More Dreams

by totallynotabrony

The Ponyville Church of Christ

"So where's this place you were talking about?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Not too much further," Apple Bloom replied. "When we get to this cliff up ahead, you can see it from there."

"Cliff?" Scootaloo asked, turning her head away from the direction she was pulling the wagon with her scooter.

"CLIFFFFfffff...!" Apple Bloom agreed.

A few moments later, the three of them were still at the cliff, but the other end of it. Picking herself up and rubbing her aching head, Scootaloo muttered, "Well, at least 'safety first' works pretty well."

"I don't know if I would say that," disagreed Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom was dead.

"Aww, she looks so cute when she naps," squealed Scootaloo.

"That's a little creepy," Sweetie observed. "Since when are you into sleeping fillies?"

"Well at least somepony cares," huffed Scootaloo, adjusting Apple Bloom's neck so that it wasn't so twisted and off-center. "If she just had you for a friend she would wake up from this nap with a crick."

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She paused and looked around. "Apple Bloom was the one who knew where we were going. While we wait for her to wake up, let's explore a little."

Not far from where they had slammed into the ground at the base of the cliff was a cleft in the rock face. Getting closer, Sweetie and Scootaloo discovered that it was cave. Of course, they had to check it out.

Concentrating hard, Sweetie managed to get a light going from her horn and they ambled inside.

The cave turned out to be disappointingly small. There was just enough room to shelter an altar from the weather.

"What's this?" Scootaloo asked, poking at the closed book that lay atop the stone pillar.

Sweetie managed to grapple it from the stand and blew the dust off. The book was quite large and ornately bound. The title was apparently Holy Bible.

"Sounds familiar," Scootaloo mused. "Where have I heard it before?"

Sweetie frowned in thought. "I think maybe Valiant said something about it once."

"Yeah, that's right!" said Scootaloo cheerfully. "Hey, what happened to him, anyway?"

"He went to the moon or something," said Sweetie absently, distracted by opening the book's cover.

"Didn't he spend a long time in space already?" Scootaloo asked, crowding close to Sweetie to read the pages.

"Yeah, something like that."

The conversation about Alicorn Valiant in space wasn't enough to hold their interest. Someone should really check these kids for ADD.

They did manage to concentrate hard enough to do a little reading. Within the first few pages, Scootaloo and Sweetie were already beginning to form a mutual idea.

"We should get cutie marks..."

"...for introducing religion to Equestria!"

Back in Ponyville, Sir Win the demon dropped a wedding cake that he had been taking out of the oven. "Oh hell no!"

Talking exitedly about their latest idea to finally stop being blank flanks, the two fillies exited the cave and went back to where the smashed scooter, wagon, and Apple Bloom lay. Scootaloo tossed the Bible down and picked up the remains of her scooter, attempting to mend the broken pieces. "We'll need to get back to Ponyville soon and get started on this!"

"I know!" Sweetie gushed. "There's so much to do, but we're the first ones to do anything like this! There's got to be cutie marks in it for us."

Apple Bloom stirred, wondering why somepony had dropped a large book on her head. Her neck was a little sore, too.

"This Bible thing is just like an instruction manual," Sweetie went on. "I mean, we probably don't have to invent mankind and be all, 'In the beginning...' but we can follow the other parts pretty closely, I think."

"But where are we supposed to get Philistines?" Scootaloo wondered.

"Well they're supposed to be hung like donkeys, so...donkeys?"

"No, you're thinking of the ones whose foreskins we're supposed to cut off."

"Huh?" muttered Apple Bloom as she got up. "I must've missed somethin.'"

Sweetie and Scootaloo gave her the short version.

"Sounds great!" said Apple Bloom. "Let's get Biblical!"

At school the next day, the plan began. The Cutie Mark Crusaders began teaching everypony about Jesus Christ.

Some foals were skeptical, of course, but many were happy to listen as somepony read them a book. Once Cheerilee found out, however, she put a stop to it.

"I will not let anything related to Valiant be discussed in this classroom," she admonished. "Don't you all want to grow up and be normal?

Being normal and nondescript was of course a powerful motivation for most ponies. However, the lure of taking part in the Next Big Thing was too powerful to resist for some. The CMC were forced to move their following out of the schoolhouse, but they were able to pull along enough followers to create a small choir for Sunday services.

The problem of where to hold the gathering was an issue, but with a little elbow grease and unfounded optimism, a structure was errected.

