35. Out of the Frying Pan
Cheese and Pinkamena kept their distance behind Cortland, making sure to hide behind anything that was in the area in case he turned around. They had hidden behind barrels, buildings, bushes, and trees as they kept on following him.
Pinkamena felt odd in practically stalking the colt who had harassed her. She also felt that Cheese was being crazy in accusing him of kidnapping her father. Cortland was an annoying jerk, sure, but committing a crime like that? He'd never risk what positive bits of his reputation were left, and surely the entire Apple family would be very disappointed in him.
She and Cheese zipped from hiding spot to hiding spot, watching Cortland as he headed to his destination. She wanted to quit wasting time following this stallion, and continue their search for her father elsewhere. Still, Cheese seemed determined to find out if the Apple stallion was behind it, and she was not going to leave him alone in case he ended up in a fight. She hoped he wasn't just planning revenge on her behalf.
They had been following him for quite a while, and they were soon on the outskirts of Nickerlite. Cheese and Pinkamena hid behind trees, watching as Cortland strolled to the house closest to one of the hills and not too far from the railroad. The house was rather large, being a big boarding house, a small house that was the feeding area, a carriage house, a shed, and a barn, all connected with each other, and presumably having access to each other from the inside. Near it was a vegetable garden.
Cheese pursed his lips and whispered, "Now why's he going there?"
Pinkamena gave him a half-lidded look. "Borrowing a cup of sugar."
Cheese mirrored her look. "You think you're so funny, don't you?"
Cortland knocked on the door of the main house, and once it was answered, he slipped inside. Once the door shut, Cheese and Pinkamena sped to the house, and then positioned themselves under a window. It must have been hot in there, so the windows had been opened to let the cool evening air in. It also provided them the opportunity to eavesdrop.
"Well, well, well!" the voice of Riffraff bellowed. "Whatcha doing here, Cowboy? Figured out what you want to do with the old stallion?"
A few hoofsteps were made before Cortland replied, "Naw, ol' Iggy can suffer just a mite bit longer before we do him in. Still, we need ta find a way to do so without any proof of who done it mighty fast. Them Pies figured out that he didn't leave on the train and now they're lookin' for him."
Pinkamena gasped. She and Cheese looked at each other, both with a disbelief that Cheese was right to suspect Cortland.
Another colt piped up, "How did they find that out?"
Cortland snorted. "Somepony 'round here forgot to pick up his hat. But Ah'm not here to talk 'bout him." The sound of crinkling paper reached the ears of the two eavesdroppers. "Ah just wondered if Ah could use yer fireplace for burnin' these."
"...uh, why?"
Cortland stomped on the floor. "'Cause they ain't mah letters! If somepony had found 'em, Ah'm in trouble! How would Ah explain what letters from Tomato Sandwich were doing in mah treehouse?"
Pinkamena noticed Cheese stiffen. She turned to him, and she could see that his brow was furrowed, his lips were tight, and his face was red. His breathing was growing rapid and coming out in snorts.
She put a hoof to her lips. "Shh... you can't let them hear you."
"He stole letters from Tommy..." Cheese growled. "For what reason?"
Riffraff coughed. "Well, we don't know where Mr. Green keeps the matches. We know where he keeps his cabbages, but not the matches."
"Well, ya better find 'em before them Pies come knocking," Cortland snarled. "Or that unicorn. Ah don't wanna know what he'd do ta me with his magic once he found out Ah stole those letters his buddy wrote."
"Slim stole them for you!"
"Pfft, as if it matters. All that matters is that Ah don't have to worry about that doggone drifter no more. Shame that Pinkamena took off after him--what's he got that Ah don't got?"
Pinkamena rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, "Manners. Respect for my family. A sense of humor. The list goes on, you rotten apple..."
Cortland snorted once more. "Ah reckon that driving him outta town was just a slap on the fetlock to him, and ah can't do any worse to him. Just Igneous would have to do."
Pinkamena's blood boiled, and she was highly tempted to just crash through the window and knock the living daylights out of him.
Another voice then said, "But it just won't be as satisfying, will it? I could hardly call the rock-solid Igneous Rock a suitable proxy for the thin Cheese Sandwich."
