Hexed Lives

by Awesomedude17

The Gathering

Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 & The P Co

-Canterlot-

It was a normal day in Equestria, sunny, bright, and calm.

And also dreadfully boring.

Princess Celestia was half-listening to yet another boring meeting over some arbitrary topic. What was today’s argument again? Was it the price of fish? Maybe that fashion trade thing? She had no idea, she hadn’t paid attention since the line, “Today’s debate is over the following topics;”.

And neither had Luna, she was still quite far behind in the times, though she had caught up on modern music, and found a strange liking for dubtrot and hip-hop. All she knew was that this debate was something that only higher-up Canterlotians would care about.

Suddenly, Celestia felt a wave of pain shoot through her head, something just happened, she felt a disturbance in the force!

She glanced out the window, the sky shimmered and rippled with unnatural energies, then suddenly was perfectly fine, what just happened?

“I think it’s about time we adjourn this meeting for the day.” The white alicorn announced, silencing one of the nobles mid-sentence.

Without waiting for any further response, she teleported out of the room and to another part of the castle, it was time for an investigation!

-Random Universe XYZ-

Harry groaned as he woke up with the sun in his eyes, what time was it? He glanced at the alarm clock and gasped.

“Oh no, I’m late!” Harry got out of bed and prepared to go to work as an Auror, one of the highest authorities in the wizarding world. After several minutes of fumbling and confusion, he was ready to go to the precinct.

“Harry, are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah, just late for work. I have to leave now, goodbye.” Harry kissed his wife quickly and was now going out the door.

---

In spite of this lateness, Harry was not that horrible off, as he was the head of the Auror Department, and such, could get himself off slightly easy.

“Harry, where were you?”

Harry looked off to see Ronald Weasley, his close friend and brother in-law.

“Oh sorry Ron, I slept in.”

Ron sighed, and looked towards him.

“Alright, just get to work.”

“You’re not my boss, I am.”

“Same difference.”

“Let me just go to my office.” Harry suddenly felt a throbbing sensation near his scar.

“Harry, are you alright?”

“Yeah, just a migraine. I’ll take a healing potion, don’t worry.” Harry walked towards his office and sat down at his desk. That’s when he noticed a strange box on his desk, with a tag on it. He picked it up and read the tag.

‘This object has supernatural properties. Use it with respect.’

~Q

Harry didn’t know who this ‘Q’ person was, all he knew was that it was a gift. He opened the box and saw that it was a medallion-type object.

“What the bloody hell is this?” It didn’t seem to be magical, and was made of some kind of metal, maybe stainless steel, and it was engraved with a symbol, a circle of arrows pointing outwards. He didn’t know that symbol, he’d slept through some of his Runes classes back at Hogwarts.

He looked at the tag again, and saw extra writing on the back.

‘P.S. Use this with a teleportation spell.’

Harry would use it later, right now, there was work.

“Potter, we have a lead on Hobloker, he’s in Stuttgart.”

“Stuttgart, as in Germany? I’ll be there.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” Harry would use the teleport spell to go to Stuttgart and get this criminal. He then thought of the note. He’d humor this note and use the spell on the medallion.

With a swish and flick, and cast the spell on the medallion, and disappeared.

Meanwhile, a very young-looking man in dapper clothing walked up to the front of the building, and smiled.

“Well, I suppose that helped. Maybe there’s some guy in another world that would like to meet me.” The man chuckled as he walked off, right before snapping his yellow-gloved fingers and teleporting.

---

-Random Universe ABC-

Climbing out of his tent, Wilson watched the papery construct disappear in a puff of smoke.

“Great, bloody great, now I’ve to deal with another night awake,” He complained, scratching at his waist-length beard, he had misplaced his razor and decided not to worry about shaving for a while, that was three Summers ago.

Looking around the barren landscape, he saw some flowers in the far distance, maybe a day’s travel, he’d need to prepare the materials for a campfire, or at least a torch, if he wanted to not get mauled by that shadowy beast that hides in pitch-darkness.

Gathering some twigs from his sapling section, then a sheaf of grass for kindling, he set off, grabbing his Dark Sword and Nightmare Armor at the last second, in case any nightmare creatures decided to attack him along the way.

While running to the flower patch, he briefly thought of his time in this world, he was afraid, he was afraid of practically everything, even the seemingly harmless rabbits fed on his fear and turned into dangerous little monsters when his mind was too frazzled.