Ponyville residents did not know what to make of the new building in town. It had a plus sign on the roof and lots of benches inside. However, when the bell rang on Sunday morning they came because it seemed like the thing to do.

A gathering of schoolfoals sang softly while everypony filed in for services. The choir could use some more members, but Rumble, Twist, Featherweight, Cordoba, Strawberry Glaze, Inkspot, and Paperwork would do for now.

Nodding to each other, the CMC began the service. As the front doors closed, the sermon began.

"You're all going to Hell unless you do exactly what we say!" implored Sweetie Belle.

In the congregation, Fluttershy leaned over and whispered to Rarity, "I don't like the sound of that."

"Give us your money and drink this grape juice!" added Scootaloo.

Applejack, sitting with the others, made a sour face, however Pinkie seemed enthusiastic.

"Listen while I talk at you!" included Apple Bloom.

"I'm not sure I like this method of worship," Guinness whispered in Rainbow's ear. "Something's strange about it."

However, being ponies, all the parishioners did exactly as ordered. Apple Bloom read scripture from the Bible.

"Then their eyes were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. The man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from Him among the trees to conceal their nakedness. But the Lord called out, “Where are you?” The man replied, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked.” The Lord said, “Who told you that you were naked?” The man said, “We ate the forbidden fruit and it revealed to us many things, namely the fact that we were buck-ass naked all along."

Twilight's eyes flew open wide. "No...it can't be... Everypony, I recognize this verse!"

"Shh!" urged Scootaloo. She poked Twilight with the money basket.

Twilight dropped in a few bits, just as the rest of the row had done. Guinness leaned over and asked Twilight, "Where did you hear it before? I mean, I know the Book of Genesis, but I've never heard it told with those, uh, particular words before."

"It's Valiant's Bible," Twilight replied. "He read me that verse once."

"How did it get here?" asked Rarity.

"What is it?" asked Applejack.

Twilight explained human religion, or at least the parts she knew about it.

"So...magic is wicked," Rarity said flatly.

"And gluttony is bad," added Pinkie.

"So is boasting," intoned Rainbow.

"And I'm going to Hell for eating my own kind on top of feelin' terrible about it," muttered Applejack.

"I'm good," said Fluttershy.

"Hang on, this is coming from Valiant," Twilight clarified. "I never said any of this was real."

Every head in church turned to face them.

"Not real?"

"Shun the nonbelievers!"

"And by shun, we mean persecute!"

"And by persecute we mean deliver vigilante justice of arbitrary rules through the fury of an angry mob!"

"A crusade!" chorused Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.

"We could pretend that we're actually on their side," Rarity suggested hastily as the mob advanced, chanting things and forcing the Element Bearers and Guinness towards the door.

"But then they'll just pull us into more craziness because they think they're gaining followers," said Guinness. "Trust me, I know way more about religious extremism than I care to."

"I guess I'll defer to the expert here," Twilight said. "What do we do?"

"I don't know! If I did, we wouldn't have religious extremism!"

"So...run?" suggested Rainbow.

Everyone was quick to comply. However, the congregation conflagration followed them out onto the streets, still chanting and beginning to fall in step to march. In the midst of the crowd, the Cutie Mark Crusaders kept up their drive. They had a large group fanatically following their teachings now but that still hadn't resulted in any cutie marks.

"I think we need to increase membership," said Apple Bloom.

"We can tell all the members to start having kids," suggested Sweetie Belle.

"But that will take a while," Scootaloo argued. "How can we convince more ponies to join? We've already invited everypony in town and not all of them showed up."

There was a pause. "Well, we could force 'em," suggested Apple Bloom. "Maybe they just don't know a good thing. We're doing righteous work."

"Yeah!" said Sweetie, getting on the bandwagon. "We've got a group of followers. We convince them to go out and get everypony else to join."

"How?" asked Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom shrugged. "It just matters if everypony is under our control. Doesn't matter how we get there."

"Well...fear could be a powerful coercion tactic," Sweetie Bell speculated.

"Hey, yeah," agreed Scootaloo. "And then once they join we secure their membership by showing them that with us there's nothing to be afraid of because other ponies will be the ones who are afraid."

"It's a good start," Sweetie said, "but exactly how are we supposed to spread fear?"

"Threatening lives usually works," Apple Bloom speculated.