"'Suitable proxy?'" Cortland replied. "Well, who'd be a better one? That darn unicorn?"
"No, no, no... who better of a proxy than his brother? We do have the address."
Pinkamena noticed Cheese's pupils shrink to pinpricks. There was a moment of silence inside before Cortland answered, "...huh, Ah suppose any Sandwich will do. After we take care of Igneous, let's get Tommy over here. Scribbles, write a letter."
Neither Cheese nor Pinkamena were thinking when they had stood up, jumped to the door, and bucked it open. The group of stallions were shocked as the two jumped Cortland, carried him straight across the room--knocking over furniture and scattering the letters in the process--and pinned him to the wall. Upon seeing Pinkamena, none of the gang members dared go forward to help the Apple stallion, especially since she and her cohort were furious.
Cheese's snarl was not unlike a wolf's. "Leave... my brother... out of this."
Pinkamena outright snapped, "Now you tell me where my Pa is right now!"
Cortland stared at them in shock. "Huh, wha? What're y'all doin' here?"
Cheese released Cortland, but Pinkamena kept him pinned. "I'm here for my father! Now, where is he?!"
Cortland glared at her. "Why should you care? That doggone stallion ain't done nothin' good for you or this town."
Pinkamena huffed. "Somepony forgot about the parasprite incident. And he may be far from perfect, but Igneous Rock is a far kinder and nobler pony than you are!" She threw him onto the floor, and pinned him down there. "I didn't need you to rescue me from him; I just wanted you to leave me alone. But you didn't, and you just can't handle rejection well, can you? So you think murdering my Pa is the answer? Well, I'm not going to let that happen!"
Cheese looked at a letter on the floor, and quickly picked it up and read it. He slammed his hoof onto the floor. "This is the letter I wrote! I can't believe you'd go so low as to steal it and prevent me from reconnecting with my brother! Especially since I'm now thinking you wrote that crude letter I received." His mane was bristling on all sides. "Was it all just to spite me for 'stealing your mare'?"
"Gee, jumpin' to conclusions, ain't ya?" Cortland growled.
"We overheard you, you ding dong," Pinkamena said. "Now, enough talk--I want my father back, now!"
Cortland shook his head. "Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie... even if Ah told you where he is, you'd have a hard time gettin' him out of there. Besides, you wouldn't want yer friend to get hurt now, do ya?"
Cheese blinked. "Hey, wait, wha--hey!" Cheese was grabbed by Riffraff, Slim, Scribbles, and the other thugs, with some latching onto one front leg, some holding the other, and Riffraff holding him from behind. Cheese held a look of shock for a moment as he looked between the crooks, before scowling in annoyance.
Riffraff chuckled. "We didn't get to have proper fun times, Toothpick."
Still pinning Cortland down, Pinkamena turned her head and grimaced. She knew that releasing Cortland and pounding the thugs senseless would just provide an opportunity for the rotten Apple to escape with the time provided, but she didn't want Cheese to get hurt either. She just prayed that he learned a thing or two from his time at the rock farm.
Cheese merely raised an eyebrow, and noting that they didn't grab his tail, he started making use of it by tickling Riffraff behind him and cooing, "Cootchie cootchie coo! A-cootchie-cootchie-coo!"
Riffraff jumped. "H-Hey! Ha ha ha! Quit it! Ahahahaha! You son of a--pff-bahaha HA HA HA!" He ended up releasing Cheese, stumbling backwards, and tripping over a upturned table. With a growl, he yelled, "Somepony grab his tail!"
The ponies closest to Cheese lunged their heads in order to try to take hold of the tail, but the tail was a swift dodger, and all that both ponies ended up receiving was a good tickle. The one on Cheese's left had a ticklish belly, and laughed so hard he was rolling on the floor. The one on his right was ticklish on the belly as well, and was swiftly tripped once he let go. When only those holding his forelegs were left, he simply plopped down on his haunches, throwing the others off balance and making them stumble to the floor. He slipped his forelegs out of theirs and stood up.