“That’s odd, those flowers, they aren’t normal… THAT’S ANOTHER PART!” He shouted, the last part to the machine! He would finally find Maxwell and kill him, finally end this madness, a flicker of hope ignited in his heart as he poured on the speed, reaching the flowers in a few minutes.

Indeed, the Metal Potato Thing was laying in the middle of a circle of evil flowers, the smell of the flowers made his mind fog over, filling his perception of reality with distortions of sound and color, his nose oozed a tiny trickle of blood.

Grabbing the Metal Potato Thing and running away, the addled scientist shook his head in an attempt to clear it, but to no avail.

“Oh sweet Jesus my head, I feel like my skull is splitting open, I need some taffy.” The short brit decided, hobbling to his home on unsteady legs.

---

Giving a wave to a pigman and receiving a judgmental snort in response, Wilson shoved another piece of taffy in his mouth, the sweet honey-tasting candy settling his nerves a great deal.

The Wooden Thing rested on the ground, placed so precisely and securely in its position that it seemed almost as if Maxwell had simply grown it out of the ground.

Placing the Metal Potato Thing into the center, the machine whirred to life, the pieces shifting and moving in positions that didn’t seem possible, but in Maxworld, were perfectly logical, at least in comparison to some of the other things he’d seen.

Finally, a small holographic screen appeared, reading:

Journey Onwards?
(Yes) (No)

Wilson pressed (Yes), causing the machine to hitch, then summon up a pair of shadowy hands from the ground, grabbing the wiry man and pulling him down into the shadows.

---

Wilson appeared in a dark, blank room, so dark and blank that he couldn’t tell where the walls ended or met each other, or if he was simply standing in an empty void.

A ridiculously upbeat song was playing.

Looking around, he found that the song was coming from a record in a gramophone, that made sense, he’d owned a gramophone a few years ago, but had turned it into a toaster.

A throne was sitting in the middle of the room, empty, odd… usually people sat in thrones…

Sounds of struggle broke through the gramophone's sounds, and then the struggle itself broke the actual gramophone, stopping the song on a dime.

Maxwell, he was there, and he appeared to be fighting some sort of… thing.

It had a goat head, two mismatched eyes, horns, and wings, a lion’s paw and an eagle claw, a deer’s hoof and a lizard’s leg, and a dragon-like tail.

“WILSON! HELP ME!” Maxwell shouted, trying to push the strange monster away and charge up some sort of magic.

“Oh do tell, please don’t, dear Wilson, my name i-” Discord was cut off by a punch to the face.

“DIE YOU WRETCHED BEAST! WILSON, SLASH HIM!” The tall, lanky Lord of Darkness’s commanding voice boomed throughout the room.

“Um… I… um…” Wilson was lost for words, what should he do? “Um… what can you offer me?” He asked hesitantly, nervous beyond consolation.

“I can bring you to a safe place, little Willy, you’ll be fine if you just KILL MAXWELL!” Discord offered, clawing at his opponent’s eyes.

“GAH! I’ll send you back home if you just KILL DISCORD!” Maxwell offered, stabbing Discord with his rose, which had turned into a dagger.

Wilson stood there, frozen in fear, he had a choice, both beings looked practically decimated, and only one swing of his sword would deliver the final blow to his target.

Maxwell, or Discord?

He was too slow, and the fight ended on its own, “Um, hello? Motherfucking God of Chaos here? I can do whatever I want…” Discord reached impossibly far forward and booped Maxwell on the nose, “...Whenever I want…” The tall Lord of Darkness shrank slowly, his bones audibly snapping into different shapes, “...However I want…” Maxwell was now a little black dove, “...Whyever I want…” Discord pulled out a hat, and then pulled a cage out of the hat, and then pulled a bottle of aerosol out of the cage, “And nobody can stop me, unless you have the right powers, which you don’t.” And with that, Discord sprayed Maxwell the Dove with aerosol, choking and killing the little black bird in a few seconds.

It was like some sort of sick parody of a miner’s parrot detecting gases.

“I… I… I’m so confused, and scared.” Wilson muttered, unable to raise his voice any louder than a whisper.

“Don’t be confused, be happy, or whatever, here, let me get you that reward.” The draconequus reached into his stomach and took out a piece of paper, flattening it out and handing it to Wilson.

