster’s mouth.
*BOOM*
*GRAAAAAOOOOWWWRRR*
Mortosmither’s large, bulbous head shattered.
At least, the stone parts.
Jagged splinters and shards of burning wood and coal clung to a cracked metal shell, the cracks releasing pressure and flames automatically.
“Well, a changing boss, this is new.” Link would, for once, have to change his tactics mid-fight.
*GRAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOW!!!*
Link was, in spite of his stature and frame, incredibly strong. With only his two arms, he picked up one of the shards of stone head and threw it at his enemy for a heavy hit, causing the huge beast to stumble.
*CRCK GAH* several cracks formed on the surface of the chest, enough for something big, but all Link had were his bombs, which wouldn’t do much without further weakening.
That’s when Mortosmither grew tired of the screaming and playing games.
*FWOOOOSH-SHIIIIIIIIIIING* A white-hot sword came out of its mouth, grabbed by its stubby, fat fingers.
Link scowled at the blade, and tilted his neck, gaining a few gratifying pops.
Putting the Master Sword in its scabbard, he smirked, knowing that with its fat, clunky hands, Mortosmither would lack any degree of dexterity, much less a degree comparable to his own.
At least, that’s what he thought.
The white-hot sword was white-hot for a reason, the handle cooled and fused with the stone hand, sealing any hope of disarming it.
Unless...
‘Of course, dis-arm!’ he thought, checking his quiver and bomb bag for another bomb-arrow.
Plenty of arrows, but no more bombs.
'No... I’ll have to improvise.'
“Yo, Linkara! Catch!”
Link looked up to see a green, studded-looking object fly towards him, and grabbed it.
Deadpool had been watching, ready to get a break after so much fighting.
“Pull the pin, and fire at will!” Wade yelled out, dive-bombing to the other side of the building he was on top of.
“Let’s hope those maceball lessons pay off.” Of course, some might call it ‘baseball’, if they weren’t from Hyrule.
*ping* He pulled the pin.
*grunt* He threw it high into the air.
*CLACK* He smacked it with the flat of the Master Sword with a Mortal Draw.
*BOOM* The sword-arm shoulder of Mortosmither cracked deeply, showing signs of breaking, with only a bit more force.
The chain of the Ball and Chain still wouldn’t reach that far, though, and it probably would recover quickly from another knockdown. But the cracks did seem wide enough for his clawshot to reach, and with his Iron Boots...
Link put on his heavy Iron Boots, took out his one clawshot, fired it at the arm, and it grabbed. The weight of the boots prevented him from being pulled to the beast.
But the chain had to pull something.
And that something was a large piece of stone, and without that one piece of stone, the rest fell apart.
“I see, the entirety of its stone shell is composed of dependant pieces, if one goes, the rest go with it.”
He had to be careful, his sensitive ears had been picking up the high-frequency roars as damage, and his arm felt numb from the strain of pulling that stone.
Mortosmither roared, and picked up the pieces of arm it had just lost. Link took advantage of its waste of time and rolled around to climb on the beast’s back, ignoring the heat coming from it, and proceeded to stab it repeatedly at the weak point at the neck.
Unfortunately for Link, Mortosmither, being a golem of sorts, didn’t have range limits for his joints, and turned his head, legs, and arms around, slashing Link off with its now yellow-hot blade.
Link fell down; burned, beaten, and defenseless as his shield and sword landed a few feet away.
“You can do it, Link, I believe in you.” A faint, barely noticeable voice assured him, as though cheering him on.
With a somewhat replenished feeling of hope, he stood up again, patting out the flames and picking up the Master Sword again, rearing it back for a Great Spin.
*shrrroooo-SHING* went the shining energy of his Great Spin, even though he wasn’t at full health. He couldn’t do much else from this position, so a Great Spin was good enough.
Surprisingly, the move still worked at full power, despite what the Hero’s Shade told him.
*VWOOSH* A red wave of force went out from him, hitting Mortosmither hard and cracking its leg stones.
The boss-monster raised its sword and swung hard, but Link had his shield up fast.
Now, it was a battle of strength versus constitution.
“Roll a constitution saving throw, Link.” Deadpool instructed from a nearby rooftop, tossing a D20 down.
20.
“SWEET!... oh wait sorry that was Mortosmither’s strength attack, roll your own save, buddy.” Deadpool realized.
Link spared a moment to tap the little piece of plastic with his sword.
1.
“THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T TRUST THE DICE MAN!” Deadpool teleported away.
Link deadpanned and forced himself to push the blade away from himself, feeling his spine crack slightly from the strain.
‘Help him you moron!’
‘Rule one of a boss battle, only NPCs can help, and even then, it’s just wisdom and not anything actually useful.’
“...Screw it...” Deadpool whistled and fired his guns at the ground next to the golem, forcing it to look at the merc.
Link took this opportunity to drink the rest of his bottle of blue potion, feeling relief and energy flood his senses for a few moments before balancing out again.
Deadpool noticed the size of the orange-hot sword, and somewhat regretted his decision.
“...Fuck me, fuck it…” He started laughing as loudly and uproariously as he could.
Mortosmither covered its sensitive sound-receivers (since it didn’t really have ‘ears’), being careful as to not stab itself in the head.
Link nodded and raced around behind it, clawshot-grabbing the cracked surface without his Iron Boots on and climbing onto its back.
With his (very luckily indestructible) sword swinging fast as he half-rode, half-climbed the massive monster, Link delivered a powerful downwards strike with the blunt pommel of the Master Sword, causing the half-cut back to crack along several feet of stone.
Mortosmither turned itself around and grabbed Link with one stubby hand, mostly holding onto him by one ankle.
“Hey Link! Catch this, and I hope you don’t miss!” Deadpool pulled out an RPG-7 and fired.
Link, having enough knowledge of guns from Master Chief, decided not to test his luck and hopped off, letting the rocket propelled grenade hit the beast as he landed hard.
Except there was no boom.
“IDIOTA! I told you to CATCH IT!” Deadpool pointed Mortosmither to Link, the former of which grabbed the latter again and raised its massive red-hot sword.
Link gulped and wished that he had some way to slow time or enhance his own reflexes.
*POM-VWIIIISH* The grenade propelled itself towards him, he winced as his ankles felt like they were being crushed.
“Don’t be a wuss, Link.” An unseen force guided his hand, grabbing the shaft of the rocket before it whizzed by.
With the vibrating explosive in his hand, Link looked at the sword coming towards him, and swung the rocket at the wrist.
*BOOOOM* a much bigger explosion than either the swordsman or the construct had anticipated.
The explosion hurt Link greatly, but the wrist fell apart. Mortosmither found itself missing the stone arm completely, as well as screaming in pain. Link took his Master Sword, hopped up, and dove down onto the beast’s head.
*SHINK*
“And that’s how the alternate Ganondorf dies.” Deadpool said to himself.
‘Wind Waker spoilers? Blasphemy!’
‘Oh God, that game’s been out for years now, it’s like that Sheik is Zelda thing, everyone knows it now.’
‘WHAAAAAT? But… but… how? Sheik is a dude! A dude!’
‘Yes, but Zelda had wrappings around her boobs. Few people noticed that.’
‘Oh, I see… wouldn’t that kinda hurt?’
‘We’ll remember to ask Lady Deadpool when we see her again.’
‘Oh well sure it’d hurt her, her knockers are HUUUGE!’
“Guys, I think we’re distracting the readers from the boss battle. Sides, that kiss we had with her, very awkward.” Deadpool informed, sitting on the edge of a collapsed roof, drinking a Coke and thinking about life.
Another construct tried to pull him in during its creation, but he held-fast to the stone wall, then burned the straw-and-wood beast with his flamethrower.
Back on the ground, Link grit his teeth and snarled at the massive monster, stone falling off of it in large chunks, one of which knocked him off his feet from the impact, another landing on him and threatening to crush his bones.
Fortunately, being classified as a Wood Elf meant that his bones were, at this age, as strong as the strongest stone, yet had the flexibility of some more flexible types of wood, and they held fast against the crushing pressure.
Mortosmither watched its finally-cooled sword get warped and smashed by his former body pieces.
*ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRRWWWWWWRRRRRAAOOOOOOOOW* An explosion of fire rattled the area, melting the stones and his sword together and sending a shockwave of deadly heat and flares of flames at Link right as he stood up again, and he sank to his knees from the pain.
The warrior of the forest, hero of time, and holder of many other titles laid on the ground, his face covered in cuts, bruises, and burns, his hat had fallen off, his tunic was torn up and blackened entirely.
“Do you need some help, Link?”
“*cough cough* Yes.” Link croaked, quite sure that even his vocal chords were charred.
A black hand rose from the ground, swiftly grabbing a nearly-boiling-hot bottle of red potion and pouring it into Link’s mouth, healing him a somewhat sufficient amount.
Turquoise energy flared up around him, lifting him to his feet.
“Wait… turquoise and black... Midna? Is that you?”
“I think it’s my turn to repay you for all of the… almost countless acts of kindness you did for me.” A shadowy form rose from the ground, right where his normal shadow would be, “I managed to find you from your shadow, I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been listening in on pretty much all of your conversations.”
“Not at all, but can you please help me right now?”
“Not a problem.”
Midna turned to Mortosmither, and raised a hand.
Turquoise energy flowed all around Link, repairing his blackened tunic (though not turning it green again) and covering it with bright turquoise runes. The magic had also changed his hat into a pointed hood that went over his head, but didn’t cover his eyes.
You got: The Twilight Tunic, this suit of armor, when worn, will allow Midna to interact with the physical world in Equestria, because even with the Twilight Crystal, she is greatly limited here. When wearing this, any dark or light magic will not affect you.
Deadpool just pouted, and tossed the controller to his game, that he was somehow playing, away.
“Okay, this lost me again.”
‘You weren’t even playing a game. You were watching this.’
“Oh yeah.”
Link drew the Master Sword and, with rejuvenated strength, continued the fight.
Mortosmither also got his own upgrade, or technically, a downgrade.
“It seems he has functioned a bit like a giant Dark Nut, now that his armor is gone, he will move more swiftly, but will have less usage of his strength and will use a smaller weapon.”
Indeed, the stone armor had been broken off and melted away, revealing a rippling surface of metal bands and wires.
“Cool, it’s like Destroyer, the metal monster that Thor had to fight in his movie.” Deadpool provided an accurate comparison.
Grabbing the only not-melted piece of stone armor left, Mortosmither used its metal hands to quickly shave it down into a stone rapier.
From the surprised look on its face, it didn’t expect to remove that much mass from its new weapon.
Link swung his sword around performed a Jump Strike, using the weight of the Master Sword to guide his motions and send him into the air, delivering a powerful, if mostly undamaging, attack to the rapier.
Mortosmither wasn’t expecting the attack, and spun around 180 degrees to compensate for its weapon spinning to the right...
...And when it was completely turned around, it did a backflip.
Link clenched up, bracing himself.
Midna simply dropped Link into a shadow, safe from the fatal stomp.
Link was telepathically informed of this new ability. He used a new move, one he’d just thought of, the Twilight Spire.
Link launched himself upwards out of the ground and stabbed Mortosmither in the hammer.
“Ooooooh, right in his metal-making dick, damn, I felt that dude.” Deadpool winced, feeling a massive sympathy pain.
“Link, who is that?” Midna asked Link.
“You should know, you’ve been listening to my conversations.”
“Yes, but until a minute ago, when you were close to the Twilight of the Afterlife, I was unable to see the physical world.”
“That’s Deadpool, he’s more mental than Zant, but he’s on my side.”
“Can we trust him?”
“John says he’s okay, and I trust John.”
“John?”
“The biggest, most electrical, least dark Dark Nut you’ll ever meet.”
“Hey, dipshits, watch the monster!” Deadpool yelled out.
Link looked up, only to see the stone rapier coming down towards him.
He raised his shield and braced for impact.
*CLANK* Stone met metal, and the rapier let off a small cloud of dust, temporarily blinding Link and knocking him back a few dozen feet.
Mortosmither did another body-turn and starting swinging his sword back and forth as he made large steps towards Link.
“I don’t think it realizes that a rapier is not a slashing weapon.”
“No, and I can use that.” Link swung out his Ball and Chain, timing the throw just right.
*CRACK-KLACK-rumble rumble clatter* The thin stone sword shattered into a million pieces, leaving the metal titan unarmed.
“HIT IT IN THE HEART!” Deadpool shouted, knowing the secret.
Link waited for it to deliver a punch, then backflipped out of the way as its fist got stuck in the ground.
With his foe temporarily immobilized, Link clawshot-grabbed onto its rippling chest, but was stopped by the heat.
Mortosmither pulled its fist free, and all three present heard a scream.
Link, Deadpool, and Mortosmither all looked to see a gray pegasus protecting a small purplish-gray unicorn, her wings looked broken by some unseen previous scuffle, and the unicorn had a broken leg from some unseen previous scuffle.