Riffraff tried to jump him from behind, to which Cheese responded with a buck to the face. He ducked when another pony tried to jump him, making said pony crash into those that were getting up. Scribbles had finally managed to snag Cheese's tail, and Cheese tried to kick him off. However, much to his dismay, Scribbles's teeth only clamped down harder.
Pinkamena turned around, switching from a front hoof to a back hoof to pin Cortland down, picked up a chair, and threw it at Scribbles. The impact not only shattered the chair, but startled the thug enough for him to release the tail.
Cheese noticed a rather large stallion barreling toward him, and leapt over him, causing said stallion to bump Scribbles into the kitchen with a crash. Mere seconds later, Scribbles announced, "I found the matches!"
The big stallion turned, and snorted at Cheese. The latter colt only smirked, and cooed, "Come here, Tiny, I have a special treat for you!"
"Tiny" pawed at the ground, still snorting out hot air, and then let out a roar. The stallion broke into a hard gallop, his vision red and his sights set on that head of curls and the big glasses. He was foaming at the mouth, wanting to kill that little smart-alecky--
CRASH!
Crumble!
Crack!
Cheese had stepped aside and let "Tiny" crash into the fireplace, where he was promptly knocked out and rained on by the mantle and its pictures, knick-knacks and ornaments. Cheese blinked at he sight, and then turned to grin at Pinkamena.
Pinkamena blew on her hair. "Cheese, you do realize that we'd have to pay the owner of this house for damages once he gets back, right?"
Cheese's smile fell into a frown. "Oh."
Pinkamena noticed the thugs getting up, along with Scribbles walking out of the kitchen, matches in his mouth. She held out a hoof. "Okay, tag me in, and you hold Cortland down."
Cheese shrugged. "Okey-dokey." He walked toward her, bumped her hoof, and then sat on Cortland as she leapt forward.
The first thing Pinkamena did was buck Scribbles out the window, making him drop the matches and sending him flying out the window with the shattering of glass. She winced, and muttered to herself about how she was such a hypocrite. Still, she turned to the rest and announced, "All right, we're taking this outside, and if I'm going to have to buck you all out, then so be it!"
She chased the thugs out, much to many complaints and screams, and when Riffraff refused to budge, she slid to him, pushed him across the floor all the way to the door, and then punched him out. From there, she jumped out, leaving Cheese and Cortland alone in the house.
Cheese leaned against the wall. "Nice to have some peace and quiet."
Cortland snorted. "Yer so funny, ain't ya? Thinkin' you can just waltz into town and steal mah mare?"
"Okay, she was never your mare! She's flat out rejected you time and time again. Why can't you just take 'no' for an answer?"
"Ah thought she was playing hard to get."
"Hard to get? Hard to get?" Cheese could not believe what he was hearing. "Okay, you've said that before, and I'm saying now that that's a terrible excuse! Pfft, hard to get, my hoof! There's being persistent, and then there's outright harassment."
Cortland slammed a hoof on the floor. "Ah was not harassin' her!"
Cheese raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Flanking her just to brag about yourself and only compliment how pink and curvy she is? Ignoring the fact that she doesn't even like you? Perceiving me as a threat to your so-called 'prize'? Getting the town to root for you and pressure her, and then kissing her without her consent? Is it any surprise that she smacked you in the face?"
Cortland growled. "Shut up."
Cheese narrowed his eyes. "And the way you just threw a hissy fit over your 'loss'... I honestly find that pathetic."
"Shut up; yer the one who's pathetic!"
"Really now? At least my pathetic hissy fits didn't involve sabotaging a family reunion, forging a letter that contributed to somepony getting fired, or kidnapping somepony and plotting to murder them. Heck, you even threatened my brother, who had absolutely nothing to do with this mess! Seriously, how is any of that going to help you in the long run?"
Cortland was now snorting. "As long as you lose, Ah win!"
"Puh, as if. Your victory is going to be nothing but hollow. Your family would be so disappointed in you."
It was then that Cortland leapt up with a roar and threw Cheese off of him. He turned and almost immediately after Cheese hit the floor, he pounced on him and caught him in a chokehold. As Cheese gasped and struggled, Cortland hissed, "What do you even know 'bout family, you coward?!"