Place DNA Here:

---> ( ) <---

Wilson looked back up at Discord, only to get a nose full of pepper, “Ahhh… AHHH. ACHOO!” He sneezed, covering the whole sheet in a disgusting greyish-green mix of mucus and pepper, causing it to catch fire and surround him with streaks of grey and brown light.

The energies swirled around him, going faster and faster, until finally, the only thing he could see was Discord’s devious smile.

And then he was gone.

---

-Random Universe LOZ-

Link was shocked beyond belief. He had just witnessed his close friend, Midna, literally crush Zant with her power, her hair.

“That was only a fraction of my power.” Midna said quietly, sounding a bit fearful of her own abilities.

While Midna stood there, shocked and staring at her hands, as if expecting them to turn on her and claw each other off, Link just sighed, and went to grab the heart container that layed by the throne.

“We need to go to Hyrule Castle, Zelda is in danger.” Midna told Link in a serious tone.

Link nodded, and walked towards the portal out of the throne room.

But before he stepped in completely, a being appeared right next to the two. Link drew his sword and shield and entered a battle stance.

“You know, you’re quite rude. Quite rude!”

“Who, what are you?” Midna demanded.

“Oh, where are my manners?” Discord snapped his fingers and swing music began to play in the background. The two of them looked around, trying to find the source of the music, only to find Discord with a top hat, a monocle, and a cane.

“♪Who am I? I am a creature of crazy.♪

“♪Who am I? I think your vision’s hazy!♪” Suddenly, Link and Midna’s visions blacked out.

“♪I’ll be blunt, I’ve got a card, you can’t trump~.♪”

“♪I just think, you’re plumb out of luck, my name’s Discord, ya chump!♪”

Their visions came back and suddenly they were in clothing that resembled clothing from the 1920’s. Discord, dressed in drag, began to grab Link by the arm and swing dance with him as a trumpet solo began. The swordsman was confused and did not know what was going on, but in the position he was in, couldn’t grab his sword or shield off his back. Discord spun the swordsman towards Midna, who caught him. Link shook his head and Discord went into another verse.

“♪Who am I? I just a guy who loves chaos.♪” Discord flicked his tail at Midna, who flinched in response.

“♪Who am I? I’m slippery like moss!♪” Link picked up his sword, which had fallen to the ground, and swung it at Discord, but the blade harmlessly slid over of the draconequus’ hide.

“♪Who am I? I’d ask, who are you?♪”

“♪Who am I? You couldn’t’ve knew?♪”

“♪I am Discord, not this dis chord, I am a master of chaos!♪”

Trumpets began to blare out as Discord grabbed the two of them, and danced with them. With a smirk, he then tossed aside Midna and twirled Link, right before shoving him into a random void.

“♪That was just your loss.♪” Discord teleported out of the room with a final blare from the music. All Midna could do was look at her surroundings, and herself, finding that she’d lost her dress when Discord left.

“Link?” she asked the empty room, the only response being a tiny echo.

---

-Random Universe NOP-

Ezio stood atop the deck of the small ship, looking out at the great blue sea, which was now alight with orange sparkles.

“It’s beautiful, Ezio.” Sofia said softly, not wanting this moment to end.

“Yes, just like you.” He whispered, he was a wily one, and charms did not fade like hair-color.

“EY! You’ll see it better through my telescope, come on, take a peek.” Leonardo suggested much louder than he should have, shoving the bronze-colored tube into Ezio’s hands.

“I… okay, fine Leo, only for you.” The gray-haired assassin gave up in frustration, putting his eye to the lens and peering out at the sparkling water.

“Right, right, by the way we’re out of roasted boar, and I think you have an injury.” The boisterous inventor laughed, watching Ezio remove the telescope from his eye, showing that a circle of ink had been marked around it.

Such an original prank could only come from the mind of Leonardo da Vinci, but Ezio was not amused.

“Leo, how about you go lie down, you’re getting old, friend, soon you’ll be sixty, and then it’s just a matter of time before you keel over.” The Master Assassin warned, gently pushing his old friend towards the lower decks.

“Better to die in your sleep than die by the blade, or was it the other way around? The blade is painful, but sleep is for the weak, what if there was a sword made of nightmares?” Over the years, Leo had been gradually losing his sanity, and today was not a good day to show his progress, as the Mentore del Assassino wanted to sit back and relax for a few days.

“Ezio, the water, did someone decide to dump the city’s chamber-pots in it?” Sofia pointed out to the water, where the sparkles had turned into a gross brown.

“Either that or the earth shook, because the water is gray.” Leo shouted to them from across the boat.