“A filly! Hold on girls, I’ll save you!!!” Deadpool hammily proclaimed as he jumped through the air, aiming for the space right in front of the two ponies.
Mortosmither swung his fist hard and knocked Deadpool halfway across town with a huge, heavy punch.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-” *DING*
Link knew that if he didn’t act fast, and ignore the flesh-boiling flames to get to the heart and kill this beast, then these two innocent ponies would surely die.
“I’m a hero, I can’t allow this to happen.” He assured himself, bending away the bands over the fiend’s chest.
A large, loudly beating, gold-looking heart was suspended among the flames, seemingly made from coins.
Link called upon all of his strength, and struck true.
“HAY-YIH!” He shouted, stabbing downwards with all his might.
Mortosmither felt its heart break, and with such a devastating injury, it couldn’t go on any further.
The coin-heart collapsed in on itself, revealing the coins to actually be made of pyrite, AKA fool’s gold.
Link twirled his sword once more, then sheathed it, and promptly hopped off the felled monster and ran towards the ponies that were injured.
He had only one red potion left, enough for two of the three of them.
Deciding to help the ponies and deal with his own pain later, he administered the potion to the two.
“Mmmm, thank you, mister two-leg thing.” the little unicorn thanked, smiling up at him.
The pegasus mare merely whimpered, still very, very afraid.
Link sighed, hissing at the pain in his hand.
“What the? YOU! YOU THERE!” a british-sounding voice shouted at him.
“What the...”
A light brown stallion with a dark brown mane and hourglass cutie mark galloped towards Link, a strange wand-like device held in his mouth.
*BZZH-WHEEEOOOH* it shined on Link for a few seconds.
“*ptoo* Alright, let’s see… YES! IT IS YOU! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO USURP MY JOB!” The angry earth pony reprimanded.
“I’m sorry, what are talking about?”
“Oh don’t play dumb with me, mister ‘Hero of Time’, because I’ll play back, and I’ll win, saving people with the pertaining of time stuff is MY JOB! I’m the Doctor, it’s what I do.” Doctor Whooves explained.
“Erm... who are you, exactly?” Link asked, confused out of his mind.
“I’m the Doctor.”
“Doctor what?”
“Exac-... that’s not what you’re supposed to say.”
“I apologize if I’ve offended you, I was trying to save these two.”
“Oh, well then, keep calm and carry on.” Doctor Whooves trotted away, satisfied with his small victory.
“Okay... that was... unusual...”
Link looked around for something to help him calm the grown pegasus, and found a teddy bear in a nearby building.
“Link? I saw the explosion and- is that a trauma teddy?” Harry stepped out from an ashy alleyway.
Link looked towards Harry, and looked at the teddy bear, and held it up, as if he wanted to know if that was what it was.
You got, the Teddy Bear: this soft little thing is SUPER ‘MURICAN, named after the most bear-like man they ever had, Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt.
In more Bri’ish uses, it is used to help calm and console children who have been exposed to traumatic events, such as mass murders, car crashes, or terrorist attacks.
Link was very confused at the rather archaic explanation compared to the other explanations he’s gotten. But then he wondered...
‘Deadpool.’
He looked at the whimpering mare, and handed it to her.
“Huh? *gasp*” Derpy looked at the comforting face of the little bear, gasped, and smiled, hugging it close for protection and giving a little giggle of approval.
Dinky looked at her mother, then sighed and rolled her eyes at the silly display, but still smiled at seeing her mother happy.
Harry just chuckled at the sight, and walked towards the swordsman.
“Well, I suppose that was interesting... What happened to your clothes?”
“I fought and destroyed Mortosmither, the Entropic Firestarter, and an old friend helped me.”
“And who’s this friend?”
“Hello there, I’m Midna.” Midna appeared from Link’s shadow, only a foot away from Harry’s face.
“GAH!” Harry held his hand over his chest, and looked towards the imp-like creature floating near him.
“Oh, you’re the posh guy, listen, before you make any accusations, I’m not a darkness creature, I’m a Twili, we’re half’n’half light and dark.”
Harry calmed down, and sighed.
“Alright, but please don’t scare me like that again, and please be careful about doing that near the hooded one.”
“*giggle* It was really funny though, and Link’s used to it.”
“I wonder whyyyy he’s used to it, and another thing: I wasn’t talking about Link.” Harry sarcastically responded.
He looked at Link’s new black garb, including the somewhat concealing hood that replaced his hat.
“Then who are you talking about?”
“That would be me, amica!” Ezio landed near the three, having already seen the final blow for himself.
“...I like his voice, it’s… saucy.”
Ezio smirked. It seemed no matter what, he could still charm any woman he met. “Then you’ll love to know that I have many other ‘saucy’ things as well.”
Link looked at Ezio, and wondered what he could mean with that.
Harry just gagged, having already lost his breath from the second scare of Ezio’s loud entrance.
Midna went “Raowr.” and purred, but the mood was immediately and completely ruined by Deadpool.
“Hey, we scaring people now?” Deadpool teleported in.
“Please don’t go through with that idea, and where are John and Wilson?” Harry said, looking around for them.
“Over here.” John spoke, walking in, carrying an insane Wilson over his shoulder.
Wilson was pulling at his arm, trying to remove his skin, “You need a bandage, John, here, let me get you one.” he said, his eyes twitching and his mouth twisted into a crazy slasher-smile.
“Oh geez, what happened to him?” Harry asked.
“A chaos construct absorbed him during its creation process, and I freed him. Unfortunately, it was too late, I’ve been telling him that I’m not injured for the past ten minutes, and still he wishes to give me the literal skin off his back to help me.” Chief set Wilson down, holding his wrists together so that he wouldn’t hurt himself.
“Wow... that’s sad.” Midna said, with a look of concern.
“Link, you’ve got a rather dapper suit, I have just the thing to… top that off for you.” Wilson tried to pull out his own hair to make a tophat.
“Okay Willy, read the comic book.” Deadpool said as he handed the crazy, bearded man his comic book.
Wilson read the words, and found himself laughing his insanity away within a few panels.
“You are the meat indeed.” Wilson laughed as he read Wade’s adventure in trying to stop Bullseye from killing him.
“So, am I the only one who’s not glowing, or is everyone doing that?” Deadpool noticed the not-yet-revealed narration line.
Everyone already noticed, and indeed, Harry’s body glowed slightly with a cream-yellow light.
John had a bright green glow surrounding him.
Wilson had a pink glow.
Link had a golden glow.
Ezio had a dark red glow.
And Deadpool still had his bright-red glow.
“What the...” Link said to himself as he examined his arms.
Link looked in his inventory and found that the Hero’s Clothes sat unscathed in their slot, as well as the Twilight Armor, the Magic Armor, and the Zora’s Suit still in their own slots, with two more slots for other armors empty.
Changing back to green, Link saw that the glow persisted.
“What is this sorcery?” Harry asked himself.
“I don’t know, I laughed my head off when fighting an army, and I got it.” Deadpool explained.
“I tried to help John not get sucked into the chaos construct, if that’s worth noting.” Wilson said as he adjusted his vest.
“I helped Wilson escape the construct itself, and I helped assure him that both he and I was fine.” Chief said to the others.
“I gave two injured ponies some potions and a Teddy Bear to comfort them.” Link informed.
“I’ve been casting light magic as much as I can, but this bloody dark chaos magic is everywhere.” Harry said as he flicked his wand at another patch of blue and purple tiles.
“I’ve aided in helping the mares from the seamstress workshop escape, one of them was indeed carrying a rock that she called ‘Tom’.” Ezio said, somewhat not believing Sweetie Belle’s explanation until he saw it for himself.
“*gasp* RARITY! I like Rarity, her voice is nice.” Deadpool said, chuckling at the memories.
“How do you know that?” Ezio asked.
“I went over the last chapter, you should’ve read it.”
“Chapter? Are you implying that life is like a book? I would agree on that sentiment for the most part, amico.” Ezio replied.
“Actually, it’s more like fan fiction.” Deadpool explained, not really explaining anything at all.
Ezio raised a finger to reply, but decided against it, as he might end up like Wilson was a minute ago if he persisted.
“I will say that these glows must mean something, and we still have a mission to do, men.” Chief reminded, taking point and leading the group to the center of town.
“Maybe we could just ask the princess? Twilight! Are you listening?” Spike asked his sister figure, having spent the past half-hour looking for the Elements of Harmony.
“I know Spike, but I’m still trying to find the Elements of Harmony, now check the H section.” Twilight replied to her brother figure.
“If you want, I could just burn Discord alive, see how that works.” the little dragon suggested, making a tiny wisp of flame that just barely poked out of his mouth.
“Spike, Discord wouldn’t even let you near him, much less close enough for you to roast him alive like a marshmallow.” Twilight explained.
Spike sighed, and looked at Twilight.
“Well, don’t you think that those strange creature things could whup that Discord up?”
“Maybe… while they all seemed to be capable fighters, Discord isn’t something that somepony can just fight, Spike, he needs to be taken down with his opposite, a reasonable and well-prepared attack.”
“Then how come it looks like those dudes are just waltzing right up to him?” Spike pointed out of the open door.
“WHAT!”
Twilight cast Mage Eyes, which allowed her to see much further than her physical eyes were able to.
Indeed, the six humans, with the giant metal one leading them, were heading straight towards Discord’s skull throne.
“They’re going to... Wait, why are they glowing? WHAT IS GOING ON ANYMORE!!!”
“Twilight… Twilight, I need you to do something for me, that Deadpool guy told me it’s a good way for mares like you to stop panicking.”
Twilight sighed, and looked at Spike.
“What?”
“Twilight, calm your tits.” Spike said flatly, not even blinking from the sheer ridiculousness of his statement.
Twilight facehooved, and decided that she would go ahead and kill Deadpool if he survived the fight with Discord.
Discord looked around at the beautiful, beautiful chaos the town had been enraptured in.
Then he grimaced when he saw the ugly harmony-enforcing glow of the Elements of Harmony.
Except the humans were here, not the ponies.
“Oh, oh, OOOOHHHHH, you think you can take me? You and what army? I ALREADY HAVE AN ARMY!” Discord shouted at them, amplifying his voice a few times over.
Harry sighed, and read from the book he’d taken from the library.
“There are six Elements of Harmony, Laughter.” Harry read, amplifying his own voice.
“That’s me, oh shit, THIS IS EXCITING! Even if it’s some major alt cont.” Deadpool yelled out, his glow getting brighter.
“Generosity.” The wizard continued.
Wilson nodded, noting that Ezio still had the Dark Sword.
“Loyalty.”
Ezio looked at his new friends, swearing that he’d stick by them.
“Kindness.”
“I… I only do what needs to be done.” Link said humbly.
“Honesty.”
“Okay hold on Harry, I’m going to let you finish, but Discord, I have something to say to you.” Chief stepped forward.
“What it is?” Discord said, visibly annoyed.
“We are the Liberty Legion, and we’re going to liberate your ass from your body.” He cracked his knuckles for emphasis.
“HA! Then the Liberty Legion will be but a footnote in the pages of history!” The draconequus countered.
“The Liberty Legion will not be a footnote, the Liberty Legion will write the book.” John responded.
“And what makes you say that?” Discord snarked.
“Discord, or as Wade might call you, Dicksword, let me level with you here; we’re better than you.” John gestured to himself and all five of his teammates, “Each of us, individually, are better than you. If we were to hit you all at once, you would explode.”
“Yeah, and we’re totally famous beyond the fourth wall.” Deadpool said, winking at you, the reader.
“As I was saying, and the sixth, Magic, which… wait a second what does Magic have to do with Harmony?”
“It’s the magic of the possibility of persistence? Maybe magic represents that even Harmony has some chaos in it?” Deadpool tried to philosophize, but being Deadpool, his actually quite insightful and intelligent philosophy was only seen as either a distraction, a fourth-wall break, or just him being crazy.
‘Oh geez, he really is crazy.’ Midna thought to herself.
“And with the six elements combined, they form a power beyond… what the bloody hell is this?” Harry turned to the next page to continue reading, only to find that the next page, and the hundreds of pages after that, had been cut into.
In that cut-out space was six golden objects, five necklaces and one tiara.
“Jewelry?” Ezio said to himself, examining the red lightning bolt gem necklace.
“Mine’s suppose to come in pink.” Deadpool said, holding his baby blue balloon necklace.
“Are these even ours? I don’t want to take something that doesn’t belong to me.” Wilson held up the dark purple diamond-shaped gem one.
“Is this some kind of joke?” Link said to himself, holding the pink butterfly necklace with a frown on his face.
“I hope so.” Chief said, holding the necklace with an orange gem shaped like an apple.
“I... I don’t even...” Harry said as he held up the tiara with a magenta star gem on top.
