• Member Since 9th Dec, 2012
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Comments ( 72 )

Vore, huh? Not normally my cup of tea, but... I'll keep an eye on it.

4180676 Same here, but this looks funny. I'll give it a shot.

just based on a description, i think I've read this elsewhere before...

4180867 Was it on Writing.com. Because, if so, you were looking at the the Friendship is Magic: Weight Gain Interactive Story and came across this particular branch of chapters. I know that I didn't start the gem idea and the mysterious figure and Pinkie in the alley. But, the original author of those two chapters hadn't added anything else to it. I capitalized and continued the arch in my own direction. I obviously had to change a lot of things that happened at the beginning to make my parts flow.

If CruelPanther is reading this, thanks for the inspiration!


alright, yeah, that's where I remember it from. Glad to hear you're gonna continue it!

As I recall, Derpy should be next, right? Great stuff, glad to see it being posted here!

Rainbow Dash's alignment is now chaotic evil.

Please continue, I enjoyed this story.

I don't downvote things I don't read.

But based on the description, will I be clicking?



I'll read this just because it's on the popular list, and I make a habit of at least giving most of the stories there a chance.


I'll watch this...

But I won't make a decision on liking or favoriting it just yet.

dear jesus what the fuck

4183400 I know. I'm crazy. Shit only gets crazier. I put the DARK and MATURE tag on this one for a reason. If you don't like fatality of various characters, you're gonna have a bad time. Sorry. That's how pure evil works. And, that's the theme I'm going for, here.



Just as a future warning, if this enters into sexual territory (explicit or innuendo) just remember to place the sex tag on it. Not accusing you of making this a sex story, just making sure you're aware that you should do that.

Nice story, by the way. Not my cup of tea, but, it is nice.

4183541 Ah. Thanks for reminding me. There is a little bit of sexual tension here and there. I'll add the tag.


It's not the deaths. Characters dying can serve a narrative just fine.

It's not Rainbow not caring about her actions. That's her being corrupted by the gem.

It's Pinkie going, "Oh, Dashie is murdering innocent ponies LOL SOUNDS LIKE FUN LET'S GO FIND EHR MORE VICTIMS!!"

If you didn't have that, you wouldn't even need the warning about characters being different.

I've tried to avoid vore because I would read it to much.
But it's just to funny! good work.

Don't let your children play outside or a fat cannibal pony will eat them - Nancy Grace

4184132 As true as that may be, you have to realize that Pinkie Pie is also being influenced. At first, she played along because she most likely interpreted the gem as a joke in the alley. But, if you read carefully, I also noted a glint in her eye after Rainbow first consumed the gem. That led her to deciding to go after Berry Punch first. It's not as explicit, but Pinkie's will is being twisted too.

4184132 I actually address this in the next chapter.

Okay, so, little tip: Author's notes are great near the *end* of the story to give the reader a bit of info on the story that wouldn't normally be available to them, or for making updates like "Sorry I haven't worked on this in a while, getting back into writing again so yays!". It is generally not a good idea to put more than a tweet worth of information (140 characters is actually quite generous) in an author's note, and certainly a bad idea to put references to other stuff.

Say I've noticed your cover art and title and am intrigued, then I read the synopsis and it's just too tempting, I have to read this story.
But WAIT! Hold that thought. The author wishes to tell me something super very important before I get to sit down and enjoy the story I'd wanted to read. They've got something to say and it just can't wait until the end of the story. Oh, sweet celestia will they just get to the point? I'm trying to read the—oh goodness, now they're talking about other stories they've written. I don't care. I just want to see why Rarity's horn is now being sold as a powdered health product. AAAAaaand you've lost me. Forget it; this is so not worth scrolling throught this drivel. NEXT!

Do you see what I'm saying? You want to immerse your reader in the story *as soon as possible*! A little disclaimer warning is okay, but would still better suit the synopsis. A lot of what you've got in that author's note up there would go much better in a blog post.