"I think we should go past that," insisted Scootaloo. "I mean, ponies won't believe any of that unless we actually give them a demonstration, something that shows that we're here and we mean business. Something that shows that our members are so devoted to the cause that they would die. Something that shows we have moderate technical skills and access to explosives."

Hearing this, Guinness's eyes bugged out. He shouted, "Run!"

He and the six Element Bearers did so, making it down the block and around the corner. Rainbow asked, "Why? What's the big deal?"

That was when the first suicide bomber detonated.

"Oh," said Rainbow.

"Why would anypony do that?" Twilight demanded.

"I can't figure it out," Rarity said. "Not only does it make one look like a moron, but it's not like it actually works. You blow others up and they certainly won't take to your cause."

Pinkie opened her mouth, paused, and then shook her head. "Nope. Can't think of anything funny about that."

Fluttershy looked up. "Hello Sir Win."

The demon was marching down the street with a displeased look on his face. He glanced in their direction. "Hello. Sorry I can't chat. I have a little business to take care of."

"Are you going to stop the religion?" Twilight asked.

"Absolutely," Sir Win replied. "But perhaps not for the reasons you might think. Ordinarily I wouldn't care about slaughter in the streets, I might welcome it in fact, however this is not acceptable."

"But...you're a demon?" Rainbow said.

Sir Win nodded. "Yes, but when religious fanatics start killing themselves while trying to kill others in the name of a deity for reasons that are poppycock, do you know who ends up going to Hell? Morons. We already have all we need, thank you very much." He turned back towards the church and started walking again. "I'm going to put a stop to this."

"Should we...cheer him on?" Guinness asked. "I like to think of myself as a good Catholic, and I have to say, in this situation I'm very conflicted."

"One of those ponies responsible for this is my sister!" Rarity shouted.

"He wouldn't hurt a child...would he?" Fluttershy asked.

Nopony answered for a long moment.

"I'm going after him," Rarity decided. She hurried in the direction Sir Win had gone.

Twilight looked around at the rest. "Well, I guess we can't just stand here..."

A block away, another pony went off.

"Second thought, maybe we can," Twilight decided. She looked around. "Hey, where's Applejack?"

"Right here," the farmer said, trotting over. She pointed back over her shoulder. "I wouldn't go down that way if I were you. It's pretty ugly; little pieces of pony everywhere." She surreptitiously wiped her mouth.

The group of them stood around for a while longer. Pinkie said, "So...anypony know any good jokes?"

None of them did. Silence fell again.

"Does it bother anypony else that we've grown so desensitized to violence in the streets?" Twilight asked. "I mean, we're just standing here while fanatics kill themselves trying to kill others."

"Well, what are we supposed do?" Rainbow said.

"They've got bombs and are dyin' to use 'em," Applejack noted. It was a nifty little pun that almost slipped by unnoticed.

"Well, maybe we could show them the power of the Magic of Friendship and change their extremist hearts by..." Twilight shook her head. "Has anypony else noticed that pretty much all we do these days is blast evildoers with some kind of magic or another? It's almost too easy. We don't even have to take the time to get to know them or anything."

"Good thing we're so good at it," Rainbow chuckled.

"Well, I guess that's that," Applejack decided. "Let's go."

"Aren't you worried about Apple Bloom?" Fluttershy asked.

"Nah. If there was anything wrong with her, we'll just give it a little dose of rainbow magic and everything'll be just fine."

Twilight glanced in Applejack's direction. "That strikes me as being a little careless. Also, who's the magic expert here?"

"Well, she's got to grow up sometime. Plus, am I wrong?"

Twilight conceded that while Applejack didn't know the first thing about magic, the situation she described was probably accurate.

They all began walking towards the center of the mob. "How are we going to do this?" Rainbow asked.

"I think Rarity has the costumes," said Pinkie. When the rest looked at her, she said, "What? I thought we were going to start that superhero squad."

"Got all the disguise I need right here," laughed Rainbow. She concentrated for a moment and turned into a dragon.

Twilight turned her head to reply, but a young foal from the church choir, a filly with a blue coat and white mane, kicked her in the shin.

"Ouch!" Twilight jerked, only minimally injured. She pushed the kid away with a little magic, but the filly kept struggling forward, intent on doing whatever damage she could to the purple infidel.

"Stop it," Twilight ordered. Her words apparently had no effect. Her attacker didn't even act like she had heard.

"I'll call your parents," Twilight threatened. Nothing.