“BWAHAHAHHAAA!!! You don’t even know what those are? You are so pathetic.” Discord tried to suppress his laughter, and reached for a chocolate milk of glass.
“Shut up before I love and tolerate the shit out of you.” Deadpool threatened, putting on his necklace.
“OHHH... the big muscle-head with a face that even a mother couldn’t love is going to ‘love and tolerate’ me... OHHH!!!” Discord mocked Wade, booping his face.
“Code Mexican Hater.” Wade grabbed Discord by the eagle hand and violently ripped it from the wrist, spraying blood all over the face of his mask.
“Oh gosh! That was not love and tolerance at all!” Discord grew a new hand from the stump, and snapped his fingers, removing Wade’s hands instead.
Wade’s healing factor grew new hands from his stumps.
“STOP!!! STOOOOOOOP!!!”
The group turned towards the purple unicorn running towards them at this moment.
“I’m sorry Twilight, but we have to do this.” Chief said, wanting to finish this mission once and for all.
“But... hold on- that’s where the elements were? UGH, listen, you can’t use them...”
“Why not?” Ezio refused to believe this ‘no relics’ bullshit.
“Because only me and my friends can use them!” The lavender unicorn revealed.
“Well, if all we need to do is be friends, then I think we qualify.” John said, putting on his own necklace.
“It’s not that simple!”
“Actually, I think there’s a plot point in all of this, sooooo... LET ‘ER RIP BOYS!!!” Deadpool yelled out.
“I’m not quite sure what that means, but I’ll assume it’s an order for ‘fire when ready’ and go from there.” Link put on his necklace.
“It is quite dapper, and I adore the cut.” Wilson put on the lovely-looking necklace.
Chief sighed, not caring about the ridiculousness of the object around his neck, only caring that it would do the job.
“Hmm...” Ezio put his own necklace on, ready to do whatever it takes.
Harry looked at Twilight, who looked back at him with a look of despair and unsureness.
“If it’s only consolation, miss Twilight, at least let this be a judge of character.” Harry said as he put on the tiara.
The series of magical sounds filled the area, drowning out any other noise.
*VWEEEEESH*
*FOOOOOM*
*HOOWAAAAH*
*VWAHM*
*SHEEEEOOOORAORM*
*WHAAAAAAA*
The six humans lifted into the air, the Elements shining with holy light.
Each of the six physical forms shifted and reshaped, becoming somewhat slimmer, but more sizable, with Harry’s tiara becoming more magnificent and actually crown-like.
The gems changed shape as well.
For Deadpool, it was a pink DP symbol.
For Ezio, it was the shape of the Assassin’s Teardrop in dark red.
For John, it was the UNSC Shield Eagle symbol in green.
For Wilson, it was a shape of a stick resting inside an erlenmeyer flask in light red.
For Link, it was the shape of the Triforce, with the appropriate pieces in red, blue, and green, and the middle in black.
For Harry, it was the four-piece crest of Hogwarts, with a black H made of thin lightning bolts, denoting that it stood for ‘Harry’ rather than ‘Hogwarts’.
“Go ahead humans, blast me! DO IT AND FULFILL YOUR NEW DESTINY!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA HA HA!!!” Discord yelled, knowing that his plan was coming to fruition.
Harry raised his wand and aimed for Discord’s heart.
“STOP!!!” Celestia suddenly appeared in front of the six humans, ready to blast them before they blasted Discord.
“Why should I? This absolute blighter ripped away from us ALL THAT WE HAD! Friends, family, lives! It is completely justified that we should want to destroy him.” Harry pointed out matter-of-factly, his voice reverberating like a god’s would.
“Princess?” Twilight looked to her teacher with a desperate hope.
“Please, you cannot do this, if you do, then the elements will be lost from all of Equestria.”
“But we got ‘em, what’s the worst that’ll happen? Rasterization?”
“Yes indeed, if you become their new bearers, you’ll be forced to live here from then on, so that we may be protected from all threats to...”
“Oh, put a sock in it Tia.” Discord shoved a dirty sock into Celestia’s mouth, who promptly spat it out in disgust.
“I am ready to blast him now, especially since he assaulted royalty.” Harry aimed again.
Twilight reached out, knowing she couldn’t stop the casting.
“Harmonius du Entropus, Kedavras e Dominus Reposeses-” Before he could finish the spell with a flick and swish of his wand, Harry was knocked out by Ezio using a stun poison.
The Elements shut down, the light fading and the gems returning to their original shapes and colors.
However, all the built-up energy shot towards Discord, blasting him into a stumbling stance and sealing him in stone, eliciting a burst of particles and causing several objects to fall out.
“NO, DAMMIT, I WAS SO CLOSE, SO CLO-...” Discord was cut off when his mouth was covered by the stone imprisonment. It was over.
It was finally over.
Discord fell over backwards, face frozen in a look of anger and annoyance.
Wilson looked at the items strewn across the ground.
“Well, that’s a relief. But one thing… is that what I think it is?” He asked, looking at Link and pointing to the assortment of stuff.
“Indeed, boss loot!” Link informed, cheering so loudly that his voice was at normal speaking volume.
“I call first!” Ezio and Deadpool yelled out at the same time, charging towards the chest, pushing and shoving each other.
Link used the Master Sword to push the two neutral heroes to the sides, pointing to the loose objects on the ground.
“My loot comes in chests, you can have the loose stuff.” He noticed that his voice seemed a bit more audible than before.
“No fair, we helped too!” Deadpool whined.
Link undid the clasp on the chest and opened it, revealing two Heart Containers.
He picked them up and crushed them between his hands, absorbing the life energy.
You got: A Heart Container, with this, your life has increased by one.
You got: A Heart Container, with this, your life has increased by one.
“So, what was that?” Ezio asked.
“Heart Containers, they contain the power to protect one’s body and soul.” Link explained, looking to his Hearts.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥
“Well, alls well that ends well, no?” Wilson said, finally relieved that all of this business was finally done.
Harry walked over to the loose objects, rounding them up with some telekinesis and examining them.
“I thought that the Elements would be lost from us forever. Thank you, thank you all for doing the right thing.” Celestia said, bowing to the six humans.
“No thanks is needed, it’s all in a day’s work for us.” Chief said humbly, still seeing the act of defeating the God of Chaos himself as nothing more than part of his normal duty.
Ezio looked at the grouping of floating items, seeing a pair of bracers and some small boxes with Assassin Teardrops on them.
“Hidden blades, these are mine, amicos.” He put them on, testing them.
The bracers were highly slickened ‘ironwood’ armor bracers, wood reinforced with bars of steel (like rebar and concrete), the thick layer of oily varnish made it good for deflecting any sort of sharp or blunt melee weapon, the reinforced wood useful in deflecting most projectiles.
The boxes contained several different special hidden blades, and a chart to organize them with.
Four shells, Hook (for grappling), Hammer (for heavy armored targets), Axe (for light armored targets), Shortsword (a collapsible shortsword in the form of a three-tier Hidden Blade).
Four bases, Normal, Whip (a Hidden Blade on a chain), Detach (like the real Connor’s hunting Hidden Blade), and Launcher (like a gun with a stacking of hollow blades for ammo)
Four effects, Poison (can also be used to stun or knock out enemies), Fire (useful against light armor), Electric (useful against heavy armor), Slicer (can cut weapons into pieces and cause heavy wounds)
Wilson found some blueprints, and decided to read them right away.
“Oh, Project Thunder, Wunderwaffe DG-2, Galvaknuckles, these blueprints are just amazing, and they might be quite useful. HEHE.” Wilson chuckled to himself as he put on a little smile, not sure where this ‘Element 115’ that was needed even came from, or what it even was.
… And then he read the instructions on how to make the Wunderwaffe, “...This is in German, I can’t read this.” He said in a ‘this is bullshit’ tone.
“There looks to be a copy on the back.” Ezio pointed out, making a ‘turn’ motion.
“...And this diagram is written in Russian… goddammit.” Wade said as he looked at the Project Thunder weapon.
‘Can’t you speak Russian?’
“Speaking and reading are two different things.”
‘He has a point.’
“At least this one is in English.” Chief said, looking over the instructions on how to make the Galvaknuckles.
Wilson turned the blueprints over, frowning when he saw that the ‘copies’ were only lists of parts, the lists for Wunderwaffe and Project Thunder still written in German and Russian respectively.
“Element 115? I thought there were six elements.”
“The Elements of Harmony are not the only elements there are.” Celestia informed.
“Besides, the Elements of Harmony are different from chemical elements.” Twilight explained.
“I was referring to Light, Forest, Shadow, Water, Spirit, and Fire.”
“Really?” Celestia said with a raised eyebrow.
“They’re what Trireign is made of.”
“This looks to be some sort of technology, obviously for you Chief.” Harry handed a purple plate thing to the huge man.
John looked at his Energy Sword, then at the plate, which seemed to be shaped perfectly to fit to the handle, and made of the strange purple alloy the Covenant used so often.
“Something for my Energy Sword? Nice.” he activated his sword and fixed the small plate to the handle.
The twin blades faded from pale blue to a bright neon green, the same color as plasma pistol shots
“I wonder…” he clenched the handle of the Energy Sword tighter, right where the plate attached.
Theory confirmed, an bolt of green lightning arc between the two blades, then fired as a plasma shot when he released.
“I got... THIS!!!” Deadpool yelled out as he pulled out a highly trimmed-down and modified M134G Garwood Industries upgraded Minigun, having only three barrels instead of 6, a more angled shape, and being rechambered for the .50BMG with the note ‘why not?’ being attached to one of the barrels.
For added aesthetic effect, the first barrel’s muzzle had Stop reading this engraved on it.
The second muzzle read and run away.
The third read you dead fool.
Wade laughed at the engravings, acknowledging the stealthy pun of Deadpool and Dead Fool.
“Oh, a gatling gun?” Wilson remarked, familiar with the shape, but not the succession of technology.
“It says ‘Death Machine’, but whatevs.”
“Death Machine?” Twilight asked nervously, hoping she’d misheard.
“Death Machine.” Wade confirmed.
Twilight gulped, quite scared of these scary weapons now.
Wilson looked at the new sword he’d been given, a glowing handle with a glowing flowery hilt with a long, glowing blade that was straight as an arrow.
“Light Sword, makes as much sense as the Dark Sword, but this one restores sanity as it’s held instead of reducing it.”
“Light Sword? The Spirits of Light told me that Ganondorf was supposed to be executed with that very blade.”
“Well now I have it, and it gives me sanity; sweet, sweet sanity.”
Link looked at the little blue ocarina that was obviously meant for him, recognizing the olden instrument well, for he had heard the stories of how the previous Hero of Time had used this instrument on his adventures.
Harry dug around the pile of stuff, only to find something he never thought he’d hear from again.
It was the Elder Wand, completely intact and unscathed.
“I thought I got rid of this.” Harry said to himself.
“Got rid of what?” Ezio asked, fitting his new bracers so that they were comfortable.
“Uh... nothing much, just some junk so far.” Harry lied, putting the wand away.
“Well, whatever it is, it’s your business, I will not persist.” Ezio backed away to reinforce his statement and turned to the others.
He looked at Link, who had changed to the Twilight Armor, and noticed how much it looked like an assassin’s robes.
Even his skirt was longer.
“Sir Link, a word?” Ezio pointed to a nearby wall that they could talk behind.
Link looked at Ezio suspiciously, but decided that, since the smaller man qualified for something literally called ‘The Element of Harmony of Loyalty’, he was trustworthy enough to not try to kill him.
Stepping behind the wall, Ezio ducked slightly, looking at the others.
“So, you know that I am trustworthy and loyal, and I know that you are a brave and kind soul, but one thing is certain between us, we need to stick together the most.” Ezio made flourishing motions to make his argument seem more enticing.
It looked to work on Link, as the swordsman nodded, “While I trust the others, you’re right, Deadpool seems too volatile to work with for an extended period of time without caution. John seems alright, but his apparent lack of mental fortitude and mental tenacity, as well as the presence of a ‘voice in his head’ speak volumes of his character. Wilson is like Deadpool, but with a higher variety to his insanity and much less volatility in his reactions. Harry is… strange, to say the least, I have not met many mages in my time, nor Wizards.”
“Yes. Your armor, it’s quite similar to my robes, no?”
“I noticed, the hood is impeccably similar, the dark color is quite the same, the only difference is that my armor seems to have turquoise runes and white trim, and your robes have red and brown adornments.”
Ezio smirked, and thought about what this man might have to offer.
“I will take you under my wing, if you wish to learn to be swift like the wind with the bite of a deadly snake.”
“I... have to think about it. I do not know much about your... guild.”