Ezio looked at the sky, clouds were swirling around, and through the haze he could see lightning building up, “Merda, GET BELOW THE DECKS, A STORM IS COMING!” He shouted, coughing at the exertion of his voice.

All crew members that weren’t storm veterans scrambled to get to relative safety, the Mentore del Assassino worked on turning the boat towards the shortest path to the barely-visible coastal city.

Working quickly, his wrinkly hands dexterously moving ropes through the right motions, he prepared for the worst.

Horrifying red lightning struck down from the sky, sending shockwaves throughout the sea.

Ezio was terrified, he could only mutter, “I am sorry, God.” Before the storm consumed him.

---

Feeling sand on his face, the old man opened his eyes to find that he’d washed ashore on a tiny island, a lone stone structure standing in the middle of it.

Getting to his feet and checking his blades, weapons, and clothes, all of which were intact, he walked to the structure.

It looked very out of place, a large fountain of crystal-clear water with knee-high walls, a statue of what looked like mix-match-animal-monster singing like an opera woman was perched on top of the middle spire, it’s open mouth spilling water into the pool below.

“What is this?” He asked himself, looking around the walls and statue, using his Eagle Vision to get a more detailed look.

A plaque read, The Fountain of Youth, yo, the letters faint due to the wear and tear of time.

“I… I can’t believe it, it’s real?” He’d heard of the Fountain of Youth, but to see it was quite a marvel.

Stepping closer, he looked at the statue again, then down at the water.

Suddenly, the statue shifted, and the stone coating shattered, releasing the draconequus sealed inside. Discord reached down, grabbed Ezio by the head, and shoved his face into the water.

“BE CLEANSED YOU VILE SOUL! WASH AWAY YOUR…” The crazy god shouted, right before losing his train of thought, and expressed a look of confusion and annoyance. “...tacos, or whatever.” He made up on the fly, right before reaching his lower body around and farting directly up Ezio’s nose, then dunking the old man’s head again.

Trying his best not to drown and/or throw up, the master assassin fought the assault hard enough to bring his arm up and stabbed the crazy monster in the wrist, causing the hand to go limp.

“AHHH! SHIT! OW! OH DEAR SUN, WHY! YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!” Using his one good hand, Discord pimp-slapped Ezio across the face, sending him reeling into a fall.

Lying face up, his lip-scar tearing open and bleeding, he saw Discord kneel over him.

“Um… wait let’s see,” The insane god reached between his wings and pulled out a book titled English to Italian Dictionary, opening it and reading upside down, “Ah, that’s where I left it,” He pulled out a pressed rose, smelling it, “Alright, back to biznatch.” He snap-swung the rose, turning it into a deck of cards.

Ezio stared silently, contemplating if this was all an elaborate joke by The Ones who Came Before or not.

“Isssss~ THIS your card?” Discord asked, pulling out a modern-day business card.

Assassin’s Order
We kill people so you don’t have to

Need a murder? Call 1-800-KILL-TEMPLARS

“I… guess?” Ezio said hesitantly.

Discord snapped the card into a comic book, then into a video game case labeled ‘Assassin’s Creed: Revelations’, then finally into a shiny white glove.

“Well well well then, my little assassin, I’d have to say that this… was a thriller!” Suddenly Ezio was lifted up onto a beach chair and forced to watch Discord’s re-enactment of Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’, complete with zombie ponies and a black wig on Discord’s head to mark him as Michael Jackson, before his goat-like head turned stark white.

When the song ended, Ezio was dropped hard onto his back, forced to look up.

“We need a serious evil moment, so…” The draconequus cleared his throat.

He lifted Ezio up by the neck, then threw him into the air.

“Requiescat in Equestria.” Discord said, uppercutting the Assassin in his gut, knocking him breathless and unconscious.

When he landed, he didn’t land on sand, he landed on a tree.

---

-Random Universe DEF-

It was a quiet night in New York. Not even heroes and villains alike were doing anything on this pleasant night.

It made Frank Castle all the more suspicious. Normally, there was crime to stop here, but this night, nothing, not even a petty theft on some quick-stop gas station. Something was up.

His intuition made him think that Wade Wilson, better known as Deadpool, was involved.

So naturally, he went to the first place he could think of.

“No senor, there is no Deadpool here. He has not been here since Tuesday. Now... get out... please... you are scary.”

The Punisher scoffed, and almost walked out of the door, only to see the costumed nutjob walk through the door.