Twilight's mane went up in flames. "That's enough!"

Finally, presented with a burning, angry mare, the filly's eyes popped open wide and she stopped. Twilight gave her a push and she ran.

"That worked," observed Applejack.

Twilight sighed. She examined herself for a moment. "I guess. Well, here I am, on fire. I guess there's no better way to do this."

"Awesome!" Rainbow spread her massive wings. "Let's kick some tail!"

The fight was very short and with few injuries. Against regular ponies, even religious terrorists, the Element Bearers were not faced with much of a challenge.

Applejack, with her newfound, apparently protein-based, strength increase was bucking even faster and harder than usual. It helped that there was another one of her.

Even if the duplicate didn't have a hat, it took longer than it should have for Twilight to realize there was a second Applejack on the field. However, there was another explosive vest-wearing pony coming her way and she didn't have time to think about it.

She should have thought about it. By the time she realized the situation, the suicide bomber was no more than five feet away.

"Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savoir?" the pony screamed, reaching for the detonator button.

Applejack tackled the pony an instant before the bomb went off. Twilight was knocked over by the blast, a shower of blood putting out her flames.

Sputtering through the gore and struggling to rise, Twilight rolled over, nearly deaf from the explosion. A hoof grabbed her and helped her up.

"Thanks," Twilight said, probably too loudly since she could barely hear. "Thanks...Applejack?!"

"That was close," said Applejack.

"But you-"

"Um, I don't want to interupt," said Fluttershy, her voice almost inaudible in Twilight's ringing ears, "but I think we have a big problem."

Twilight turned to follow Fluttershy's pointing hoof. In the street, near the center of where the violence had erupted, was a statue of white crystal. It took Twilight a moment to realize that it was Rarity.

Forgetting for a moment that Applejack - or an Applejack - had just jumped on a pony grenade, Twilight rushed over to Rarity.

The fashionable unicorn looked quite stricken. Her hoof was out as if reaching for something. There was a granular white powder in a thin layer on the ground around her.

"It's salt," said Pinkie, wiping her nose in disappointment. She took an experimental lick of Rarity's backside. "Hey, this is salty, too!"

"Pinkie! Don't lick things like that. We just got through solving Equestria's meth problem," Twilight admonished.

Twilight shook her head and turned back to Rarity. "What in the wide world of Equestria-" she started to say, but was interrupted by the wall of the nearest house blowing apart in a shower of splinters.

Sir Win crashed into the street in a tumble with a brown and white stallion. The two of them wrestled across the ground, ending up in a pile in front of the Element Bearers and Guinness.

"Unhoof me, foul demon!" demanded the new pony. The white hair on his belly was dirty and was getting scorched by Sir Win's fiery mane.

"Nothing doing!" retorted Sir Win. "Not only are you a Bible, you're a magic one at that!"

Everypony looked at Guinness. "You know about Bibles, right?" said Twilight.

Guinness shrugged. "Nothing he just said made any sense to me."

"It's got a lot to do with Equimorphism and I don't really have time to go into it right now," Sir Win managed. He and the other pony continued to grapple.

"Equimorphism?" Twilight said, "like inanimate objects turning into equines?"

"He's literally a bible?" Guinness said. He glanced at the new guy again. On second thought he did look a little like a holy book. A leather book cover was made from skin, after all. His cutie mark was even a golden cross.

Guinness frowned. "So...I guess a demon wanting to destroy a religious book makes sense. I don't agree with it, mind you, but it makes sense. What I don't get is why this guy used to be a book and is now a pony."

"Magic," Sir Win provided.

"You mean the Holy Spirit?" Guinness asked.

"No, magic!' Sir Win insisted. "Completely different."

"That does go a long way towards explaining the equimorphism," Twilight speculated.

"So...whose side are we on?" Fluttershy asked, saying what they were all thinking.

Sir Win and the Bible continued to wrestle. Sir Win said, "He turned Rarity into a pillar of salt!"

"Well it's not like I meant to get turned into a pony!" protested Bible. "Sorry about the magical side effects, but if I did that, I can undo it. Oh yeah, and when Apple Bloom broke her neck earlier, I fixed it."

"She what?" gasped Applejack.

"Look, the differences between myself and this thing are just a personal dispute," said Sir Win. "I'll be the first to acknowledge that it's not a good versus evil fight here."

"He's right," Bible agreed. "This Demon is evil by nature, but that doesn't mean he's a bad guy. I'm still learning to be a pony at the moment, so if anything, I'm neutral."