“I understand your hesitance, and I can assure you, the Assassin Order is anything but evil, we seek to teach the world of perfection, in the hopes that it may take the lessons to heart. I also understand that such speed and dynamicness may be very hard for you to learn, judging from your quite static and power-focused fighting style.”
Link began to think about Ezio’s words. There were many valid points in his claims. He’d have to ask a few very important questions first.
“If I join, what would become of me? What would I have to do for any sort of ‘initiation’? Are there long-term personal benefits as well?“
“You would accept that forcing ideologies on others is evil. The only initiation is a small brand on the ring finger. As an Assassin, you will be charged with handling large amounts of money and property, if that suits your fancy?”
“Does the brand hurt?”
“Only a burning sensation for a minute, then a few hours of dull pain, and after that, you’re done.”
“Might you have any branding tools?” Link knew that the brand would hurt, he’d helped brand the goats back in Ordon, and their bleats of pain never left his ears.
The master assassin smiled, and drew the Fire effect blade, removing a smaller version of the Assassin sigil from the blade’s casing and attaching it to a wire, heating it red-hot and pressing it into the fair-colored flesh of Link’s left ring finger.
Link winced at the sudden sensation, grunting as his skin blackened.
When the metal had almost completely cooled, Ezio removed it, rubbing away a few flakes of dead skin and looking at the nearly perfect branding, poking it with the wire at a few key nerve points to make sure the skin wouldn’t try to heal, thus becoming permanently stained, however this effect was easily reversed.
Link looked at the little black mark, admiring the simplicity-to-meaning ratio of the small symbol.
“Now then, repeat after me, you will have to learn to live by this saying, ready?”
“Ready.”
“Where others blindly follow the truth, we know, Nothing is true.”
Link repeated the statement.
“Where others are limited by morality and law, we know, Everything is permitted.”
Link repeated the second line back.
“Alright, now say it on your own, three times.”
Link recited the creed three times, each time saying it with a bit more trust and confidence.
“Welcome to the Order.” The mentor greeted, giving the larger man a hug.
The newly dubbed member of the Order stood there awkwardly, then returned the hug.
Ezio gave Link two pats on the back, the broke the embrace.
“Glad to have you in, but there is one thing.”
“What?”
“You have only just begun your training, and until you have finished, you are not a full assassin. Do you understand?”
“Yes, just as I was once not a full warrior, but the Hero’s Shade taught me well.” Link always made sure to remember where he came from, no matter how far he went.
“And Ezio Auditore is going to teach you how to be an Assassin, step one, never talk about being an Assassin, got it?”
“Got it.”
“Step two, never, talk, about BEING AN ASSASSIN! Got it?”
“Any reason for repeating that, besides emphasis?”
“It’s doubly important that the secrets of the real reason behind the struggles of the world are not revealed to the public, the results would be catastrophic.”
Link nodded. If that was true, then his training with Ezio would have to be private, and secret.
“Now then, your first freerunning lessons, since there are plenty of broken buildings around, sitting there doing nothing but collecting dust, we will start with urban freerunning.” the master climbed up the wall, tossing the other clawshot back to Link, “And take this, I have a blade-based method, should I need it.” With that bit of advice out, the young master ran over to another building, jumping perfectly and landing with his hands on the edge and his feet pushing up.
Link followed suit, jumping harder than he usually did and grabbing the ledge with ease, hoisting himself up as Ezio had done.
“I would’ve thought that the secret Assassin training would be more… private?”
“Well, we usually have specially-made courses, but I don’t have any nearby bases, neither with or without training courses, so we’ll have to use what we have available, which to an Assassin, is a lot more than the average person would think of.”
“So you pound it into my head that we are to be secret, and then immediately go back on that sentiment.”
“Oh no, trust me, that sentiment is the most important sentiment there is, but right now, we don’t exactly have the time or resources to maintain it, and thus we’ll have to parkour in public. Trust me, to the others, and to citizens, we’re just drunk.”
Link sighed, “Drunk people don’t do these fancy acrobatics.” and he followed his new teacher all across the ruined remains of Ponyville.
“...So, like, what else is up?” Deadpool asked his new best buddy, Master Chief, all about how his view of the day went.
“Aside from the fact that we no longer have to stay here, not much else.” Chief said.
“Power Armor energy levels at 70%”
‘Will someone tell that bitch to shut up? Her voice is too… UGH!’
‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, who’re you, new guy? Wait… RED?’
‘I heard him too, it’s not me.
‘Well this is awkward.’
“Great, more voices.” Chief said, mildly annoyed.
‘You should know who I am, you just sealed me away.’
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, DISCORD?”
‘And the Spirit of Justice, AKA a more devious side to the Elements of Harmony.’
“Wait, then who’s the brown voice?” Deadpool asked.
‘Me? Why I’m none other than Ron Demons, AKA Randomness, the Spirit of Change, a more lighthearted side to Chaos.’
‘So, we now have two new mental roommates?’
‘I’ll go make some salsa for the welcome party!’
‘I’ve never been to a party.’
‘We’ll show you how it’s done!’
“And Chief can come when we go to sleep, ain’t that right, buddy?”
“I suppose during times of unconsciousness, my own mind would be among these… voices.”
“Then it’s settled!” Deadpool grabbed a brick and held it to his head.
“Nighty-Night!” He clonked himself hard, and was now out cold.
John looked at the unconscious man, and activated his Armor Lock (Emergency Mode), shutting down his body.
‘See, now we’re here!’
‘My greatest nightmare has come true.’
‘Oh hey, look, they’re here!’
‘Red voice, you look good, have you lost weight?’
‘Oh ho... well...’
‘I think I might have gained weight.’
'You were fat before, fatty.’
‘Don’t call him fat, or I’ll beat the shit out of you.’
‘Do I even have shit to have be beaten out of me?’
‘Don’t make me test that theory.’
‘Damn yellow voice, calm the hell down.’
‘Seriously, it’s not that big a deal, we were all just joking.’
‘Well my feelings are still hurt. *Sniff*’
‘Don’t cry, it’ll make it awkward if the voice in my head cries.’
‘Actually he’s in my head, red voice is in your head.’
‘Speaking of in Chief’s head. It seems Wilson wants to speak to you… BRRRRIIIING BRRRRIIIINNG!’
‘Alright, I just need to will myself awake.’
‘Don’t worry, I’LL GET IT!’
‘Wait what?’
‘Funny enough, I don’t think that’s ever happened to me, maybe not, I forget a lot.’
‘Well, first time for everything! And if it isn’t the first time… well… you’re long overdue for another one!’
Wilson put a hand to his chin in thought, both of his more beefy allies were out cold.
Suddenly, both of them shot up awake.
"Hey Willy, whatcha need?" Deadpool asked, sounding a bit different.
“Oh, Wade, I have come for a question, do either of you know your standpoint on this ‘Assassins and Templars and Wizards and First Civilization’ stuff?”
“To be frank, I don’t really know, or care, enough about that really.” John replied, sounding a bit off as well.
“Aww... Wade, what do you know?” Wilson asked, hoping for an answer.
“Uh… um… guys with super pimp skills, that’s what we are.”
“Okay?” Wilson replied, somewhat confused.
“Hey asshole, get out of my head!”
“What? Chief, was that you?” Wilson was hoping his sanity wasn’t going down again.
“Technically it’s my head now, John.”
“Oh my goodness, I need some sweets!” Wilson yelled out, running away.
“We have assumed direct control… error, error, say hello to the robots.” Blue-voice Deadpool said like a robot.
“Hello Robots.”
‘Don’t encourage him Wade.’
‘That wasn’t me, that was you, or well… red-voice you, you can tell because he has the double quotations, where as us voices have single quotations.’
‘These colors are confusingly the same.’
‘I have had no problem with discerning the voices’
‘I had a little problem, thanks to, well, similar colors, and particles in my nose. I wasn’t prepared to fall over backwards and hit my head.’
‘I sneezed and bashed my head on the floor, so now D-Pooly, you’re laying ass-up as a pony on the floor of the library.’
‘FOR DIGNITY!’
“Whoa, that was cool, but it kinda sucked ass.” Deadpool stood up as a pony, admiring his own ass.
Chief also noticed that he was a pony again as well.
“It seems that we change every time we sneeze.” John noticed the pattern.
“Coolio like a Corleone, buddy, I can handle dat.” Wade laughed as he galloped up to the loft, then jumped off, spreading the wings that he didn’t have.
“Wade, John, are you in here?” Twilight asked as she got out from the upstairs door.
*CRASH*
“I am, and I am not a pegasususususususus.” Wade groaned, rubbing his chin as it healed.
“To be honest, I’m kinda glad you’re hurt, considering that you taught Spike some really bad language.”
“Who’s Spike?” Chief asked, having not met that particular person yet.
“That purple dragon who lives here.” Deadpool said.
“Me, dude.” Spike said from the kitchen doorway, wearing an apron.
“Right, I see now, very small, very very small dragon.”
“I’m, like, half Twilight’s age, actually a bit more than half.”
“Yep, I told him the words that the mares need to hear when they need to calm down.” Wade said with a proud tone.
“You seriously didn’t use that 21st century phrase, it went out of style by the 2020s.”
“John, you need the words for when stallions need to calm down. John, calm your balls, dude.”
“I’ll also keep that in mind.” Spike said.
“I swear Spike, if I hear you saying that, I’m going to lecture you so hard.” Twilight, at this point, practically had steam coming out of her ears.
“He learns well though.” Wade said in a mock serious tone.
“If a bit erratically, like Deadpool’s entire mind.”
“I heard dragon, what’s going on here?” Harry asked, looking around the room and seeing Spike.
“Sup.” The little dragon greeted.
“Oh, a baby dragon, probably still too young to polymorph.”
“Your dragons are different.” Deadpool remarked.
“I’ve never heard of dragons polymorphing.” Twilight remarked.
“Well, that’s because they do it so well. That, and they can do it at will, so one second a dragon can be a swan, the next it can be a prince.”
“I see where the possible perversion of the power comes from.” John thought of all the things he would do if he could change his form at will.
“I… hmmm.” Spike grunted and clenched his eyes in focus.
Nothing.
“I told you, too young.” Harry repeated, “If you’ll excuse me, I have some things to think about.” The wizard walked away from the library, looking out at the ruined town.
“Oh come on!” Spike tried again.
“But just think about how awesome you’ll be, little buddy!” Deadpool cheered, rubbing Spike on the head.
“Umm, Spike, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Twilight noticed that Spike was concentrating on trying to polymorph again.
“Don’t give yourself a hernia, soldier.” Chief warned.
“Grrr...”
At that moment, the pressure was released, so to speak. Red faced, Spike ran back to kitchen, embarrassed.
“Well, it wasn’t a hernia, that’s for sure.” Chief remarked.
Twilight tried to keep her gag reflex from coming up, and turned towards the humans-turned-ponies.
“Get out.”
“Now Twi, I understand if you don’t exactly trust us all that too much, but-”
“Get… out… now, so far, all you’ve done is make Discord even more crazy and destructive than he probably should have been, fought with creatures made out of the town, broken buildings, terrorized the ponies. You nearly stole the Elements of Harmony! And now you’ve convinced Spike to try to polymorph, as well as teach him highly inappropriate words!”
“In my defence, the sandwich meat in that wasn’t exactly our fault.” Wade replied.
“I don’t care what sandwich meat is! Or what you’re even referring to when you say that.” Twilight snorted in anger.
“I’m not scared, Twilight, I’m going to say that right now.” Chief assured.
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!” Twilight screamed, firing a stunning blast of a long-range teleportation spell at the two.
*VWEEZHOOOM*
“Geez, what a hippo-crate.” Deadpool remarked, noting Twilight’s rather colorful reaction.
“I think you mean hypocrite.”
“I know what I meant!”
The two looked around to find themselves surrounded by trees again.
“Great, we’re back in the forest.”
“Hold up naow sonny, n’take a look-see at dem dere trees, dose’s apple trees, we’s at Sweet Apple Acres, I tell you hwat.” Deadpool observed in a fake southern drawl, pulling out a pair of revolvers.
‘That racist.’
“You’re racist!”
‘I beat the shit out of racists.’
‘I made racism.’
*PUNCH*
*cry of pain*
“Right, I’m going to look to see if there are any ponies here who need saving from any residual danger.”
“Alright, I’ll help.” The crazy merc plucked an apple from one of the trees, taking a big bite out of it.
It was only a matter of time now.
Applejack was sitting on the porch, minding her own business after finishing the repairing of the crop fields (Discord’s chaos magic didn’t reach out far enough to affect the farm without him directing it there, so the farm remained unaffected after the first wave)
Suddenly, she felt her apple senses tingling.
“Some varmint’s eatin’ mah apples.” she realized, and galloped towards where the signal came from.
John looked down the path and found an orange earth pony mare galloping towards him and Wade.
“HEY! STOP IT YOU!” Applejack commanded, making Deadpool freeze up in surprise.