“Pablo, enchilada, chop-chop! Hey Frank, and extra green sauce please.”

“Wade...”

“What’s up Frank, I got a tight schedule.”

‘Not really.’

‘You’re kinda on the job thing right now though.’

“I don’t believe you.” Frank said, cocking a revolver that was holstered.

“Oh, come on, I’m not that bad!”

“What about that barber a few weeks ago?”

“Oh, that thing? Talk to Spidey, he was with me that one time.”

“About what?”

“Hit Monkey.”

Frank did not say another word, pulled out the gun and aimed towards Deadpool.

“OH!!!” Pablo jumped back upon seeing Frank pull the gun out.

“Keep making the enchilada Pablo, I got this.”

“I’d expect you to say a crazy story like that.”

“Well, it’s true. Come on Frank...” Pablo put the enchilada on the counter, and Deadpool put down the $8.64, exact change, as payment.

“Sit down, relax, have some enchiladas!” Deadpool threw the hot Mexican food towards at Frank. While the man dodged it, Wade teleported outside and began to run.

‘Well, we’re being chased by some murderous psycho.’

‘And he’s armed to the teeth.’

“So we run, easy peasy, lemon squeezy.”

Deadpool jumped through a window in an abandoned warehouse and found himself in the middle of a major arms deal.

Immediately, they pulled their guns on him.

“Oh, so that’s why tonight was quiet. That makes so much sense!”

“It’s Deadpool! Kill him!”

Deadpool pouted, and took out his Uzis, and began a major firefight.

Several minutes later, Deadpool found himself alone, due to a sudden case of unlifeing everyone in the warehouse.

“Well, that was an epic moment that will be left to imagination.”

‘Huzzah!’

“Well done, I say, well done!”

Deadpool turned towards the source, and saw... something he hasn’t saw before.

“Wow... never saw something like you before.”

“I heard that before.” Discord said as he grabbed a manifesto and began eating it like a sandwich.

“So, what are you?”

“The name’s Discord, and I’m here to offer you a deal.”

“I’ll take it!!!” Deadpool yelled as he pumped his arm.

Discord found himself dropping the booklet, which spilt out lettuce and glue all over the floor, for some reason, blank-faced, genuinely confused for the first time in ages.

“...But you haven’t even heard of what I was going to offer you, in fact, you have no idea what kind of deal I might ask of you.”

“I know, but since we’re in a fanfiction, I’m assuming I need to take your deal.”

‘Can’t argue with that logic.’

Discord glared at the sentence above this one, and snarled.

“I’m supposed to be the random one here, pal!” the mix-matched monster growled, pointing at the textbox.

“I’m not your pal, buddy.” Deadpool countered, pointing at Discord’s larger fang.

“I’m not your buddy, man.”

“I’m not your man, dude.”

“I’m not your dude, moron.”

“I’m... insane, so I have justification.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, and your momma was really busy before you were born, WOOO!!!”

Discord suddenly went so deadpan, that even the crickets stopped in their wake. He snapped his fingers, but nothing happened.

“What happened? Was that supp...”

“I placed a bomb in your ass, it’s going to explode soon. When you wake up, you’ll be in the middle of a forest, jerkface.”

“What?”

Discord snapped his fingers again, and disappeared. Just as the flash disappeared, The Punisher came through the door, looked around, saw the multiple dead bodies, include two that were in an unfortunately awkward interlocked position, and soon aimed his MG at the merc.

“Wait, before you shoot, I must warn you, some monster thingy just planted a bomb up my ass, and it’s set to explode soon.”

Frank didn’t change his expression, and simply shot Wade in the gut.

The bullet punctured Wade’s gut, hit the bomb, and caused it to explode, causing Frank to stumble, and Wade to explode into smithereens.

Once the shellshock subsided, Frank looked at his handiwork, and left, just as the cops came to the scene.

“Guess he wasn’t lying that one time.” Frank said as he lit up a cigarette, and walked away.

---

-Random Universe UVW-

Bullets, bullets everywhere.

Master Chief had never seen so many bullets all at once, what was being fired at him?

Whatever it was, he knew that it wouldn’t stop until he was dead, so he simply stayed in cover.

“Cortana, what’s the status report?” He looked at the hologram, it was a nice reconstruction, but the real thing was completely unique.

Cortana v2 used her radar abilities to scope out the area, sensing every object within twenty feet of the soldier she was attached to.