Cheese bit Cortland on the foreleg. Cortland jerked his leg away, and Cheese took the opportunity to escape. He turned around, and replied, "That they're supposed to look out for each other and keep each other from doing something stupid! Not to mention older siblings are supposed to set a good example for their younger siblings."
Cortland galloped forward, intending to headbutt Cheese into the wall. However, Cheese grabbed his head just in the nick of time. Cheese continued, "You are doing something stupid! If Stayman and Idared knew you were doing this, what would they think?"
Cortland snarled and punched Cheese in the gut. "What does Tomato think 'bout you abandonin' him?"
Cheese fell to the floor and curled up, clutching his gut and breathing through his teeth. He felt Cortland's hoof on his head, pinning him down and feeling a constant sharp pain on his head. Glancing up at the Apple, who looked ready to murder him on the spot, Cheese thought about his brother. He thought about the one letter he received from him, and how it expressed a desire for them to be close again. He thought about the Pie sisters, and how close they were. And he thought about Sedimentary Rock, who despite not seeing her brother Igneous in years out of shame, she accompanied them to locate and rescue him without a second thought.
He looked at the front leg that was not pinning him down. "You know what? I don't think he holds it against me." He shot out his hind legs and nailed Cortland's front leg, making said pony howl in pain, and release him in order to hold the injured limb. Cheese scooted out of Cortland's reach before standing back up. Panting, he added, "Now that I think of it, I'm disappointed that I missed watching him grow up."
Cortland looked up at him and snorted. "Yer sure an awful brother."
Cheese narrowed his eyes. "Says the colt who needs to clean up his act so that his siblings don't copy him."
"Oh, yer gonna get it now!"
Cheese took a defensive stance. "Bring it on."
While they were initially reluctant to fight her, that fact that she had pretty much kicked them out of where they were living was enough to anger them. They ended up deciding that with their numbers, they could take her. The fact that they all kept on jumping onto her all at once was very annoying.
"Why are there so many of you?!" she said, bucking them off after what seemed like the fifteenth time. They tried hopping onto her again, this time one by one, only for her to grab one in midair, toss him into another, grab another in midair, and toss him into another. The same old rinse and repeat, and she was getting tired of them doing nothing but jump on her.
However, one managed to buck her and make her stumble from being startled, only for her to grab his tail and toss him into a tree. She glared at him. "Oh, now you try something different."
That was when the gang decided to pick up pebbles and dirt clods, as well as cabbages from the nearby garden, and started to throw them at her. She backed up as she was pelted, with the produce and dirt clods shattering upon impact with her, and the pebbles stung with each hit. Some dirt and cabbages even got into her mouth, and she could already feel bruises forming from the rocks. She looked around for a way to make them stop, and she spotted a boulder.
They stopped once she picked it up and chucked it at them, making them shriek and scatter.
"Yeah, that's right! I could throw bigger at you if I wanted!"
She paused for a moment, hoping to catch her breath. She looked at the house, wondering if her father was somewhere in there or in any of the buildings connected to it. If he was in one of them, where would he be? In one of the boarding rooms? In the kitchen? In the carriage house? In the barn? And she was worried about Cheese, given the crashing she was hearing in the house.
She noticed the thugs getting ready to jump her... only to be jumped by her mother, sisters, and aunt in succession, and wrestled to the ground. She blinked at the sight of them, and only watched them as they wrestled.
"I knew you thugs were up to no good!" Limestone shouted.
"Tell us where Papa is!" Marble yelled.
Maud had easily knocked out Riffraff. "That's why you don't mess with a Pie."
All the while, Sedimentary was enjoying her ride on the bucking bronco, hooting and hollering as the thug tried to kick her off. Still laughing, she waved to Pinkamena and shouted, "Hey! I like your sisters! I'm proud to be their aunt!"
Pinkamena giggled and shook her head. Her aunt was crazy. She couldn't wait to see the reunion between her and her brother, especially Igneous' reaction to just how kooky she turned out to be. She looked at her sisters, and smiled, happy that she got backup.
Cloudy tossed her thug into a tree, and then she ran toward Pinkamena. She caught her daughter off guard with a hug, which the younger mare easily returned.