“Excuse me, Miss…” John motioned for Applejack to introduce herself.
“Applejack.” The strong mare replied, deadpanning.
“Excuse me, Miss Applejack, what is the problem?”
“He’s stealin’ mah apples, me’n mah brother’n mah lil’ sister work hard on these here fields, an’ we ain’t gonna letcha just take tha apples witout askin’ or payin’, so explain yerself or pay up.” The orange farmer defended her honorable work.
“I see, are you finished?” Applejack nodded in response, her eyes twisted into a hard glare, “Okay, well then allow me to retort; We are from the government, we are not stealing your apples, we are simply commandeering them.”
Applejack’s hard glare softened and fell, “...Well I suppose that might be alright, y’all only took three anyway.” Applejack noticed the very small number of discarded cores.
*rustle rustle*
“Huh?” all three of them turned to the bush.
A small child, looking about elementary school age, emerged from the bushes.
He had long, swept-sideways blond hair, like a surfer, aviator glasses that looked just a little too big for him, a pair of black war-paint stripes on his cheeks, and was decked out in SWAT gear, despite his age making it obvious that he was very below the age limit.
“Holy shit, it’s Dovahkiin.” Deadpool ran up to Douchebag, took a selfie with him, then began the posting process.
King Dovahkiin, having started with no title, then earning the rank of a Sir, then a Commander, and now a King, looked at the black and red pony, then at the black and green pony, and felt like he was in a crossover between a boys’ show and a girls’ show.
He pulled out a status sheet and handed it to Deadpool.
“Mhm, mhm, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, alright, I see your problem buddy, first of all, this is Beta-9, not Iota-2, and second, you have the 1009 z coordinate backwards, you should really be 9001 z, which is like 8000 z to the north from here.” Wade hoofed the paper back to the kid.
Dovahkiin thought back to how hectic his day had been, his parents had been abusing each other ever since they moved to Chicago. He’d gone to the police station to report it, but was immediately brought into the back and told that, as a part of SWAT, he’d need to go on missions too, then he was assigned a location to go to.
All because he had still been wearing his SWAT gear from the Stick of Truth game, and now here he was, not even 10 years old and putting his life on the line for his country.
Dovahkiin nodded, and Deadpool, with no reason other than a strange urge to, added the young boy as a Facebook friend.
Chief, for some other strange reason, opted to add the kid to Facebook, even if the site hadn’t used since the 22nd century.
Applejack suddenly felt like she needed to learn what the word ‘Facebook’ referred to, and thought to ask Twilight later.
Deadpool gave the miniature SWAT officer a pat on the head, then opened up an interdimensional portal and pushed him through it.
“Ah, kids, I love kids… I feel lighter… NOOOO! HE STOLE MY Blacker Glacker 1143!”
“What?”
“My semi-auto .45 ACP handgun, it’s just a more awesome looking version of a Colt M1911.”
“What! Why would a kid steal a gun, that’s dangerous!” Chief yelled out uncharacteristically.
“I know, it’s gonna kill him and send him to Mormon heaven!”
“*Sigh* Well we-... Mormon?”
“Yeah, he also threw this in my face.” Wade pulled up a red-stained capsule with a string attached.
“Don’t tell me… is that?”
“Yeah, geez, Scumbag Dovahkiin, throws a tampon in my face and steals one of my pistols.”
“I don’t want to know how he got that, or even why he even decided to have that.”
“He stole one of my pistols, and threw this in my face… what a douchebag.” Wade chuckled, throwing the tampon far away where it would never be found again.
“I thought you liked children?”
“Oh don’t get me wrong, I love the little tykes, its just that Dovahkiin there pulled a major dick move.”
“Dovahkiin? I thought that was a myth.”
“That’s his name, he’s one of the few humans capable of using magic, with his farts.”
“Well, we better tell Harry... wait, farts? Nevermind.”
“He can also cast fireball with a Roman Candle, Cone of Cold with a fire extinguisher, Lightning Bolt with a bucket of water and a car battery.”
“That’s enough Wade. I don’t want to know any more.” Chief said simply and bluntly.
“Oh man, but my favorite is Pyre Ball, with a nerf football...”
“Enough, Wade.”
“AND DYNAMITE! Okay I’m done, geez don’t rush me.”
“It’s not rushing if I don’t want to know.”
“I can’t argue with that logic.” The crazy merc smiled and turned back to Applejack.
“Good, I wonder what the wizard and the scientist are doing.”
“Did Twilight go an’ clone herself in personality halves agin?” Applejack remembered how badly that experiment had gone.
“Nah, but she blow up and send us here.” Wade almost make sense sometime.
“What?”
“He taught Spike bad language. And I’m surprised he managed that, considering that he barely has a proper grasp of the English language anyways.”
“Equish.” Applejack corrected.
“English.”
“Equish."
John caught on, “Right, different dimensions, we call it English where we’re from.”
“Alright, if ya say so. I gotta ask though, who are you two?”
“Deadpool, Badass!”
“John-117, Master Chief Petty Officer.”
“Yer a navy pony?” Applejack recognized the rank from a few study sessions in her schoolings.
“Space navy, but navy all the same.”
“Golly, yer definitely from a whole ‘nother world. How ‘bout we treat ya’ll to some piping hot Apple Family cookin’ fer helpin’ us wit Discord?”
“Well’a, I reckon dat sounds mighty nice an’ fine’a you, Miss Applejack.” Deadpool said with a fake southern drawl.
“That there’s just wrong.” Applejack said, annoyed at the imitation.
“DP, I know you may qualify for the Element of Laughter, but I’m going to use my qualification for the Element of Honesty and assure you, making fun of how people talk isn’t funny.”
“Wait, what?”
“It’s a plot point.” Pinkie said, popping out from a nearby tree.
“PINKIE! YOU’RE PINK!”
“Well duh, that’s why I’m PINKie Pie!”
“Well a few hours ago you were gray, and a bitch.”
“I know, it was funny, except the bitchy part. Also, sorry about the stabbing.” Pinkie said rubbing the back of her neck.
“It’s alright, I already forgot about it anyway.”
“If you forgot about it, how did you recall it?” Chief asked.
“She brought it up, the thought wasn’t Matrix surgeried out of my brain, it was just… repressed.”
“Y’all humans’re weird, even if’in ya’ll are ponies right now.”
*ACHOO ACHOO* and Deadpool and Chief were humans again.
“Nevermind. I gotta ask Twi ‘bout dat.”
“We change every time we sneeze, it’s as simple as that.”
“How’d that happen?” Pinkie asked, popping up from behind Chief's back and riding on his shoulders.
“Discord’s scary evil dark chaos magic barrier, we went through it and now we have this sneezy pony thingy.” Wade explained, actually explaining something for once.
“Oh, well ya gotta talk ta the princess ‘bout that, it ain’t good ta deal wit dark magic. Now if’in ya excuse me, Ah’s work ta do. See ya later Pinkie.”
“Bye AJ!”
“Well, Harry called it dark magic, but I know that it was just chaos magic, dark magic is King Sombra’s thing.”
“Who?” Both Elements of Honesty queried at the same time.
“Oh right, season 2.”
“Oh, you know that, we have to talk later.” Pinkie was face to face with Wade now.
“Okay.” Wade smiled under his mask
“Ah’ll juss tell granny we got some heroes comin’ fer supper.” Applejack trotted away, feeling almost completely weirded out by the two humans.
“Shouldn’t they have been the heroes? Er… heroines?” Chief asked, still not entirely sure about this metaphysical knowledge.
“Heroin is bad for you… oh wait heroines? Yeah, yeah they should have, but this story is about us homo sapiens getting our limelight.” Deadpool explained, somehow explaining something somewhat.
“Homo Ultrasapien, actually.”
“Wut?”
“I was genetically mutated, they called us Homo Ultrasapiens, because we were a much higher and greater version of normal humans.” Chief explained.
“Then I Homo Supersapien, because I’m super compared to the Average Joe, and there’s a reason I’m called a superhero and not an ultrahero.”
“I doubt some superhero would be politically incorrect, insane and trigger happy.”
“I’m technically an anti-hero superhero.”
Chief decided to just drop the subject. They had arrived at the farmhouse anyways and he didn’t want to bring the issue to the Apple family.
Deadpool was not so keen on that notion, “And Harry and Wilson are Arcahomo Sapiens, and Ezio’s a Prehomo Sapien, and Link is a Homo Sexian.”
“Homo Sexian doesn’t exist.”
“I’m calling him gay-looking, no guy wears one earring and isn’t gay.”
“That’s sexist.”
“Maybe, but for super Al-Gore cereals, Link’s a Trihomo Sapien.”
Chief simply opted not to push any further, Wade and the voices took enough of his sanity as is.
‘That wasn’t nice.’
“Quiet you.” Chief hushed the voices.
“Quiet who, child? Ain’t nopony was talkin’.” Granny Smith said, turning around from her cooking.
“Sorry, I talking to my associate here.” Technically true.
“Yeah, we have… whisper conversations sometimes.” Deadpool knew that Granny Smith was a bit hard of hearing, and wouldn’t question it.
“Alrighty then. My hearin’ ain’t what it use ta be, so if ya got somethin’ to say, speak louder.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Chief said.
“Naow then, onta a more importan’ thing, y’all’re some big stallions.”
“Why thank you.” Deadpool bowed and smiled.
“Yep, I bet ya’ll make some good ponies fer AJ.”
“GRANNY!” Applejack yelled out.
“I meant workers, child, a couple’a workers to help aroun’ the farm wit’ stuff like buckin’ the trees, carryin’ the crops, plowin’ the fields.”
“GRANNY!” Applejack covered her face with her hat.
“HA HA... innuendo.” Deadpool realized what they were talking about.
“Get yer minds outta the rain gutter, I was talking ‘bout tha other stuff we grow, like corn and wheat.”
Chief slapped Wade upside the head for his dirty thoughts.
*CRACK* and Wade’s neck broke from the force.
“Ow, that hurt.” Fortunately for Deadpool, and unfortunately for everyone else, he could still talk, and fixed his neck no problem.
“You needed that.” Chief assured Wade, not really assuring Wade at all.
“*GASP* You’re learning, and your education pains me.”
Applejack merely shook her head and turned away from the humans.
“These’re some weird humans right here.” Granny said, humming as she stirred.
“Do you have any sort of comparison?” Deadpool queried.
“From what Ah saw, there was the other green fellow, an’ the one wit the messy hair.”
“Oh, Link and Harry.”
“Messy hair fella’s name is Harry?”
“Yeah, Hairy Pothead, it’s funny.” *SLAP* *CRACK* “Ow!” *UN-CRACK*
“It’s Potter.” Chief corrected, deciding that he would have to discipline Wade as best he could, even if the only result was a slight slowing of his motor-mouth.
“Ain’t that hurtin’ him?” The green mare asked, noticing the repeated strikes.
“Trust me, he heals quickly.”
“The only pain is emotional.” Wade said sadly.
“That ain’t how ya raise a child, ya got ta make him know what’s right from wrong without hurtin’ ‘em.” Granny told them, unaware that Wade was really in his 30s.
“Oh, I know what’s right, but right isn’t always fun.”
“Well that ain’t… that ain’t a lie.” The old mare remembered many times in her youth when she’d broken the rules just because she wanted to have fun.
“Yep, we all gotta live it up at some point of our lives. I bet the Church here...”
“Church?”
“I’m nicknaming you ‘Church’.” Wade explained. “I bet the Church here has done some crazy shit back in the day for some reason.”
“Well, I know a lot about life.” Granny said, turning from her pot to look at the two.
“I once fought a group of fully grown marines, I was alone, and 14 years old.” John reminisced the fun memory, what a rush it had been.
“Eheehee, nice, a good fight is good for the soul.” The green mare flexed one of her wrinkly foreleg in a muscle-man pose.
“I know that feeling.” Wade put in his two cents.
“I’d like ta tell y’all what I’ve learned in my time.” Granny gave the stirring stick a flick
“And how much time is that?”
“A hunnerd an’ six years.”
“106 years? DAYUM!” Deadpool knew Granny Smith was old, but never thought her to be a centenarian.
“Alright, let’s hear it.” John was already hooked.
“Well… Learn from yer mistakes. Learn not ta cheat. Remember that there’re miracles all around ya. Be strong. Always tell the truth. Keep your eyes open... and sometimes... your mouth shut.” she smirked, watching to two nod in complete agreement.
Deadpool sensed something was up when Granny winked at him, and pulled out his electric guitar.
*bao-WAO-WAOOOOOOOOOO...WAOOOOO!*
The green mare’s gaze hardened, and she laughed “Hahahahahaha HEHE HAHAAAAA.” she laughed uproariously, her scratchy voice making her laughter sound a bit derogatory.
