More Dreams

by totallynotabrony

The Making of a War Machine

“All right, nerds, this is how you build the perfect autonomous combat drone. Step one, get a brain. Got to have that truly intelligent artificial intelligence. Say hello, Tin Mare.”

“Hello.”

“Step two, format it to be compatible with mission and peripherals.”

“Are you referring to my chassis as peripherals?” asked Tin Mare.

“Considering that you can be undocked and still function at a reasonable level, yes.”

“I cannot fly without external parts.”

“Well, at the very least you can sit here and be a computer. If your main gun holds two hundred and twenty rounds, and you fire half, how many do you have left?”

“One hundred ten.”

“See, you’re good for something. Cheer up.”

“You programed me to be hella lacking in emotion of any kind.”

“Wait a second,” Twilight broke in. “Hella?”

“Valiant wanted me to have a catchphrase but was too lazy to think of an original one.”

“You call him lazy to his face?”

“I am not programmed to lie. And after all, he wouldn’t have invented a war machine to go out and do his work for him if he wouldn’t rather sit at home.”

I shrugged. “You're uncomfortable with murder, Twilight. Surely you think this is better.”

“But you just passed it off to her!” Twilight swept a hoof at the tank where Tin Mare’s noodle floated.

“She’s a robot. Whatever happens to her targets is really more like an industrial accident.”

“Hella,” agreed Tin Mare.

Before Twilight tried to argue again, I talked over her with another interesting tidbit. “She doesn’t know the word very, which forces her to drop the catchphrase more often.”

“How can she not know something we’re talking about?” Twilight asked. “She’s got a brain, she should be able to learn, especially a simple word like very.”

“I was not programed to know that word,” Tin Mare said.

Twilight took on a sly look. “What word?”

“The word that I was hella not programed to know.”

“I think if we keep talkin’ about this, we’ll start goin’ in circles,” Applejack observed.

“Yeah, make with the flying part already,” Rainbow said, gesturing at the blueprints I had set up.

“This is Tin Mare’s flying physical fighting form,” I said. “It’s a jet.”

“How is this different from that vee-toll thing you had?” Rainbow said. “I don’t see any spinny things.”

“It doesn’t need them. It has internal thrusters that make it hover off the ground, and then transition to level flight. It’s faster.”

Rainbow nodded.

Pinkie said, “So, hypothetically, if I were to, say, make out with you, Tin Mare, how would you take that?”

“I would take you as a possible threat.”

“Geeze, most mares just roll over and take it,” Pinkie muttered.

“Though I am told I am female, I have no concept nor interest in gender. Everyone looks the same after they’ve been destroyed.”

“I was hoping you’d consent,” Fluttershy muttered. “Maybe it’s just the chaos talking, but I’d rather Pinkie get it on with a robot than me.”

“Could we go back to the destroyed part?” said Rarity with a frown. “How, ah, exactly do you accomplish that?”

“My chassis features a variety of weapons, including a gatling cannon and a variety of bombs and missiles guided by laser, radar, and GPS.”

“What’s GPS?” Twilight asked.

“It’s a system on the satellites I put up,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“When you of all ponies tell me not to worry, I worry,” said Twilight, staring at me.

I grinned. “Maybe I know that. Maybe you shouldn’t worry, and I said that you shouldn’t worry so that you actually would.”

“Well, you’re still on top of your trolling game,” said Guinness. “You even put Tin Mare in an F-35.”

“It’s not an F-35,” I snapped. “Mine actually works.”

“Sure looks like an F-35,” he said. “It’s got the lift fan, the general shape, the external gun pod that looks like a penis.”

“Lockheed-Martin ain’t got shit on me. And they certainly don’t have anything like Tin Mare. Right?”

“Hella.”

“And you created her through a program of very questionable medical procedures,” Twilight said.

“She would have died otherwise.”

“But I think you have the technology that you could have persevered her sense of self without turning her brain into a component of a war machine.”

“Twilight, you’re assuming. And you know what happens when you’re assuming.”

“It makes an ass out of you and Ming!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“Exactly. Screw the Chinese.”

Comments

[Capt TeK]

“Exactly. Screw the Chinese.”

t.qkme.me/3qfmr6.jpg

[Lithl]

iLaughed. Which is unfortunate, because I don't own any Apple products and therefore don't own a charger that fits.

[djthomp]

Hella.

[blazikenking]

Hella.
lordi.fi/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/hella_2_web.jpg

[thatonerandombrony]

6258434 my exact reaction.

[Buckshot2825]

6547398
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