“Four thousand rounds have been fired, the enemy is wielding a very old firearm, something called an M249 Squad Automatic Weapon, or something like that, the database is incomplete.” The AI reported, providing a second view of the enemy.

Whatever this thing was, it looked uncannily human, and yet it was horrifying in that it was dissimilar enough to know that it wasn’t a human.

“COME ON LITTLE JOHNNY! I JUST WANT TO EAT YOUR SKIN!” The beast roared, spraying little bullets all over the boulder he knew John was hiding behind.

“He is about to run out of ammunition. Estimated time of completion, one second.” Suddenly the cacophony of gunfire was replaced by a *CLICK* sound.

Master Chief jumped up over the boulder and aimed his gun at his foe.

Discord’s smile changed to a frown, he had been expecting a woman.

“Um, hold on, I chose the wrong cosplay for this.” The draconequus said, shedding his Metroid Chozo armor and dusting his torso off.

“John, take caution, I am detecting intense energy readings from this creature.” Cortana warned, keeping her scanners going.

“Who are you?” The soldier demanded, pointing his Battle Rifle at Discord’s head.

“I’m…” Discord suddenly derped up, “I’m…” He paused again, trying to remember his next line, “I’m…” Another pause.

“Enough with the games, creature!” John had his finger on a plasma grenade, ready to throw it.

“*ahem* I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH!” The mad god shouted, his voice echoing throughout the canyon clearing.

When his sound modules stopped being peaked, John could hear the sound of clatters.

Discord was juggling his plasma grenades.

“You, I… goddammit Cortana what is this thing?” He demanded, trying to aim at one of the grenades to shoot it and set it off.

“Scanning, processing, mythology searches have returned that this is a creature known as a draconequus, a mix-match of many different animal parts into a single entity, they were renowned for their powers over change and entropy.” The AI responded, hiding her hologram behind the Spartan’s head.

“Ah yes, right, that was it.” Discord pulled out a donut and put it on his face like a monocle, then pulled out a monocle and drank from it like a shot-glass, removing the glass in the frame. Discord tossed it aside and it splattered like a piece of Gak. “I am Discord, residential God of Chaos and Master of Disharmony, nice to meet you, I hope that this is a good neighborhood?” He asked, looking around at the small tunnels leading to more clearings.

“This isn’t a residence, you monster, and I’m not going to let you leave here. If your title is anything to go by, then you are undoubtedly evil.” Without another word, Chief fired at his foe.

Discord screamed as the bullets tore through him like jelly; tasty, tasty jelly.

Then he scooped up his face-jelly, smeared it onto a piece of bread, smooshed that piece of bread onto a piece of bread with peanut butter on it, then ate it, restoring his face and giving him a longer, thicker mane and goatee.

“Truly this thing goes against the laws of reality, or common sense,” Cortana mused, staying quiet as can be.

“Oh what fun is there in making laws? None, and neither does making sense be fun like… words… Discord.exe has stopped working.” His eyes flashed blue with some indeterminate white letters that rolled up into his head, and then he fell over.

“Did… did we win?” Chief asked, even with all of his experience, this situation was simply too perplexing.

“Negatory, soldier! I have orders for you, if you want to stay alive!” Discord said like a drill sergeant, appearing from around Chief’s side, wearing a 21st century Admiral’s uniform, complete with a bushy moustache and large tobacco pipe.

“Well, death has never bothered me before, so why now-” *SNAP*

Discord held the soldier’s dislocated head in his hands, snapping his neck back into not-being-broken, which revived him, “Believe me now?” He asked, opening one eye really wide.

“Well, you’ve made a valid point, sir, what is the mission?” Dying wasn’t pleasant, especially to those for which it was permanent, so Chief went along with this little act.

“There’s a new planet, a planet full of weird shit like me, soldier, and I want you to find the not-weird stuff and kill it, and you’ll not be alone! You’ll have a partner, and I hope you don’t have any qualms with you being blue and him being red, or him being the Caboose to your Church!” Discord smiled evilly, this was going to be extra fun.

“My armor is green, sir, and a church isn't a train.” John correct hesitantly.

“... Uh… Close enough… alright, come on, here’s a teleporter cube thing.” The eagle claw held out a Pulse Grenade.

“I’m not falling for this, I’ve dealt with forerunner technology before.” Many times, in fact, and each time was eye-opening and sometimes unsettling.