Cloudy held her close. "I'm so glad you're alright..." Then she broke the hug and glared at her. "Now don't you run off like that again! Celestia knows what could have happened to you!"
Pinkamena sighed. "I know, Ma, I know--but let's discuss it later. I have a gut feeling Pa's somewhere in that house."
Cloudy looked at the house, flinching at the crashing. "Is that him?"
"Uh, no, that's Cheese and Cortland fighting, I'm guessing."
"Well, you better go help Cheese and fast," Cloudy noticed some other thugs coming for her, growling in a very unfriendly manner. "And look for your Pa while you're at it!"
Pinkamena nodded, and dashed into the house. Cloudy turned around, and snarled at the thugs, "You better watch out. You'll be a picnic compared to Diamond Dogs."
Cheese was smacked into the shattered fireplace, and was not thrilled to have splinters from the mantle in his back. He laid there for a moment, cracking his eye open to see the mess that Cortland was.
With his hat gone and covered in bruises and scrapes, Cortland looked like a monster, especially since the look on his face was not one of mercy.
Cortland turned a reeled for another buck to the face. "Ah'll teach you some manners!"
Cheese scrambled out of the way, with only some of his hair caught in the buck and plucked off. He slid under his opponent, tripping him in the process. Cortland landed on the floor with a thud, and cried out, unfortunately landing on the side of the leg that Cheese had bucked earlier.
Cheese shakily got back to his hooves, breathing heavily. He wiped his mouth, and felt his eye, hoping that it hadn't been blackened. His glasses now had more cracks in it, and he was now just aching all over. He was thankful that he didn't take any hits that would have broken any bones.
Of course, a stomp of the hoof from behind told him that Cortland was getting up, and he groaned, just wanting this fight to be over. Though the Apple stallion had lost use of one leg, he still could attack with the three others. He slowly turned around, ready to defend himself from the attacks he knew were coming.
Much to his surprise, as Cortland reared up for another attack, Pinkamena came through the door like lightning, and slammed Cortland into the wall. He fell onto the floor in a daze.
Cheese gaped at the fallen stallion, and then turned to a panting Pinkamena. Pursing his lips, he said, "...well, then. You took care of those thugs fast."
Pinkamena brushed some of her hair out of her face. "Actually, we have backup. Ma, Aunt Seddie, my sisters."
"Oh." Cheese nodded. "Oh, okay then. Still, I'm not sure how much longer I would have survived."
Pinkamena giggled. "Well, you held your ground decently." Her brow furrowed as her demeanor grew serious. "Now, let's go find Pa. I have a feeling he's around here somewhere."
Cheese nodded, and they both dashed upstairs to check every room and every segment of the connected farm for him.
Meanwhile, Cortland snapped out of his daze, and he was still angry. Angry that Cheese didn't go down so easily. Angry that Pinkamena had the gall to intervene. Angry that now everything was falling to pieces.
As he started to get up, he spotted the matches.
And now, manure's starting to get real. I'm just hoping I didn't underwhelm you. Ha, this chapter isn't even the best part. 
But, nonetheless, yes, there is such thing as a connected farm--where a living house, an eating house, a carriage house, a barn, and a shed are all connected like one big happy family. It's more of a New England thing, and well, I don't live in New England, so I haven't seen any. I just looked it up online, hoping it existed.
But yeah, I'm sure you can guess what Cortland's going to do. Say, remember when he had a conscience? Well, I think he lost it somewhere in the previous chapters.
Shame, really, because main 'verse Cortland--though grumpier than main 'verse Tommy--is at least kinda sorta decent (I think I should write that fic that I teased in "Brother Bothers"; he'd definitely appear there). Okay, what went wrong with him in this universe?
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Great chapter. Good work with the fight scenes. Those are hard. Good luck with the next chapter. I can't wait to read about the fire.
Cortland you don't know when to quit do you? I think he just snapped because he can't handle the fact that a mare like pinkamena rejected him. What fic are you talking about I don't remember a fic being teased in your other story. Still cortland has lost it all because he couldn't take no for an answer.
Man, the fighting scene was awesome as hell. This is one of my favorite chapters yet.
