After saving Rarity's life from a runaway apple cart, Applejack is moderately injured. Grateful for the act of heroism, Rarity insists on AJ staying with her until she's well. They become closer than ever.
This is my first story, so please be brutally honest. I think its average, but what do I know? Your opinion is what matters.
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The first two chapters are just to lay some ground work. The shipping will begin in the next chapter.
The mature rating is because there will be a clop scene somewhere near the end.
Not a bad start at all. Characterisation is pretty good. Could be a mite longer though. All in all keep up the good work!
P.S. - No great fan of clop, but here's hoping it's not an 'And then they all fucked' kinda thing. A little emotion and build-up is no bad thing...
I really enjoyed it! I can't wait for the nest chapters
Tracked and liked. I like where this is going.
385332
I was really unsure myself about AJ's dialogue. I'll go through the whole thing a do a re-edit soon. It'll be a few days though, because I'll be busy and away from the site for a while. I'll take care of it before I finish and post chapter three.
I suppose the "ah" thing is because that's the way I say it. (I also have a rather thick southern accent)
385010
That's pretty much what I'm going for. The story is about the romance. I'm planning on ending the last chapter in a way that you won't feel cheated by not reading the clop. Although, the clop isn't really going to be absolute filth. I plan on making it a nervous and emotional scene. Whether I achieve that or not is another story
385332
I was actually expecting more criticism from you about the plot. I think its very average, and I'm surprised to hear such positive feedback on the story. I told you when I was writing it that I suck at dialogue.
Thanks for all the advice.
385581
I look forward to seeing the end result. And that includes the inevitable 'love scene' (not totally averse to clop - I would rather read a well-written piece of mature shipping fiction than a poorly written one that avoids it like the plague). For a ship as wonderful and unappreciated as Rarijack (and I say that as the author of a rather long and well-received piece relating to it) it's a tiny price to pay.
For a decently written and quite emotional clopfic I'd suggest Fluttering Hearts. Even though the last chapter is very explicit, it leads up to it very well. I'd definitely take a look at it as inspiration for writing such a fic.
385332
Just finished going over and editing all the dialogue. I'll be starting chapter 3 on Thursday and hopefully finish it by the end of the day. If not, it will be up on Monday (the first day after Thursday when I'll be able to get on here. So busy its not even funny.
).
p.s. This is to everypony. I just replied to you because I know you aren't tracking/favoriting, or whatever it is now.
p.p.s. I hope it is much better than before.
Sweet! Not quite the build-up as Sweetest Cider, but the kiss still elicits that triumphant feeling.
434184
Well, we all can't be perfectly adequate now, can we?
I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway.
I pretty much planned out the basic plot of the story in about 10 minutes, and I'm just winging most of it as I go. I'm actually surprised at how positive the feedback has been.
434205
That's probably a good thing - adequacy is something to eclipse.
Short and sweet. Almost wish it were a little longer but the story is grand in its brief form nonetheless.
P.S. - Winging it is the best way to go.
434184
To be fair The Sweetest Cider plods along in a pedestrian manner (and it shall continue to do so for the most part) so the long build-up is par for the course.
I agree that the kiss is a triumphant moment though.
Sometimes you have pedestrian plodding sometimes you have lightening striking, and sometimes you have bloody jump-scares. Gah, I hate those.
436158
Don't remember any instances of the last two. I do know I have a fair few cliff-hangers mind.
441407 You can't do jump scares in text. There are a LOT online, though.
441407
Just so you know, I favorited your story. I'll get around to reading it soon.
I'm taking a few days off from my story for the expressed purpose of catching up on my reading, which I'm way behind on.
This chapter was a collab with Sour Grapes.
You'll notice a lot more dialogue than previous chapters, and that's thanks to her. Probably more than half of this was written by her.
I'll step up my game for the next chapter, though.
Very cute.
Rainbow Dash saying that she doesn't like mares was a nice little touch of humor.
496994
Haha, thanks.
Although I do love a good Dash ship, I just think it's a little too cliche that the butch pony has to be a lesbian.
497932
I'll admit I'm partial to a good Appledash fic but yeah I gotta agree that the butch girl stereotype is getting a bit old. It's just nice to see someone comment on it.
HUmmmm. a little short, but must first chapters are. I will read on be fore I make any kind of call
feels a bit rushed
yeah this is rushed
sorry.
