More Dreams

by totallynotabrony

Cheese and Spiders part 2

Luna’s stated purpose in Ponyville was vacation, but personally I think she just wanted to play with robots. After the Changeling incident in which the combat designs of yours truly played a significant role, the Equestrian military had been interested in paying me large sums of money. I don’t know why. It’s not like I was going to sell them anything.

Being a badass and saving the day with technology was cool, and it was better than having a real job. I had reached the decision to maintain my monopoly on robotics in Equestria, and part of that was saving the best stuff for myself. That kind of made me poor, though.

My hope was that I could show Luna a good enough time that I could convince her to purchase something else from me, like petroleum products. Valiantco™ had yet to see any profits, but I was working on it.

Unfortunately, Luna never received any recreation from me, because royal duties called. Specifically, she had to deal with the Magnificent Eight Legged Freak.

“The swarm of spiders the other day was unacceptable,” said Luna. “Before I have Cheerilee assassinate whoever is responsible, we must figure out the whys and hows of the arachnid attack on Ponyville.”

I nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Wait, did you say assass-”

Twilight burst into the hotel room. “Princ-er, Cheese! We have a big problem!”

The purple unicorn proceeded to explain how a ground-carpeting mass of small spiders had been seen pouring from the Everfree Forest. The swarm would arrive in town soon.

“How many legs did they have?” I asked. Twilight had been made aware of the seven/eight legged conundrum.

“I don’t know, and honestly I don’t have time to care. We need to do something fast!” Twilight hurried out the door. Luna and I followed.

The hotel had been mysteriously rebuilt overnight. I suspected the Princess was involved, although how she’d managed to do it without dropping her Cheese disguise was a bit of a mystery.

I thought for a moment. No it wasn’t. She’d probably done it while I had the whole town distracted with my drunken antics. At the VS (victory over spiders) Day party Pinkie had thrown, I’d had a little more to drink than usual. Checking the tank on the still that morning, I’d noticed it was more empty than it normally was.

Luna and I walked to the edge of town. A slow moving black wave was coming. “How shall we defeat this swarm bearing down on us?” she asked.

“I have a plan.” Years before, when drilling a water well, an oil well had accidentally been created. I bought it for a song, and had a vast untapped resource at my disposal. Generally, I used it for my own purposes because none of the ponies really knew what to do with it.

I got into my primary robot and fetched a couple barrels of crude. After her disastrous experience with mechanics, Luna had been practicing to achieve a moderate level of competence. With her help, we quickly splashed a giant oil circle around Ponyville. Just before the spiders arrived, we lit it up.

I imagined I could hear tiny little shrieks as the flames quickly took care of the crowded arachnids. The noise was probably actually the residents of Ponyville as they realized they were surrounded by a ring of fire.

Luna studied the black smoke the oil gave off. “I’m sure this is not good for pegasi health.”

I shrugged. “They can stir up a wind and blow it away.”

The Princess and I headed towards Sugarcube Corner. It was only a matter of time until Pinkie threw another VS party. As we got there, the door flew open and the party pony came flying out. She looked toward the clouds of smoke and exclaimed, “Wow, getting victory over that bunch of spiders was really extreme! Instead of having a VS party, let’s have a VX party!”

“I’ll bring the nerve gas,” I said. Luna and Pinkie stared at me. “Sorry, weapons of mass destruction joke.”

Twilight showed up just then. “Everypony, I just figured out something important! We need to get out there and give those spiders a closer look to make sure I’m right about this.”

“Those fires are going to burn for a while,” I said. “Just sit tight here, safe in Ponyville.”

Just then, the pegasi made the wind change direction and the flames began to blow towards the town.

A thin piece of sheet metal fluttered down the street, riding the thermal currents. It smacked Twilight in the face.

“Hey, what’s this?” I said, pulling it off her. I turned it over. It was bent and looked like it had been ripped off something. There were also words painted on it.

“An Eight Legged Freak in cooperation with The Crystal King will bring Ponyville and all of Equestria to its knees,” I read. My eyes bugged out as I saw the last line. “This robot built by-”

“What does that mean?” asked Twilight, fearfully.

I ground my teeth together. “We have a big problem.”

I looked around. “Oh, and the fire bearing down on us is also pretty bad.”

Comments

[kingtiger666]

wat.

[The Midnight Stalker]

1263460
My thoughts exactly.

[Bloodpool]

"The purple unicorn proceeded to explain how a ground-carpeting mass of small spiders had been seen pouring from the Everfree Forest. The swarm would arrive in town soon."

This situation clearly calls for flamethrowers. And napalm. Lots of napalm.

[Knowledge seeker]

Oh! Oh! can i bring C4 to the party. Like my gramps always said it ain't a party if you don't have C4.

[McPoopin]

1263866
You know he DOES still have that nuke somewhere around...

[Bloodpool]

1266530 That's a very good point, but I'd still prefer flamethrowers. They are much more fun!

[Thegodhand]

Mustard gas...that is all

[badassgrunt]

1266447When in doubt, C4.

[Buckshot2825]

1569546 When in doubt H-B

[AppleTank]

Tesla Coils?

[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

3709515 When in doubt, flaming brick.

[Lancerlot]

Because commenting on old stories is always the right thing to do, I'll wonder out loud why they had to go and set fire to the oil. Those spiders likely would have died trying to cross it anyway, and crude oil will eventually biodegrade... Or, for double points, wait until the dead spiders are thick enough in the oil that living ones are starting to crawl across their dead bodies, and then light it! <Burn while crawling through poison, you #$@%!)