"I just hate him because he was printed as a piece of religious material," Sir Win said. "It's what he is, not who he is. Nothing personal."

"That doesn't help us pick a side!" Twilight groaned.

"Well, let's just separate 'em and we'll decide later," Applejack suggested. "First, let's get him to turn Rarity back."

With somepony finally making a decision on how to proceed, the group pulled the fighting ponies apart. Pinkie took Sir Win back to his place to calm down and bake a nice cake or something. Twilight took Bible to sort out Rarity's problem. Applejack went to find the Crusaders.

Surveying what had become of the town, the three fillies had come to a mutual decision. "That didn't work."

"Come on," groaned Scootaloo, "If we can't even get cutie marks for inventing a whole new cultural influence, what hope is there?"

"Well, maybe we didn't try the right religion," Sweetie suggested.

"They're all probably about the same," Apple Bloom said. "Somethin' about divine power and better things to come."

Sweetie frowned. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

Applejack arrived just then. "Are y'all done?"

"Yeah," Apple Bloom told her.

"This is a heck of a mess," Applejack noted, glancing around at the destruction the religious mob had caused in the name of God. "Somepony is going to have a lot of work to do to get this town back to the way it was."

"Uh, yeah," said Scootaloo. She and the other two began to edge away.

"You three had better run along home and don't cause any more trouble," Applejack said. She paused. "Unless you want to get cutie marks in body cleanup and explosive ordnance disposal."

"Can we really?" squealed Scootaloo.

"Let's do it!" Apple Bloom cheered.

The three fillies immediately went to work cleaning up the mess they had caused. Applejack smirked.

Down the street, Bible was examining the pillar of salt Rarity had been turned into. "Fitting," he muttered.

"Why?" Twilight asked.

"It's just a thing that happened here." Bible pointed absently to his stomach. It took Twilight a moment to realize he meant his pages.

A strange feeling began to overtake her as she watched him. He was a book. She liked books.

After a little muttering under his breath, Bible touched his horn to Rarity's horn. There was a spark of magic and she turned back into a pony.

"Good heavens!" Rarity sputtered.

"I get that a lot," said Bible.

"What happened?" Rarity asked, examining her hooves, still stained with a little bit of salt. Twilight noticed there was a bare patch on her backside, about where Pinkie had licked her. Rainbow saw it too and cracked up with laughter.

"What is so funny?" Rarity looked around, confused. Pinkie was now laughing too and Twilight was finding it hard to keep from joining in.

"Your bottom's bare," Fluttershy said.

That was not quite true, only a tongue-sized spot on her rump, but Rarity freaked out.

Applejack arrived just then, looking around at the situation. She arched an eyebrow and asked, "What's going on?"

"It's simply dreadful!" Rarity shouted, shoving her rear at Applejack. "Just look!"

Applejack took her hat off and put it on Rarity's butt. "Keep that out of my face."

"Um, guys?" said Guinness, breaking in, "I think we have a problem. Sir Win and that Bible guy are gone."

Twilight immediately serious'd. "Where did they go?"

"Where did my hair go?" Rarity wailed.

"Why do we care?" said Rainbow. Rarity glared at her. "I mean about the Bible. He's gone so he's not our problem anymore."

"You know as well as anypony that nothing is ever over for good," Twilight said. "Valiant may have been many things, but he was remarkably observant about the way things work in Equestria and he was right on that point."

"Can we not talk about Valiant right now?" Rarity said, trying to steer the conversation back to her butt.

"Sure," said Applejack. "Instead, let's talk about what we do next in regards to this Bible guy."

"Actually," Twilight said, "Let's talk about you, Applejack. I could have sworn you had a duplicate that died in an explosion."

"Why not both?" said Pinkie.

Comments

[Dash The Stampede]

On a scale of one to even, I can't.

That was sillier than it had any right to be.

[metallusionsismagic]

Applejacks: Part of a delicious breakfast! Available now all over the place.

[thatonerandombrony]

Did I expect any of this? Cause I don't know.

[Super Trampoline]

Changelings are back? Human applejack came out of the funny mirror under the applejack statue?

[Lithl]

TwilightxBible OTP

NSFW:
th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/180/a/f/twilight_loves_books_too_by_masemj-d6b8bw8.png

[jimerjam]

HOW THE FUK
EDIT:
twilight x bible