“Don't complain, an’ don’t bitch! Don't be afraid. Don' always do what you're told to do!” she looked at them hard, then put on a slightly crazier and much more lecturing expression.
“Hesitate, and ya LOSE! Be a bad boy! Heehehehehhhh.” she stopped to laugh again, a more lighthearted, carefree laugh, one that sounded robust and young.
“I like you all the more now.” Deadpool said, giving the old pony a thumbs up.
“Raise hell! Go all out! Live, FAST!” she paused, her expression softening into that of a wide-eyed storyteller.
“An’ never... EVER... forget... where y’all came from.” her voice went soft for the last line, as it was the most important piece of advice she’d ever taken to heart.
At this point, Deadpool had switched to playing a piano.
“Boys, ya learn a lot in a hunnerd years, a lot. One day, maybe y’all’ll give tha chilren of yer old-timer days some advice like I juss gave ta you.”
Chief nodded, feeling both reprimanded and encouraged at the same time, like a strange chilling sensation.
“Ooh, I’m getting chills too.” Wade shivered so intensely it could have been mistaken for a seizure.
‘The wavy lines represent chills!’
‘That’s going to be a formatting nightmare.”
‘I like nightmares.’
‘I make nightmares have nightmares.’
‘Watch out, we got a badass over here.’
“Oh, it’s ready.” Granny realized, giving the soup one last stir.
Slowly stepping over to the dinner bell, the Apple matriarch rung it.
“SOUPS ON, EVERYPONY!!!” She whooped, sounding more energetic than she had in several weeks.
The clip-clop of hooves told Chief and Wade that the other Apples were on their way.
“If you’ll excuse me, I have to go wash up.” Deadpool teleported to the bathroom.
“Does that human have some kinda magic thingy he can use ta teleport?” Granny asked, surprised by the sudden disappearance.
“No, it is technology, while I seem to have a mountain valley, he has a valley mountain… what I mean is that we have our own unique advanced technologies. In the UNSC, teleportation technology is very limited, but for him, he can do it at will, it seems.”
“Oh... well ya actually lost me at this... UN... Whatever it's called. Ya could’a just told me that it wasn’t magic.”
“Sorry, I just felt like explaining it.”
“Hellooo.” Big Macintosh greeted stoically.
“Hello civilian.” Chief replied, just as stoic.
“Nice to meet youuuuu.” it immediately became obvious to the soldier that this pony had a minor speech impediment, as he tended to draw out the last word of all of his sentences.
Deadpool heard it and came out of the washroom.
“Hey bud, you might wanna get your larynx checked, just saying.”
Chief slapped Wade again.
*PAP* *CRACK* “OW!” *CRICK*
“Now big green fella, that just don’t seem very riiiiggght.”
“Yeah, but neither is just blatantly pointing out something that shouldn...”
“It had to be pointed out, it’s really hard to notice.”
“Quiet Wade.”
‘This is getting hostile.’
‘Fall back, retreat all advances towards the breakdown of communications and move to the safety ridge.’
‘Geeze Justice dude, you’re a real stickler.’
‘I was made this way. Don’t judge me, you racist bastard.’
‘I was made blue.’
“Oh lord, now I hear them.” Cortana complained.
“What was thaaaat?”
“Cort-”
“I am Cortana_2.0.aiu, Artificial Intelligence Unit, I was assigned to Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 after the original Cortan-” *BLIP*
John set the AI chip on the table, removed his helmet, and scowled at the secondary AI.
“Well... that was awkward... WHO WANTS CHOW?!” Deadpool sat down the rather low seat.
Chief raised his hand as he picked up the chip and glared at it closely, whispering to it.
“Never speak of her, you fake little bitch.” He muttered, so quiet that nobody else could hear him.
‘Except us.’
‘DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!’
‘Chief, it seems that you have issues, care to explain?’
‘Testing, testing, 1 2 3, can you hear me?’ Chief tested his abilities with thought-speak.
‘Loud an’ clear bruh.’
‘My original AI unit, Cortana_1.0.aiu, was my best friend. She was almost more than that, because she wasn’t only an AI unit. She was… lost… after some… bad stuff happened, it was terrible, and Cortana 2.0 is only a sad reminder that I’ve lost one of the few things I truly care about.’
‘THE FEELS!’
‘Don’t cry Wade, it’ll be awkward if you do, especially for no reason.’
*sob* Wade shed a single tear, which fell into his drink before anypony noticed.
*slurp* “Hmm, this cider is a bit bitter.” Wade noted as he drank the slightly tainted cider.
“Bitter? Did anyone switch his drink with hard cider?” John was concerned immediately, a drunk Deadpool would be disastrous.
“We ain’t got anymore cider left over, but it’ll be cider season in a few months, that’s apple juice.” Applejack informed, thinking with a hoof on her chin.
“I suppose it’s just me and my taste buds.” Wade said, hoping to throw off the ponies from slowly figuring out that he’d cried into his drink.
Because Deadpool doesn’t cry.
But Wade does.
Harry looked around the basement/laboratory of the library.
He’d slept in worse conditions, like under a set of stairs, so this wouldn’t be too bad.
“And this is where you’ll sleep.” Twilight said simply.
“And remind me why I couldn’t take the guest bed?”
“You’re too tall for it, but lucky for Wilson, he’s not.”
“So because I’m too bloody big, I have to sleep on the cold hard floor?”
“No, of course not, I’ll be able to get you some warm bedding, some throw pillows...”
“Oh, so not cold and hard… well I suppose I can keep myself busy, if you’d let me do some potion-work.”
“Potions?” Twilight said, right before nodding. “Just don’t use up any important ingredients without telling me, and don’t blow anything up.”
“Does that happen a lot?”
“No, not often, but I’m not a very... ‘stiff upper lip’ kind of pony, and my friends like to barge in.”
“Duly noted.”
“Yes, indeed.” Wilson said as he walked down, eating some taffy, in spite of the health penalties.
“You’re going to drive yourself to illness, if you keep that up without any real food.”
“I know, but my sanity was getting low, after I heard Chief spouting madness.”
“Hold your sword for a while, you said that it increases sanity.”
Wilson thought about that, but then remembered a little detail. “It does, but it’s heavy.”
“Well at least eat something healthy.” Twilight told the scientist.
“You’re a pony, so you must have carrots.”
“Erm, I suppose. Check the fridge.”
“Alright then.” Wilson said as he walked back up to the main room of the library.
“So… he’s an odd one, eh love?” Harry asked.
“Love? Are you coming on to me?”
“No, no, no sorry, it’s just a vocal tic.”
“Ah, okay.”
“I call my male companions chap and mate, and my female companions love and madam.”
“What are your friends like?” Twilight asked, reminded of the similarities of companions and friends.
“Well, there’s Ron, he’s lazy, but dependable, part of a really close-knit family, the Weasley’s.”
“Are these Weasley’s like the Apple Family.”
“I suppose, I remember seeing some rainbow pony sleeping on a cloud while the town was being destroyed.”
“Ah, Rainbow Dash. Was she grey too?”
“Yes, but I recognize a rainbow when I see it, no matter how desaturated. I was reminded of Ron when I saw… Rainbow Dash was it? When I saw her lazing about.”
Twilight nodded, and thought of something.
“Well, who do I remind you of, by that logic?”
“Hermione, she was the stick...ler...iest of anyone I’ve met, taking everything from school to Quidditch very seriously. She even took up the Sword of Slytherin and killed the giant snake with it.”
“Quidditch?” Twilight asked, genuinely intrigued.
“It’s a bit like American football, but with flight-broomsticks.”
“American? Flying broomsticks?” Twilight brought herself some parchment and quills.
“I’m from England, AKA Great Britain, AKA the United Kingdom, it’s a very old country. Across the Atlantic Ocean, several thousand miles, is the county of America, it’s about…” Harry tried to recall his geography lessons, a vital part of his Auror duties.
“Is this America large?” Twilight asked, taking notes.
“It’s about… 9,826,675 km2.”
Twilight widened her eyes, and wrote all of this down.
“That’s about ten times the size of Equestria. I would fully expect multiple countries lying in that ‘America’ place, right?”
“Much of Europe could fit in America, Europe is comprised of dozens of small countries, about the size of Equestria at biggest.”
“Europe...” Twilight said to herself as she wrote down this information.”
“Why aren’t you using a stain spell?” Harry asked, noticing the quill and ink.
“A what?”
“A stain spell, it would allow you to write with your mind.”
“Ah... well, with all the magic I could perform, I don’t think I could summon ink out of nowhere.” Twilight said sheepishly.
“It’s like a Color Spray, but with more cognitive control.”
“Hmm... Harry, I wonder, is Wizard magic different from unicorn magic?” Twilight inquired.
“Well, you seem to be limited by knowledge, where as I am limited by the power of my wand on top of knowledge.”
“One, you are asking one of Equestria’s most prestigious magic users, not to toot my own horn, and two, wands?”
Harry wanted to know her credentials, “Degrees?”
“I have a master’s degree in eighteen schools of learning, half of which are magic.”
“Then you should be able to simply summon up some color.”
Twilight found herself wondering the uses...
“There hasn’t been a spell to do that really... maybe I can look into it.”
“It would be like… I’m trying to think of a clear-pointed analogy… it would be like a typewriter, but you press the keys with thoughts.”
“OH! When you put it that way, that would be pre-graduate’s play.” Twilight finally got a clear picture, and decided to try it.
Immediately, the whole paper turned purple from recording her thoughts.
“Okay, dial it down some.” Harry was amazed at the speed and power of Twilight’s magic.
The unicorn slowed her breathing a bit, relaxing and clearing the paper, then she began recording some thoughts with ease.
“This… this would speed up so much, thank you Harry.”
“You’re welcome Twilight.”
“Yes, now I have to tell Princess Celestia about this wonderful new magic!” Twilight was about to trot off.
“Right… speaking of Princess Celestia… why is she a princess? Doesn’t that mean that her mother is the Queen?”
“...You know... from what I asked... it’s a sore subject for her...”
“I think I get the picture, I used the same words, ‘sore subject’, for my own issues.”
“Oh, um… if you don’t mind me asking, what does she mean by ‘sore subject’ then? She didn’t actually tell me anything besides ‘it’s a sore subject’, so I’ve been left wondering.”
“Well, from my experience, not that this says anything for her, but… my mother is dead.” Harry started breaking up a bit.
His family ties may have not been all that close, but the principle of it was too strong to ignore.
“Oh... I’m so sorry Harry...”
“It’s… it’s okay love, it happened a long time ago, I’ve recuperated from it. The scar is still there though.”
“Scar?”
“Emotional scar, I mean.”
“Oh, because I noticed that you… uh… had a scar, on your forehead.”
“Ah yes.” Harry brushed aside the hair blocking his lightning bolt shaped scar, revealing it.
“How’d you get that?”
“It was something that killed my parents... it was... nevermind... I... don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh… I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“No no... it’s fine... I knew it would get to this Twilight... just... get my beddings ready... I need some time alone.” Harry sighed.
“Alright, um… take care.” Twilight awkwardly trotted up the stairs and closed the door slowly.
Harry listened to the door click closed, then looked at the laboratory.
“Hmm, I wonder if those lessons from Snape paid off.” he needed something to distract his mind from the thoughts of the past for right now.
Meanwhile, Twilight went into the kitchen, to find Wilson enjoying a nice, freshly tossed salad.
“This is a nice change of pace from nuts and berries.” Wilson said to himself.
“Where were you? I mean… before.”
“Maxworld, a crazy place where this person, Maxwell, tossed me after... well... he tricked me. But he’s dead now, so all is good for me.”
“How’d he die?”
“Discord did it, turned him into a raven and choked him to death with poisonous gases, like a miner’s parrot.” Wilson said with a disturbing amount of glee.
Twilight cringed. “Oh… right, okay, well, I mean, he was bad right?”
“Oh yeah, I died about a million times before I finally got to him, his crazy animals and stuff kept getting the better of me.”
“Died? Many? Animals?” Twilight spoke rapidly in a panicked tone.
“Bunnymen did me in once when I carried meat. They don’t like meat, they really don’t.” Wilson put a hand to his beard, thinking, “Pigmen, on more than one occasion beat me to death for not giving them food. I remember some tallbirds pecked my skull open. I’ve been drowned, frozen, burned, shocked, cut, smashed, bruised, beaten… and don’t even get me started on Deerclops. I’ve died over a million times.”
“Then how are even alive, here, eating a salad?”
“Because of a lot of luck, a lot of touchstones, some meat effigies and a whole lot of these.” Wilson opened his vest to reveal an Amulet of Life Giving.
“It makes me more hungry, but the benefits outweigh the negatives.”
“It’s just a bit of gold and a ruby, Rarity could make dozens of these for a few bits and a favor from Spike.”
“Yes, but this is a magic gem, made by dark arts. Maxworld is a very dangerous place.”