Something tell's me cortland is gonna go for broke and burn more then the letters...
5297945
Yeah he has the whole mentality if i cant have her then no one else can have her.
Now he gets to add arson, conspiracy to murder, home invasion, and psychopathy. He's either gonna end up with life in prison, death by irony, or life in psych ward.
Whoa, nicely done action! It's nice to see Cheese putting up a bigger fight since Hank. And Pinkamena! Gosh! I wouldn't ever want to mess with her!
...But I wanna hug her.
And finally, the moment we've wanted for some time—Cortland getting beat up. Just from his snarks flying back between Cheese and him, I can tell he's so far off the scale. He truly doesn't seem to believe he's done anything wrong here. And he's found the matches... Cortland, why? Whhhhhhhy?
And I must say, I very, very much liked this chapter. Maybe a bit of fighting with Pinkamena and Cheese got me in the mood, or maybe it's because I'm really liking this climax. Either way, it's awesome, and I shall eagerly await the next part.
As the old joke goes, there's playing hard-to-get, and playing Impossible-to-get. Pinkamena very clearly stated more than once that she did not want to marry Cortland, kiss him, or even look at him for too long.
I wonder if the main-universe Cortland is this much of a dangerous fool? Of course, Pinkie's not around much to be the object of his obsessions, so he'd be oriented on somepony else. Maybe somepony who even likes him back.
Now they've got the whole family on them, plus Seddie.
That sounds ominous ...
5298169
You mean the canonverse? I don't think i seen any mentions of this cortland creep in her other fics. Still this guy just doesn't know when to quit he really thinks that if he cant have pinkamena then no one can. Cortland is very disturbed indeed.
5298254
...what? ...what?? ...what???
Uh, no, the horse in question killed the calf... by chomping on it's neck and going all feral dog on it. "Gelded" means that the horse was fixed (only applies to male horses; said fixed horses are referred to as geldings). Since he wasn't gelded properly, he still had those hormones that made him aggressive. I highly doubt he was going to make love with that calf--he got angry at it for some reason and attacked it.
Yeah, my dad did not want that horse near his kids, so... bye bye horsie. The only reason I was reluctant to say it was that it was so gruesome... and in-universe, well, Cheese would not want to explicitly say it in front of two kids under the age of ten.
Wow. Fight scenes are incredibly difficult to write. But you pulled it off with style! That's what you get for being a scumbag, Cortland!
But, now I'm super worried about Igneous. 
I hope they can get out without getting burned. Great chapter! Really solid and brilliantly written. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Oh dang.
The obvious answer here is to use Cortland as a bludgeon against the thugs surrounding Cheese.
(& it was kind of dumb of Pinkamena & Cheese to just let Cortland out of their sight like that at the end there.)
Here I am, past 3. In the morning with a essay paper due in 48 hours with no sources yet regretting nothing. Seriously I wish fimfiction had more stories like these. Might as well keep on browsing.
Can we please have the thugs run off in the next chapter and have Cortland group beaten by the entire Pie Family?
derpy is element of laughter! I knows it!
No Cortland! Don't do it! Pipe smoking is as highly correlated with cancer as cigarette smoking! Noooooo!
This day started off good; you just made it great! I quite enjoyed the fight scenes and was very happy to read Cortland getting his backside handed to him. I shall eagerly await for the next chapter, no matter how impatient I will be.
Jesus Christ, man. Cortland, I think you might have been adopted, because I doubt an Apple could ever turn out as bad as this.
...say, what do Cortland apples taste like? I bet they're bitter.
ok now i know granny smith is going to step in. i mean clearly his father was incapable of raising children at all. she is going to hall him off to pridson herself.
I'm beginning to feel actual rage at Cortlandfuckfaceguy.
(sigh) at this point I'm mentally begging them just to crush his skull already. Pop it like a grape. That last paragraph tells me that their continual mercy is about to bite them in the ass.
I hope Equestria has prisons. Otherwise, I think they're just gonna have to give Cortland the death penalty.
Cheese and Pinkamena hid behind the trees.
Dang this is good XD
You tell me.
Somehow, I was expecting this (from somepony, if not necessarily Cortland) from the time Scribbles found them.