Just a tip. Now that I've let that out, I'm going to see if your story is worth reading, and mind you, I didn't come here from the popular list, which I'm noticing your story is climbing, btw. Rare to see a vore fic hit the main page so, kudos. Tentatively.

4185593 In hindsight, I see what you mean. I just felt guilty about leaving some of the people that have noticed and liked my first story hanging. And, I really wanted to address why. I should've made a blog post instead. I am still an amateur at this stuff. So, I just didn't think about that.

Upon finishing the first paragraph, I got bored. You clearly have a story you want to tell, but it's buried beneath, telly narration, bland descriptions, lighting fast pacing, and frankly, lazy writing. Sorry, I won't be able to finish this tonight, if ever.

4185614 Good to know that you're not just blatantly liking the story.

I honestly am very surprised, myself, that this got popular enough to be seen on the front page.

To be honest, I wrote this for the fetishes and just wrote the story in general as an example of what kind of stuff I look for in a fetish fic. When the thoughts came to my mind, I just spit-balled them. It's just fast, craziness with just enough of the fetish fuel to keep one invested. At least, that's what I had hoped to accomplish.

Oh, have I been there...

You lost me with Fluttershy.

Unless you add something about willing victims, I'm gone.

4185614 NO! That's a bad troll! *hits troll with a rolled up newspaper* Bad...

message to the author -
I personally think there's an excellent story here. Don't listen to the people that say otherwise, and for the love of god, please don't stop writing! I'm liking this evil cannibalistic-glutton Dash.

I'm not trolling, and if you try to ignore the problems with this story, you're not doing the author a favor. There's nothing wrong with pointing out errors so the author can improve. There's actually several groups dedicated to this practice, and I used to be a very active member in one of the oldest.

That said, DA here did get one thing right. Don't stop writing! :pinkiesmile:
I'm sure the fetish fuel was lovely, based on the upvote:downvote ratio on this story. I just don't know if I'll get to it :twilightsheepish:

The way you structured to voice remind me of The Darkness... :twilightoops:

The story image alone is enough to warrant a downvote.

I read the the story description to give it a fair chance to redeem itself.


Now I wish I had the ability to double downvote.

Wimp. This wasn't even remotely that bad.

4187106 Ya. Be careful, dude. This is pretty mild compared to some the stuff you can find.


You clearly have a story you want to tell, but it's buried beneath, telly narration, bland descriptions, lighting fast pacing, and frankly, lazy writing. Sorry, I won't be able to finish this tonight, if ever.

What you said about the author putting too much non-story content in his/her chapters was not trolling. Pointing out what you think are flaws without giving suggestions on how to improve them, like above, is trolling in my book. Your intentions might of been to help the author, but to me, you came across as an elitist jerk. The administrators of this website have stated in the past, that simply listing flaws with a story without offering solutions isn't welcome on this site.

didn't he already kind of state the gem can effect other people's, sorry "pony's" minds?
i know he did with pinkie pie as it said in either chapter 1 or 2 that pinkie felt something pushing her to help RD with her monstrous desire, who's to say it cant make her prey calmed or even want to be digested?
I would find it strange if not one of these ponies woke up with such stimulus with out something effecting them mentally.

did I just over complicate this?

4205264 Probably, but when I said wiling victims, I was implying that they were willing BEFORE the gem affected their minds.

Oh lawd my fetishes! ALL OF THEM

Now I don't know which of your stories I want to update more... :twilightoops:

4180900 Could you give us a link to this original story?

Do I smell Soul Sacrifice?
...Ya know the bleedin harpy boss.

This is a good story more pleas :pinkiecrazy:
... And there goes my pants:facehoof:

>Previously stated that she would eat ONLY ponies that others wouldn't miss.
>>Proceed to eat Derpy

-Yeeeeeeah, no. A terribly bad decision for this story. -_-

So.bras controlling her black crystals and a dark ominous voice its sombra.

Comment posted by Fail Trail deleted Nov 28th, 2014

Wonderful story so far, hope we can read more soon!

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