“I see, dark magic is… well it’s actually more appropriately called sorcery, as specifically dark magic would be an elemental magic, much like fire magic and electric magic.”
“I do believe that Maxwell practiced sorcery, but I wouldn’t really know, I only really saw him be... Hmm... be...” Wilson thought of an appropriate response, “Be… a right bloody bugger.”
Twilight nodded, and began to think a bit.
“Were there others?”
“No, just me and Maxwell, I heard screams occasionally, and found some skeletons, but other than that, no. Now that I think more of Maxwell, the more I’m reminded of my cousin William, he was a magician back in the States, which basically just means ‘good with illusions and tricks’.”
“I know a pony like that.” Twilight said, reminded of Trixie.
“But then, I stopped hearing from him after he told me he got ahold of a book called ‘The Umbra Codex’, the name sounded dangerous.”
“Hmm, I can’t even imagine how bad Trixie might be if she got ahold of some dark relic.”
“Right, so you have beddings to go prepare, right?” Wilson reminded, giving her a boop on the nose with a carrot.
“OH! Oh yes, right, Harry’s probably stewing away on the cold, hard, wooden floor, I should get those now.” Twilight blushed sheepishly and backed out of the kitchen, Wilson giving her a bored glance as he ate.
He looked out the window and twirled his wand, thinking of how to make it more powerful.
“Hmm, madam Rarity must have loads of gems, if she could make these amulets by the dozens as a spiky favor...”
“Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout Rarity for?” Spike said, hopping onto one of the chairs with a large emerald in his hand.
“Name?”
“Spike.”
“Oh, that makes sense now, a favor from Spike and Rarity can make dozens of these amulets.”
“Whadda they do?” Spike asked in a bro tone.
“They revive me if I die.”
“Dude… that’s creepy.”
“It’s just magic, no different from using a gem’s innate elemental abilities to… enhance and focus…” Wilson’s words trailed off as he saw a mostly clear gem being lifted from the little pile, “Can I have that one, please?”
“What’s in it for me?”
“I need a shave, I’ll make you a fancy tophat, suit, and moustache for that diamond.”
“D’ya think that’ll make Rarity more attracted to me?”
“From what I’ve heard of madam Rarity, she won’t be able to resist a sharp dressed man like you will be.”
“Alright, sweet, here ya go bro.” Spike tossed over the diamond, watching the light of the lightbulb get scattered by its prismic octahedron shape.
Wilson caught it with limited success, as the sharp fractal edges sliced into his skin, but one ‘Episkey’ later and he was fine.
Using a gold nugget, the light of the bulb, and his own magical know-how, Wilson fixed the diamond to a new wand, this one more accurately whittled into a tapering tube, and from a large piece of a fancy desk he’d found in one of the many broken buildings across the town.
Gold capped and mahogany bodied, with a diamond focus, thin lines of gold running between the top and bottom, and a few gold rings near the top as an arcane catalyst, the wand was a mastercraft.
“Whoa, dude, that’s cool.” Spike flipped his opinion completely around, wondering how the small man was able to create that beautiful wand in only a small series of hand-waving motions.
“Indeed, it is cool. Hmm...” Wilson remembered a spell Harry muttered earlier, and decided to try it.
“Wingardium Leviosaah.” Wilson cast on a random mug on the counter.
Nothing.
“Wingardium Leviosaah.”
Still nothing.
“What are you...”
“WINGARDIUM LEVIOSAAH!!!” Wilson strained to cast.
His strain caused the spell to backfire, and the mug then turned into an explosive, shattering into a million pieces with a shocking force. Wilson found himself getting hurt by the explosion, and his salad ruined. Spike, being a dragon, was merely shocked at the sudden sound, and shrapnel. Twilight and Harry soon found themselves in the kitchen, where they saw an ash covered Wilson coughing up some smoke with hair blown back comically.
“What happened here!?” Twilight asked.
“I tried a spell, Wingardium Leviosaah.” Once again, nothing happened.
“Oh for… Wilson Percival Higgsbury... It’s LeviOsa, not LevioSAAH.” Harry chastised the beginner.
“Oh... sorry ol’ chaps. *cough* ...My salad’s gone missing.”
“Actually, it’s all over the floor.” Spike pointed out, trying to clear his ears of the ringing with his fingers.
“What were you casting the spell on?” Twilight asked.
“A mug. *cough cough*”
“Great, now I need to get a new coffee mug. Thank you Wilson.” Twilight said sarcastically, more than a bit miffed that one of her good mugs was broken into a million pieces
“I’m terrible sorry Miss Sparkle. Perhaps I could pay to repla-... oh wait, I have no money.” Wilson realized, having decided to simply toss his wallet aside back when it became increasingly apparent that Maxworld hadn’t any use for money.
“It shouldn’t be that expensive, only a few bits. I’ll still be having you replacing it as punishment for breaking it.”
“Seems fair, so… I’ll need some work… I haven’t had a job in two years, it might be nice to get back into the working world.” Wilson looked at himself in his reflection on Harry’s glasses.
“Something tells me there will be plenty of work with the town’s reparations.” The larger wizard observed, looking out into the night sky and moonlit town.
In the distance, something shifted.
“Hm?” Harry quickly cast a sight enhancing spell.
Right as he finished the wand motion, he saw his wand.
Or rather, the Elder Wand.
The words of magical will were filtered through the archaic, nigh godly level of magical power of the Elder Wand, casting the sight enhancement spell with the highest amount of power possible.
For a few seconds, Harry saw everything.
Everything.
Light spectrum, all other electromagnetic waves, thermographics, night vision, souls, the magical, the magicless, sounds, etc.
Everything.
“GAAAAHHHHHH!” Harry screamed in pain as his poor mind struggled to take all of it in, he shut and covered his eyes, but his eyelids did nothing to obscure his sight.
“Uh… um… DISPEL MAGIC!” Twilight cast the spell of anti-spell with as much power as she could.
Harry sighed in relief as the overwhelming flood of information slowed to a trickle, then stopped.
He opened his eyes and looked towards Twilight, “*huff* Thank you. *puff*” he managed, his breathing labored after that brief, yet horrible experience.
Twilight gave him a reassuring smile, “You would have done the same for me, I’m sure.” she said humbly.
The larger messy-haired wizard looked at the smaller messy-haired wizard, who was turned away and doing some arm motions.
“Wilson? What are you doing?” Harry asked, wiping his brow of stress-sweat.
“Oh, sorry chap, I tried my best, but your glasses had a crack in them, and I’m no glass specialist.” Wilson handed over the circular spectacles slowly.
Harry looked at them, the left lens had a strangely shaped crack in it.
Then he realized something...
He could see perfectly fine.
“Now that I look at them directly, you have eyes befitting of a mother.” Wilson said, scratching his chin.
“Yeah, you do.” Twilight agreed.
“From my experience with Twilight’s mom, yes.” Spike added, feeling comfort in Harry’s gaze.
However, the auror had been wearing glasses for so long that his eyes had sunken into his head slightly, making him look quite odd without them.
Slowly, however, the magic dissipated, and his eyesight faded back into a field of blurs. He sighed and put the spectacles back on, casting the Unbreakable charm on them to prevent further damage.
His glasses seemed to have been upgraded from the residual energy of the spell, prompting him for a wide array of optional types of sight.
He quickly turned to the window again to look out of it, and saw a humanoid shape in the distance, his Life Detection sight told him that it was, indeed, a human of some sort, and the Distance Calculator told him it was 102 meters away.
Harry turned around, made a ‘don’t worry’ gesture, and silently cast the teleportation spell with his wand out.
*whoosh*
“Well... I suppose that was to be expected.” Wilson thought out loud.
“Hel... c... ou h... me?”
“Hmm?”
“What’s wrong Wilson?” Twilight asked.
“I thought I heard something, weird.” Wilson merely ignored it, there wasn’t much to do.
There was cleaning, then sleeping to do.
Codename ‘Eye-scraper’ watched the group inside the library.
His gray hoodie and gray jeans hid his form well in low light.
“HQ, I have confirmation that all targets have received additional equipment, however, good news is, their leader doesn’t seem to be able to control his.” he said over the radio inside his bandana, which hid his mouth and nose while the peaked hood of his hoodie covered his eyes.
He lifted his hood slightly, revealing blue hair with black lowlights and his aviator-style glasses, which continued to hide his eyes from view.
His weapon was a CCC, coordinator’s custom craft, a plasma beam sniper rifle that he named the SBC Twister, due to the small swirling aura of the beam, it’s steel-gray frame was frosted over to prevent light reflections, a good thing for his usual sneaky style as a Master Marksman.
A hollow, spring-filled stock was fixed to it, as projecting beams of plasma required more force than one would think. No scope was attached to the top, rather a small, powerful camera was fixed to the bottom of the muzzle, a red dot sight attached to the top.
The muzzle was a replica of a dragon’s skull, the ray firing from its mouth and a pair of red dot sights set into its eyes.
“Alright agent, good work, I hope that having one of your own as a target won’t be a problem.”
“Trust me, it’s just another assassin, there are plenty.” The blue-haired man assured, watching the events taking place in the library kitchen.
Suddenly, target ‘Glass-eyes’ disappeared, and Eye-scraper began worrying.
“Uh, he just disappeared.”
“What? Who?”
“Glass-eyes, sir.”
“Then get out of there, he might have teleported.”
“He won’t see me, I’m the top non-assisted stealth operative you have.”
“Tell that to Agent 4, and by that, I mean ‘think about magic’, you fucktard.”
“She had a tech-cloak, sir, I don’t use any stealth enhancements and I still have less world relocations than her.”
“Then you’re even more likely to have been seen, evacuate NOW.”
“I don’t think...”
*whoosh* the sound of wind rushed behind him.
“AHA!!!” Harry pointed his wand at the slim, barely-visible man.
Eye-scraper sighed, and turned around, removing his glasses and revealing one of the multiple reasons why his codename was ‘Eye-scraper’
“Oh my...” Harry looked into Eye-scraper’s eyes.
Eye-scraper had luminescent golden eyes, the sight of which put 99.99% of people subject to them into a state of horror.
Harry began to see visions.
Screaming.
Suffering.
Voldemort.
Eye-scraper took this moment to punch the wizard away to get time to prepare his hidden blade, lashing out towards the shocked wizard and delivering a small strike to the shoulder.
“Boss, I might need backup if he screams.” The blue-haired man said through his radio.
“Like me?”
Eye-scraper looked to see Agent 4, arms crossed, clearly not amused.
“Oh...”
“I’m the more experienced one, rookie, so you better take after me if you want to live. One of them is an Assassin.”
“Rookie? You didn’t even toughen up to the idea of genetic engineering. Meanwhile I’m top of my sector.”
“I’m head of reconnaissance.” 4 shot back.
“Oh yeah, well...”
“I’m also one of the top assassins from my world. Not that many of those people were killers anyway.”
“Amico, stay still.” a voice said, seemingly coming from all directions.
Ezio jumped down from his perch on a nearby building and landed on Agent 4, pinning her.
“So, you’re the Assassin that killed my old partner. Heh, good riddance, never liked the Templars anway.”
“Sì, but if you persist, I will be forced to kill you as well.”
“Mai detto HO sostenuto dell'assassino.” Agent 4 took a taser and shocked Ezio, causing him to lose his grip. She kicked the Assassin off and rolled into a battle stance.
“Wait a second… Ezio Auditore?” Eye-scraper couldn’t believe it.
“You know of me?” Ezio asked.
Eye-scraper raised his hidden blade, which had a modern black-steel blade loaded into it.
“A fellow assassin?”
Eye-scraper raised his rifle and aimed at Agent 4, firing.
*PEEEWWWWWW* went the beam, firing right into...
Nothing… Agent 4 had bailed when Eye-scraper had began speaking to Ezio.
“Dammit, fuck, shit, ass, bitch, GAAAAAHHHH! I almost had her, I’m sorry Ezio, if I knew that you were the assassin in the target group, I would have turned to your side sooner. Onorare sempre il Mentore.” Eye-scraper bowed before the superior assassin and helped him up.
“It is okay, she cannot hide anymore. One thing, I have never seen a hidden blade like this before.” Ezio said, putting a hand onto the modern assassin.
“The design is of the normal blade base, but it uses modern materials, including even stronger metals, and a piston-operated sheathing system.” The young assassin demonstrated by flicking his wrist, the blade wasn’t out before Ezio blinked, but it was out after he blinked.
“Oh, such a marvel of machinery. Leonardo would be pleased.” Ezio replied, impressed.
“Da Vinci?”
“The one in Vinci, yes.”
“I heard the rumors that you were friends with him. I guess they were true.”
“Yes, he was close to me, very close. What is your name, brother?”
“Well, my codename is Eye-scraper, because I’m a Master Marksman, my eyes have a horror-inducing enchantment, and I was assigned to the -sadly failed- mission of September 11, 2001.”