I've always found it hilarious how hospitals make you leave in a wheelchair. My brother broke his arm once, and they made him take a wheelchair. His legs were fine!
I personally think it is a wonderful story and my only real issue/complaint is that it feels rushed, but that is not a major problem. I like it to be more drawn out so it has appeal to keep me hooked.
On the plus sides I like the fact their is no "evil force" out to stop their relationship other than possibly Spike.
5/5 AJ from me
BB
771425
Thanks for your wonderful comment
I agree completely that it is very rushed, but keep in mind it was my first story.
hahahahaha!
i am still laughing from the raindow thing (which i read 'bout 30 min. ago) dude that was hilaorious now i'm not to critical about rarijack ships but this one i'd have to agreee with EVERYONE ( i mean everyone...) with the rushness otherwise this story is wonderful and i could not ask for anything better ( unless you were one of the best authors i know) from you this truly was wonderful i cannot wait for the next chapter i am waiting so impatiently right now!! LISTEN TO THE PUBLIC WE WANT NEXT CHAPTER!!!!! haha i am in such a great mood though to see someone make a comment about the rainbow bein a lesbo in almost every fic or clopfic or mild romance teen rated fic out there. 
this was just to great of a story don't rush the next chapter or screw up the plot cause i'll never forgive you...
i'm just kidding this is defaintly somethign that made me watch you and fav this with a 5 star rating. keep up this great masterpeice you have going well i think i've spoken enough! goodbye and good luck
note: my keyboard is going whacko sorry for some misspells that may/ or may not have occured
btw 5 star = liked and i would have clicked it a thousand times if i could of
793705
Well, I'm certainly glad you liked it.
I realize it's short and rushed, but it was first fic, and I literally wrote the first two chapters because I was bored in English class.
Rushing is still a problem of mine, but I'm getting better with each fic I write. I haven't touched this one in a while, but the next chapter is somewhere in the works.
795003 well consider me having a close eye for when that next chapter comes out!
but nice job to you and sour grapes for all them jokes in the 4th chapter this was one of the best stories i've read ( that got a bit rushed and are still incomplete 
) before 
well cya 'round! 
I've decided to leave out my previously intended clop, at least for the time being.
Like the fic, feel its rushed like others have adressed. Weather or not you put clop in is your decition, altough personally I think this is the perfect fic for it.
I'd just like to know how far you plan to take this. Like are you going to stop when they have sex or were you going to show them get hitched, how far is this going to go?
1144769
To be completely honest, I haven't touched this in months. Haven't even thought about it. It's stale, and I've moved on to bigger, better, less rushed fics. I actually marked it as complete the other day just so I didn't have to look at it anymore. It's the first story I ever wrote, and I'm glad so many people like it, but it's nowhere close to my best fic.
Thanks for the favorite, though. That means a lot to me.
I would have given up writing after I posted the first chapter of this if I hadn't gotten such a positive response. I write for the enjoyment of others, and to positively contribute to this wonderful fandom.
If you liked this story, you should check out my other fics. They're both much better than this one, although they're a bit explicit in the bedroom department.
1146628
Shoot, well thats what i get for having such a long to read list. I guess i can't complain about quality work, so thanks for the story, even if I would of liked to see it expanded
Overall a good fic. I agree with others that it was rushed in some places, but it didn't ruin the story. I really liked how you told each pony's inner thoughts, that introspection is always interesting to me. Good job for a first fic to be sure
Nice writing style! Ur pretty gud. Cant wait to read the rest!
No clop? Damn. Lol jk. Not rlly a clop fan. Gud story tho. Why dies it say complete?
1448816
Thank you for such a nice comment
Sorry for the delayed reply. I actually haven't logged in on here in a few weeks
It's marked complete because I didn't really know where to take it, and I've since moved on to other projects. If you don't mind a bit of clop, maybe you'd consider checking them out
I don't think Rarity would have died from an apple cart. Most likely very hurt but not dead. The whole 'You saved my life' bit sounds a bit much.
I really liked it! But the ending kind of wasn't fufilling. It was nice and all, but it could have something like 'And they spent the rest of the night having fun!'
😂
The first chapter seemed really good in my opinion! I'm LOVING it so far! The part where Rarity is like "you saved my life!" seems like just the thing Rarity would say!