“This one’s special, see?” Discord raised it up to eye-level with John, showing the soldier that the glowing lines marking the cube were blue, rather than orange, “Trust me soldier, have I ever led you astray?”

“We’ve known each other for five minutes, and in that time, you’ve shot at me, broken my neck, and are now posing as a commander, the only reason that I haven’t shot you down again is that I already tried once and it didn’t work.” Master Chief stated matter-of-factly.

“Weeeeeeell~ TOO DAMN BAD! NOW GIT!” Slamming the cube into the ground, Discord disappeared in a flash of gray and brown magic, leaving John to be consumed by the supposed teleporter.

“Chief, the suit is going critical, emergency shut-down activated.'

A wrenching sensation overcame his whole body as his suit failed, and then it was all dark.

---

-Random Universe EQD; Canterlot, Equestria-

Celestia trotted back and forth, trying to figure out what caused this surge of energy. She shook her head, trying to make sense of the situation, but something didn’t make sense. It was at that point that she began to contemplate what that meant.

“No...” She realized that only one being would make a situation that would induce such unease and confusion on her.

“Yes…” Discord said, appearing next to Celestia suddenly.

Celestia turned towards the draconequus and contorted her face to one of pure hatred.

“I thought you were supposed to be sealed away.” Celestia said in a low, angry tone.

“Well yeah, but I’m not very well known for doing what I’m supposed to do, Tia.” Discord informed, pinching Celestia’s cheeks like she was a little foal.

Celestia backed away and prepared to build up a magical burst.

“Discord, you shall go back to your stone prison soon enough.” Celestia said, hoping to intimidate the chaotic being.

“Y’know Tia, being sealed in stone meant that I couldn’t talk, but I could still see and hear, I know you don’t have your little Ewements of Hawminny at your disposal, so I’ll be doing whatever I damn well please, you old hag.” The draconequus mocked, pulling out a long, thin cigarette and lighting it with a bottle of water.

Celestia widened her eyes briefly, but continued her magical build-up.

“I am not a foal Discord, nor am I helpless against you! True, the elements are no longer with me or my sister, but they have been released by new bearers!”

“Such is the minds of mere mortals, made of paper and glass, their ideals and perceptions can be torn and shattered with ease~” Discord philosophized, taking a drag of his cigarette, “They~... will pose little threat to me, because I’ve brought my own back-up as well, my own six little heroes, ready to fall from the sky and tear your world down.” Discord crushed his cigarette in his fist, looking down on Celestia with his own glare of hatred.

“What? You are lying, you lie and deceive, it is your very nature, and by the Faust, I shall stop you!” Celestia sent out a burst of magic, which Discord simply dodged by walking to the side. The blast hit the wall, and residue rained down in the room.

“Even a broken clock is right twice a day, Tia, and this is no lie. I can say with complete confidence that my own team of element bearers are in Equestria already, and will find and take you down.” With that, Discord pressed his hand into the wall like it was jello, pulling it back and revealing his hand was now covered in a thick layer of thin, runny caramel.

Booping Celestia on the nose with a stained claw, the insane god teleported somewhere else, no doubt to wreak more chaos on Equestria.

Celestia snarled, telekinetically grabbing a quill and ink and writing a letter.

To my Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle,

Comments

[ngrey651]

...none of this makes any sense. Almost none of the folks he's picked would work for a super villain that has hurt them and their friends, ripped them from their home, and wants them to kill innocent people or make their lives miserable. Like...at all. This isn't funny, it's just...stupid and nonsensical.

[alarajrogers]

4193362

Mm, depends on how it's handled. I could very, very easily see Discord setting things up so that these guys all think that the Elements of Harmony will allow them to defeat Discord and create a gateway back to their own universe(s), so the fact that they hate Discord and want to defeat him would lead to them doing exactly what he wants. Or, play it as if the Element Bearers are his friends and allies (though that wouldn't last very long.) Or, make sure Celestia, Luna and the Element Bearers all think these new players are on his side, so they will attack the humans without apparent provocation from the humans' perspective and of course the humans will fight back. I mean, he's Discord. Stirring up shit between people who could have been on the same side if he hadn't stirred shit up is what he does.

[MaretimeMcBoats]

4193438 I agree, I think it's like one of those stories where the real story doesn't begin until chapter 2, I will be patiently waiting to see what entails

[Awesomedude17]

4193457 Honestly, my partner is handling the plot, not me. I just make sure things aren't out of character, and that it is fun.