“Ah, assassinations comes in many packages. I would not wish to look in your eyes though. What happened during...”
“It was a failed counter-terrorism mission, hundreds of people died, thousands more were wounded, several wars broke out, and economies fell. I was responsible for shooting down the plane, and a templar distracted me.”
“Dios Mio, such travesty.”
“Indeed...”
“What does ‘Master Marksman’ mean?”
“It means that, from about the distance of a kilometer, I can put nine out of ten rounds into a target about the size of the side of someone’s head.”
“Dios mio, questo è pazzo.”
The two were silent. Not much was happening, until...
“Who is this person Ezio?” Link asked, dropping down near the two and putting a hand on his sword, which he had at his waist when wearing the Twilight Armor
“This is Eye-scraper, he-” Ezio was cut off by the man in question motioning for himself to tell his own story.
Eye-scraper cut him off “Actually, my backstory is a bit cray-cray, so I was once a pony, a pegasus, then I was taken by The Organization and turned into a human, then came genetic modification and training, and I’ve been an assassin for a few years. By the way, I have limited draconic powers, and these.” He opened up a pair of dragon wings, which had been previously hidden on his back.
“Oh my... Dragons?”
“This is definitely new.” Ezio said.
“Yeah, the Organization is full of assholes, I never got told anything, so I guess I’m not a really successful double-agent mole for you.”
“This organization...”
“Very mixed really. Usually, they have one good thing about them, and that’s a very anti-bigoted view of life. Everything is fair game for them.”
“Everything is permitted...” Ezio recited, feeling a bit sick at this revelation.
“Yes, part of the creed, however they seemed to take from all sides of the story of time, Take by Force from the Templars, Know all and be aware of all from the Wizards, Rule is for those who earn it from the First Civilization, and Destroy all that crosses you, Grow all that helps you, Fight until death, and Die without fear, from the humans.”
“That’s a normal human creed?”
“It is unspoken, but with the knowledge of that statement in mind, one can look at human history and understand why it is part of their creed.”
“So, your name?” Link asked.
“My original name was Blue Comet, because my coat was white with a blue tint, and my mane was blue, and I produced a bright contrail when I flew really fast.”
“Ah, alright. This is my new protege, Link.” Ezio motioned towards Link.
“Um… this is… awkward.” Blue looked at Link with a mix of disbelief and nervousness.
“What do you mean?”
“Well... I wasn’t expecting... and… um… well, you see, the Organization, that mission I told you about, with 9-11, it was… it wasn’t really… how do I put this in a way that won’t freak you out?”
“I had regained my youth when Discord forced me to partake of the Fountain of Youth before sending me on a mission. I am just using my newfound youth to add a new member to our order.”
“Right, okay, that’s pretty weird, but… this pretty much blows that out of the water… the Organization, they have access to…”
“To what?” Harry asked.
“They have access to, well, you might not believe this, but…”
“But what?” Ezio egged on.
“They have access to... Earth Alpha.”
“WHHHAAAAAAATTT!!!?!?!?!” Deadpool shot up out of the ground and grabbed Blue by the shoulders.
“Who? What? Where?” Blue was freaking out.
“That is Deadpool, he is loco.” Ezio informed.
“Oh, Deadpool, yes...” Blue recognized him now.
“Did you just say… Earth Alpha?” Deadpool shook the man by his shoulders.
“U-u-u-uh, ye-e-e-e-es, and I-i-i-i didn’t think yo-o-o-ou might kno-o-o-oow that wor-r-r-rld.” Blue forced out through the shaking.
“They now know everything about us, this world, and pretty much everything else they want to know, and more.” Wade said simply.
“Why? Deadpool, what is going on?”
“Dudes, listen, Earth Alpha, is… it’s… it’s…”
“Bloody, don’t do this again.” Harry warned.
“It’s… the real world!”
‘DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN!’
‘PLOT TWIST!!!’
‘Now I believe that is a plot twist.’
‘Hey Chief, you're learning quickly. Also, I thought this world was very real, what makes this other world the real world?’
“Because, it’s the center of all creation, it’s where everything was made, all of us, we were made by the Alpha Humans.”
“Center of creation?” Harry inquired.
“Yeah, your world is literature, my world is comics, Ezio and Link’s world are video games, so’s Chief’s and Wilson’s… even Equestria was made from Earth Alpha, and it’s a cartoon show.”
“Wait, slow down... what are you blabbering about?” Link asked, with some concern.
“Guys, if this Organization has access to Earth Alpha, it could know everything about each and every one of us, except for one little detail that is a major break for us.”
“What?”
“They only have access to one viewpoint of us, that, and they can’t counter-knowledge… an OC!” Deadpool grabbed Blue by the shoulder and shook him a bit, “Like this guy.”
“OC?” Harry raised an eyebrow.
“Original character, it’s a maddening revelation to find out that your whole world is just a… production... from someone greater’s mind.” Blue explained, and the other three finally got it.
“Not really, most Alpha Humans call it ‘religion’, I call it cray-cray.” Deadpool chimed, giving Blue a hard pat on the back.
Meanwhile, in Codex of the Chaotic Heroes.
“What’s wrong David?” Trevor asked, not really caring.
“I don’t know, but I feel like I’ve become a major player in something 17 pay grades bigger than my minimum wage pay-grade.”
“Feh, screw minimum wage, I sell drugs and guns.”
“And I don’t even have a job where I’m from, also that gets you in prison where I’m from as well.” Lee said, coming up from behind.
“Not that it matters, police are so corrupt in my world, they literally let you go after you simply pay bail.”
“Geeze, no wonder you’re fucked up.” David cringed.
“I was fucked up long before I got locked up.” Trevor laughed.
Back in Hexed Lives.
“Well, regardless, we’re still in trouble. As long as they know all of us, we’re just going to get more enemies that can counter us, endlessly.” Blue said, slapping Wade’s arm off of him.
“Well, regardless of that, they can’t know all about us, even the games, comics, books, and even in Harry’s case, movies, don’t provide complete backstory information, or what we’ve experienced here.” Wade argued.
“But they can simply watch us here, amico.” Ezio pointed out.
“But… but… butt… ASS! ASSHOLES! Y U NO STAY OUTTA OUR BIDNESS?!” Wade shouted to the heavens.
“Thankfully, now that the other agent’s caught, they’ll have to bring in a new one, and from what I could tell, she was one of the better ones.” Blue pointed out, happy to not have to deal with Agent 4 again.
“Then what were you?”
“Top of the ‘un-assisted stealth ops’ list, each list actually has only four to seven people on it, but there are over a dozen lists, each specializing in various types of operations.”
“So, if they send one from your column...” Harry started.
“I was only spotted by you because I coughed, and that made me move, and that movement made me visible, and that was only because I hadn’t any water for several hours. Even then, it was a minimal movement that you barely caught, and only because you were paying attention.” Blue argued.
“And the others?”
“They don’t realize the importance of timing, location, and coloration, I could hide anywhere in town right now, and you wouldn’t find me, but all of them, they think black is the way to go, all the time, everywhere, it’s not really saying a lot when I’m called the ‘top un-assisted stealth ops’ agent.” The thin assassin revealed, frowning when he’d found that his group was basically five idiots and a draconian marksman.
“Right, okay, this is… a lot to take in, bloody hell.” Harry cradled his face in his left hand, blowing air as he thought.
“I agree. The fact that we may actually be watched...”
“By the way, we’ve just made a discovery.”
“What is it Blue?” Ezio asked.
“From what we learned from Discord, he is actually not able to murder a person with only magic. He has to use his claws, or use a form of magic to create monsters that can kill to do the job.” Blue knew better actually, he had picked up on games in his time on Earth Alpha, and knew that Discord just didn’t have the heart for brutality with his Chaos powers.
If he had the right motivation though...
“I see, so, if he’s contained, he’s harmless?” Wade wanted to make this clear to everyone, including the viewers.
“Yes, and he may be able to be turned to our side, since he is an avatar of one of the central powers of existence, Chaos.”
“And how do we do that then?” Harry inquired.
“It will take time, and perhaps more experienced ponies than I or you.”
“Fluttershy.” Wade simply interrupted Blue.
“Yes, the Element of Kindness, she may be able to snuff out his fire of hate with the gentle, non-burning mass of kindness.” Blue mused.
“How do you know of her? None of us really met her.” Ezio asked.
Wade pulled out his Pinkie Pie figurine, “Brony for life, dude.” he gave the little Pinkie a boop on the nose.
“That is unusual, and somewhat creepy.” Blue cringed.
“Don’t worry… ‘bout a thing… cause EVERY LITTLE THING’S, GONNA BE ALRIGHT!”
“GO HOME AND GO TO SLEEP!” a pony from a nearby building complained, her sleep interrupted by the screaming.
“Huh, I never noticed that it was night.” Harry looked up to the starry sky, having recalled it being hard to see.
“I suppose we should split up.”
“And I have to go into hiding, now that I’m caught. I’ll help you from the shadows, Mentore.”
“We fight in the shadows, the serve the light.” Ezio recited.
“Yes, and with this, I’ll light them up well.” Blue fired a beam of plasma into the air.
“Whoa, duuuuude, that’s the Special Beam Cannon, from Dragonball.”
“Yes, the SBC Twister, I made sure that the shots were specifically of that type of power.”
“We shall go now. Wade, get unstuck.” Harry said as he teleported away with magic.
Ezio and Link climbed up a nearby building, disappearing in seconds as they parkoured away.
Wade and Blue stood there, silent.
“Soooo, if you’re an OC, how come you’re not red and black?”
“You’re red and black, I was white and blue, which is technically the opposite.”
“...Cultured dick.”
“I suppose the human penis looks like a mushroom.”
‘Sir, that is most inappropriate.’
“Wait a second… what?” Blue looked around for the source of the new voice.
‘And he hears us. Bet he’ll have a field day with Chief.’
‘This guy doesn’t seem like the best to take up multiple head-voices, I like it.’
“What is this?”
“You can hear our head voices too? Now we need a fourth!”
“Yes, I feel, weight, with the yellow one.”
‘That may be because of your previous pony genetics, you are bound more towards harmony, I will instruct you in many ways.’
“Can I tune out your boring-ass instructions?” Deadpool asked, not wanting to do boring nerdy shit like learn.
‘Yes, I have found that you can tune out all but your bound voice.’
‘Yay! We’re roomies, forever.’
‘Don’t make it creepy, blue.’
‘Tune him out, I wanna test it.’
‘No, wait, do not-*click* (Disabled output to: Blue Comet)’
‘Oh... it works! *click* (Disabled output to: Blue Comet)’
‘Oh you dick, your first move is to tune us all ou-*click* (Disabled output to: Blue Comet)’
‘I am so glad you cannot disconnect me.’
“Why is that?”
‘I have much to teach you.’
“Oh, well I like to learn new things.”
‘*tear of joy* We will get along wel-*click* (Disabled output to: Wade Wilson).’
“Oh thank gaawwwwd that worked, I wonder why it called me by my name instead of my name.”
“You have two names?”
“Well, I have a legal name, and an alias, or seventy-two.”
“Dear Celestia, that is quite the book of identities.” Blue spread his dragon wings, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way, I have to hide, and remove my radio.” he pulled off his bandana, revealing a set of pearly white sharp teeth, and threw the bandana to the ground, crushing it under his foot and shooting it with his rifle for good measure.
“Later bro.” Wade teleported out of the night.
Blue gave a two-finger salute and flew off.
Even though Discord was defeated, a new ally gained, and a lot of information revealed, our heroes still have much to deal with, from holidays, to birthdays, to bad days, to good days. Liars, crooks, thieves, mysteries, murders, and more, maybe even a marriage.
Who am I kidding? We’re going by the episode list for season 2, of COURSE we have to include the finale.
All this, and more, NEXT TIME ON:
Dragonball Z
Hexed Lives.
‘Wade, stop typing on our story.’
‘Seriously, it’s not helping.’
‘You guys just don’t appreciate my genius.’
‘The genius that we gave you, in addition to your stupidity and ingenuity, on top of your insanity.’
‘By the way, I read your notes for future chapters, I have to say, that one song, I like it.’
‘I’m putting a lock on the filing cabinet and a broom to your brain.
‘What? No, NO, NOOOO, NUUUUUUUUU!!!'
‘Come to think of it, why are we doing all of season two, if we’re doing just 10 chapters?’
‘You cultured dicks.’
‘Shut the fuck up, the chapter’s over. Oh yeah, and as punishment for your ‘genius’, first, I shall beat you over the head for your insolence, then you shall have a pink voice.’
‘NOOO-*BASH*-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!’
‘I love happy endings.’
Chapter over.
Stats
Page generated in 0.018 seconds
Total duration
1,017 users online
2,132,098 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®